Tuesday, November 23, 2010


On this month of Thanksgiving I am grateful for the air that fills my lungs. For the love that fills my heart and the warmth that lives in my soul from being surround by such amazing people. I am thankful for the life that I am granted to live. I am unsure when my marbles are up but I know this much for sure I have been given more than I have ever dreamed of having, more in many ways than what I ever should. I oray that I live my life that reflects the thankfulness that I carry with me. For I realize many have it worse than me. And I pray that kindness and love surrounds such people.

On this month of thanksgiving I am thankful for a million simple things that adds up to everything in my life.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

True Heroes

When we embarked on this journey some five months ago we were left feeling terrified of the unknown. Most of us not speaking the fear that we held deep within in hopes it would just simply go away the phase 'out of sight out of mind' in our case it was 'out of mind out of sight'. What we didn't realize what was in store of us. We didn't see the gentle kindness, grace, strength and love we would soon feel. We didn't know that a hand full of people we have never known would come into our lives and bring with them the light of hope. They would be our healers and care takers to a woman who for so many years was just that to my brothers and I. These people who we never even knew existed, would soon change our lives forever. These people I am talking about are the Staff of Phoenix Mind & Body. Dr. Addo and his staff of top shelf girls (Stacey, Jackie, Brittany, Hayley & Tara). Our first chemo treatment there we weren't really sure - we were in a place that was unknown to us and battling something that we feared. But then they entered and started to lead. They take the extra step, they sit & listen and answer every question that might enter our minds. They give us gentle kindness and more importantly they are so gentle to the woman we hold so dearly to our hearts and so fiercely protect and love. When you find yourself in a situation like this you want your mother to not just be another face, she just can't be another person with cancer. You want her to matter be more than a patient. At Phoenix Mind & Body - she is. We know she is well taken care of by everyone that is employed there.

It takes a special person to do what they do. Not just everyone can do their job. It takes a person with compassion, understanding, kindness and just simply a gentle soul. And I believe each of them are just that and more. They have become not jut care takers and healers but friends and now part of our family. (THEY ALWAYS WILL BE TOO.) They understand our family's humor and they laugh when my father talks well how he talks. We were sure that they would love our top shelf lady but unsure how they would handle the rest of the crazies that lady calls her family, esp the goon, Mark. You see this place is a quiet and calming speak in whispers meditate and relax treatment center now imagine the crazy train that follows Paula. To be honest my family is a circus. We are not normal. We laugh at things we prolli shouldn't. Say things we prolli shouldn't and we are loud crazy and at times a bit out of control then add in the fact that we prolli ask too many questions - have too many concerns - and some of us it takes a while for us to get what they are saying. BUT this staff embraces us. They laugh with us, they sit with us, they answer, they understand, they joke, they smile, and most importantly they get my father's humor and crazy ways and best of all give it right back to him.

Knowing all this - and more - where do you begin to find the words to thank such people? How do you let them know just how grateful you are that they are in your life? How can you let them know the thoughts that lie in your heart? How do you speak the true feelings of your soul? For they are the ones taking care of the woman who always took care of everyone else. They are understanding and taking the time for the woman who has always done just that for everyone else. They are going the extra mile and taking the extra step for a woman who has always gone above and beyond for so many. They are embracing this woman with gentle kindness and strength in a way that is simply just like her. They are guiding and leading this woman thru the darkness and unknown just like she has always done in our lives. We say THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. For this woman may just be another woman to many but to three who call her mom - she is everything to us. And we know she is in the best of hands. We are grateful, this month that has Thanksgiving, for YOU. We are grateful you have all walked into our lives. We are blessed that our mom can have such an amazing place to go and have true heroes taking care of her. THANK YOU. You have made a difference in so many lives and we are blessed to say we are some of those many lives. May you continue to keep making a difference, for we know we aren't the only family that thinks you all belong on the highest shelf.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Long Live.

