Sunday, December 26, 2010
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Monday, December 13, 2010
"Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough."
"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
"Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment."
"For everyone of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody there to show you the way out."
"I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear."
"I have alot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly."
"It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down the spirit within - that you can begin to take control."
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."
"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams."
"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the into the complete person you were intended to be."
"TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM."
"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. USE IT. Dwell in possibility."
"What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine."
"What I know is, is that if you do work that you love, and the work fulfills you, the rest will come."
"When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes."
"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
"You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it."
"I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk."
"I believe that everyone is a keeper of a dream - and by turning into one another's secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents and better lovers."
"So go ahead fall down, the world looks different from the ground."
Sometimes we need be reminded of the gift of just living is. Sometimes we need be reminded of things we truly know but tend to forget - go un-noticed or we don't even think about it.Sometimes we need Oprah to speak it for us to realize it and know it.
Sunday, December 12, 2010
This life is quite a ride isn't it. But it could be over in a moment. In a flash. In a second. So I wish to you to go out there and live as many simple everyday moments you possibly can with the beings who mean the most to you. I pray that you realize the blessing your life is. I pray that you realize that your being matters. I pray that you realize your story matters, your journey matters, your life matters. And I pray you realize that the simple people in your life matter to your story - your journey - your life. I pray you know the blessings in your life and when to speak thanks to those blessings. Don't wait til the end. Don't wait til its too late. For this holiday season I wish to you a simple life with simple moments with simlpe (important) people that will simply make your life complete.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
My Grandma Koch's butter cut-out cookies with homemade frosting.
Decorating the house and the tree with my Mom.
Shoving the drive way with my Dad and Brothers (ok me watching while they mostly shove.)
The family gathering at my aunt and uncle's farm-ranch west of Mandan.
My aunts and cousins singing Christmas Carols all night long.
Home made Christmas Stocking sewed by Grandma Koch.
The angel fruit cake Granny always baked.
The count down to Christmas my Mom always did and still does from my brothers and I.
Mass at midnight.
Jumping over a bonfire in cold winter weather.
Driving to Mandan - Bismarck usually in not advised driving conditions for Christmas
A hot cup of friendship tea, apple cidar and hot cocco.
Lighting the Blessing Circle full of candles each holidng a blessing for that year.
Gathering for the holidays at 1003 Lohstreter
The massive Christmas Village that my Grandma started to collect and put up that now is displayed at my aunt's.
Baking cookies with my mom, Grandma, aunt and cousins.
Christmas mornings spent at 1703 Monte Dr with Granny and Gramps
A big family all gathered in a small room to open gift.
A wrapping paper throwing fight (that usually involved everyone throwing at Aunt Karla).
Christmas music playing 24/7.
Putting lights up in weather you swear will freeze your fingers off.
Watching my father try to find where my mother hid the Christmas Cookies.
Playing family board games and cards.
Eating a massive meal including a deep fried turkey (LOVE IT).
Watching Christmas movies... even the cheezzy ones on Lifetime and Hallmark.
Saying quotes from Christmas movies.
Trying to figure out which gifts are who's since my mother refuses to put tags on gifts til we open them.
Helping my mom make gifts using her crafty skills (I usually watch and try to help).
But mostly Christmas is to me Family. Whether it means being with all of those family members, just a few or being away but thinking about them. To me that is what the holidays is all about. Family. Thou I have missed last Christmas and again this Christmas it brings me joy knowing that they will all gather together. That somewhere all those things I listed up above are taking place. They continue on even if I am not there. For its tradition- Christmas and Family. And knowing that it all continues on makes missing it a little less hard. Because I know from 27 Christmases prior of the laughter, the smiles, the happiness, the joy and the love that happens when my family both the Goldmann and the Koch sides gather. And in the end Christmas is and always should be about family to me.
Wishing you all a Merry Christmas.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Two of these women I would give anything to meet no longer walk this earth. I remember just where I was when I heard that Princess Di had passed away. I was in shock and I cried like it was my aunt my best friend had died. I stayed up to watch her funeral live only to find out it was to re-play at a normal time (oh and I had a big basketball game that night prolli wasn't me best choice). But I had to, for this woman changed my life in ways I can't describe or in many ways even know. Without knowing her or ever meeting her yet she still found a way to change me for the good.
Today will be one of those days I will forever remember, at the age of 61 Elizabeth Edwards lost her battle with breast cancer. Now why may you ask would this middle age woman mother of 4 from North Carolina mean so much to me? How could such a simple woman change and impact my life? Maybe because when I first saw the Edwards I felt like they were the next Camlot taking over where the Kennedy's left. But the truth is it was just her grace. Of a woman who knew the truth to this life and had knowledge to share. Things she was saying were worth hearing and remembering. When I found she had stage four breast cancer I almost wasn't able to catch my breath and it had come back for good years later. When her first book Saving Grace hit the shelves I read it in a day. Um unheard of for me way back in 2007. Her book Resilience in 2010 was the same.
