Monday, May 5, 2008

Clouds are out...but the sun still shines.

Have you ever wonder how your days are filled? I wonder what makes a good day, a great day...the best day? and what makes a bad day, an average day, a worse day? Is it the events that unfold during that day? Is it the attitude that we face that day with? Is there reason behind it or is there no reasons at all? I have never been one to ride the fence on anything esp the way I live my life...You will find me flyin up as a kite 95 percent of the time. I usually can go full out until I run out...sort of life style. I know this and admit this because that is me. And anyone that knows me can tell you this. I will also admit that when I hit my buttom its tough for me and on but I bounce back pretty quickly. Mostly because I don't allow myself to stay down for long because in a way I have no idea how to be me when I am there. But lately I do sit the fence. I could prolli count the number of bad-worse days I have ever had. Because well it takes a lot for me to have them to the point where I would call it such a day. However that doesn't mean I haven't had my cloudy yet sun shining bright thru the clouds sort of days...
If I were to be completely honest with myself I would have to agree that life right now...well it doesn't suck like a cloudy gloomy stormy day...but its also no bright blue bird cloudless sunny day. In a way the pictures show just what its like. I know its a stage in life we all have to go thru...that time where we must challenge ourselves to find our place in this world. Its a time to take a different route or path. Its a time to grow into yourself all over again...yourself right now. A time to find yourself...a part of you that is still out there awaiting you to find her... You question things...should I have done this instead of that? should I have done more? should I find yourself replaying your moves rite after college and you wonder if you made all the rite moves? OR did I miss a move or not make the rite move? AND if so would have that made a huge difference where I sit now or would I still be here thinking and question-ing things. I feel that with ever human life we question our moves to now...that doesn't mean in any way we regret...The truth is I don't regret the life journey that I have taken thus far...nor will i EVER!! because I feel I have always ended up rite where I belong and always will if I trust in my journey. BUT that doesn't mean I don't question things or think about things.
I prolli in a way sometimes do way too much of both. Yet I am confident life just has a way...HOW?? because this get me to stop question-ing and thinking and just start living this life. Did I ever think that I would be 27 and where I am at rite now? NO...but I also never would have thought I would venture off to Australia solo or move to Whitefish where I didn't know a soul. I never would have thought I would double major and then go on to get my masters. I never thought I would one day be thought of as someone good enough to take senior, baby and wedding portraits. I NEVER WOULD HAVE THOUGHT...with alot of things in my life...Some may say that I am living the real job, a wander, someone who might be viewed as wild-untamed and so on...but sometimes the grass isn't as always as green as it looks. For if i know anything its that each of us still faces life challenges and changes no matter what it looks like for the outside looking in....I have never taken a path or a route that was thought as of NORM. Never and I am confident that I NEVER WILL. Not because I think that i better or too good to take that way...but because I know I will never find myself on that journey--i have tried...and on a path that is well marked and directed...I have never felt so lost as I did durin those moments.
On the up side I know I don't even bother with tryin to take such a way now...the down tend to have days like this...SO...I close my eyes and feel my heart beat...I listen deep to my tells me to SMILE, to LAUGH, to keep walking, to keep dreaming, to keep moving, to stop thinking, to stop question-ing, to have faith, to believe, to trust that some how even when I don't think I know where I am goin...I DO. The clouds may be out...but the sun is shining brightly thru. I am rite where I am meant and suppose to be. I will see soon, I will understand and soon realize how it all comes together. I live by the words that I know and give to others who find themsleves in the same lake but not the same boat as me. LET GO LET GO...and just isn't meant to be understood...just lived.