Friday, September 5, 2014
I often find myself in moments where I have forgotten my reality. Each day when i open my eyes to take on the day there is a fleeting moment where she isn't gone. That life feels normal - where I feel normal and full. A thought will cross my mind - oh I should call her - i think...Then I am reminded on life's reality... She's gone, Michelle. She's gone. Most times I feel like I lose her all over again - multiple times a day. It hits like a truck driving full speed ahead with a load of steel, stone and brick....it slams into me and drops me to my knees. She's gone, Michelle. She's gone... Those moments replay over and over - following no pattern. Sorrow and Grief don't care when they spring it on you - they appear without notice and settle in for a long stay. There is no escaping them - they find you no matter where you hide. A good day - an okay day is quickly changed for i am reminded...she's gone, Michelle. she's gone...how does it still feel like a dream...how does it feel like this isn't reality... when will my mind wrap around the solid never turning back absolute fact - she's gone. When will my soul accept this... when will i have to stop reminding myself - she's gone, Michelle. she's gone... oh how i long to be near her. oh how i long to hear her voice, feel her next to me. to hear her say Michelle, its ok. oh how i long to hear her laugh and she her smile. To feel her strength and warmness flood over me. Oh how i long for life's reality not to be she's gone...but rather she is here...i want her here. i need her here. oh how i soo dearly miss my mom.