She inspired me by how she always lived. Thru the loss of a son, her husband's affair, a divorce, battling cancer and then kowing she would someday lose that battle with cancer. Thru it all she lived her life with dignity, compassion, humor and above all grace. She was a woman who often took the high road. Who always found the silver lining and faced life with a positive attitude. How many of us do that? She never lowered hereself than less of who she truly was. How many of us can say that? How many of us can say just that going thru all of that in the public eye? She was one who only spoke when she knew what she wanted to say. She waited to talk til she gathered her thoughts and emotions so she didn't have regrets. She was honest and was out to live her best life on her terms even with battling terminal cancer. She was a woman of grace. A woman we could all learn something from. A woman I am blessed to learn thru her life's journey. Thou not a perfect one but one that was worth living and now remembering. She was a woman that reminds me alot of my own mother who strangly also is battling stage four breast cancer. A woman who also inspires me and lives her life with complete grace. A woman who thinks before she talks and has much knowledge to share. A woman that takes the high road and finds the silver lining. A woman who is out to live her best life...That can't just be by chance? Right?
In the words of Elizabeth Edwards...I hope you live your life with three graces. "The grace of family, friends and faith." I dare you to live a life of grace honestly and dignity. I dare you to find the silver lining. I dare you to take the high road when you are faced with tough challenges and situations. I dare you to live your best life. I dare you to live life on your terms no matter what you are facing. I dare YOU. I end with quote from a song that she often said by Leoard Cohn "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." May the angels lead you into paradise and may Wade be one of those angels. Rest well woman of grace. Rest well.
Well that gal just landed herself a pretty great job All that hard work is paying off. Congrats to her. I couldn't be more happy for you or more thrilled. You earned it YOLANDA. Here's to the ride may it take you just far enough for you to reach and live your dreams.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
It has been a year of an unknown journey. We stared walking in this path of uncertaintly but have found blessings and things and people to be grateful for all along the way. We said our thanks for those special thoughts and feelings we hold in our hearts for the people who have touched our hearts and left us never the same. We have found smiles across our mouths, felt love in our hearts and tears of joy running down our faces. We truly have found many reasons to LOVEthisLIFE. And hearing the news that our family will grow by one only adds to the joy and happiness in our lives.
This child that will soon come (that I have named Mort til May) is already being spoiled. We talk about him/she constantly, gifts have already started to be bought and talks of plans dreams and things to do when he or she arrives have been talked about. Like everyone else we don't care or mind if its a boy or a girl because whatever which it will be Mort will be loved with an endless love by soo soo many.
Life is all about new beginnings. Nothing stays the same. Change is something that can always be counted upon. Some we struggle with accepting while others we fully embrace. The birth of the Goldmann Baby (Mort) is something we extend our arm out for and cant cross off the days fast enough. CONGRATS Paul & Shonna(Robert-O and Yanni)!!! I can't wait to be the wild crazy loving fun take too many pictures buy too many things spoil too much let you get away with murder Aunt Chelle. Life is good!
PS Not all are thrilled with the name Mort til May... but Baby just doesn't cut it for this Aunt. So I say that name filled with happiness joy and love.
Grandma Tillie with her daughters on Turkey Day.
Soon to be Granny getting a look at her Grandchild (Mort) with proud Shonna looking on
The Goldmanns and the Zanders with Grandma Tillie ... YES that is ME supporting the fohawk and the dark dark hair. WHY NOT I say. its only this length for awhile why not have fun with it. Not sure about the dark its sure a change from my golden blonde locks but time will tell what it will be. For now I love how it takes me a matter of seconds to get ready. And yes I am completely aware of the fact that I could pass for a 15 year boy. IT WAS WORTH IT and I would shave it in a heart beat if I had to do it all over again.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
On this month of thanksgiving I am thankful for a million simple things that adds up to everything in my life.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
It takes a special person to do what they do. Not just everyone can do their job. It takes a person with compassion, understanding, kindness and just simply a gentle soul. And I believe each of them are just that and more. They have become not jut care takers and healers but friends and now part of our family. (THEY ALWAYS WILL BE TOO.) They understand our family's humor and they laugh when my father talks well how he talks. We were sure that they would love our top shelf lady but unsure how they would handle the rest of the crazies that lady calls her family, esp the goon, Mark. You see this place is a quiet and calming speak in whispers meditate and relax treatment center now imagine the crazy train that follows Paula. To be honest my family is a circus. We are not normal. We laugh at things we prolli shouldn't. Say things we prolli shouldn't and we are loud crazy and at times a bit out of control then add in the fact that we prolli ask too many questions - have too many concerns - and some of us it takes a while for us to get what they are saying. BUT this staff embraces us. They laugh with us, they sit with us, they answer, they understand, they joke, they smile, and most importantly they get my father's humor and crazy ways and best of all give it right back to him.
