Friday, January 27, 2012

proud to be a CHELLIE

She is the one that taught me  life is about having fun. about enjoying yourself. about laughing every chance you get. about smiling even more - get the wrinkles it symbolizes a life well lived... she is the one that well lives life with joy. she doesn't sweat the small stuff... she loves to have a drink in her hand and is always in search of living this life to the very core of her soul. she is laid back and light hearted. she hugs just like Granny...she claps her hands and opens her arms and wraps you in her favorite memory about my grandmother was passed down to her daughter....and the best part is she doesn't even know just how much she is like her in the best best best ways....her eyes light up when i or one of my cousins or brothers enter the room. She beams of love for her family just like Granny. I love those moments in life when you realize the person you so dearly miss is in many ways still here thru the passing of the torch.... that's my Aunt Shelley. she walks thru this life making her own path yet her roots remain firmly planted - a woman who has a strong heart strong mind and beautiful soul. She taught me by the life she lives that there is no perfect way on a paved known road the adventure lies in the path yet to be carved out. Everyone can live the normal life safe inside their comfort zone but the ones who truly live this life are out there taking risks taking chances following their whisper even when everyone else is saying they are crazy or it will never work to keep going...she's in quest to explore this life and seek every once of laughter and joy from it ---she is a trail blazer she's a GOLDWOMAN...she has taught me how to be a strong confident GOLDWOMAN to shred the checklist perfect life and live a life even better... HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my aunt Shelley you have filled my life with adventure with laughter with cocktails with smiles with "just like Granny" hugs and above all love. Here's to the ride of life...and may that ride finds us causing trouble together soon...of course with a drink in one hand ok both hands and smiles on our face *my favorite part about my new job paid vacations so this planning will become a reality* Here's to you...i bare the name Chellie and esp aunt chellie with pride and joy to be told Michelle your just like your aunt Shelley well to me it just doesn't get better than that...thanks for always teachingby example what it means to be a GOLDWOMAN.... hope you are spoiling yourself not just today but always.

Monday, January 23, 2012


Its a word that carries more meaning that you will never know until it is a word that becomes a part of your life. CANCER to me was just a word once something that happened to my favorite teacher my best friend's grandma my mom's try to relate. you try to imagine but in the end you fall short in grasping what such a word means. Its a word that was never spoken in my family about one of my family members. You hear of name after name after name of those you have cancer who are battling cnacer who have lost their lives to cancer. But it all changes when suddenly that name is your mom's. When that person who Cancer claims as their home in their body is the person who carried you for 9 months who gave you life who held you gave you comfort feed you kissed you hugged you wiped away your tears - that person who your entire life is built around. that person you knows every scar every wound every memory every failure every dream - that person who taught you what was right or wrong - that person who installed everything that makes you - well you today.

As you all know there is nothing like the love for your mother. No better person. She's the glue - the one you can count on - the one thats always there- the one that loves you no matter what. Well my mom is just like that and more. I knew from an early age that my mom was well all the best ways possible...the great ones always are... they have this gift of just seeing the world thru different eyes - they have a way of just living that is rare. Ya you can call me bias but anyone who has spent 5 seconds with my mom knows this to be true...Paula Goldmann she's one of the great ones.

So when we were told almost two years ago that she had stage four breast cancer it was a blow to the core of the Goldmann family. The woman who held us all together who brings us all together was now to battle this monster we call cancer. I remember that moment being told in that moment and how it felt like the air was sucked right out - not being able to breath - tears rolling - fear setting in. Standing next to my brothers who until up to that time I had only seen cry once. But there was our mom putting her arms around us wrapping us in her love and saying with a smile on her face "i am going to be just fine." In true Paula fashion she picked up the pieces and carried on. Cancer changed our lives forever that day.... but it was my mom that truly changed our lives all for the better that day. Even thru this whole battle she has still kept us together. She is still the glue. She is the strongest woman I have ever met. She carries herself with grace strength faith and hope. Facing this cancer head on each and every time. Never giving up never saying why me. Never throwing herself a pity party. Never seeing this journey as a set back.... She is teaching my brothers and I the true meaning of such words as fighting. strength. hope. faith. LIVING...with each step that she takes. Its a honor to walk with her thru this journey it truly is.

The funny thing about CANCER is that once its in your life its a word that will never leave your life. Even when things are going great you find yourself  walking on glass wondering if the crack that formed that you have tried to glue and strength will hold - just how long will it last??? Cancer is a devil like that....but then I remember the lessons my mom has taught and lived just have to enjoy the ride no matter where it takes you and when it ends. When I see cancer as my mom does life seems a bit easier to take on...knowing that she is a trooper and she will fight until the very last breath she takes makes me realize if she is willing to give every ounce of her being to fight to simply live then I can give every ounce of my being as well. We all are in the same boat....we get to live this life just once....and one day we will wake up to our last breath....and when that day comes what will your life say about you??? I know my mom is no where near of taking her last breath but i do know with each breath she takes she's making it count. And its a constant reminder to make mine count as well.....THANK YOU MOM...for always guiding for always setting the example not by the words you speak but by the life you live. I am beyond blessed to call you my mom. And THANK YOU for fighting each and everyday for US. WE LOVE YOU.