Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Worth their while...

have you ever thought what your life might be...or what your life might have never been if you were not graced with the presence of one being or beings for that matter. Just how different you would be without that person in your life? how life would be altared, how certain events-memories-experiences would be completely different because that one person wasn't there to share and take part in that moment of time. Have you ever wondered if you would be less as a person without them in your life...or would you live your life completely the same and have no clue what was ever missing? Is it strange to think of what your life would be like without them? I figure if i picture a life without that being is my way of seeing the everyday blessings that they bring into your world just by being a part of your world. Its my way of never takig one single day with having them in my life for granted.
With Jami...I am pretty sure she is that one person that opened up my eyes but more importantly opened up my heart to this life and esp. to people in my life. She saved my life long before I even knew she was doing it. I will always be deeply proud and honored that this girl...from the very first time i met her at an age i can't even remember and from until this present moment she has always found it worth her while to know me, love me and be a part of my life. Life is meant to be shared---someone to laugh with, cry with, dream with, stress and worry with, fear and be scared with. And I truly can't imagine a life...esp my life without her in it. May we all picture a life with those that we hold nearest and dearest without...and then find the simple blessings they bring to us with their love, friendship and being. We are all better people because someone...someones....find it worth their while to know us, love us and stand by us thru this journey we call life. I find my biggest blessing is in the fact that she, jami, is just one of those beings that I have in my life...I ave countless others who take the time to share their life with me and me share mine with them. I have people too many to name who love me, know me and are always there...what a blessing and an honor to have such people in your life...who complete it in a way they will never know...but I know that my life would be completely different, would be less in a way if just one of them wasn't in my life or was in my life. I am who I am...because of the people that I have in my life...

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I am here...thinkin of YOU

I have come to realize that thou I tend not to lead a life where I take things for granted esp people I have found myself in certain situations where I have realized I have done just that. I find myself saying less and doing less because of the person that is involved. I look at these people and look at the life they lead. And usually they live life loudy in means of their strength and the inner voice that they carry with them. So you tend to not do as much as you would with someone you know needs you. You tend to might know someone else's life story more and better that you can sense when they truly do need you. With others that life story isn't known as well. I take the fault on this 100 percent because I realize that all human beings need the basic of things...comfort, love, friendship, kindness, understanding and caring. They need us to see the better person in them when they are less of the person we know them as. We all have our bad days and tough/struggling times in our life. And thats when we think poorly of ourselves. Thats when you can't see the strength that lies within us. That's when we feel we are not worthly-and at times where we might want to give up. In times where all we see is darkness and the demons close in...its in times like that you need the breath of kindess, caring, understanding and support to whisper in your soul and chase the demons away. Its in times like that even just a dim lite candle in the darkness can mean a whole lot of difference. Its in times like that when you are completely lost and someone is able to find their way to where you are. All that person may need is to realize that thou they may seem like they are alone...they never are.

I take for granted that some people know this and they don't need to hear me say it. But sometimes all someone needs is to hear it out loud...that thru thick and thin. blue skies and storms. Found or lost...that you are there. Never judging just loving, understanding and supportive. I truly believe that each person I call a friend carries inside them all the tools they need to succeed, to over come, to live this life and to love this life. Sometimes they just don't see the answer lies in their strength -- in their will. That thou life seems to be about struggling and falling and failing...its truly about rising, overcoming and never giving up. Thou the storm of life can be dark, and tough...our sails are tougher. For in the end tough times don't last...but tough people do. I believe in that, I am confident in that, I trust in that. I believe in YOU. and I know that you have the strength inside of you to overcome. And until you believe in that...know that I am believing in that for you. always and forever no matter whatever.


After spending sunday afternoon watching baseball and my favorite red head, I thought I would add some pictures of the outing day trip to Fargo. Its also a great time to brag about my little brother, who is still living the dream of playing baseball. And as long as he cont. to play will support him and encourage him...why because I believe in him and I am proud of him...oh and prolli the biggest I can tan. For if he is playin baseball chances are its nice outside and its tanning season...So keep on taking the field Jacorian...your sister will always be there to snap pictures of you! GO RED!!!

Sunday, April 6, 2008

A season gone.

