Prepare & Adjust

"We spending our whole lives worrying about the future. Planning for the future. Trying to predict the future. As if figuring it out will showhow cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and our wildest hopes. But one thing is certain, when it finally reveals itself, the future is never the way we imagined it." I often find myself at times waiting for the future. Planning. Dreaming. Hoping. Wishing. But here is the truth.. the dirty truth. You can plan, dream, hope and wish but most often than not the future never turns out the way you imagine it. Sometimes it turns out completely terrible and sometimes it turns out even better than you ever could imagine it. This life is about one thing, living. And I have found you can plan your future day by day moment by moment or you can chose to just live it as it comes. Prepare and adjust to changes, challenges, and struggles as they come. You can chose to sit back and wait - wait to have the college loan - house loan - car loan to be paid off. Wait to retire - wait to get the perfect job - house - mate. wait... wait... wait... But the thing about waiting is... something will always come up to make you keep waiting. The time will never be perfect. The fact is this life isn't meant to be perfect. So you might as well stop wasting your time til it is perfect. This is your life happening now. In this moment. And your time clicks away second by second as you sit and wait for whatever it is your waiting for before you can do this or that. Live in the moment and let the future come to you when it comes and be prepared and ready to adjust your course of living as it comes. So get the crazy thought of things being perfect out of your head, and accept the fact that you have no choice where this journey will take you but your choice is held in the attitude you live by and how you adjust your life to what life brings to you. "We spend alot of time focused on the future, planning it, working toward it. But at some point you start to realize your life is happening now. Right now. This is it. It's here. Blink and you'll miss it."

Embrace Change

Change happens so slowly, that you don't know if your life is getting better or worse until one day you happen to notice that it is in fact better. Somewhere between wondering when will this change get better and struggling through that change the tide changed. Without you even realizing it, thats one of life's great mysteries. How things can change without us really knowing when it happened or how it happened. It just well happened.

Time has away of taking things away from us, some in ways we wish it would just hurray up already and in other ways we wish we were never robbed of such moments, feelings and memories. And that's the thing about life if we want to ditch the bad then we can't expect to hold onto the good. You have to take life as it comes, you can't just embrace and live for the days where the sun is shinning down upon you, you also have to live for the days where you are casted amongst the rocks. Life is a two sided coin - you take one within the other.

So you might as well learn the lessons, experience the growth and become in those moments you wish you could escape. For each moment has something to offer us - even if you don't believe it or see it. It offers you a chance to learn. to grow and to become. Life is about constant change - no use in fighthing against this - its a battle you will never win. Instead embrace the change. Sit with the pain and hurt. Explore this moment instead of running from it. Besides running away will never make you free, and sooner or later you will have to deal with what your running away from. You always have a choice in the matter and that choice is your attitude and your outlook on life. You have a choice to learn grow and become or to stay the same. Why stay the same when you are meant to be more. In order to be more you have to learn grow and become. And yes, that mainly comes from things like change, struggle, hurt, loss, challenges, and pain. So embrace it, and let it become apart of you, let your weaknesses one day before a strength.

Living and Learning

"He who learns must suffer. Even in our sleep pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair and against our will comes wisdom by the awful grace of God." - Aeschylus

Isn't that the truth!?! Living is about learning and chances are the learning and the growing involves struggling, pain, changes and challenges. No getting around it.

"Every experience adds a new thread a new color - a new stage to this tapestry of my life. As I work the threads I gain new perspective. The tug and pull; the challenges shape the fabric what was once unraveled is now being rewoven. The past and the present flow together into the design. The loom never stops the process continues."

We learn from each moment this life grants us. Lessons we sometimes accept with open arms and invite them to stay awhile while others we find ourselves saying why do I keep learning lesson I have no desire to learn or know. Yet at other times we refuse with every single part of us to learn and grow from. But the truth is this - this world - this life its bigger than us... and its your job to keep living as fully as you can no matter what is thrown at you - no matter what challenges lie ahead - no matter what your loss is - no matter how much you think you can't do something it is your duty to keep going. Because you were blessed with this one life and its gift is not to be wasted on self-pity, self doubt, or simply doing nothing when the going gets tough. Sometimes you find yourself at ends because you don't know where to go - what to do you find yourself wanting a cheat sheet wishing for some Lewis and Clark figure to come guide you out of the forest and onto a paved path. I will provide you with a little Lewis and Clark 101 info... They didn't have a map!! They wrote it as they went along. And the same applies to you - don't have a map write it yourself. Take your life in your hands. Don't know the way well who does - only the ones that play it safe. And what kind of life would that be if you were always walking where everyone else was walking. The good views are found in unexpected places and trust me never found on the safe paved path.