Knowing all this - and more - where do you begin to find the words to thank such people? How do you let them know just how grateful you are that they are in your life? How can you let them know the thoughts that lie in your heart? How do you speak the true feelings of your soul? For they are the ones taking care of the woman who always took care of everyone else. They are understanding and taking the time for the woman who has always done just that for everyone else. They are going the extra mile and taking the extra step for a woman who has always gone above and beyond for so many. They are embracing this woman with gentle kindness and strength in a way that is simply just like her. They are guiding and leading this woman thru the darkness and unknown just like she has always done in our lives. We say THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. For this woman may just be another woman to many but to three who call her mom - she is everything to us. And we know she is in the best of hands. We are grateful, this month that has Thanksgiving, for YOU. We are grateful you have all walked into our lives. We are blessed that our mom can have such an amazing place to go and have true heroes taking care of her. THANK YOU. You have made a difference in so many lives and we are blessed to say we are some of those many lives. May you continue to keep making a difference, for we know we aren't the only family that thinks you all belong on the highest shelf.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
"Long live the walls we crashed through - all the kingdom lights shined just for you and me. I was screaming, Long live all the magic we made. And bring on all the pretenders... ONE DAY we will be REMEMBERED...If God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... When they point to the pictures.. Please tell them my name... Long live all the mountains we moved. I HAD the TIME of MY LIFE...with YOU."
To me life is made up of such long live moments. Moments you wish could go on forever. Moments you wished would never end. Moments you wish you could freeze frame and play (live) over and over. To me that is where the true meaning of your life is found.. in these long live moments that bring joy love happiness determination courage laughter strength hope faith understanding friendship growth ... LONG LIVE
Monday, November 1, 2010
When we let Granny go - it was hard but I found my air when I could just be in that house. For she is in every room. You can't help but go there and just be at ease. This month came another change we moved Gramps to a place he can socialize and live with others around him. So its the end of an era in the Goldmann family. We are letting go - and finding new places for the treasures that were collected over a lifetime of 60 years plus. Sometimes I find its hard to throw to donate how could you when so many little things hold a memory. Maybe not to us but to the lives of Granny and Gramps. Many may see just shells but I see them walking (hand in hand) the beaches of Hawaii looking and finding those shells. Many will see just a serving spoon or dish but I see a lady that spent hours and hours in the kitchen cooking the prefect meal for her family. Many may just see souvenirs from somewhere but I see it as something that holds a memory of a trip to Hong Kong to Mexico, to Alaska, to this place and that. For I was told so many stories by two of the greatest story tellers of all and many of those stories were told as they held this or that in their hands. Thou I know the home holds many of those many may see things, we can't possibly keep them all. So we take the ones that holds the strongest memories. For me it was a writing desk that belonged to my Great Aunt. Its the place that my grandmother wrote to me, to my brothers, to my cousins, to my aunts, to my parents, to my distance relatives... A desk that is filled with complete memories of her which will now be my place to write and I couldn't be more honored. Side note it is also the new home for all those many may see items (thou I didn't take them all - some we just had to let go of but I took many that the rest of the family decided to pass on). So call it what you may junk - things you can go without - items that need to be thrown or donated but I see it as treasures that holds the memories of two of the greatest people I will ever know. It holds the love and happiness they gave. And I keep them in hopes one day I may have such a life such a legacy and above all a home to keep such things that will with great hopes be not just a house.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
The candles lighting our way.
Paula with just a few of the Mollmans (Shonna's family). Bonnie, Greg, Margo, Kyle, Shonna and Mason more would have loved to be in the photo and take part in the event however the distance didn't allow. You were there in spirit.
Our black lab, Kobe has become very protective of Mom, barking and not wanting anyone to come close to her on his watch.
We know how to speak in medical terms (fyi this doesn't fully mean we know what we are talking about).
We now look at the calendar in terms of how many chemo treatments are left.
We have felt the compassion support and love from people close far and half ways around the world.
We have found ourselves wrapped in warmth by such caring people while we walk in this unknown darkness.
Found out that Mom can sleep just about anywhere if she has a blanket and pillows (the boat, the camper, the car...just because she's sick doesn't mean she has to miss out.)
We now have excuses if we get pulled over for speeding ---but she has cancer... however this doens't work if she's not in the car with you.
We have a fridge that is never empty because of food constantly being dropped off.
Paula has gained control of the remote over Mark... this doesn't happen.
Thou she's sick with a fever my father still claims she can sit in a tree stand.
Three kids shaved their heads to lead their mother into the darkness in hopes their bald heads will reflect light to guide the way.
We no longer wait to live.
We take part in cancer walks events and runs (and have shirts that say Paula Power)
We cherish simple everyday moments we have with this lady we call Mom and Paula.
Paula has been told the meaning she has given to so many - some in this life never hear such things first hand.
We look forward to chemo treatments because its a social time to visit chat and laugh.
We have met such people like Dr. Addo, Stacey and the rest of the staff at Phoenix Mind and Body and not just think of them as friends but as family.
Paula and Mark have connected back in touch with friends and family.
We have learned to see the gift in today and not wait to say and do til tomorrow.
We have found ourselves walking in the darkness of the unknown but realize just how much life means now in this moment. We live with our soul now. We know the beautiful life holds especially in the darkness.
