Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Jack's Day

Today, 25 years ago my baby brother was born. With him my dreams of having my own real life baby came true... Until those crashing dreams came down when you was too chubby for me to hold and then when he became strong enough to over come me and not do what I wanted him to do. But I was a happy girl for the first 2 months of his life!

After that it was a love-hate relationship with the kid I call brother for most of my life. The best friend and worse enemy wrapped in one. My protector and the one I sparked a redheaded temper that turned my protector on me. Whether I love him or hate him... He is constant and always there. And I realize just how blessed I am to have such a punk as my brother.

Happy 25th Birthday Brother, Jac.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Sky Angel Cowboy


A 13 yr old with knowledge way beyond his years. We do have a purpose in this life as well as a purpose when we die. We just sometimes don't see it from the right eyes or choose to see it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


"Half of the confusion in the world comes from not knowing how little we need... I live more simply now and with more peace." -Richard Byrd

Wants are all around us. Everywhere we turn. Things. Places. People that make us want and want more. Our eyes focus and see the wants but pass over the need. I have come to know that when you down size and live simple just how simple life seems to become. I find that when I accept people for their faults and mistakes they hardly ever let me down. When I listen instead of speak the wisdom I tend to gain. When I understand life becomes less complicated. When I forgive I am able to breathe just a bit more easily. When I just BE I find an equal ground with life. Sometimes we want too much. And we don't realize that all we need is truly all we need in this life. For wanting is always followed by stresses and worries.

"To understand all is to forgive all." -Anne Louise Germaine de Stael

"They understand but little who understand only what can be explained." -Marie von Ebner-Eschenbach

Monday, April 12, 2010

A place to stay

I often find myself surrounded by new faces. I find these amazing people just walking into my life like as if they have always been in my life or as if they had always had planned on walking into my life. These people who start out as strangers just find ways to make me smile and laugh. They find ways to make it feel as if I have had known them all along.

I found such people working and living in Whitefish. And I realize just how amazing it is to find such people by the chance of a little luck. My everyday is filled with simple happiness because I find myself surrounded by good honest and kind people. Who can laugh and smile. Who love living as much as I do and are just happy to be. So tonight I thank those that started out as strangers in my life who I know call a friend.

Esp to my Whitefish friends who have helped this amazing place turn into more that just a town but my home. You are my reasons for always wanting to stay. You have helped me feel like I belong here and need to be here. My life is more because of you. Whitefish is more because of you!! Thank you Kali. Emily. Stacy. Nikki. Marti. Allison. Karen. Erin. Denise. Katie. Hannah. Lori. If it weren't for you this would just be like any other pretty place in the world. It is you that gives this place meaning. It is you that makes it feel like a home and a place you want to stay!!... FOREVER

Sunday, April 11, 2010


"The Life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt." --Frederick Buechner

I pray that my touch has done more good than ill. I pray that I learn from the ill I have caused. I pray for forgiveness in these people's lives. I pray that I am not less of the person I believe I am thou I struggle, fail, fall, hurt, and make mistakes. I hope that its through these trials and hardships and the ill that I cause brings me the lessons and growth to become more. I often don't think of all the good I have caused or been apart. I am blessed during those times and grateful for having them but the moments that I truly think back on are those that lessons were given. Where growth must occur to overcome. Where forgiveness must be granted to let go.

We are human so we aren't perfect. Our main purpose is to live and learn. Through love. friendship. career. and just plain life. And I feel that being a good person is who we are when all the chips are down. When all the eyes have turned and aren't focused on you. Who are you when it counts? Who are you when the only eyes that are there are yours? Would you befriend yourself.

I don't know of the true affect my life has on another whether it be for good or ill. I don't know the meaning and weight my life has on another life. But I can forgive when I have been hurt. I can understand when I don't agree. I can listen when I don't know what to say. I can embrace and open up my heart when I have cried and lost. I can find laughter and smiles where they long ago faded. I can love and live in this moment then think of the hurt of yesterday. I can stay instead of leave. I can believe rather than give up. I have no control of others thougths or actions but I can be the friend I would want to have when I mess up. when I hurt. when I disappoint. when I fail and fall. when I struggle. And maybe just maybe thats what trying to be a good person is all about.

Its about finding away to rise above the ill that you have done or that has been done to you and say hey we are human we make mistakes. To find ways to love. give. understand. support. encourage. listen. forgive. Not just when its easy but when its hard. To see with eyes that see the person you truly know and love that person in times when that person is less than the person we know they are... Whether that person is a family member. a friend. a co-worker. OR ourselves. To love that person when it isn't easy. To forgive that person when they have touched your life with ill. I have hurt others and sometimes I have found that that hurt in the end touched my life deeper then theirs. For sometimes its our own forgiveness and love that is the hardest to be felt and known. Sometimes being a good person is forgiving ourselves. Letting ourselves off the hook(only sometimes). And loving ourselves knowing we aren't perfect, knowing we are learning just like everyone else in this world. Sometimes being a good person is being the friend to ourselves that we are to others. And most of the time being a good person is just being... Trusting that just being you is enough... and all you need to be. All they need you to be.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Beautiful End

BEAUTIFUL END by J.R. Richards

Fate... We say goodbye on this day... A Potter's field angel lay... The sunlight fills from your grace... And so much love gives this place... The feel of warmth inside... I hear the words of your life... An angel gone... Move on...