I say remember this moment, in the back of my mind." Life is full of such moments, that you find yourself saying REMEMBER this, in hopes if you do that moment will long live pass just that moment in time. As much as I can remember such moments oh how I wish I could remember more. The smiles the laughs the words the thoughts the feelings.
"Long live the walls we crashed through - all the kingdom lights shined just for you and me. I was screaming, Long live all the magic we made. And bring on all the pretenders... ONE DAY we will be REMEMBERED...If God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... When they point to the pictures.. Please tell them my name... Long live all the mountains we moved. I HAD the TIME of MY LIFE...with YOU."

To me life is made up of such long live moments. Moments you wish could go on forever. Moments you wished would never end. Moments you wish you could freeze frame and play (live) over and over. To me that is where the true meaning of your life is found.. in these long live moments that bring joy love happiness determination courage laughter strength hope faith understanding friendship growth ... LONG LIVE

Monday, November 1, 2010

Not just a House...

They were married in the fall of 1947. They were married for 60 years, had three children that they raised in the brick house on 1703 Monte Drive. It is a house that is filled with memories of growing up, birthdays, holidays and just everday Saturdays and Sundays. It just might be my favorite place to just be on this earth. For when you walk in the door you are filled with warmth, love and just security. Its not just a house. How could it be when Santa brought a puppy for Christmas? How could it be when endless games of wiffle ball and basketball were played in the yard? How could it be when we picked berries and feed the birds in what seemed like a paradise backyard? How could it be when we took over the basement and turned it into a 'little people' town? how could it be when we were woken up every morning by the sound of the chairs rubbing across the floor and the smell of maple & waffles? How could it be when we learned how to play cards, put together puzzles and played games at the dining room table? How could it be when we watched classic movies for the first time like Peter Pan, Mary Poppins, Swiss Family Robinson, Sound of Music, On Golden Pond, Gone with the Wind, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the living room? How could it be when we helped make ice cream and popcorn in the kitchen? How could it be when the candy store was found in the basement? How could it be when the best meals you ever ate were cooked in the smallest kitchen? How could it be when we were read the best stories at bedtime? HOW COULD IT just be a house. For its the place that holds almost every single best childhood memory that not just I have but so many other family members. Its hard to just let go of a house like that. But we do to make room for a new couple to turn that house into theirs... and I know one day it will be not just a house to them. But some things will forever stay there a wooden swing, a bird book little hints of Granny and Gramps - my favorite the wooden sign that hangs on the front of the house that reads The Goldmanns est 1947... why you may ask would that stay... Because Goldmanns still live there - their grandson Paul (my brother) bought the house.

When we let Granny go - it was hard but I found my air when I could just be in that house. For she is in every room. You can't help but go there and just be at ease. This month came another change we moved Gramps to a place he can socialize and live with others around him. So its the end of an era in the Goldmann family. We are letting go - and finding new places for the treasures that were collected over a lifetime of 60 years plus. Sometimes I find its hard to throw to donate how could you when so many little things hold a memory. Maybe not to us but to the lives of Granny and Gramps. Many may see just shells but I see them walking (hand in hand) the beaches of Hawaii looking and finding those shells. Many will see just a serving spoon or dish but I see a lady that spent hours and hours in the kitchen cooking the prefect meal for her family. Many may just see souvenirs from somewhere but I see it as something that holds a memory of a trip to Hong Kong to Mexico, to Alaska, to this place and that. For I was told so many stories by two of the greatest story tellers of all and many of those stories were told as they held this or that in their hands. Thou I know the home holds many of those many may see things, we can't possibly keep them all. So we take the ones that holds the strongest memories. For me it was a writing desk that belonged to my Great Aunt. Its the place that my grandmother wrote to me, to my brothers, to my cousins, to my aunts, to my parents, to my distance relatives... A desk that is filled with complete memories of her which will now be my place to write and I couldn't be more honored. Side note it is also the new home for all those many may see items (thou I didn't take them all - some we just had to let go of but I took many that the rest of the family decided to pass on). So call it what you may junk - things you can go without - items that need to be thrown or donated but I see it as treasures that holds the memories of two of the greatest people I will ever know. It holds the love and happiness they gave. And I keep them in hopes one day I may have such a life such a legacy and above all a home to keep such things that will with great hopes be not just a house.