Thursday, January 27, 2011

Shelley's birthday shout-out

My blog post today is in honor of my Aunt Shelley. Its a pretty big and special day you see, because today is her birthday. So of course I am giving her a birthday shout out and hoping she has as great of a day as she truly is. I hope she knows how important she is in our family but more importantly my life. I know I have her kindred spirit and the way I live and see the world are traits just from her. I am blessed to be named after her and above all call her my aunt. Love you Aunt Shelley.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

3rd Annual (Girls') Bison Weekend

I am getting a bit excited, the 3rd annual Girls' Bison Weekend today with the arrival of Miss Heather Hyatt and then tomorrow evening Miss Lindsey Graham meets up with us at the Bulldog. We all look forward to this girls' weekend on the slopes of Big Mountain during the days and socializing in the little town below of Whitefish. Its a weekend filled with laughter, smiles, remember whens, and making new memories. We thinking of all the rest of the Knitting Circle who isn't able to attend in hopes one day they will all experience life in Montana - maybe even bringing their husbands and children someday in the future. Til then we continue to gather and take in the beauty of the great outdoors of Montana. More to come... for I have to take off and pick up Hyatt at the airport. First up is lunch at Glacier Grill in the Canyon then the sights of Glacier National Park.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Changes (of Hair)

After living 29 years as a blondie, I decide it was time for a change. Okay the real story is my brothers' and I decided to shave our heads in support of our mother having stage four breast cancer. Most would wait until she lost all of her hair. (Jacorian putting the finishing touchs on my new do - notice his head still fresh from the razor as well)
After watching it fall slowly out for a week or two we had enough, and decided that some people are leaders - others are followers. So Paula, found her three children with no hair - a first time ever because all of us had heaps of hair when we were born(this all happened early August). Our reason for shaving it was with hopes she would have
(Mom taking her turn and shaving the long golden locks off)
confidence to just shave it too. Above all when she would look around at the faces she sees the most she would see heads just like hers. (besides - if it was any of us, she would do the same without a second thought to it).
(WHY NOT make memories during a time we would rather forget)
It worked, and I think it helped her embrace a time in her life she would rather forget. Instead of crying she was laughing and smiling taking photos with her children. We decided to make lemonade out of the lemons life handed us.

Fast forward to the present time (Jan). My hair is now growing back, nice and thick. However there are some changes to my appearances. If you haven't seen me since I shedded my golden locks, there's a good chance you would pass me on the street and not even noticed it was me. These days my hair is coming in brown and get this it also has a redish tint to it. I guess that's what happens when you shave your head
(Showing off our new look. BALD is Beautiful)
for a red-head. I haven't had to have a hair cut since June. And it takes me a matter of seconds to do my hair in the morning. Its what I call simple life hair. And my costs for shampoo and conditioner have decreased because I don't go thru nearly as much as I had to use in the past. I have tried such hair styles as the Fohawk, the comb over, crazy bed head of a child, ball cap hair (you know after you have worn a hat for a long period of time), spiked - its kind of fun to say ya I wore my hair like that at one time.

Its all about embracing the changes of life- in this case hair. For it the end it was all worth it, and I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. It pretty cool to say ya I shaved my head. Not alot of girls can say that they did it by choice.

(With my brothers Paul & Jacorian, loving our new looks perfect for the summer sun)
I will never forget what it felt like that night - it was the most liberating feeling I have ever felt. Almost like I was sticking it to the man - how ever that saying goes. Or maybe it was a feeling of honor - pride because I was taking a stand with and for a woman I utterly admire and hold to the highest regards. Whatever that word was that expressed that moment in time - it was a feeling I never want to forget for I know in that moment I was empowering a woman who has always empowered me. It was the very least I could do to show her my graditude, support and love. For now when we look back we can share in that time - a time where we all didn't have hair.
(If you ask Paul, Jacorian and I we would tell you our Mom has never looked more beautiful, eyes filled with faith-hope and love and a smile that is beyond beatiful. She's our reason... for our new looks and we were beyond proud to share in her darkness her journey and we love her to a depth that will never find an end. For we are better, we are more because we simply call this amazing woman, MOM.)

Monday, January 24, 2011

Sharing a saying

"LOVE your CrAzY, unbelievable, challenging, side-splitting, spontaneous, improbable, unpredictable, exasperating, absurd, delicious, abundant, inspiring, soulful, joyous, big hearted, daring, jaw dropping, beautiful LIFE."

Came across this quote today, thought I would share. I think it speaks for itself. No comment on my part needed.