So in the end its this simple. Stop seeing the mountain. Stop piling on the excuses whatever they might be. Stop seeing the mountain and start climbing. One step and then another - climb the mountain. Do something. Life and Time wait for no one no matter what has happened - it doesn't matter who you are. So learn the lessons - grow - become and getting moving forward. The future in front of you is where your headed to now not the past that lies behind you.

Sharing a saying

"LOVE your CrAzY, unbelievable, challenging, side-splitting, spontaneous, improbable, unpredictable, exasperating, absurd, delicious, abundant, inspiring, soulful, joyous, big hearted, daring, jaw dropping, beautiful LIFE."

Came across this quote today, thought I would share. I think it speaks for itself. No comment on my part needed.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

Have you ever stopped and looked around. Have you ever just truly saw your life. The life that you get to live everyday. Have you ever?? Today as I was taking the lift up to the summit with the crisp air stinging my face and starring down at the Flathead Valley below, as I was making fresh tracks in the soft cotton like snow with a view that will bring you to tears... it hit me. This is my life. And what I have found it doesn't need to be in some paradise setting... you don't need to travel places to feel it. You just have to open you eyes to the beauty that surrounds you... in your everday life.... Let me tell you a secret... THIS IS YOUR LIFE. THESE ARE YOUR MEMORIES. AND its the PEOPLE that surround you near or far (together or apart) that make it - that make your life beautiful. Its the constants... the ones that are always there. the ones that never leave. the ones that walk with you in the darkness and laugh with you in the sun. the ones who never turn their backs, the ones who know just being you is enough. the ones who see you when you are at times less than that person. the ones who bring out the best in you. the ones who love you and support you. the ones who believe in you. the ones who understand instead of judge. the ones who are there for no reason other than just being there. the ones who carry your story. carry your memories. carry your laughter and smiles. carry your tears and pain.

So you find yourself in aww. That somehow THIS IS YOUR LIFE. THIS IS the LIFE YOU get to LIVE. What a blessing that is, for all of us... no matter what life brings us, takes from us, puts us thru or blesses us... THIS IS YOUR LIFE. I ask you then, when was the last time you thanked your Constants? The friends and family that stand by us through out the years. For you know when you look back on your life and think of the bright spots of the past and even the dark ones... its those Constants that bring meaning to your journey. its those Constants that bring meaning to your life. We wouldn't be here without those people, and if by chance we are... I am betting our life wouldn't have such a depth of a meaning. For who carries our story. our memories. our tears and laughter. our happiness and pain. our love. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

Tomorrows

"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together... There's something you must always remember... YOU ARE BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think... But the most important is... even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."

I came across this quote written on a piece of wood in a shop in Whitefish. I stopped in my tracks and had the erge to buy it. Instead I took a photo of it so I had the quote, I decided I would write a blog on it instead. Can you guess you said this? It was Christopher Robin talking to Winnie the Pooh. I can't help but smile and think. We all want to spend our tomorrow's with the ones we love, but sometimes life has a different plan. Its a fact of life, life hardly ever goes the way you planned or wanted. Times change, people change and we learn how to let go... Or at least we think we learn how to let go. Whether its heartbreak from parting or heartpain (as I call it) from losing someone from this world... We learn how to let go... Let go of tomorrow with them. Its hard and its anything but easy, yet life doesn't give us a choice. So this quote above is what I will know say to all that I love and care about... Its something I want them all to know and remember. So when they face a tomorrow without me, or another loved one they know and hear these words.

Greatest Gift

I believe one of the greatest gifts a person can have is love. Has love in their past, love in the present and the gift of being enable to love others. Love liberates the soul. Love inspires. Love encourages. Love frees. Love changes. Love fuels the soul. Love strenghtens. Love heals. The greatest gift one can give is that of their love. The greatest gift one can receive is that of another's love.

Life is a Classroom.

