Only if you have been in the deepest and darkest of valleys do you know the true meaning of being on the highest mountain peak. Life is a coin of loss and gain. That coin flips and sometime you find yourself gaining from life while others you find loss. I recently hear of the Coble Family story, their story of tragedy and miracles. Any one that is living in the valleys of darkness should read their story. And if you don't believe in miracles after hearing what happened one year after they lost their children (all three under 5 in a car addicent) I am not sure what else will get you to believe in things call miracles.
They had the courage to share their story- they had the strength to share their story and they have the knowledge to realize that their story of tragedy and miracles does matter. I don't know these people nor will I prolli ever meet the Cobles but my life has been touched by their loss and gains. For they are a prime example that life can be tough but we even if we think we aren't we can be tougher.
http://www.laderatimes.com/Coble_Family_Tragedy.html
http://www.oprah.com/oprahshow/Coble-Family-Miracle
Showing posts with label Letting Go. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Letting Go. Show all posts
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Baby DJ
"He passed thru so quickly... just long enough to make me love him. We had only touched the surface - and yet, he is in my depths forever."
I am sad to hear of the early birth and then the passing of David James "DJ" Meyer. Born in the early hours of Jan 7th to my friend Jackie and Mark Meyer. We will never know of the life this little soul would have had, but we still loved you so. We hope the angels lead you into paradise, and we pray you know just how much your parents love you. To their unspeakable loss, we pray for their strength and love. Life will never be the same without you in their lives. But I know with grace and faith they will carry on. Rest well baby Meyer... we will see you soon someday.
To: Jackie... there are no words. So instead I share with you a few quotes that will hopefully bridge the distance between us and let you know I love you and I am thinking and praying for you and Mark. And above all know that I am here, always for you.
"I longed to lift the burden of your sorrow and yet I knew it was yours to carry. And so I walk next to you. Side by side. I rest when you rest. Cry when you cry and love you more with each step of the road."
"thrown in a different direction overwhelmed and grieving she covered her face. One by one they came and held her. Encouraged her and gave her hope. Uncovering her face and leaning on their arms she walked her path."
"She just didn't survive, she became."
"Too beautiful for this earth."
"Its your tears that run down your face, and yet I taste their salt. It is your hand that wipes your cheek and yet I feel the softness of your skin. When you turn to face your world you never leave me. You are part of me. I am with you."
"In darkness there is light. In light there is love. In love there is peace."
"Holding you close, my heart whispered to yours, 'I will helpe you thru this, I am with you, you are not alone'."
"I walked thru hell and burned my soul... ashes falling form my hands... part of me lost forever. Grieving. I found the others. Burnt and charred like me. Holding on to each other I knew--- even hell had a silver lining."
"She built her cathedral from the splinters of her shattering."
I heart you, friend. And praying for your strength and grace. I am here, I am always here for you.
I am sad to hear of the early birth and then the passing of David James "DJ" Meyer. Born in the early hours of Jan 7th to my friend Jackie and Mark Meyer. We will never know of the life this little soul would have had, but we still loved you so. We hope the angels lead you into paradise, and we pray you know just how much your parents love you. To their unspeakable loss, we pray for their strength and love. Life will never be the same without you in their lives. But I know with grace and faith they will carry on. Rest well baby Meyer... we will see you soon someday.
To: Jackie... there are no words. So instead I share with you a few quotes that will hopefully bridge the distance between us and let you know I love you and I am thinking and praying for you and Mark. And above all know that I am here, always for you.
"I longed to lift the burden of your sorrow and yet I knew it was yours to carry. And so I walk next to you. Side by side. I rest when you rest. Cry when you cry and love you more with each step of the road."
"thrown in a different direction overwhelmed and grieving she covered her face. One by one they came and held her. Encouraged her and gave her hope. Uncovering her face and leaning on their arms she walked her path."
"She just didn't survive, she became."
"Too beautiful for this earth."
"Its your tears that run down your face, and yet I taste their salt. It is your hand that wipes your cheek and yet I feel the softness of your skin. When you turn to face your world you never leave me. You are part of me. I am with you."
"In darkness there is light. In light there is love. In love there is peace."
"Holding you close, my heart whispered to yours, 'I will helpe you thru this, I am with you, you are not alone'."
"I walked thru hell and burned my soul... ashes falling form my hands... part of me lost forever. Grieving. I found the others. Burnt and charred like me. Holding on to each other I knew--- even hell had a silver lining."
"She built her cathedral from the splinters of her shattering."
I heart you, friend. And praying for your strength and grace. I am here, I am always here for you.
Monday, January 3, 2011
Far From Here...
"Fight hard on night like this. Look for a star and wish you could get out of it. Bite down and then pray pray pray. You'll make it through this to sing and say - you hold life dear. Moments turn into hours which become years. And now I'm....
Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we've detangled. Our strangled hold and I hope to see you there.
Rise high out of this whole scene. Look down and separate yourself. From your worst dream. Then fly far and then stay stay stay out of the way until the coast is clear and safe. Oh it's hard to imagine the things that we survive. Will we understand it all one day when we arrive??
Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we are laughing. Far from here, we are thankful. Far from here, we're forgiven. And for that we are grateful. Far from here, I will see you there." ---Alissa Moreno
When we find ourselves in moments we wish would end or when you look back and find moments in our past we could erase forever from our mind - this is the song I listen to. Because I know that someday far from here the memories that lie in our past won't follow us there. Far from here there is a place that knows of no such words as failure, ugly, hate, hurt, pain, sorrow, judgemental, cold, let down, and struggle. The demons are left at the gates and never allowed in. We are swept over by a feeling of calm and peace. We are granted clarity and understanding. Where the hate and cold once sat its is now filled with love and warmth. Our past tears are left in the past and now tears of laughter fill our eyes. Far from here there are no goodbyes just hello's. Far from here we leave our worries and stresses behind and embrace feelings of hope. Far from here is a place that we all belong and are accepted. Far from here one day we will all meet there...
Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we've detangled. Our strangled hold and I hope to see you there.