Most of all thru all the unknowns we wouldn't wish for a do over or a different path. We are growing and becoming as people and as a family. There's a meaning to this journey. There's a reason. And I believe its because since June (Paula) my mother has never been more beautiful and stronger. Since June life didn't seem like we were truly living it... Since June have found we finally have started.
Music always has a way of speaking to me, saying the things I just can't find the words to express... There is a song out there right now that speaks my true feelings when I am told by others on what to do, feel and think...
King of Anything by Sara Bareilles
"keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table, while I look outside.
so many things I'd say if only I were able, but I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by.
You've got opinions, man we're all entitled to 'em...but I never asked.
So let methan you for your time and try not to waste any more of mine, get out of here fast.
I hate to break it to you babe, I'm not drowning here... There's no on here to save...
Who cares if you disagree? YOU ARE NOT ME. Who made you king of anything?
So you dare tell me who to be, who died and made you king of anything?
You sound so innocent, all full of good intent, swear you know best.
But you expect me to jump onboard with you -ride off into your delusional sunset.
I'm not the one who's lost with no direction, oh but you'll never see.
You're so busy making masks with my name on it in all caps.
You've got the talking down... JUST NOT THE LISTENING. (repeat chorus)
All my life I've tried to make everybody happy while I just hurt and hide.
Waiting for someone to tell me it's my turn - to decide.... (repeat chorus x2)
Its a Total Michelle song because if you haven't figured by now I test the limits on what is supposely called normal. And when people start talking like they know what is best for ME (thou if comes from the right spot with good meaning) I think of this song and I find myself biting my tongue not to say the last line in the song... "Let me hold your crown, babe!"
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
There are so many wonders, questions and worries in this world. Will I get married, will I have a baby, will I have a family, will the house be approved, will I get this job, will we move here or there, will I pass this exam, will the retirement fund be big enoug, will it be brown or black, will I fit into this, will he graduate, will she will I find my way, will so and so be alright, will she die, will we have enough money for a vacation this year, will I have the gene that carries this, will I ... will we... will he... will she... The wonders, questions and worries can consume you, can take over your thoughts and mind. So I choose to just live, and let what happens - happens. I choose to focus on this moment now and let the rest work itself out. What will be will be, all you can do is just live.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
To me thats what this life is all about... Really living... so when you get to the end of this life's journey someone will hopefully say she really lived. To me if I can live my life in such a matter and have that be the thing people talk about when I am gone I have done more than a couple of things right in this life. I know I am not going to strike oil or become big and famous BUT I know I will fill each moment of my life with smiles and laughter. I will always search for the unseen, I will always challenge myself to grow and to become. I will always push this life that I am living to its limits, I will reach pass the boundaries that it sets. I will be a little crazy, be a little wild. I will take the no shortcuts in this life. I won't back down from life's fears or sorrows. I will experience every single square foot this life has to offer. It won't matter to me if people call me a nomad or whatever else might come to mind. For I have a mission... I am going to really live this life. I challenge you to do the same. Stop worrying or stressing over things that don't truly matter, instead of being engulfed with work(thou we all have to work it doesn't have to be your life) be consumed by the people in your life. You only get this moment once... Once you have left this earth will they say... YEAH she/he really lived.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
We have no true say over the outcome of this life or the lessons-struggles-challenges and trials we have to go thru. Nor do we know the joys happiness and love it holds. We don't know what we have to face to grow and to become. We don't know what it will cost us to see what we have gained. We don't know our limits until we test our reach. We don't know our strength until we know our true weakness. The ride of life can be a scary rollarcoaster. We can find ourselves holding on with every ounce of our being and then throwing our hands up and loving every minute of the ride - screaming our heads off in terror one minute and the next with excitement. Sometimes we want to go again and again while other times we can't wait for the ride to end. Whatever ride we are on in this moment we endure. We carry on. For if I truly believe in anything in this life its that everything happens for a reason even if that reason takes a lifetime to understand. There's a reason. NO matter how long it takes to know this reason no matter if we find ourselves in the sunshine of happiness or the darkness of the unknown we must grasp this life right now and live it with every part of our being. For we are growing and becoming and that's truly what our lives are all about.
Monday, September 27, 2010
You see you do matter. Your being counts. Your life effects those that are around you now and those that have been. Whether its minor or major your actions your words effect the people around you and thus also effects the entire world. So how are your actions and words effecting the lives around you and the world? Make it a point to make sure its positive. Make sure you are bettering this world and the lives that live this world. Remember you do matter. Your being does count.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
To help celebrate her day I thought what better gift than to hear just how amazing and special you are on your birthday. It would be easy to say that I know many, and I would prolli have to agree. However, thou I know many I don't speak words as such as these prudenly. Not just everyone has penetrated the walls of my inner soul to become one of my journey friends. I save that title for a select few, Bridge you are surely one.
