Looking great at 50

So Janelle turned 50 on the 22nd. I have been slacking at this blog thing alot this fall. And I should have posted this blog two days ago but life is well life. SO I will post it to day.

Just wanted to give Janelle a birthday shout out. Remember age is just a number and I believe your best days still await you. Your life has been quite a journey spent mostly climbing up hill getting knocked down but yet you carried on. You are an example of truly living and dancing in the rain. You don't wait for sunny days to find happiness you find it along the way in each moment of your life. You are teaching us by just simply living your life. You are strong. beautiful. sassy. hip. kind of a twit. thoughtful. kind. understanding. Someone you carries and believes in her faith. You make us laugh. You hold our hands. You dry our tears. You are constant when needed and even when not. You are better today than you were ten years ago. You are more beautiful than you were ten years ago... trust me I have seen the pictures and just remember myself. :)

So keep on living. Keep on smiling. Keep on shining. May your next 50 years be walking down the mountains you have climbed in these last 50. May you enjoy the view. enjoy the ride. enjoy the company that surrounds you. And remember near or far you are never alone in this life. LOVE YOU and HAPPY 50th BIRTHDAY!!!

11 years

"Our fingerprints don't fade in the lives we touch."

Its been 11 years. Yet I know he is still with us. 11 years without seeing his smile. 11 years without hearing his voice. 11 years with no advice- guidence- jokes or life stories. 11 years!

I don't think I will ever find a day where I won't think of this man, that I called Mr. Swegarden. I know I will never reach a day where I find myself not grateful not honored not blessed to have been one of oh oh soo many forever changed by having him in my life. I am one of soo soo many who still find the fingerprints he made in my life. His legacy lives on because of the lives he touched refuse to forget the change he made in us and the diffence he made in our lives. We honor him and his life because we carried on. We grew. We became. And I know he would be so pleased that the death of his life here wasn't the death of our life now.

I know he would be just torked at us if we didn't be the person he knew we were capable. I found out this lesson shortly after he left teaching and found that my grades in his class weren't what he thought I was capable of doing. While waiting for his daughter one morning to give her a ride to school, he had me come sit down next to him. and he told me that I can't just be the person I am fully capable and should always be at just certain moments or just for certain people. I have to be that person constantly! Esp when its hard and easier not to. That IS him thou always making sure we are always doing our very best and giving our very best. He wouldn't settle for slackers who were capable of being more.

Thank you Mr Swegarden for always demanding and expecting the very best from me not just in your classroom but more importantly life. Thank you Mr Swegarden for encouraging me, supporting me, believing in me and seeing what I am capable of doing and being and holding me to just that. Thank you Mr Swegarden for your greatest gift in my life... The friendship love and family I have found in your wife, Janelle and daughter, Jami. I realize the blessing, the greatness and importance of having these two gifts in my life. I hope more than anything I have been able to fulfill my promise to you and that I am able to always in the days and years to come.
And I hope that I am always being the person I am capable of being.

I hope you are enjoyin Paradise. We are missing you here!

"There are some who bring a light so great to the world that even after they are gone the light remains."

She DID it

She didn't think she could do it. She didn't think she would get in. She applied to four grad schools and was nervous as could be... A couple of days ago the first letter came in... And guess what... They accepted her... She was soo excited. She was on cloud nine. I told her see... you have what it takes. And it won't be long til all four accept. Then she will have a different problem trying to pick which one.

So this post is for my RUBY...she already knows how proud I am of her, but I had to voice it to the whole internet world. I had to tell everyone just how proud I am of my friend. my sister. my person. my ruby. my JAMERS... You did it!! ALL by yourself!! And now you just have to decide which path you will take!! CONGRATS... OLIVE JUICE

Firefly Lane

I was never much of a reader. But lately I have found that if I find just the right book... I can't seem to put it down. My latest finish is a book by Kristin Hannah Firefly Lane. Not only I am I not much of a reader. I am also not much of a crier, it takes a lot for me to shed more than a tear or have watery eyes. When I finished this book, well actually even before that, I found myself in numerous parts of the book completely losing it. Like sob crying here, I am talking about. The author has a gift of words and sharing a story so deep and touching that you find yourself relating your friendship in your very own life too.

Thou the journey Tully and Kate embark on is completely different from the one I share with my person, the theme remains the same... friendship-sisterhood and love. Most who know me, know who my person is, a punk that goes by the name of Jami. Our story began before I even knew where it truly started. Our lives are melted into one to the point when I look back, I just see her. She knows my full past. In all the times that seem to be never ending still... where I was finding myself - growing into myself and becoming myself -- into this never fully reaching person that I am meant to be ... she has seemed to know this person and see this person fully and completely all along. With her there is no fooling. For she knows my laughs- my smiles- even my looks. She can read me like a book even when I think I am pulling a fast one on her, she knows. She is one of the rare beings that I can sit in complete silence and our hearts just know what our voices can't speak. We have gone great distances from each other and have spent much time apart, yet that doesn't seem to matter at all.