Rise high out of this whole scene. Look down and separate yourself. From your worst dream. Then fly far and then stay stay stay out of the way until the coast is clear and safe. Oh it's hard to imagine the things that we survive. Will we understand it all one day when we arrive??
Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we are laughing. Far from here, we are thankful. Far from here, we're forgiven. And for that we are grateful. Far from here, I will see you there." ---Alissa Moreno
When we find ourselves in moments we wish would end or when you look back and find moments in our past we could erase forever from our mind - this is the song I listen to. Because I know that someday far from here the memories that lie in our past won't follow us there. Far from here there is a place that knows of no such words as failure, ugly, hate, hurt, pain, sorrow, judgemental, cold, let down, and struggle. The demons are left at the gates and never allowed in. We are swept over by a feeling of calm and peace. We are granted clarity and understanding. Where the hate and cold once sat its is now filled with love and warmth. Our past tears are left in the past and now tears of laughter fill our eyes. Far from here there are no goodbyes just hello's. Far from here we leave our worries and stresses behind and embrace feelings of hope. Far from here is a place that we all belong and are accepted. Far from here one day we will all meet there...
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
A woman of grace
Have you ever felt connected to someone you have never met. Found yourself saying I think we would be friends or we would get along just dandy? Has your life ever changed in a way by someone that never even knew you were well you? Most people would insert names like Kobe Bryant or Lady Gaga here (OR insert your person ). When I think of such people I think of Princess Di, Maya Angelou, and Elizabeth Edwards. These women have touched and impacted my life.
Two of these women I would give anything to meet no longer walk this earth. I remember just where I was when I heard that Princess Di had passed away. I was in shock and I cried like it was my aunt my best friend had died. I stayed up to watch her funeral live only to find out it was to re-play at a normal time (oh and I had a big basketball game that night prolli wasn't me best choice). But I had to, for this woman changed my life in ways I can't describe or in many ways even know. Without knowing her or ever meeting her yet she still found a way to change me for the good.
Today will be one of those days I will forever remember, at the age of 61 Elizabeth Edwards lost her battle with breast cancer. Now why may you ask would this middle age woman mother of 4 from North Carolina mean so much to me? How could such a simple woman change and impact my life? Maybe because when I first saw the Edwards I felt like they were the next Camlot taking over where the Kennedy's left. But the truth is it was just her grace. Of a woman who knew the truth to this life and had knowledge to share. Things she was saying were worth hearing and remembering. When I found she had stage four breast cancer I almost wasn't able to catch my breath and it had come back for good years later. When her first book Saving Grace hit the shelves I read it in a day. Um unheard of for me way back in 2007. Her book Resilience in 2010 was the same.
She inspired me by how she always lived. Thru the loss of a son, her husband's affair, a divorce, battling cancer and then kowing she would someday lose that battle with cancer. Thru it all she lived her life with dignity, compassion, humor and above all grace. She was a woman who often took the high road. Who always found the silver lining and faced life with a positive attitude. How many of us do that? She never lowered hereself than less of who she truly was. How many of us can say that? How many of us can say just that going thru all of that in the public eye? She was one who only spoke when she knew what she wanted to say. She waited to talk til she gathered her thoughts and emotions so she didn't have regrets. She was honest and was out to live her best life on her terms even with battling terminal cancer. She was a woman of grace. A woman we could all learn something from. A woman I am blessed to learn thru her life's journey. Thou not a perfect one but one that was worth living and now remembering. She was a woman that reminds me alot of my own mother who strangly also is battling stage four breast cancer. A woman who also inspires me and lives her life with complete grace. A woman who thinks before she talks and has much knowledge to share. A woman that takes the high road and finds the silver lining. A woman who is out to live her best life...That can't just be by chance? Right?
In the words of Elizabeth Edwards...I hope you live your life with three graces. "The grace of family, friends and faith." I dare you to live a life of grace honestly and dignity. I dare you to find the silver lining. I dare you to take the high road when you are faced with tough challenges and situations. I dare you to live your best life. I dare you to live life on your terms no matter what you are facing. I dare YOU. I end with quote from a song that she often said by Leoard Cohn "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." May the angels lead you into paradise and may Wade be one of those angels. Rest well woman of grace. Rest well.
Two of these women I would give anything to meet no longer walk this earth. I remember just where I was when I heard that Princess Di had passed away. I was in shock and I cried like it was my aunt my best friend had died. I stayed up to watch her funeral live only to find out it was to re-play at a normal time (oh and I had a big basketball game that night prolli wasn't me best choice). But I had to, for this woman changed my life in ways I can't describe or in many ways even know. Without knowing her or ever meeting her yet she still found a way to change me for the good.
Today will be one of those days I will forever remember, at the age of 61 Elizabeth Edwards lost her battle with breast cancer. Now why may you ask would this middle age woman mother of 4 from North Carolina mean so much to me? How could such a simple woman change and impact my life? Maybe because when I first saw the Edwards I felt like they were the next Camlot taking over where the Kennedy's left. But the truth is it was just her grace. Of a woman who knew the truth to this life and had knowledge to share. Things she was saying were worth hearing and remembering. When I found she had stage four breast cancer I almost wasn't able to catch my breath and it had come back for good years later. When her first book Saving Grace hit the shelves I read it in a day. Um unheard of for me way back in 2007. Her book Resilience in 2010 was the same.
She inspired me by how she always lived. Thru the loss of a son, her husband's affair, a divorce, battling cancer and then kowing she would someday lose that battle with cancer. Thru it all she lived her life with dignity, compassion, humor and above all grace. She was a woman who often took the high road. Who always found the silver lining and faced life with a positive attitude. How many of us do that? She never lowered hereself than less of who she truly was. How many of us can say that? How many of us can say just that going thru all of that in the public eye? She was one who only spoke when she knew what she wanted to say. She waited to talk til she gathered her thoughts and emotions so she didn't have regrets. She was honest and was out to live her best life on her terms even with battling terminal cancer. She was a woman of grace. A woman we could all learn something from. A woman I am blessed to learn thru her life's journey. Thou not a perfect one but one that was worth living and now remembering. She was a woman that reminds me alot of my own mother who strangly also is battling stage four breast cancer. A woman who also inspires me and lives her life with complete grace. A woman who thinks before she talks and has much knowledge to share. A woman that takes the high road and finds the silver lining. A woman who is out to live her best life...That can't just be by chance? Right?