Sunday, January 23, 2011

The Past

"Its only when you truly embrace your past that you can move foward."
"Honor isn't about making the right choices, but dealing with the consequences."

We all have one, a past. Sometimes its joyous to look back on and reflect. Other times it hurts to even think about the failure, the hurt, the pain, the loss, the struggle, the tears. In my years here walking about I have come to realize no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all fail, we all struggle. What I also know is that we all suffer and we know the loss-pain-tears of losing someone. So what do we do?? My grandmother always use to tell me how can you embrace (hold) the present and make room for the future if your too full with bringing the past with you. Bad things happen, people get sick, people say the word thing or use hurtful words, people die. We stumble. We fail. We have regrets. No avoiding such things. But what you can do is make the best of them. You can embrace the change for a new opportunity. You can learn and grow from your mistakes and failures. You can understand instead of judge. You can love instead of hate. You can let go instead of hang on. You can remember instead of forgetting. You can smile instead of cry. You can cope instead of resist. You can sit with your grief instead of running away from it. You can walk in the darkness and learn something about it as well as yourself rather than just getting by. This life is full of opportunities and most of the time they are found in places we would never think to look.

The past is there for us to learn from, for us to grow from and for us to be better - a better person, friend, daughter/son, family member, sibling. When one tries to forget their past they truly have no present or future. If you don't know who you were how can you be who you truly are? Embrace your past. It leads to your future and has a direct connection with your present.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Holding onto Aus

Its a very sad day for me, today as I was getting ready for work it happened. I felt shock, heartache, and some what naked. In 2007 I ventured to the other side of the world. I was Downunder in Melbourne, Australia. My entire life changed, no other way I can really put it or describe it. While I was there my friends Michaela and Alice took me to the market, while there they purchase a leather braclet for me. I put it on that Summer very very hot day in Melbourne (2007) and it hasn't been removed since. Over the years I have painted it with super glue in hopes it will never break. But as the years went by the leather started to unravel. It has been holding on by just treads for a good 6 months now. I have been as careful as can be because I knew the threads were weak. Yet I can't bare to let go of it. Now I can't help but having a feeling of loss. Strange how a thing can hold memories and some what hold all the meaning a special place like Australia has. But sometimes you just have to let go and realize that I (you) hold the memories and the meaning of special times in your life, it can't be found in things. I had hoped it would last until I arrived back downunder again, yet it did last for three years. And thankful I have a couple more that I can wear, thanks to my aussie mates. Thou its still not the same in know they prolli came from the same place and they are from Micheala and Alice - but that's life... it goes on. So tomorrow I will start wearing a new leather braclet in hopes it will last til I head back to the place that changed my life and to the people I so dearly miss.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Whitefish, MT

Living in a ski town & up in the mountains we just might be the only place that you find yourself praying for snow and excited - thrilled to have the more snow the better. We simply can't get enough of SNOW. The mountain tops are covered as well as the trees. You can't help but look around and think this truly is WINTER PARADISE. When you take the lift up to the summit, you feel like you have left land of reality and are now seeing and breathing life in a Dr. Suess book. The trees and your surrounds look almost not real. Time seems to start slowing down and you start to feel like your in a drunken state from the tranquility. The view of the Flathead Valley and the Glacier Mountains is one of my eyes' favorite thing to see. For when you are climbing up the mountian and look back your eyes are filled with wonder when you see the view below. You think wow what could possibly top this, then you reach the summit and as your chair peaks over the top you see them; the Majestic, Astonishing, Slendor snowy enormous Mountains. A beauty that can't be described, its just somehting you have to see for yourself. Something I highly suggest you do. Us locals, think its pretty neat and we aren't the only ones. This place represents, utter peace. It is Mother Nature at her best. I am so grateful my life's journey lead me here. Whitefish, Montana you have captured my heart forever.

Thursday, January 20, 2011


Jan. 20, 1961... 50 years ago from this very John F. Kennedy gave his Inaugural Address. I sometimes dream of living in that era. Ok I always dream of living in the 60's. I would be one of the millions marching to civil rights and I prolli would have done anything JFK asked. I would be the girl in the school befriending the new students, I would be curious of the life outside of the box, I prolli would have tested my parents and drove them nuts askig WHY WHY followed by WHY NOT thou?? And there would be a great chance I would be in D.C. joining groups to support JFK and MLK. Above all I would have enlisted and joined the Peace Corps (A dream I still have is joing the Peace Corps.) I think of the words that he spoke that day and how powerful they & how much meaning they hold. His dream for American is coming true. His vision is on our reality. But what a cost, it took for it to happen. How many lives taken, how many bullets shot, how much blood spilt, how many hours of sweat, how many mistake-failures- and falls. We have reached great heights but have stumbled. We have gained so much because some have lost so much. So we say thank you to them. For wanting a better life not for themselves but for the people of America.