April 6, 2007...The last day of the 2007-2008 Ski Season on Big Mountain at Whitefish Mountain Resort. WoW what a season. What an experience. What an adventure. What a life these last 6 months have been. My life has been given so much, seen so much, met so many. Living on a mountain has slowed down my days and have opened eyes and heart to life. I have always been one who loved to be outside but even more so now. There is something completely life changing to take in the views that I see everyday. The lifestyle feels like in a way that everyday is saturday and I have found my favorite thing to do here is to just slow take my surroundings all be at peace with myself and with nature. to listen. to see. to just breath. to feel it all to the very depths of my soul. Because when I do this I have found in the end I can do more, give more, be more me and be a better person. I am at ease, I am at peace and I can't help but wanna give that feeling to everyone I see or talk to. It has been a crazy journey here in Whitefish and I look forward to the adventures and experiences I will take in when I return towards the end of the summer. Life is truly just about taking it all in and letting those moments be apart of you forever. Whether they be moments of sorrow, happiness, fear, success or failure. To see the beauty of it, to live through it, to let it change you, to let those things help you find a part of yourself you never knew. And the thing is you don't need to be in Whitefish, Fargo, L.A., The Twin Cities, Australia, China, doesn't matter where you are...all that matters is the eyes you view life thru and the attitude you face life with. Life is 10 percent what it deals me and 90 percent on how I react to what I have been dealt. For it is our own being that creates and makes our own happiness or unhappiness.

She saw a world to believe in.

Last night should have been one of the highlights of her senior year, Prom. A night full of memories, laughter, smiles and friends. A night where she would have been on the dance floor all night long. Instead it was a night with her to be no where found~~yet she could be felt all around. A night where so many wished to see her face, to see those eyes of hers. It was a night that found her parents giving her friends the kind of night they would have always wanted for her. There have been many nights like that, many memories where we may feel she was cheated out on in life. And there prolli be may more to come in future days and years. A life taken all too soon from this world. A person who is terribly missed by her family and friends. A girl who was wise beyond her age and one of rarest souls you will ever find. She carried with her many gifts of dancing, photography, of writing and poetry. She saw the world in eyes of peace, kindness, caring and love. She was true to her values, morals and views on life. She never drank or smoked. She was in fact a true role model.

Thou she is gone from our sights, she is still all around us. Her legacy lives on in her writings and photography. She is still touching and changing lives and creating peace. I was honored in knowing her from the very start thru her sister April, my friend and classmate. I coached her in softball and bonded with her and shared the same passion for photography and life that she had. I miss being able to talk photography with her and seeing all of her works of art. I tend to think of her always when I am off in my own world of capturing life behind a lens. I find myself still in complete awwe when I am off by myself. I find that I enjoy it even more now because of
Amy. Its hard to believe she was taken so soon, so fast, so unexpected, and it will be 7 months before I know it. I have made a promise that where ever Kaye Gold Photography goes you will see along with it AIM ME Photography. Hand in hand...never one without the other. I am just one of the many lives that was changed because of Amy Kritzberger...and because of Amy I have found even more beauty in people and in life. More reasons to love this life even more...thank you amy for opening my eyes to such grace, peace and beauty. Even thou she was much younger than me, she was a true example of how to live life, how to see the beauty of life, how to treat others and how to capture it all. I am blessed beyond words to have been able to take that all in!

Friday, April 4, 2008

Where it all leads...

I have come to the conclusion that life is all about the journey of finding ourselves, growing into ourselves, giving ourselves and leaving apart of ourselves behind. Its about opening your heart up and baring your naked soul to life. To feel each and every tear, pain, laugh, smile and moment with the depths of your being. To embrace hardships and times of sorrow in the same way we embrace happiness and success. To see the beauty of life whether it be thru laughter or tears. To stop worrying about where it all leads and to focus on the journey it is taking you on right now. For life has to be more and mean more than to just be born, grow and die. There has to be more. It doesn't make sense if thats just it... The journey would have no meaning if that were it. For if you ever ask anyone what they like best point a or point b ...Chances are if they are like me...they would say the journey to get there. So many people today are so worried about where they are goin? What will happen tomorrow or in the future they lose out on the beauty of today, of the moment of now. Life can be so overwhelming and most cases its because you are taking in too much of the future and looking too far into the future. I have learned so time ago to just let go of the wheel and just enjoy the ride and see where life will lead me. And so far I have always found myself in the places I have always belonged. I know for certain that I would not have grown into the person I am today if I would have never just let go. Its one of the best feelings in the world to just throw the list of "the way the things should go" out the window and tune out the voices of life and turn up & only listen to your own. By doing so I have found I am better at living, giving, loving. being me and being a better friend, sister, daughter and just an over all better person. I have come to feel even more blessed and honored to live this life and love this life. I am even more grateful for the people I have in my life...for my family and friends. Its not always sugar and spice and everything nice...but at least for now and hopefully I can carry this same sense of self with me when it isn't. So to all of you who stress too much, worry too much and think too much...let go and just enjoy the always has a way.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Almost done!!