For I found that it doens't matter if she is standing next to me or half way across the nation or even the world. She seems to be always right by my side. She knows the real me, the one thats left when she is striped of her bubblyness, giggles, laughter, rowdiness, OC, traits. When I am left to bare my naked soul. When I have no smile across my face from time to time. When I have no guards or walls. When I am just me and real. She doesn't turn her back and better yet she encourages me to be imperfect. She encourages me to be just ME. When I find myself at my life ropes' end, she's the one that I hang onto. She's the one holding onto me. She's the one that supports and believes. For even the most positive, up beat person wants to give in from time to time. No one truly understands our story, our relationship. No one seems to get it, but her and me. And that's okay, no one else needs to. Because all I fully ever need to know is that she's always there for me... forever! And all she needs to know is that I am there for her forever! The rest... well it just somehow makes sense. For without her I don't know who I am, better yet with her, I KNOW just who I am! I am so very blessed to call such an amazing being my friend. I am so very grateful to call this woman my sister. For in the end, she makes me make sense. And that kind of friendship. That kind of sisterhood. That kind of love... well its worth everything.

I MISS YOUR FACE.

RUBY CUBE...I know you are worried...but don't be...all will be fine...thou it seems like we are miles away from each other and forever since we have had that connection with each other...but you know what....I am right here...I am always right here...and the bond we share will never fade or weaken...even if we think it might...its you and me kid...its been that way since the very start and will remain that way forever...even long after we leave this planet...maybe its because I know you see me, you hear me, you know me...without seeing, without hearing and without me telling...you drive me nuts punk because I am miles and miles and miles away and you just know...you know my voices, you know even the different ways I rush people off the phone and what they mean....you always just know don't you...HOTSHOT...well I know this...you make me proud...everyday! by being simply and fully just you! I know somehow because I was there from the start (well practical) and I was there thru it all...that somehow...the very best of me is found in you...in your smiles, in your love, in your kindness, in your caring, in your giving, in your laughter...I am proud beyond words to see and know the person you are...the woman you are...the friend you are...and maybe just maybe I had something to deal with shaping, finding and growing into that person and being that person...well if I am lucky...for so long you always said your strength was me but did you know that along even thru the pain, tears, saddness and darkness and to this moment right now and always...you will be mine. I MISS YOUR FACE punk... I MISS MY SISTER...heck thou...I would miss if you were in the house just down the street....you are a rockstar like that.

Worth their while...

have you ever thought what your life might be...or what your life might have never been if you were not graced with the presence of one being or beings for that matter. Just how different you would be without that person in your life? how life would be altared, how certain events-memories-experiences would be completely different because that one person wasn't there to share and take part in that moment of time. Have you ever wondered if you would be less as a person without them in your life...or would you live your life completely the same and have no clue what was ever missing? Is it strange to think of what your life would be like without them? I figure if i picture a life without that being is my way of seeing the everyday blessings that they bring into your world just by being a part of your world. Its my way of never takig one single day with having them in my life for granted.

With Jami...I am pretty sure she is that one person that opened up my eyes but more importantly opened up my heart to this life and esp. to people in my life. She saved my life long before I even knew she was doing it. I will always be deeply proud and honored that this girl...from the very first time i met her at an age i can't even remember and from until this present moment she has always found it worth her while to know me, love me and be a part of my life. Life is meant to be shared---someone to laugh with, cry with, dream with, stress and worry with, fear and be scared with. And I truly can't imagine a life...esp my life without her in it. May we all picture a life with those that we hold nearest and dearest without...and then find the simple blessings they bring to us with their love, friendship and being. We are all better people because someone...someones....find it worth their while to know us, love us and stand by us thru this journey we call life. I find my biggest blessing is in the fact that she, jami, is just one of those beings that I have in my life...I ave countless others who take the time to share their life with me and me share mine with them. I have people too many to name who love me, know me and are always there...what a blessing and an honor to have such people in your life...who complete it in a way they will never know...but I know that my life would be completely different, would be less in a way if just one of them wasn't in my life or was in my life. I am who I am...because of the people that I have in my life...

My Person.

I met her sometime ago when she was still under the age of five or six. I watched her while her parents would go out at night. I taught her all sorts of things that a sister would and even shouldn't teach...one of the first things I ever taught her was how to fake sleep. I guess I was scared to stay up alone but looking back now the real reason was I just wanted to spend more time with her. I showed her how to wash dishes and floors at once and let her drive all sorts of times. As the years went by we spent our summers together on a diamond and I became a driver, a coach, a friend and a sister to her and many of her friends. She became my punk, my sister, my best friend and my person. As I look back on all the moments we had together the ones that we held onto each for dear life, where we cried, where we got caught at EVERYTHING we did, try to do or even thought of doing. All of the laughter, the smiles and even all the tears we cried and fears & pain we shared. I can't imagine what my life would have been without her in it. I was blessed with two brothers from my mother and father and years later was blessed with a real sister for life. We don't share the same DNA but she has become a part of my family and I a part of hers. We tend to think alike and act alike and I wouldn't trade any moment that I ever spent with her for anything. She is my walking saving grace. She is my faith, my will and the example to live this life to the fullest and to LOVE this LIFE. We all should be so blessed to have a person or persons in our lives that we can share everything life throws at us as well as blesses us with. Someone to double our happiness and divide our sorrow and pain. Whether that person be a biogical sibling, a parent, a cousin, a lover, or a friend. Life is meant to be shared every part of it. And each of these people need, want and deserve to know just what they bring into your life each and every day. Jami is my person the one I talk to each and every day. The one I tell my everything, anything and even nothing to. Life is about the journey but in the end its who you bring with you along the way that gives it all meaning and makes all the difference in the world.