In the words of Elizabeth Edwards...I hope you live your life with three graces. "The grace of family, friends and faith." I dare you to live a life of grace honestly and dignity. I dare you to find the silver lining. I dare you to take the high road when you are faced with tough challenges and situations. I dare you to live your best life. I dare you to live life on your terms no matter what you are facing. I dare YOU. I end with quote from a song that she often said by Leoard Cohn "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." May the angels lead you into paradise and may Wade be one of those angels. Rest well woman of grace. Rest well.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Sky Angel Cowboy
www.youtube.com/watch?v=juEACGmrXC8
A 13 yr old with knowledge way beyond his years. We do have a purpose in this life as well as a purpose when we die. We just sometimes don't see it from the right eyes or choose to see it.
A 13 yr old with knowledge way beyond his years. We do have a purpose in this life as well as a purpose when we die. We just sometimes don't see it from the right eyes or choose to see it.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Beautiful End
BEAUTIFUL END by J.R. Richards
Fate... We say goodbye on this day... A Potter's field angel lay... The sunlight fills from your grace... And so much love gives this place... The feel of warmth inside... I hear the words of your life... An angel gone... Move on...
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful soul gone this day...
The flame... A candle burns in your stead... Roses line white and red... You rose up high above when we felt.. A strength pass through us then... Your body felt your bones... But not the love of your soul... Your love goes on and on.
Surrender, rest here Angel rest... Make us strong, and calm all the oceans.
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... November said goodbye... Rest Angel rest... Rest Angel rest...
A song that speaks to me and carries more meaning that I truly know. I hope one day it will be played for me. When I hear this song I am for a loss of words. For like music always does for me and to me... It speaks the words of my soul....
Fate... We say goodbye on this day... A Potter's field angel lay... The sunlight fills from your grace... And so much love gives this place... The feel of warmth inside... I hear the words of your life... An angel gone... Move on...
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful soul gone this day...
The flame... A candle burns in your stead... Roses line white and red... You rose up high above when we felt.. A strength pass through us then... Your body felt your bones... But not the love of your soul... Your love goes on and on.
Surrender, rest here Angel rest... Make us strong, and calm all the oceans.
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... November said goodbye... Rest Angel rest... Rest Angel rest...
A song that speaks to me and carries more meaning that I truly know. I hope one day it will be played for me. When I hear this song I am for a loss of words. For like music always does for me and to me... It speaks the words of my soul....
Friday, April 2, 2010
Somewhere over the Rainbow
Sometimes I often wonder of the world to come. Of what it will be. Will it be like living like a Care-bear up in the puffy white clouds? Will it be choosin an animal to be so I can soar like an eagle swim like a sea turtle roar like a tiger? Will I get to choose a whole new look but yet everyone will know its me? Will it be a life filled with others or just a life lived in my own paradise?
They say somewhere over the rainbow...and I believe that is where heaven is found. And all things are possible there. And everday is like a saturday where you have no rush to go or place to be. You are always surrounded by peace and fulfillment of happiness-success and love. Its our best days in this life lived everday in the life to come. There are tears but only tears of pride - joy and love. There's laughter and smiles.
Somewhere over the Rainbow... Way up high...There's a land I heard of once in a lullabye...Skie are blue, and dreams that you dare to dream... Really do come true...Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far....Behind me...Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops...That's where you'll find me...Bluebirds fly...Birds fly over the rainbow... Somewhere over the Rainbow... That's where you will find me...
They say somewhere over the rainbow...and I believe that is where heaven is found. And all things are possible there. And everday is like a saturday where you have no rush to go or place to be. You are always surrounded by peace and fulfillment of happiness-success and love. Its our best days in this life lived everday in the life to come. There are tears but only tears of pride - joy and love. There's laughter and smiles.
Somewhere over the Rainbow... Way up high...There's a land I heard of once in a lullabye...Skie are blue, and dreams that you dare to dream... Really do come true...Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far....Behind me...Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops...That's where you'll find me...Bluebirds fly...Birds fly over the rainbow... Somewhere over the Rainbow... That's where you will find me...
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Gone too soon.
Just moments ago, I was told of some terrible news. A student at Whitefish High took his life today, he was a senior with the world at his finger tips. After spending a year sub teaching at the High School I was given the chance to get to know most of the students, Derek was one of them. I am having a hard time gasping with the Why's...My heart just aches for a life that was taken before it was ever meant to be over. My heart aches for the students of Whitefish and the teachers. My heart aches for his family... his mother, who is a teacher at WHS. It aches to the point where it almost sucks the air right out of my lungs.
Death never comes at a point where we like it, its always unwelcomed in our lives... But right before Christmas tears at my heart even more. When you teach and coach those students aren't just students...they become your kids...every last one of them...even the ones that cause all hell and test you...ALL of them. I think of my Packer punks daily...and I always find myself praying that if they ever feel like the tide is taking them down to reach out and ask for help. I pray that they realize that they aren't alone. That they realize that tough times don't last...but tough people do. I pray they know someone will understand-if that someone is me or whoever...but someone will. How did Derek not know these things? How did he just slip thru the cracks? How did you ever think his life wasn't good enough to be lived?
Thou I didn't know you very well, Derek. You were such a polite, kind and hard working student. And I hope that you know realize what a true gift your life really was. And I pray that the life you will never have a chance to live will be a hard life lesson for friends and classmates...that they realize the things you never fully knew... That you are not alone, that someone does care, that someone does understand, that your life is a gift, that you are loved, that tough times don't last-tough people do, that you are forgiven for mistakes you never think can be forgiven. That you are worthy of living this life, that you ... YOU... belong... YOU fit... YOU just being YOU is enough...I wish you knew such things Derek...May the angels lead you into paradise...and may God wrap his love and strength around your family and friends.