At first glance you will be knocked out by her beauty. Some words like Malibu Barbie just may pop in your mind. She is in fact flawless on her looks. It would be easy to call her a Barbie Doll however if you took the time to know her or even just talk to her you would find that her inner beauty is even more beautiful than the blonde bombshell your eye first meets. She can be sassy, hip with fashion and speak her mind. She may tell you that shirt just isn't you or you need a breath mint. These are just a few traits of her... being her. Her strongest traits however is her gentle. kind. giving. loving soul. She is someone who gives of her time. She is someone who will wrap you in her warmth when you are having one of those days. She is someone that loves with every breath of her being. She is someone who will make you laugh til you cry. She is someone that carries that at home feeling with her because she makes everyone so comfortable being around her. She is someone that truly cares for you as a person. as one of her friends. She is someone that loves her little boy as well as the two children she now considers her own. Being a mom to Will, Tommy and Syd comes so natural to her. She loves with both roots and wings. Meaning she allows her children to grow and become with her love. She doesn't ground them with rules or laws. Such moms are rare to find. She is a gal that would rather have a budlight than a fancy drink. She is a gal that would rather have a backyard BBQ than a five star restaurant. She can rock a ball gown on a friday night as much as holey jeans and a paint covered shirt on sunday afternoon. So much a small town girl at heart (even thou she's always been a city girl) that loves the simple things in life. She is a woman that knows what matters. Her children. Her love(Dan the Man). Her family. Her friends. Her faith in life. She may not always agree with what she has been handed but she makes the best of it. She gets knocked down but always gets up and tries again. She is an example. a role model without a clue that she is. I know my life changed when she became apart of it. For in many ways she made me grow. I am grateful for the memories she has shared with me. The laughter. The smiles. The tears.
Happy birthday to my journey friend, Bridge. I hope its a great day. I wish more than anything that today you realize the gift you are to OOOh soo many each and everyday. Oh and by the way thou I have done many weddings... you are still one of my favorite brides as well as favorite weddings I have been honored to capture.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
How often do we go about our lives in a routine. We are use to doing this and then this... going here going there. Seeing so and so and then seeing someone else. We get use to life being well life. And we don't mean too but often find that we take for granted life and esp the people that are in it. Tomorrow is promised to no one yet we talk everyday like its a for sure thing. The truth is tomorrow just might not happen for you or for me or for so and so. When was the last time you called up the people in your life and told them the meaning they have brought to your life. When was the last time you made time out of your day for someone you love just to let them know how much you love them. We are busy. We have work. We have a to do list. We have a house to clean-supper to cook and child to raise. But if you stopped for one moment and thought about it...in the end it all doesn't matter. It all comes back to the people in our lives and the love we have for those people. Today...TODAY they are here. Today they are smiling laughing breathing and living...TODAY... and tomorrow well they just might not be. And usually we only discover such a life secret once its too late. Once that person is gone. The person we thought would always be there tomorrow. So don't wait til tomorrow what can be done today. Don't wait to see your life change in a BLINK of an EYE.
***My thoughts and prayers are with Jamie and Tom Petrie and their family...esp Grandpa Bob. I pray that you are granted the time to just be with Bob and fill his moments with lots of love.***
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday, July 18, 2010
My new chapter began when Cancer became apart of my family. You find yourself all around people who's story is changed by this deadly killer. But until it becomes your story you just don't realize how precious life is. You don't realize all that comes along in its carry-on... the worries, the wonders of what will be and the list goes on. Or sometimes you find yourself living this life that seems like its yours but its not. But thats just because it takes awhile to adjust to realize this is reality now. So what do you do when you find yourself in a new chapter...that you don't want to be in... You keep on living. You keep on loving. You keep on believing. You keep on hoping and keeping the faith. You keep on walking and climbing without knowing where you are going. You keep on laughing. You keep on smiling. YOU just KEEP ON. What I found to be the most touching and yet overwhelming feeling is that yes we all find ourselves walking in the dark unknown but never did I think we would find so many in that dark unknown walking with us. Its these amazing people that hold in their hands the candle of hope that will lead us into the light once again. And it will be then a new chapter will start once again. Thou now we don't know where this journey will take us we trust it will lead us just where we need to be.
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Life can change in the blink of an eye and open our lives up to a new reality. a new life. a new journey. Sometimes we plan for such things. Sometimes we welcome them with heavy feet that don't want to start the new walk but slowly we take the steps and soon embrace the new reality of life. And then sometimes we hide from life's reality and beg for it to not be. Whatever they be we carry on. We trust in life's journey. We trust that it sees things that we can't. We trust there is a plan and a meaning that if we embark on such a journey we will one day find it and truly understand. But for the mean time we take it moment by moment. Then day by day. Until what was once not our reality becomes our life.