Sometimes it amazes me how people treat each other. How certain people think they are bigger and better than the rest of us. How they feel they are entitled. But the truth is this, we are all more alike than we are different. We are all here on this earth for the same reason. We are all on the same journey. We are all learning as we go. So the next time you find yourself judging or thinking this or that. Remember we are all just living this life the best we know how. No one is entitled to have more. No one's life means more. If anything we should be learning from others. As Maya Angelou said, "life is a classroom - let your life be a lesson for others." If we can learn from each other and grow from each other our lives will be better off. This world will be better off. For sometimes the hardest thing to do is live our lessons and our teachings. But if one can be better for it, if one can grow from it, if one can learn from our failures and life lessons I feel it brings meaning to that person's life as well as our own.

F**king Perfect.

Every once in awhile a song is played and that song becomes my theme song for the year. In the past it's been such songs like Sugarland's Settlin' and Jewel's Stronger Woman. This year's winner belong's to my favorite female bad *ss P!NK. (in advance I say sorry for the foul language...but sometimes its just a must to get a point across - SORRY MOM). When I pick a song as a theme to life it usually is a song that brings inspiration and strength that it's okay if life's not perfect. It's okay if you have messed up or failed. It's ok if your life isn't how you thought it would be or what you dreamed it to be... It's a battle cry saying most of the time that being you is just enough and your life is perfect because its your life. We all need those reminders in life, to help us let go of the dreams of life we had and live the reality of the life that is set before us. So in the words of P!NK.

"Made a wrong turn - once or twice. Dug my way out - blood and fire. Bad decisions - that's alright. Welcome to my silly life. Mistreated this place. Misunderstood - miss knowin' it's all good. It didn't slow me down. Mistakin' - always second guessin' - Understimatin' - look I'm still around. Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than... f**kin' perfect. Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel...like you're nothin' you're f**kin' perfect to me.

You're so mean - when you talk, about yourself, you were wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead. So complicated - look how we all make it. Filled with so much hatred - such a tired game. It's enough. I've done all I can think of. Chased down all my demons. I've seen you do the same. Pretty pretty please... don't ever ever feel... like you're less than f**kin' perfect.... Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like you're nothin' - you're f**kin' perfect to me.

The whole worlds scared. So I swallow the fear. The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer. So cool in line. And we try try try. And it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics. Cause they're everywhere. They don't like my jeans. They don't get my heair. Strange ourselves. And we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do we do that? Pretty pretty please... don't ever ever feel like you're less than f**kin' perfect... Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel. like your nothin'... you're f**kin' perfect to me."

So live your life. Messy or clean. You fail or fall down screw it get back up - live and learn. No one is keeping score. Having a storybook life is well boring if you ask me. Life is an adventure. It's a ride that should make us hold on for dear life - finding us scared to death one moment and screaming from the top of our lungs letting go and enjoying the ride. We have to have the twists and turns. We have to have the peaks and the valleys. We have to have the days where we find ourselves soaring in the bright blue sky of our successes as well as feeling we are being tossed by the waves of life and thrown against the rocks of our failures. Life is an endless game of give and take. All we can do is be the best we can be. And no matter what live this life. Why not find reasons everyday to LOVEthisLIFE... If its a crappy ride at the moment whats there really to lose and if its a grand ride at the moment well you can only gain more. Here's to the F**king Perfect lives we live... even if we don't think they are. I am singing (prolli a bit off key)for you to hear... "Pretty pretty please... Don't you ever ever feel like you're less than - f**kin' perfect... Pretty pretty please... if you ever ever feel like you're nothin' ... You're f**kng perfect to me!"

1.1.11.

Happy New Year. We said goodbye to 2010 at midnight and hello to 2011. As we reflect upon the last 365 days of this past year we think of our losses and our gains. We think of our tears and our smiles. We think of our trials and our triumphs. We hope that our laughter out weighs our sorrow. That our mistakes and failures are learning stepping stones to help us grow and become one step closer to who we are meant to be. That our hate in our life is weakened by the love in our life. That we know fully of the blessings in our life. We hope that upon reflecting of all that has happened in 2010 we take it all in full circle for it has lead us to this new year. Though we have walked in times of darkness we know we have never been fully alone. Though we have felt the coldness that life can be we have also felt the warmth of love and support of others. Though we have been knocked down we have found ourselves standing up and brushing ourselves off. We have found that though life can be tough, we can truly be tougher.