Death never comes at a point where we like it, its always unwelcomed in our lives... But right before Christmas tears at my heart even more. When you teach and coach those students aren't just students...they become your kids...every last one of them...even the ones that cause all hell and test you...ALL of them. I think of my Packer punks daily...and I always find myself praying that if they ever feel like the tide is taking them down to reach out and ask for help. I pray that they realize that they aren't alone. That they realize that tough times don't last...but tough people do. I pray they know someone will understand-if that someone is me or whoever...but someone will. How did Derek not know these things? How did he just slip thru the cracks? How did you ever think his life wasn't good enough to be lived?
Thou I didn't know you very well, Derek. You were such a polite, kind and hard working student. And I hope that you know realize what a true gift your life really was. And I pray that the life you will never have a chance to live will be a hard life lesson for friends and classmates...that they realize the things you never fully knew... That you are not alone, that someone does care, that someone does understand, that your life is a gift, that you are loved, that tough times don't last-tough people do, that you are forgiven for mistakes you never think can be forgiven. That you are worthy of living this life, that you ... YOU... belong... YOU fit... YOU just being YOU is enough...I wish you knew such things Derek...May the angels lead you into paradise...and may God wrap his love and strength around your family and friends.
Friday, October 2, 2009
His light still shines
"There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they have gone the light remains."
Today he would have turned 53. I wonder what he would look like. Would he have a head full of gray? I wonder if he still would be coaching and teaching. Would he still be at BHS? Who would he be today?
He has been gone for 10 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days. Yet at times it seems like just yesterday. There have been so many days I wish I could hear his stories full of guidence wisdom knowledge and advice. So many days I wish I could hear his laugh and feel just at ease in his presence. So many days I wish I could share with him my fears and hopes. Many more days where I wish he could have spent with his wife and daughter. Many more days where I wish he could have created memories with his brothers. Many more days where he could have educated touched and changed another student (s) life. So many days I wish he would have had...3,852 days...oh the things he could have done with those days if given the chance to have them. Yet its a powerful reminder that I have those days and counting to live my life to the very fullest because I simply have the chance to!
Even thou he is gone he still seems to be changing the many lives he left behind. His legacy still shines ever so bright in the lives he touched changed and loved. He was such a simple man who changed so many by just being himself and believing in those around him. He carried hope and faith and knew the rest the big guy would provide. He walked with grace and confidence. And thou at times his legacy might shadow over the life he led here on earth I know still it is a shadow he would always be able to fill. He was not made bigger in death...it is not his legacy that changed so many lives but the life he lived that made the lasting impact. He made so many footprints in the hearts of many but unlike footprints in the sand that can be washed away by the seas of time... His footprints will forever be imprinted in the lives he touched changed and loved.
Happy Birthday Mr. Swegarden. I am positive you are still making a difference. Still smiling. Still laughing and still walking with hope.faith.confidence and grace...I look forward to the day when you meet me at the gates of paradise. You are a man truly missed.
Today he would have turned 53. I wonder what he would look like. Would he have a head full of gray? I wonder if he still would be coaching and teaching. Would he still be at BHS? Who would he be today?
He has been gone for 10 years, 6 months, 2 weeks and 5 days. Yet at times it seems like just yesterday. There have been so many days I wish I could hear his stories full of guidence wisdom knowledge and advice. So many days I wish I could hear his laugh and feel just at ease in his presence. So many days I wish I could share with him my fears and hopes. Many more days where I wish he could have spent with his wife and daughter. Many more days where I wish he could have created memories with his brothers. Many more days where he could have educated touched and changed another student (s) life. So many days I wish he would have had...3,852 days...oh the things he could have done with those days if given the chance to have them. Yet its a powerful reminder that I have those days and counting to live my life to the very fullest because I simply have the chance to!
Even thou he is gone he still seems to be changing the many lives he left behind. His legacy still shines ever so bright in the lives he touched changed and loved. He was such a simple man who changed so many by just being himself and believing in those around him. He carried hope and faith and knew the rest the big guy would provide. He walked with grace and confidence. And thou at times his legacy might shadow over the life he led here on earth I know still it is a shadow he would always be able to fill. He was not made bigger in death...it is not his legacy that changed so many lives but the life he lived that made the lasting impact. He made so many footprints in the hearts of many but unlike footprints in the sand that can be washed away by the seas of time... His footprints will forever be imprinted in the lives he touched changed and loved.
Happy Birthday Mr. Swegarden. I am positive you are still making a difference. Still smiling. Still laughing and still walking with hope.faith.confidence and grace...I look forward to the day when you meet me at the gates of paradise. You are a man truly missed.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Golfin in Paradise
365 days...has it been enough time Ken for you to golf all the courses in Paradise? I can just picture you living the dream...golfing smiling laughing and making wise cracks. Which I know makes carrying on down here for your family and friends a bit easier. Know you are missed by many. Oxbow just doesn't seem the same without your presences smile laughter and jokes. I hope you are enjoyin this time that you are spending with your grand daughter before she arrives to send a lifetime wit us!! We look forward to her arrival for I know a little Ken she will have in her! Just as Ethan and Gavin have. Rest well and here's to many perfect golf days for you in paradise.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Taken too quickly
I didn't know her. I never got a chance to meet her. But I have many friends who did. Her story has touched my life and changed me. Knowing her story makes me feel in some ways that I know her.
She was just 21. She was healthy and full of life. She had the world just at her grasp. A twin sister I have been told, a loving family and a handsome & kind boyfriend. She was a Bison and so I have been told a true friend. I know many are trying to come to terms of her passing. Trying to hold the cards of life that no longer contain her presence, her laughter, her smile, her voice. Trying to search for answers to all their why's. So many are shedding tears to the point where the tears have gone dry.
Death is never easy. It never makes sense, it always leaves us with un-answered thoughts and questions. And most of the time we don't fully understand until year and years later -- yet sometimes its not until this life is over do we fully grasp the true lessons a person's life has in this world and in our life. Tonight I pray for the life of Lindsey Cunningham. Tonight I pray for her family and friends. I pray that the angels lead her into paradise. I pray that she is now free of pain and cancer itself. I pray Lord that you hold her loved ones in your arms and bring them strength to face the days to come... and give them hope that life is meant to go on even thou its so very hard not to without her. Even I know, without even knowing her, she was taken too quickly...much too soon.