We are truly amazing beings the things we can adapt to. The things we can overcome. The way we can live this life and the way we can carry on. Because the truth is if we don't life will be a waste. And who knows maybe the new reality that we don't want to face and accept just might be better than the one we are living in right now. Change is funny like that... how its so hard to embrace at first but then there comes a day where the change is just a part of you almost like that was the way it always has been. So ya life can change in the blink of an eye but maybe just maybe it will open up a whole new world we never knew was even out there or even possible to live in... I guess thats what we find out along the journey... I guess thats what we find out by living this life.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Today I hope you trust your journey in this life. I hope you realize that you being just you is and always will be enough. I hope you find reasons everyday to LOVEthisLIFE... not just in moments of sunshine and happiness but in darkness and sorrow as well. I hope one day you will know the greatness that lies in your soul. I hope one day you will know of the difference and meaning you have brought to so many lives. I hope one day you will know just how loved and cared about you are.
Today we celebrate you, Lindsey Graham. Know there truly aren't words to fully speak my thoughts about you my friend. "Thoughts too deep for words." Sums it all up. All I can say is that I am grateful. I am thankful. I am blessed. I am lucky... to call you my friend.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
It can get a tad bit overwhelming - thoughts of not being able to do this or that drive me completely crazy! And I will not allow such a thing like you can't do this or that cross my mind. And being told such things is surely a fast way to upset me. Instead to get by I think of the things that I will get to... In this life and the rest will just have to wait for the life to come. But don't think I won't try to do any many of those to do's that I want to do see feel and experience.
I am always on the go even when I am taking it easy I never fully just stop the truth is I find no relaxation in doing nothing. And if anything doing such a simple task actually is one of the few things that sparks stress in my life. So I run around with my head cut off tryin to do this see that meet up with so and so write this blog take this photo edit that one plan this dream of that drive here go to work clean organize and clean again call text laundry ski ski ski ski make a call to those I love and then think of all of the other things I need and want to do.
Its in my blood to never stand still. And if I reach the end of my days before the end of my to do's it will be okay. Because I will know I didn't waste a single moment. I packed as much as one ever possibly could in this life. I didn't limit myself to this or that I simply just did what I could do and not let such words as can't won't don't cross my mind or block my path. I am here to live! And trust me I will spend all my days on this earth living this life to the very depths of my being. Trust me when I say I will live my motto fully and completely... I will LOVEthisLIFE... Just watch me
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Whatever it took for you to make the move and now be in Alaska I am grateful for! You say you don't like change this may be true but you don't realize just how truly amazing you are at adjusting carrying on and living. You don't truly see your very own strength and just how strong you are. You are grounded in who you are and you know who you are yet you look right pass the greatness that lies in you.
Change is never something humans fully embrace no matter what kind of change it may be... Whether it be minor or major heartwrecking or the top shelf change we wish would always come our way. We look at it and say why! Well because no matter what change is in our path it forces us outside our comfort zone. It forces us to think live and simply be different than weare use to. But what we don't see is that with every change we learn alittle grow alittle and become alittle more. And what we once thought was our comfort zone just got a tad bit bigger... Until the next change comes along and repeats this action of events... Its never ending!
All I can say is now look back at the small comfort zone you once had soo very long ago... Back in the days you were just getting to know who you are. Back in the days of being a Miner. Thinking of all that has happened and all you have done to get you to where you are now. You my friend have always pushed yourself beyond what you thought were your limits. You challenged and pushed yourself to live outside your comfort zone. Moving to Alaska is case in point. Having friends like you in my life are a constant reminder to me that I am capable of living beyond the limits I see before me. You inspire me to soar in this life.
Thank you my Alaskan friend, for breathin the fresh nature air into my life and helping me realize there's soo much to this life to do see think and feel --- and most of the great stuff is found --- outside my comfort zone --- and in the result of change that never wanted to be fully embraced in the first place! That's usually how life goes. So trust your journey! Trust life... Its plans for you are even better than what you had in mind... And in order for you to get there you have to let go and yes my friend... Embrace change! I can only imagine what it has in store for you to come!!
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
After that it was a love-hate relationship with the kid I call brother for most of my life. The best friend and worse enemy wrapped in one. My protector and the one I sparked a redheaded temper that turned my protector on me. Whether I love him or hate him... He is constant and always there. And I realize just how blessed I am to have such a punk as my brother.
Happy 25th Birthday Brother, Jac.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Wants are all around us. Everywhere we turn. Things. Places. People that make us want and want more. Our eyes focus and see the wants but pass over the need. I have come to know that when you down size and live simple just how simple life seems to become. I find that when I accept people for their faults and mistakes they hardly ever let me down. When I listen instead of speak the wisdom I tend to gain. When I understand life becomes less complicated. When I forgive I am able to breathe just a bit more easily. When I just BE I find an equal ground with life. Sometimes we want too much. And we don't realize that all we need is truly all we need in this life. For wanting is always followed by stresses and worries.
"To understand all is to forgive all." -Anne Louise Germaine de Stael
"They understand but little who understand only what can be explained." -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach
Monday, April 12, 2010
I found such people working and living in Whitefish. And I realize just how amazing it is to find such people by the chance of a little luck. My everyday is filled with simple happiness because I find myself surrounded by good honest and kind people. Who can laugh and smile. Who love living as much as I do and are just happy to be. So tonight I thank those that started out as strangers in my life who I know call a friend.