As we embark on this new year of 2011, I wish you all 365 days of moments that make you feel blessed and loved to just be you. I wish you a year filled with changes and challenges to help you grow and become. I wish you the comfort and support from those around you. I wish you the peace and understanding in moments of trial and struggle. And above all I wish for you to know and realize the gift it is to to simply be breathing and alive. And the gift it is to just be you. Life is never perfect and neither are we, but we can enjoy the ride of life and live perfectly as outselves. Here's to 2011. Happy New Year.

Moments

We all have those moments where we feel our hearts will burst open. where we find ourselves over come with emotions. Where tears form and we fight to hold back. Where we feel just simply grateful and blessed to live the simple everyday life that makes up who we are. I believe everyone has a story. And within that story lessons. And within those lessons a life that matters. To me those moments where we find ourselves in such a state its then that our heart is smiling and above all happy. It is in these moments where we hear oursevles thinking what did I ever do to become so blessed. What did I ever do to have all of this. What did I ever do to have such people in my life. It is in these moments where we say to ourselves thank for this moment. Thank you for this life. Thank you for this journey. It is in these moments to me makes life worth living. It is what makes life worthwilded. Simply Moments. When was the last time you found yourself in one. When was the last time you stopped and paused looked up above and whisper thank you. When was the last time you thanked those special souls in your life that make simple everyday moments special? When was the last time you felt your heart was going to burst? When was the last time you found yourself over come with emotions? When was the last time tears formed and you fought to hold them back.

This life is quite a ride isn't it. But it could be over in a moment. In a flash. In a second. So I wish to you to go out there and live as many simple everyday moments you possibly can with the beings who mean the most to you. I pray that you realize the blessing your life is. I pray that you realize that your being matters. I pray that you realize your story matters, your journey matters, your life matters. And I pray you realize that the simple people in your life matter to your story - your journey - your life. I pray you know the blessings in your life and when to speak thanks to those blessings. Don't wait til the end. Don't wait til its too late. For this holiday season I wish to you a simple life with simple moments with simlpe (important) people that will simply make your life complete.

Life is Good

Over the Thanksgiving weekend we gathered as a Family. Before we ate Brittaney said a prayer. After the prayer Paul decided to thank his family for the helping of getting ready and moving into their new house. He finished with saying thank you mom and dad - we did it all just in time because in May you are going to be grandparents. So we are thrilled and happy to say the first Goldmann Grandchild will arrive in May.

It has been a year of an unknown journey. We stared walking in this path of uncertaintly but have found blessings and things and people to be grateful for all along the way. We said our thanks for those special thoughts and feelings we hold in our hearts for the people who have touched our hearts and left us never the same. We have found smiles across our mouths, felt love in our hearts and tears of joy running down our faces. We truly have found many reasons to LOVEthisLIFE. And hearing the news that our family will grow by one only adds to the joy and happiness in our lives.

This child that will soon come (that I have named Mort til May) is already being spoiled. We talk about him/she constantly, gifts have already started to be bought and talks of plans dreams and things to do when he or she arrives have been talked about. Like everyone else we don't care or mind if its a boy or a girl because whatever which it will be Mort will be loved with an endless love by soo soo many.

Life is all about new beginnings. Nothing stays the same. Change is something that can always be counted upon. Some we struggle with accepting while others we fully embrace. The birth of the Goldmann Baby (Mort) is something we extend our arm out for and cant cross off the days fast enough. CONGRATS Paul & Shonna(Robert-O and Yanni)!!! I can't wait to be the wild crazy loving fun take too many pictures buy too many things spoil too much let you get away with murder Aunt Chelle. Life is good!

PS Not all are thrilled with the name Mort til May... but Baby just doesn't cut it for this Aunt. So I say that name filled with happiness joy and love.

Grandma Tillie with her daughters on Turkey Day.

Soon to be Granny getting a look at her Grandchild (Mort) with proud Shonna looking on

The Goldmanns and the Zanders with Grandma Tillie ... YES that is ME supporting the fohawk and the dark dark hair. WHY NOT I say. its only this length for awhile why not have fun with it. Not sure about the dark its sure a change from my golden blonde locks but time will tell what it will be. For now I love how it takes me a matter of seconds to get ready. And yes I am completely aware of the fact that I could pass for a 15 year boy. IT WAS WORTH IT and I would shave it in a heart beat if I had to do it all over again.

There's a reason.

"This isn't what I want, but I'll take the high road. Maybe it's because I look at everything as a lesson, or I don't want to walk around angry. Or maybe it's because I finally understand. There are things we don't want to happen, but have to except; things we don't want to know, but have to learn, and people we can't live without, but have to let go."