She was just 21. She was healthy and full of life. She had the world just at her grasp. A twin sister I have been told, a loving family and a handsome & kind boyfriend. She was a Bison and so I have been told a true friend. I know many are trying to come to terms of her passing. Trying to hold the cards of life that no longer contain her presence, her laughter, her smile, her voice. Trying to search for answers to all their why's. So many are shedding tears to the point where the tears have gone dry.
Death is never easy. It never makes sense, it always leaves us with un-answered thoughts and questions. And most of the time we don't fully understand until year and years later -- yet sometimes its not until this life is over do we fully grasp the true lessons a person's life has in this world and in our life. Tonight I pray for the life of Lindsey Cunningham. Tonight I pray for her family and friends. I pray that the angels lead her into paradise. I pray that she is now free of pain and cancer itself. I pray Lord that you hold her loved ones in your arms and bring them strength to face the days to come... and give them hope that life is meant to go on even thou its so very hard not to without her. Even I know, without even knowing her, she was taken too quickly...much too soon.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Simon James
I spent most of the day, thinking of one of my best friends-a friend that I have known back to a time where all I know was she was a part of everything...grade school, birthday parties, sleepovers, volleyball-basketball-track, graduation, childhood memories..she has always been a very big part of my life...she has always been a friend-the lasting kind of friend...that you know you will always have-the kind of friend that has been a part of your life for always...the kind of friend that truly knows you because she knows your story and where you come from... I love you Shannon Sue...My heart aches for Shannon, Jeremy and Hudson...for their loss of a little fellow we will never get a chance to meet, know and watch grow-we will never know the sound of his laughter or the sight of his face when a smile formed across it...but oh we loved him so...Simon James..Life doesn't quite make sense in times like these...Life just doesn't seem fair in moments like this. How can a heart ache so much for a life you never knew? Yet it does...because I know the lives and love the lives that Simon would have been apart of...I know that even though I never knew this little guy-I never got a chance to hold him in my arms...I know he is a special little peanut just like his big brother Hudson. I know this because his parents are special-his brother is special-his grandparents are special-his aunts & uncles and cousins are special. A family filled with love and kindness...A family that mourns this little soul...A family that loves this little peanut...A family that even though never meet this little guy-will think of him always...will miss him always...he will always be part of this family...A family that loves you Simon James. May the angels lead you into paradise.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Remembering...
Today I remember a man that left this world all to soon. I remember a man I haven't seen in ten years. A man I have thought about in some way every single day for the last tens. A man I know I will think about in the same way ten years from now. Mr. Swegarden passed away on this day ten years ago yet I still can find him in so many places.
So many lives were touched and forever changed by this man. So many carry his lessons with them. So many feel so grateful that they had the honor of knowing him and having them in their lives. He is a man that opened my eyes and helped me realize so many things. He is a man that respected his students and we respected him. He was a man that demanded our very best in school sports and more importantly life.
He had just a gentle comfortable way bout himself. Someone that always put you at ease. Someone always with a smile and his face. Someone you could laugh with. Someone who believed that you were capable of achieving things that most thought you never could. He was a positive man that lead by example. That let his actions speak loud than his words.
He is a man that I will always find myself missing and remembering. A person that I hope to be a little more like. A teacher and coach I hope I could even be somewhat like-to be half that kind of person it would be success. There is only one man like him. He was one in a million and I was somehow lucky enough and blessed that I somehow ended up with him being a part of my life...talk about being in the right place.
So today we remember you, and we carry your lessons and legacy with us always. You are still here with us. Today more than ever I hope you realize the impact you have on so many...still and always
So many lives were touched and forever changed by this man. So many carry his lessons with them. So many feel so grateful that they had the honor of knowing him and having them in their lives. He is a man that opened my eyes and helped me realize so many things. He is a man that respected his students and we respected him. He was a man that demanded our very best in school sports and more importantly life.
He had just a gentle comfortable way bout himself. Someone that always put you at ease. Someone always with a smile and his face. Someone you could laugh with. Someone who believed that you were capable of achieving things that most thought you never could. He was a positive man that lead by example. That let his actions speak loud than his words.
He is a man that I will always find myself missing and remembering. A person that I hope to be a little more like. A teacher and coach I hope I could even be somewhat like-to be half that kind of person it would be success. There is only one man like him. He was one in a million and I was somehow lucky enough and blessed that I somehow ended up with him being a part of my life...talk about being in the right place.
So today we remember you, and we carry your lessons and legacy with us always. You are still here with us. Today more than ever I hope you realize the impact you have on so many...still and always
Sunday, March 8, 2009
For one more day
If you could spend one more day with anyone who would you pick? This is a toss up question for me, because three people come to mind, My grandmother, My grandfather, and Mr. Swegarden. For something that well won't be coming true for sometime, I sure find myself debating and thinking over it. I never knew my grandfather that well since I was so young when he passed away. I just want the chance more than anything to know him and for him to know me. As for my grandmother, she was and still is a lady that is everything to me. And oh how I miss the simplest of simple moments with her. I would give anything to sit next to her at a baseball game or in church. I would give anything to find myself wrapped in one of her hugs of love. I would give anything to hear that gentle English voice of hers. I would give anything to see that smile of hers spread across her face. I would be willing to just spend the day out in the middle of nowhere if it meant I could spend that entire day with her.
Then there is Mr. Swegarden, who well there just aren't any words. I feel like sometimes as much as I want that day with him I would pass that day up if it meant Jami and/or Janelle could have that day with him. Most of the time I just wish I could hear his life lessons, his advice, his positive and encouraging words. I wish could be sitting in his classroom again and watch a man with such a zest for life reach-teach and change in what seemed like such a simple way...He made it look so simple because it came so natural to him. He just had this amazing way, he had this amazing way of making you feel so special and so capable of doing basically anything.