As I sit at work with only one more day to come, I can't sit still. I can't wait to head out to Chair One and take the ride to the top on yet another amazing blue bird day with tons and tons of snow to pow thru. The next two days I will spend tearin up the slopes as well as taking in Coach Graham's team softball games in Kalispell. Then I head back into work on Sunday for my last day of work as well as the closing day for the resort. I plan to bum around for a day or two and then pack up and head East. To break up the trip back I will be stopping in Great Falls to see Miss. Lindsey Graham and then make my way back into Beulah on Friday sometime. My time in Beulah will be short stayed...hopefully. All depends on my recovery from surgery. I am hoping its not more than a few days...because thats prolli all I can handle!! I am sure some are wondering surgery?? I am goin in for surgery on my digestive tract wall...aka my colon. I am starting to realize that life after this might be a little uneasy at first. Then I plan to head to Fargo to send sometime with my brother for his birthday as well as see family and friends. Then its off to the Cities to see college friends and of course CHami. After seeing all the faces of those I have missed I am booked to take wedding pictures the first weekend of May and then start work out at oxbow that monday or tuesday of the first week of May. Thats the game plan now...but if I know anything is that whenever I am plans something always happens to destroy them or at least part of fingers crossed...because the only set back that I see happening is my recovery being longer than I plan on having. I am getting super excited to see ALL of YOU. I have missed your faces, your smiles, your laughter and above all your company. It won't be long now!!

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Ski Bum to just BUM.

The ski season it ending fast...just five days left and this girl will go from a ski bum to just a bum. As I try to cram in as much skiing I can in these last fews days, I am still completely blown away by my surroundings. As I took Chair One up to the Summit on an extend lunch/skiing break, I was just taken back by what laid before my eyes. What has laid before my eyes since the start of this adventure in Nov. I realized just how much I am goin to miss this place once I leave for the summer months. But I can't wait to come back towards the end of the summer and hit up the Glacier National Park and then once again become a ski bum. As I reflect upon my time in Whitefish I am filled with a sense of just pure joy and peace. Thou at times I was wondering what the heck I was doing or even thinking. I am glad in the end I trusted my gut. I trusted myself, and above all I had trust in my journey. I have made so pretty amazing friends and have been able to join the company of many and most of all have had this amazing chance to Capture life in the FISH LANE. I am sure goin to miss taking Chair One to the Top and just standing in aww of what I get to see once I get to the Summit. I realize that this might be one of the best views I have ever taken in or seen in my life thus far. I know this time here has changed me and this place has become a huge part of me. I once again found a little of myself here. She is always hiding out in the strangest of places. There are so many times that I have felt completely at the start of the season. If you were to ask those that knew me, or those that came out here and spent time with me. They would have straight up said I was acting completely unlike me in such a way that it worried or even scared them. But then I woke up one day and I found myself. It was as simple as that. I tend to do that...I go on these wild and crazy self quests or down spins as I like to call them...they go until I run it out of my system and then I am fine and good to go. Almost like it never happened. But each time I find myself on these quest they help me find a little of myself. A part of me that was needed to be found. Now more than ever I know that some how if I just trust myself and my journey and have a little faith...some how it seems to always work out. Esp. when you decide to chuck the map out the window along with the schedule of arrivals and departures. And just travel at your own pace, you aren't afraid of getting lost, or delayed or taking the round about way. Living in Montana has slowed down my pace and has helped me to just relax and enjoy the ride. Who am I kidding I truly haven't really slowed down but its about as slow as I am ever goin to go. But I think the greatest of lessons I have learned is that of who I take with me on this journey. I know now that its impossible for me to stay in the best of touch with each and every person I have in my life or have ever met. Some of these people and the relationships I formed with them were never meant to be life lasting. However that doesn't mean for a second that I don't take them with me as I travel this road of life. However it does mean that I can't talk to each and every one of them all the time nor can I physically make it possible for me to visit each and everyone of them. So You find out just who you can't go without talking to or without seeing. And you realize that these are the life journey friends you have. The ones you find you can't travel the road of life without. The ones that I will try my hardest with staying in touch with and the ones that I will go out of my way to make sure I see them. Thats a lesson I have had needed to figure out for sometime now. And thanks to Whitefish I found that out. I will miss the amazing surroundings when I leave for the summer but I am excited to see the faces of those that I have missed and wished I could see each and everyday. And I can't wait to head back to Life in the FISH LANE at summer's end.