Esp to my Whitefish friends who have helped this amazing place turn into more that just a town but my home. You are my reasons for always wanting to stay. You have helped me feel like I belong here and need to be here. My life is more because of you. Whitefish is more because of you!! Thank you Kali. Emily. Stacy. Nikki. Marti. Allison. Karen. Erin. Denise. Katie. Hannah. Lori. If it weren't for you this would just be like any other pretty place in the world. It is you that gives this place meaning. It is you that makes it feel like a home and a place you want to stay!!... FOREVER
Sunday, April 11, 2010
I pray that my touch has done more good than ill. I pray that I learn from the ill I have caused. I pray for forgiveness in these people's lives. I pray that I am not less of the person I believe I am thou I struggle, fail, fall, hurt, and make mistakes. I hope that its through these trials and hardships and the ill that I cause brings me the lessons and growth to become more. I often don't think of all the good I have caused or been apart. I am blessed during those times and grateful for having them but the moments that I truly think back on are those that lessons were given. Where growth must occur to overcome. Where forgiveness must be granted to let go.
We are human so we aren't perfect. Our main purpose is to live and learn. Through love. friendship. career. and just plain life. And I feel that being a good person is who we are when all the chips are down. When all the eyes have turned and aren't focused on you. Who are you when it counts? Who are you when the only eyes that are there are yours? Would you befriend yourself.
I don't know of the true affect my life has on another whether it be for good or ill. I don't know the meaning and weight my life has on another life. But I can forgive when I have been hurt. I can understand when I don't agree. I can listen when I don't know what to say. I can embrace and open up my heart when I have cried and lost. I can find laughter and smiles where they long ago faded. I can love and live in this moment then think of the hurt of yesterday. I can stay instead of leave. I can believe rather than give up. I have no control of others thougths or actions but I can be the friend I would want to have when I mess up. when I hurt. when I disappoint. when I fail and fall. when I struggle. And maybe just maybe thats what trying to be a good person is all about.
Its about finding away to rise above the ill that you have done or that has been done to you and say hey we are human we make mistakes. To find ways to love. give. understand. support. encourage. listen. forgive. Not just when its easy but when its hard. To see with eyes that see the person you truly know and love that person in times when that person is less than the person we know they are... Whether that person is a family member. a friend. a co-worker. OR ourselves. To love that person when it isn't easy. To forgive that person when they have touched your life with ill. I have hurt others and sometimes I have found that that hurt in the end touched my life deeper then theirs. For sometimes its our own forgiveness and love that is the hardest to be felt and known. Sometimes being a good person is forgiving ourselves. Letting ourselves off the hook(only sometimes). And loving ourselves knowing we aren't perfect, knowing we are learning just like everyone else in this world. Sometimes being a good person is being the friend to ourselves that we are to others. And most of the time being a good person is just being... Trusting that just being you is enough... and all you need to be. All they need you to be.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Fate... We say goodbye on this day... A Potter's field angel lay... The sunlight fills from your grace... And so much love gives this place... The feel of warmth inside... I hear the words of your life... An angel gone... Move on...
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful soul gone this day...
The flame... A candle burns in your stead... Roses line white and red... You rose up high above when we felt.. A strength pass through us then... Your body felt your bones... But not the love of your soul... Your love goes on and on.
Surrender, rest here Angel rest... Make us strong, and calm all the oceans.
It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... November said goodbye... Rest Angel rest... Rest Angel rest...
A song that speaks to me and carries more meaning that I truly know. I hope one day it will be played for me. When I hear this song I am for a loss of words. For like music always does for me and to me... It speaks the words of my soul....
Did you ever stop and realize just how true this really is! Just how dead on this guy was and still is! We all find ourselves living our own lives. Some surrounded by all they know others off by themselves. But the truth is we all take a little of each other no matter where we are! Most days we do this without even knowing!! That's the beauty of love! Of touching someone's life and soul... Long after we are gone we still remain. We still are carried on.
I think of the lives that I am just away from. And I think of the lives I can no longer see in this life..but each are with me each and every moment of my life. For I know this much is true paths that cross will cross again! But until then they live in me. They are carried in my heart. My mind. My being. My stomach. Oh the beauty of love and friendship and the mighty impact it has and the imprint it leaves once you touch a life.
My goal in this life is to have so many imprints on my life you can't truly tell where one ends and the other begins. My goal is to have the world that lives within me just as important as the world that I surrounds me. Making one fold into the other and bringing the very best of both those worlds to the very best of who I can and will be!
Two worlds. That constantly remind me its not just about me! About what I can get. About what I want! But about what I can do and what I can give to better off not just one of those worlds but both of those worlds!
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
While we are waiting for our real life to begin..we are missing out on our real life right now... We just have to be here NOW. We must live in this moment. Stop waiting for a future moment or a future day. We need to stop wanting to fast forward because we will never have a rewind or a replay of this time now.