Its funny that when you find yourself missing someone...when it comes down to it...what is it that you miss about them?? Sometimes you can't put your finger on it, but most of the time its the simplest of moments. Life is a million simple moments that add up to be the story of your life...We don't remember days, we remember moments... Isn't that the truth. In the end it doesn't matter the clothes they wore, where they went, where they lived...I don't remember any of those things...I remember and miss the simple moments I got to spend with them...Sitting on the bench outside the classroom with Mr. Swegarden and just talking about well-nothing....Sitting on my grandfather's lap and his big hands tickling me-making me laugh....taking a ball game with my grandmother and talking about anything that comes to mind....Simple moments...that turns out being the best moments and most important moments...the moments that last....the moments that count....the moments we miss the most.
Then there is Mr. Swegarden, who well there just aren't any words. I feel like sometimes as much as I want that day with him I would pass that day up if it meant Jami and/or Janelle could have that day with him. Most of the time I just wish I could hear his life lessons, his advice, his positive and encouraging words. I wish could be sitting in his classroom again and watch a man with such a zest for life reach-teach and change in what seemed like such a simple way...He made it look so simple because it came so natural to him. He just had this amazing way, he had this amazing way of making you feel so special and so capable of doing basically anything.
Its funny that when you find yourself missing someone...when it comes down to it...what is it that you miss about them?? Sometimes you can't put your finger on it, but most of the time its the simplest of moments. Life is a million simple moments that add up to be the story of your life...We don't remember days, we remember moments... Isn't that the truth. In the end it doesn't matter the clothes they wore, where they went, where they lived...I don't remember any of those things...I remember and miss the simple moments I got to spend with them...Sitting on the bench outside the classroom with Mr. Swegarden and just talking about well-nothing....Sitting on my grandfather's lap and his big hands tickling me-making me laugh....taking a ball game with my grandmother and talking about anything that comes to mind....Simple moments...that turns out being the best moments and most important moments...the moments that last....the moments that count....the moments we miss the most.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
We remember...
There are certain people in our life...that makes our entire life...they make all the difference...they are the ones that ground us yet also give us wings...they are the ones that let us know that we matter in this life....Without these people this life is worthless...it really is left without a meaning....I am thankful for such people...who take the time, who reach out, who love me, who encourage me, who inspire me, who do more than they realize by the love and friendship that they give to me...I don't deserve such people...yet I seem to always find myself surrounded by their love and caring ways.
Today marks a 6 month anniv. of a life taken all too soon, whose passing seemed to leave behind so many unanswered questions that we never seem to find any reason or answers too...I know it was a hard day esp for his wife, family and all his friends...who haven't stopped missing him since that July day that he was taken from this life....A day that changed everything about life for so many who love and miss him so dearly...I know all they wish for is to see his face...see that smile...to hear his laughter fill up a room...to just hold him and hug him..I wish that is something I could snap my fingers and allow to happen right now in this moment..but its impossible...instead I wish you to be covered in a blanket of memories and of moments spent with him filled with smiles, laughter, love and simply just Ben...I wish for you to feel his arms around you embracing you with all of his love letting you know that he misses you just as much as you miss him...May you feel his presence and strength to let you know that he is alright and all he wants is for you to be happy, for you to smile, for you to laugh. Grieving is an endless journey that only seems to end when we find ourselves with that person again...but here is discovering the healing power that is found in HOPE...hope in a better tomorrow...hope that one day it won't hurt as much to remember...hope that you will find the strength to let happiness back into your life again....my thoughts are with you all...and Ben know that you are missed and always loved.
So many people have days like today...so many remember the date that a loved one is taken and each year this is an especially hard day that they must face...yet there are also those month anniv. that are just as hard...and still each day in itself can be a struggle...Many people are blessed with so much thats its almost overwhelming...so many people reaching out, calling, sending cards, bringing food, stopping over in those first few days right after someone is taken...that spills onto the week leading to the funeral and this remains for a while after...but then life settles in again and people without meaning to move on...life goes on...yet for those who suffer the loss the hardest are left standing still in a world that seems to be spinning out of control....BUT know this...so many people still remember...so many people!! Some on certain days...some something reminds them of the person who is gone and their thoughts turn to remembering....each chose to remember in their own way in their own time...which in it self a blessing because that means theres a chance that someone is always thinking of the person who is no longer with us....Remember this on your hard days when you think you are alone, when you think that people have forgotten, that no one remembers...you are wrong...we never forget the people we love in our lives, we never forget souls who make a difference, we never forget the beings that brought us smiles, made us laugh and shared a friendship & love with us....its impossible too...I remember all those that I have lost daily each in their own way, each in their own time...my thoughts recall my moments and memories that I was blessed to share with each of them in this life and I await the day when those souls are the ones who lead me into paradise.
Today marks a 6 month anniv. of a life taken all too soon, whose passing seemed to leave behind so many unanswered questions that we never seem to find any reason or answers too...I know it was a hard day esp for his wife, family and all his friends...who haven't stopped missing him since that July day that he was taken from this life....A day that changed everything about life for so many who love and miss him so dearly...I know all they wish for is to see his face...see that smile...to hear his laughter fill up a room...to just hold him and hug him..I wish that is something I could snap my fingers and allow to happen right now in this moment..but its impossible...instead I wish you to be covered in a blanket of memories and of moments spent with him filled with smiles, laughter, love and simply just Ben...I wish for you to feel his arms around you embracing you with all of his love letting you know that he misses you just as much as you miss him...May you feel his presence and strength to let you know that he is alright and all he wants is for you to be happy, for you to smile, for you to laugh. Grieving is an endless journey that only seems to end when we find ourselves with that person again...but here is discovering the healing power that is found in HOPE...hope in a better tomorrow...hope that one day it won't hurt as much to remember...hope that you will find the strength to let happiness back into your life again....my thoughts are with you all...and Ben know that you are missed and always loved.