We have no true say over the outcome of this life or the lessons-struggles-challenges and trials we have to go thru. Nor do we know the joys happiness and love it holds. We don't know what we have to face to grow and to become. We don't know what it will cost us to see what we have gained. We don't know our limits until we test our reach. We don't know our strength until we know our true weakness. The ride of life can be a scary rollarcoaster. We can find ourselves holding on with every ounce of our being and then throwing our hands up and loving every minute of the ride - screaming our heads off in terror one minute and the next with excitement. Sometimes we want to go again and again while other times we can't wait for the ride to end. Whatever ride we are on in this moment we endure. We carry on. For if I truly believe in anything in this life its that everything happens for a reason even if that reason takes a lifetime to understand. There's a reason. NO matter how long it takes to know this reason no matter if we find ourselves in the sunshine of happiness or the darkness of the unknown we must grasp this life right now and live it with every part of our being. For we are growing and becoming and that's truly what our lives are all about.

Blink of an eye

Blink of an eye... a saying that holds some much life meaning. Yet you don't realize just how powerful it really is until you find yourself in a moment where you say my life changed in the blink of an eye.

How often do we go about our lives in a routine. We are use to doing this and then this... going here going there. Seeing so and so and then seeing someone else. We get use to life being well life. And we don't mean too but often find that we take for granted life and esp the people that are in it. Tomorrow is promised to no one yet we talk everyday like its a for sure thing. The truth is tomorrow just might not happen for you or for me or for so and so. When was the last time you called up the people in your life and told them the meaning they have brought to your life. When was the last time you made time out of your day for someone you love just to let them know how much you love them. We are busy. We have work. We have a to do list. We have a house to clean-supper to cook and child to raise. But if you stopped for one moment and thought about it...in the end it all doesn't matter. It all comes back to the people in our lives and the love we have for those people. Today...TODAY they are here. Today they are smiling laughing breathing and living...TODAY... and tomorrow well they just might not be. And usually we only discover such a life secret once its too late. Once that person is gone. The person we thought would always be there tomorrow. So don't wait til tomorrow what can be done today. Don't wait to see your life change in a BLINK of an EYE.

***My thoughts and prayers are with Jamie and Tom Petrie and their family...esp Grandpa Bob. I pray that you are granted the time to just be with Bob and fill his moments with lots of love.***

2010

Its a New Year. A new 365 days that now await to be lived. As I sit here and type I am unaware of what 2010 will hold for me. I don't know of its happiness and sorrow or if its lessons and growth. Change has never been something easy in this life, yet I hope to embrace whatever life changes come my way. I hope to see the goodness in life's darkness. I hope to laugh triple the times I cry. I hope that my mess ups, mistakes and failures force to me grow and to become more and not less. I hope that my words and actions are kind to those who surround me. I hope that I bring joy and pride into the lives that I know not hurt and shame. I hope that the regrets that I carry lighten as I make my way thru this journey of life--but yet never to the point that I don't remember. I hope I can forgive those who hurt me or let me down in the same breath I hope that I am granted forgiveness from those that I hurt and let down. I hope I am blessed with friendship from old and new friends. I hope that I am given the gift of living another 365 days. I hope that 2010 will be even better than 2009. I hope I find the gifts and blessings in each day of this year. I hope that this year I will settle more into myself. Be more confident, more understanding, more kind, more giving. I hope I become more of the person I am meant to be with each day. And more than anything I hope to improve the quality of life in each person that shares this life with me. I hope that my imprint in their life is one worth holding onto and then I hope that -that person pays it forward to someone else. I hope this world becomes a bit more because of the lives that show understanding, kindness, love and hope.

2009 is over, and what has been done has been done, what has been said has been said. There's no changing or taking back. But what is given to us is a new start, a new day, a new year. How we spend it is up to Me, to You...to All. Thou actions can't have a redo nor can the words we spoke be cleared. But maybe just maybe what we have learned from such moments can help us to grow. And maybe just maybe help us find a way to right a wrong. I sit at the edge of my chair with excitement of what a new year will hold. I am excited to embrace all that comes to my life in this new year. And I hope that somewhere you are too. I don't make a new year's resolution. Because mostly they never last past March. What I do make is a promise to myself that this year will top last years. That I will laugh triple the times I cry. That I will find ways to better myself and esp the lives that surround me. That I will grow and become more from my mess ups, mistakes and failures. That I will improve the quatlity of life of those around me. That I embrace the changes life brings to me. That the changes are ones that help me grow and become. That I am granted the 365 days of 2010 to live...and to live those days well.