I don't have the answers. I don't even come half way close to knowing it all. I am just a girl living her life on her terms. I am making mistakes. I am failing and falling. I am getting up and trying again. I am learning and growing. The best I can and doing my best to just be still and to live in this moment. I am trying not to wait for this real life to begin when I know it has already started.
Whether my now moments be flying high on life's rollarcoaster or being crashed down by life's waves. I refuse to not grab hold of these moments right now and live them for what they are worth. I refuse to let my life pass me by. I refuse to wait for my real life to begin. Above all I will take my path in this life. I will hold my life's reins and trust in my journey.
We have three options in moments of life...ONE to stand still- WAIT and do nothing. TWO to follow another's path. THREE to chose your own path. To take life in your hands. To not wait... What will you chose to do?
Sunday, April 4, 2010
I am surrounded by God's blessings and gifts everyday. In every moment of my being I see and feel these very things. In the lives that know me love me and care for me. In the lives that are right before me - in the lives that are far away and in the lives I no longer see. Sometimes the moment gets to me and I am left speechless. I find myself in such a way when I am with my family a lot. Everyone's family is sacred to a person's life. Mine is no different. They support me. Encourage me. Care for me. Love me for no other reason than I am Michelle. I am their daughter. Sister. Grand-daughter. Niece. Cousin. Godchild. Godmother. I am family. And I love them for the same reason. What a blessing that is. What a gift to have not just one's love in such a way but an entire group of beings. Who stand by you. Who have your back. Who share in your laughter. Your smiles. Your tears. Your heartache. Your life. I knew at a young age of the blessing I was given in my family.
Yet as the years go by I realize just how much they are each a part of my being. My life. And I find myself watching them (not stalker like) hearing their voices seeing their smiles and faces. I am over-comed with pride and love that they are my family. They are in my life. And they are stuck with me just as I am stuck with them.
So thank you for the blessing of Family. And the gift of each one whether they are a Goldmann or a Koch. My cousin or my uncle. My mom or my brother. My aunt or my grandparent. My sister-in-law or my dad. I am thankful and grateful not just on this Easter day but everyday of my life.
Friday, April 2, 2010
They say somewhere over the rainbow...and I believe that is where heaven is found. And all things are possible there. And everday is like a saturday where you have no rush to go or place to be. You are always surrounded by peace and fulfillment of happiness-success and love. Its our best days in this life lived everday in the life to come. There are tears but only tears of pride - joy and love. There's laughter and smiles.
Somewhere over the Rainbow... Way up high...There's a land I heard of once in a lullabye...Skie are blue, and dreams that you dare to dream... Really do come true...Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far....Behind me...Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops...That's where you'll find me...Bluebirds fly...Birds fly over the rainbow... Somewhere over the Rainbow... That's where you will find me...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
So what do we do... When life gets to be too much. When we find ourselves stressed. When we are surrounded by chaos. When we are overwelmed and simply don't know what to do... I had someone ask me what to do to handle stress. And the truth is there really isn't a how to guide that is perfect. The truth is we each have to handle life's pressures in our own way.
But what I do is take a deep breath. I inhale and exhale and just focus on my breathing. And I remind myself I can handle this. I was given this life because I am capable and strong enough to live it. That even though I feel lost or over my head I was given this to rise above. To learn and grow. And I think back to all those moments where I thought I never would overcome. Never succeed. Never finish... And remember that I did!
But what I find we all need is an escape. A positive healthy escape in this life. Some bake or cook. Some fish or hunt. Some read or sew. Some garden or build. Some play or workout. Some its found in the company of the ones they love. It could be one single thing we do or a 1000 little things. It doesn't matter. Its just a place stress worries pressures and racing thoughts don't follow us. For me its found when I am surrounded by nature. Its found when its just me and my nikon...alone. Prolli why I always venture off by myself. I have my time with others and love it but sometimes my escape is taking in the beauty of nature in silence.
We all have to recharge the batteries. We all just have to stop thinking sometimes and that's what having an escape is all about. For I have learned that sometimes the answers to our problems are solved by simply removing ourselves away from it...most of the time we just well think too much. Stress too much. Worry too much! We are simply doing too much of the wrong thing!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
What gives a persons life meanin to our life. And why is it some have more than others? Why is it that others we never miss never notice while others we count the days til they walk into our life again?
I have been blessed beyond my years in this life! My life has been touched by some amazing souls. I have been loved my many. Yet I trealize that havin the love of one doesn't mean it replaces the love of another. I know humans have a heart big enough to find and make room for more love in their lives. And thou I am grateful for new souls in my life it doesn't mean I don't miss the ones who no longer are there.
I am glad I don't have to pick because if it meant having one or the other I am not sure what I would do. The past vs the present vs the future. What I trust in is the fact there's a meaning and reason for people to be in your life... And the when where and how plays a role in that too. But I still miss faces I no longer see. I still miss voices I no longer hear. I still miss convos with these people I no longer see or talk too... Yet my love remains. Whether they have left this world or just have left my life... I am grateful for the time I spent with you. And I am honored to have had you in my life. PS... I miss you!