So many people have days like today...so many remember the date that a loved one is taken and each year this is an especially hard day that they must face...yet there are also those month anniv. that are just as hard...and still each day in itself can be a struggle...Many people are blessed with so much thats its almost overwhelming...so many people reaching out, calling, sending cards, bringing food, stopping over in those first few days right after someone is taken...that spills onto the week leading to the funeral and this remains for a while after...but then life settles in again and people without meaning to move on...life goes on...yet for those who suffer the loss the hardest are left standing still in a world that seems to be spinning out of control....BUT know this...so many people still remember...so many people!! Some on certain days...some something reminds them of the person who is gone and their thoughts turn to remembering....each chose to remember in their own way in their own time...which in it self a blessing because that means theres a chance that someone is always thinking of the person who is no longer with us....Remember this on your hard days when you think you are alone, when you think that people have forgotten, that no one remembers...you are wrong...we never forget the people we love in our lives, we never forget souls who make a difference, we never forget the beings that brought us smiles, made us laugh and shared a friendship & love with us....its impossible too...I remember all those that I have lost daily each in their own way, each in their own time...my thoughts recall my moments and memories that I was blessed to share with each of them in this life and I await the day when those souls are the ones who lead me into paradise.
Friday, January 16, 2009
Walking thru their lives...
I was watching CSI last night saying goodbye to Grissom...however you spell it...anyways there was this part at the very end of the show where he is leaving the department for the last time...and the way they filmed it was well done and just touching in a way I can't really put my words on it...Its a mix between him seeing everything he is leaving behind yet also how life goes on...all those that he guided, mangaged and so on were busy at work...and he had this proud smile one his face that left you thinking how proud he was of all of them, how proud he was to be a part of this, how confident he believes in those people that all will be fine even without him...
That scence got me thinking....and I know its not something that happens right away, in fact it something that takes much to get to that point but maybe those that we have lost do just that...there's that one day where they are granted to walk thru the lives of us they had to leave behind...We don't know because we don't see them...but they can walk thru our lives and see that thou it took some time much time we found life again...we found happiness...that even thou they are no longer here with us we found a way to carry on...even if we didn't want too...I imagine how much those moments mean to those souls we can no longer see...How would I know...because I can't imagine my life being the soul source of pain, of tears, of despair, of not wanting to go on because I am not there...
Death robs us like a theif in a dark night of those simple moments of happiness and love with people we just always count on being there...we count on being able to see their faces, hear their laughter, feel their touch...and when we are robbed of that it feels as thou life is missing something oh so huge...oh so important....We feel that our smiles aren't the same and our laughter is less profound...BUT then one day we find those smiles and that laughter in a way of not even looking for it...and its part of us again...one day comes and its a bit easier to allow happiness back in our lives...we never forget...ever...but by some grace it becomes easier...I like to think that grace comes from the person or persons we are missing...the loved ones that we lost...that feeling that covers you like a warm blanket is them helping us to carry on...to live life to its very fullest even when we don't really feel like it....its their way of saying I want you to live a life in the same way you would have if I was there...
I would like to think that's someone true official belonging into paradise...is when they don't have to worry oh so much what their being not in this world is causing...the endless tears and pain. Its not about being forgotten or not missed and thought about...but its that feeling of knowing that they are carryin on and they are finding happiness, they are smiling, they are laughing...That has to be a good feeling to see.
I hope one day when that time comes for me...to walk thru the lives of those that I love and I see endless smiles and laughter that just echoes from every corner of their being...I hope to see tears rolling down their cheeks when they think of me but only because they are laughing and smiling so hard from a story being told about me..some crazy funny memory...Thats where I want to be found when I am no longer able to be seen in this life...I wanted to be remembered in laughter, in smiles...And thats just where I remember those that I have lost...its never a simple easy journey to get to this point in remembering...it takes time...and there are still days I fall off and feel like I have to climb all over again...but I know that's what they want...they want to see my smile and hear my laughter...they want to see me happy and simply just living my life.
That scence got me thinking....and I know its not something that happens right away, in fact it something that takes much to get to that point but maybe those that we have lost do just that...there's that one day where they are granted to walk thru the lives of us they had to leave behind...We don't know because we don't see them...but they can walk thru our lives and see that thou it took some time much time we found life again...we found happiness...that even thou they are no longer here with us we found a way to carry on...even if we didn't want too...I imagine how much those moments mean to those souls we can no longer see...How would I know...because I can't imagine my life being the soul source of pain, of tears, of despair, of not wanting to go on because I am not there...
Death robs us like a theif in a dark night of those simple moments of happiness and love with people we just always count on being there...we count on being able to see their faces, hear their laughter, feel their touch...and when we are robbed of that it feels as thou life is missing something oh so huge...oh so important....We feel that our smiles aren't the same and our laughter is less profound...BUT then one day we find those smiles and that laughter in a way of not even looking for it...and its part of us again...one day comes and its a bit easier to allow happiness back in our lives...we never forget...ever...but by some grace it becomes easier...I like to think that grace comes from the person or persons we are missing...the loved ones that we lost...that feeling that covers you like a warm blanket is them helping us to carry on...to live life to its very fullest even when we don't really feel like it....its their way of saying I want you to live a life in the same way you would have if I was there...
I would like to think that's someone true official belonging into paradise...is when they don't have to worry oh so much what their being not in this world is causing...the endless tears and pain. Its not about being forgotten or not missed and thought about...but its that feeling of knowing that they are carryin on and they are finding happiness, they are smiling, they are laughing...That has to be a good feeling to see.
I hope one day when that time comes for me...to walk thru the lives of those that I love and I see endless smiles and laughter that just echoes from every corner of their being...I hope to see tears rolling down their cheeks when they think of me but only because they are laughing and smiling so hard from a story being told about me..some crazy funny memory...Thats where I want to be found when I am no longer able to be seen in this life...I wanted to be remembered in laughter, in smiles...And thats just where I remember those that I have lost...its never a simple easy journey to get to this point in remembering...it takes time...and there are still days I fall off and feel like I have to climb all over again...but I know that's what they want...they want to see my smile and hear my laughter...they want to see me happy and simply just living my life.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Ken is golfin' the courses of Heaven.