Morning Sunrises...

I feel like this is the most beautiful time of the day that is completely un-rated. While I love sunsets I have a huge weakness for sunrises. There is so much beauty and hope as the sun rises. A new day, a new start, a new beginning, a new chance, a new challenge...So much promise can be found as I look at the way the colors the sun casts with its rays that affects everything as it reflects upon the trees, water, buildings, mountains, and the landscape that surrounds me. It is really one of the purest things on this earth...and most well many miss it because they are still covered up sleeping in bed.

The sight of it makes me relax and just breathe----and let go..My goal is to see the sun rise in people, to see that beauty in the human spirit in everyone that I encounter...Esp the ones that are hard to understand, that are challenging to know and sometimes love. I feel that everyone has beauty in them...but we as people choose to see what is right in front of our eyes in that moment...and forget about the sunrises and sunsets that are amazing in one's soul.

For you see not everyone awakes in time to see how each day begins...it is touched by the hand of greatness and is given to us at dawn to do with this day anything we want...its a gift that only comes once...and if you are lucky you are granted another the next day...but TODAY will never be again...days may come close to it but never completely the same...Like sunrises and sunsets...what lies before your eyes is something rare and filled with beauty that can only be found in that moment and once its gone...it will never come again.

LIFE

We never know where this life will take us.
We never know when we will take our last breathe.
Life is an endless ride thru the ups, downs, curves and coasting down the road.
We smile, we laugh, we dream, we fail, we cry, we fall, we try, we struggle.
We search for the answers, we search for the reasons, we search for ourselves.
We make those we love proud-we also let them down and at times hurt.
We try so hard to be perfect but only truly are perfectly imperfect.
LIFE...its right now in this moment...the sand is slowly falling thru your hands.
LIFE...it doesn't lie in the past...and tomorrow you can't count on for sure having.
LIFE...its easy to see the good in it when the tide is goin your way.
LIFE...to see the true beauty in it...it has to be tough.
LIFE...how are you living yours?
LIFE...its short and here and gone before you know it...are you where you want to be?
LIFE...who ever said THEY know the way? THEY know the answers? THEY are right??
Who are THEY anyways??
LIFE...its yours to use or waste away.
LIFE...its today...its right now...and it won't stop or wait for you!

Nature...

The snow is falling softly down from a white gray sky. As the snow blankets my surroundings, I stare out my window and just look at the world that lies outside my double sliding glass windows. Why does everything look perfect covered in snow? The white flakes hide the brown grass, the mud and muck...Everything that is exposed as its true being come Spring is right now in a word perfect...flawless...in fact it simply takes your breath away by the site that lies before your eyes...In this moment...I sit in Silence...for in this moment...I am in Peace...I am in a state of Grace...All the chaos, the stresses, the worries, the drama, the fears....have faded.

I am not sure what the connection Nature has on me...but I feel like it understands me...not only does it understand me...it understands life....it knows what truly matters...The beauty in nature is that its just not for me or for you...but for all of us...We can all find ourselves...Its in a perfect sunset with a mixture of blues, purples, reds, and oranges....Its in the crashing and constant beating of the waves hitting the shore....Its in softly falling snowflakes gently covering the ground....Its in a never ending crisp cold wind that never lets up....Its in a thunderstorm fuming thru the country side...Its in a raging sea tossing a ship back and forth....Its a bright colorful rainbow stretchin its arch across the land...Its in a perfectsunny day with its rays warming your skin....I have been places and have taken in nature sights that leave you paralyzed of speech...For taking in such sights is a moment when you know you aren't seening with your eyes but you with your soul....