It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful soul gone this day...

The flame... A candle burns in your stead... Roses line white and red... You rose up high above when we felt.. A strength pass through us then... Your body felt your bones... But not the love of your soul... Your love goes on and on.

Surrender, rest here Angel rest... Make us strong, and calm all the oceans.

It's a beautiful end to a beautiful life... A beautiful night to a beautiful day... November said goodbye... Rest Angel rest... Rest Angel rest...

A song that speaks to me and carries more meaning that I truly know. I hope one day it will be played for me. When I hear this song I am for a loss of words. For like music always does for me and to me... It speaks the words of my soul....

Two worlds

"You can kiss your family and friends goodbye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you." - Frederick Buechner -Telling the Truth (also from the book The Shack)

Did you ever stop and realize just how true this really is! Just how dead on this guy was and still is! We all find ourselves living our own lives. Some surrounded by all they know others off by themselves. But the truth is we all take a little of each other no matter where we are! Most days we do this without even knowing!! That's the beauty of love! Of touching someone's life and soul... Long after we are gone we still remain. We still are carried on.

I think of the lives that I am just away from. And I think of the lives I can no longer see in this life..but each are with me each and every moment of my life. For I know this much is true paths that cross will cross again! But until then they live in me. They are carried in my heart. My mind. My being. My stomach. Oh the beauty of love and friendship and the mighty impact it has and the imprint it leaves once you touch a life.

My goal in this life is to have so many imprints on my life you can't truly tell where one ends and the other begins. My goal is to have the world that lives within me just as important as the world that I surrounds me. Making one fold into the other and bringing the very best of both those worlds to the very best of who I can and will be!

Two worlds. That constantly remind me its not just about me! About what I can get. About what I want! But about what I can do and what I can give to better off not just one of those worlds but both of those worlds!

Wednesday, April 7, 2010


We all do it. We think of what our real life will be someday. What it will be like when it really starts. After college. When we have the job. When we have the future life we dreamed of having... What we don't realize often is...

While we are waiting for our real life to begin..we are missing out on our real life right now... We just have to be here NOW. We must live in this moment. Stop waiting for a future moment or a future day. We need to stop wanting to fast forward because we will never have a rewind or a replay of this time now.

I don't have the answers. I don't even come half way close to knowing it all. I am just a girl living her life on her terms. I am making mistakes. I am failing and falling. I am getting up and trying again. I am learning and growing. The best I can and doing my best to just be still and to live in this moment. I am trying not to wait for this real life to begin when I know it has already started.

Whether my now moments be flying high on life's rollarcoaster or being crashed down by life's waves. I refuse to not grab hold of these moments right now and live them for what they are worth. I refuse to let my life pass me by. I refuse to wait for my real life to begin. Above all I will take my path in this life. I will hold my life's reins and trust in my journey.

We have three options in moments of life...ONE to stand still- WAIT and do nothing. TWO to follow another's path. THREE to chose your own path. To take life in your hands. To not wait... What will you chose to do?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

MY Easter Blessing

First thing is first...Happy Easter one and all.

I am surrounded by God's blessings and gifts everyday. In every moment of my being I see and feel these very things. In the lives that know me love me and care for me. In the lives that are right before me - in the lives that are far away and in the lives I no longer see. Sometimes the moment gets to me and I am left speechless. I find myself in such a way when I am with my family a lot. Everyone's family is sacred to a person's life. Mine is no different. They support me. Encourage me. Care for me. Love me for no other reason than I am Michelle. I am their daughter. Sister. Grand-daughter. Niece. Cousin. Godchild. Godmother. I am family. And I love them for the same reason. What a blessing that is. What a gift to have not just one's love in such a way but an entire group of beings. Who stand by you. Who have your back. Who share in your laughter. Your smiles. Your tears. Your heartache. Your life. I knew at a young age of the blessing I was given in my family.

Yet as the years go by I realize just how much they are each a part of my being. My life. And I find myself watching them (not stalker like) hearing their voices seeing their smiles and faces. I am over-comed with pride and love that they are my family. They are in my life. And they are stuck with me just as I am stuck with them.

So thank you for the blessing of Family. And the gift of each one whether they are a Goldmann or a Koch. My cousin or my uncle. My mom or my brother. My aunt or my grandparent. My sister-in-law or my dad. I am thankful and grateful not just on this Easter day but everyday of my life.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Somewhere over the Rainbow

Sometimes I often wonder of the world to come. Of what it will be. Will it be like living like a Care-bear up in the puffy white clouds? Will it be choosin an animal to be so I can soar like an eagle swim like a sea turtle roar like a tiger? Will I get to choose a whole new look but yet everyone will know its me? Will it be a life filled with others or just a life lived in my own paradise?

They say somewhere over the rainbow...and I believe that is where heaven is found. And all things are possible there. And everday is like a saturday where you have no rush to go or place to be. You are always surrounded by peace and fulfillment of happiness-success and love. Its our best days in this life lived everday in the life to come. There are tears but only tears of pride - joy and love. There's laughter and smiles.

Somewhere over the Rainbow... Way up high...There's a land I heard of once in a lullabye...Skie are blue, and dreams that you dare to dream... Really do come true...Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far....Behind me...Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops...That's where you'll find me...Bluebirds fly...Birds fly over the rainbow... Somewhere over the Rainbow... That's where you will find me...