Ken Toop was out doing what he loved to do every chance he could...Golf...we was with three of his favorite people...his wife Sharon, his son Ryan and his daughter-in-law Jessica...One moment he was joking around, laughing, and living life..Then in one single moment he looked and smiled at his son and then to his wife and he is was gone...July 18 from a pulmonary atresia. He was 62 years old and left behind his wife Sharon, his son Ryan and daughter-in-law Jessica and two grandsons Ethan and Gavin Toop. I got to know Ken the last three years out at Oxbow and being close friends with Jess and Ryan got to know him even better. When
I say there is no one like Ken Toop...there really isn't...He is the type of guy that will walk into a room full of people he didn't know nor has ever seen and will leave that room knowing each and every one of them in a way that he could remember their faces, their names and their stories. He had an unbelievable sense of humor, a quick witt, a huge heart and was a big giver to all those he could. Thou I was gone when he passed I found out that the day of his funeral people packed two churches full and standing room(they wired the service) and you couldn't see the walls of the church because so many flowers filled the room. He was the type of man that you were proud to say you knew...because so many knew him and the kind of person he was...it was an honor to say that you knew him...it was an honor when he would tease you and joke around with you. Thou his grandsons were cheated out on many years of knowing and learning from their grandfather...Ken made sure they did know one thing...his love...something he gave to those two little guys with all he had...I am positive by the time I reach the gates..you will be there and will know everyone there and will have stories and jokes to share...til then may you golf the courses, hunt the fields and fish the lakes of heaven. A life lived well done.
We will be seein' you...Ben.
Ben Lenzen passed away July 17 while working construction just outside of West Fargo ND...all I can say is...TOO YOUNG TOO SOON...I was blessed with knowing, learning and growing with Ben...We both grew up in Beulah and both graduated from Beulah High...he was just a year behind me...All thru high school he dated Rebecca "Becky" Sheldon...A girl I always thought the very best of. She was quite and kind and just a real pleasure to be around. I always thought that Ben and Becky just fit together and their personalities just were made for each other. They were married last April and they were ready to spend the best years of their future days with each other. BUT life had another plan in mind I guess and one sunny summer day Ben left to go to work and never came home. My heart goes out to Becky and the Lenzen-Sheldon Family. May the love Ben gave you and the memories you had together hold up you and carry you during this difficult time...Know that so many are thinking and praying for you now and always...he will not be forgotten...he has been up in heaven for sometime now...i can only hope that one day when i reach the gates of heaven--i will find Ben awaiting for me to enter...for i know what it like to see a familiar face in a crowd of strangers...Rest well Ben.
Rest in Peace Ryan.
Ryan Havelka passed away suddenly and tragically in the early hours of Tuesday, August 5th, from what appears to be Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome (HPS) which is a serious respiratory disease transmitted by infected rodents through urine, droppings, or saliva. you can contract the disease when breathing in aerosolized virus. He seemed ok on friday, just a headache and chills. He made a checkup doctors appointment on saturday morning. While there he was admitted saturday in Hettinger Hospital.. Early Sunday morning around 3am he was transferred to Bismark...in the afternoon hours of Monday he was put into the ICU--he went into Cardiac Arrest the first time around 6 pm and at 2 am-ish, he code blued, and we could not get him back. 
He left behind a wife, Patty(who is my cousin's sister) and three daughters..Anna-4, Olivia 3 and Erica 1.5...I am tryin to come to terms with his sudden passing as well as tryin to understand why three little girls will never know their father...Too young and too soon. Please keep the Havelka-Kautzman family in your thoughts and prayers...For their whole worlds were forever changed by the passing of one special man...a father, husband, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, uncle, co-worker, and friend. He had such a spark for life...a sense of humor, personality and witt to him that i can't not explain...His girls, esp Anna carry with them that same witt, humor and personality...I feel at a loss for words thinking of the time those girls were cheated out on with their father...thou they were cheated out on years and years of growing, learning from their father...they were never cheated out on his love...something he gave everything he had to them--each and everyday...We won't let Anna, Olivia and Erica ever forget that or you. May the angels lead you into your paradise Ryan..rest and know that your family and friends will take care of your "Girls."
Sunday, April 6, 2008
She saw a world to believe in.
Last night should have been one of the highlights of her senior year, Prom. A night full of memories, laughter, smiles and friends. A night where she would have been on the dance floor all night long. Instead it was a night with her to be no where found~~yet she could be felt all around. A night where so many wished to see her face, to see those eyes
of hers. It was a night that found her parents giving her friends the kind of night they would have always wanted for her. There have been many nights like that, many memories where we may feel she was cheated out on in life. And there prolli be may more to come in future days and years. A life taken all too soon from this world. A person who is terribly missed by her family and friends. A girl who was wise beyond her age and one of rarest souls you will ever find. She carried with her many gifts of dancing, photography, of writing and poetry. She saw the world in eyes of peace, kindness, caring and love. She was true to her values, morals and views on life. She never drank or smoked. She was in fact a true role model.Thou she is gone from our sights, she is still all around us. Her legacy lives on in her writings and photography. She is still touching and changing lives and creating peace. I was honored in
knowing her from the very start thru her sister April, my friend and classmate. I coached her in softball and bonded with her and shared the same passion for photography and life that she had. 
I miss being able to talk photography with her and seeing all of her works of art. I tend to think of her always when I am off in my own world of capturing life behind a lens. I find myself still in complete awwe when I am off by myself. I find that I enjoy it even
more now because ofAmy. Its hard to believe she was taken so soon, so fast, so unexpected, and it will be 7 months before I know it. I have made a promise that where ever Kaye Gold Photography goes you will see along with it AIM ME Photography. Hand in hand...never one without the other. I am just one of the many lives that was changed because of Amy Kritzberger...and because of Amy I have found even more beauty in people and in life. More reasons to love this life even more...thank you amy for opening my eyes to such grace, peace and beauty. Even thou she was much younger than me, she was a true example of how to live life, how to see the beauty of life, how to treat others and how to capture it all. I am blessed beyond words to have been able to take that all in!
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