I remember such things and places...The first time I felt the sand between my toes standing on one of Australia's many many amazing beaches....The first time I felt the cool ocean mist spray my face...The first time I stood at the Summit of Big Mountain and took in the view of the Flathead Mountain Range....The first time I saw a sky painted a shade of pink and purple over the Maine Coast...The first time my eyes took in the Great Barrier Reef waters, where I saw the blues and greens mix together to form a horizon I have never seen since....The first time I took in a sunset on the Coast of Oregon, that left me tryin to figure out where the ocean stopped and the sky started....The first time I saw the rushing streams that formed a waterfall....The first time I gazed at the stars under a midnight sky in Australia....knowing that I would never see those stars so bright and clear anywhere else....The first time I stood and looked up at a snowghost in the FiSH...The first time I got soaked by the pouring rain in Sydney but not wanting to be inside..I just walked around the Harbour-for the rain made the city even more amazing....The first time I chased after a thunderstorm to photograph the lightning striking the ground and just listening to the loud thunder roll....The first time...those are moments you want to last forever...for you stand there and you find your life in those sights...in those moments...and in a world that you seem you can never catch your breath...time even if its just for a second stops...You forget about everything and you are swept over with a blanket of peace.

The thing about nature is...its all around us...we just have to be willing to slow down long enough to take it in and really see it....For you see if you do...it could change you...no it will change you....life can be understood in such sites...your life...you can pour out your soul to nature without even a whisper having to be spoken....and better yet it might hold the answers you are in search for...but the key is you have to be willing to take the time to see the beauty not just in something flawless and perfect but especially in the imperfect, in the raging, in the ugly...Once you are able to do that...it will speak to your soul in a way that no words could ever describe and bring meaning to things you never thought could have meaning...it will wash out and cleanse your soul...it will refresh you...it will just get you to breathe..to try..to fight..to hold on..to not give in..to value..to see that the storms come but they also pass...the tide does turn...the imperfect will someday be perfect...Nature...its all around us...and its completely free...you don't have to venture off to the beaches of Australia or to the mountains of Montana...you simply have to go outside...its waiting to share...waiting to be seen...waiting to show you the answers....its just waiting....

life is never how you want it

In one hour and twenty minutes my 28th birthday will have been here and gone...I am not a birthday person and prolli never will be...somewhere lost in the lights tree santa and the big new year eves kisses lies my birthday...and every year my gifts are found in the faces of those that I love...my happiness is found in those smiles...if that's how happiness is based than I would be the happiest person in this world...because I know I am surrounded by amazing people..I wish that's how it goes...but well its like this when u you are little you have this image of what your life will be like...and I am not about followin plans or a guide line but I also never would have thought I would be 28 and find myself where I am at today. I never thought my failures would out weigh my success. I never thought that I would value others happiness before mine. I never would have thought so many things...but hey that's life it is never how you planned it or thought it would be...I am not sure where my life is going or what I am suppose to be doin...I am still finding my way...I am still in search of that place that I belong...and hopefully one day I will find myself wrapped around my own personal happiness and not someone elses. Hopefully one day I will find a place that I truly belong...so that's my birthday wish...does me sayin it out loud mean it will never come true?? I hope not. Ya life is never what you want it to be or dream it to be...but hopefully someday if you hang on...thru all the crap muck tears it will be even more...here's to hopin!!

one day...i hope

Some people are lucky some people aren't. Some people love some hate. Some people have never had a bad thing happen others aren't so lucky. Some people are happy some aren't. Some people talk some don't. Some people you think you have all figured out---but you don't..Some people hide behind masks some just wear them. Some people see the glass of life half full some see it half empty. Some people you know right away when something is wrongs others you have no clue. Some people have it together some don't..and even others who seem they do and truly don't.

What's my point...my point is you never know by what you think you see or hear. The only true way is to ask and then truly listen. Because life can be crappy at times and how people deal with things they must face diff and are never the same. And I have come to realize that I can't judge anyone but myself. I can only walk in my shoes but I hope I can always view life from other angles.

I hope that I can understand more than not understand. I hope I love more than I hate. I hope I look forward more than I look behind. I hope I can smile thru tears. I hope I can learn from each fall mess up and failure. I hope I become someone who people can count on and less of someone who they never can lean on. I hope I can let go move on. I hope I don't let things and people define me. I hope to be more with each day I walk this earth. I hope I am always try to be the friend I have always wanted to have. I hope I do more good than bad. I hope that some day I am forgiven for all the wrong all the hurt for all the failure for all the mistakes. I hope than my life is worth more than my bank account. And more importantly I hope that all the wrong turns all the mistakes all the tears all the pain all the what ifs all the delays-detours all of the negative in my life will one day make me more because I went thru it because I didn't let those moments put a border on my life. I hope there's a reason for all of it for every moment. Because if there isn't...than really what's the point to this journey we call life?? There has to be reason...for all of us!! Each story of life thru the darkness and light. Thru smiles and tears...one day it will all pull together.