"We observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom - symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning - signifying renewal, as well as change."

"The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life."

"To those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request; that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self - destruction."

"Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans - born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage - and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed todat at home and around the world. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty."

"Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us."

Let both sides seek to invoke the wonder of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce."

"Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah - to 'undo the heavy burdens ... and to let the oppressed go free'."

"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days, nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet... BUT LET US BEGIN."

"In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failiure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimpny to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. Now the trumpet summons us again - not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are - but a call to bear the burden of a long twlight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation' - a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, diease and war itself."

"And so my fellow Americans; ask not what you country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."

"Ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure rewards, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work myst truly be our own."

Sometimes we need to be remind of his words and the dream he had for America. We spraked the AMERICAN DREAM. and many freedoms we have today wouldn't be if we didn't have Kennedy in office. I often wonder of things never done or changed once he was taken. I hope that thou he was taken from us that we stayed the course. And today I am reminded of the things that I can do in my own life to answer that very call he asked all Amercians 50 years ago today. What can we do to better not just own lives but the lives of our neighbors and nation. What can you do!?!?! Start today.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Quotes to live by

I am a person big on character, and some of my favorite quotes to live by are...1. "the time is always right, to do the right thing." 2. "its not what you do but how you do it." 3. "what do people say about you when your name is mention." I believe that all of these quotes play into each other. And if you live in such a way that includes these three sayings I believe you will be on the right track to becoming a person you should be proud to be. So the next time you are faced with a difficult situation whether that moment be filled with hate, bigotry, discrimating or just plain comes across the wrong way - remember in that moment to stop - breath and think. Don't let someone who is or acting in a way that is below you bring you to their level. Don't act less of the person that you are to prove something that well doesn't matter. If you want to prove something take the high road, do what is right. Have your actions stand for something - that is positive that brings good to this world not negative and hate. For in the end its not what you do in this life but how you do it and live it. Trust me how you handle certain moments where you want so badly to slap someone cross the face or to take the low and easy road plays a huge role in how you live this life.

A quote from Maya Angelou's grandmother " You know what's right. Just do what's right, be all you can be." Its really that simple.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011


Have you ever stopped and looked around. Have you ever just truly saw your life. The life that you get to live everyday. Have you ever?? Today as I was taking the lift up to the summit with the crisp air stinging my face and starring down at the Flathead Valley below, as I was making fresh tracks in the soft cotton like snow with a view that will bring you to tears... it hit me. This is my life. And what I have found it doesn't need to be in some paradise setting... you don't need to travel places to feel it. You just have to open you eyes to the beauty that surrounds you... in your everday life.... Let me tell you a secret... THIS IS YOUR LIFE. THESE ARE YOUR MEMORIES. AND its the PEOPLE that surround you near or far (together or apart) that make it - that make your life beautiful. Its the constants... the ones that are always there. the ones that never leave. the ones that walk with you in the darkness and laugh with you in the sun. the ones who never turn their backs, the ones who know just being you is enough. the ones who see you when you are at times less than that person. the ones who bring out the best in you. the ones who love you and support you. the ones who believe in you. the ones who understand instead of judge. the ones who are there for no reason other than just being there. the ones who carry your story. carry your memories. carry your laughter and smiles. carry your tears and pain.

So you find yourself in aww. That somehow THIS IS YOUR LIFE. THIS IS the LIFE YOU get to LIVE. What a blessing that is, for all of us... no matter what life brings us, takes from us, puts us thru or blesses us... THIS IS YOUR LIFE. I ask you then, when was the last time you thanked your Constants? The friends and family that stand by us through out the years. For you know when you look back on your life and think of the bright spots of the past and even the dark ones... its those Constants that bring meaning to your journey. its those Constants that bring meaning to your life. We wouldn't be here without those people, and if by chance we are... I am betting our life wouldn't have such a depth of a meaning. For who carries our story. our memories. our tears and laughter. our happiness and pain. our love. THIS IS YOUR LIFE.

Monday, January 17, 2011


"If there is ever a tomorrow when we are not together... There's something you must always remember... YOU ARE BRAVER than you believe, STRONGER than you seem, and SMARTER than you think... But the most important is... even if we are apart, I'll always be with you."

I came across this quote written on a piece of wood in a shop in Whitefish. I stopped in my tracks and had the erge to buy it. Instead I took a photo of it so I had the quote, I decided I would write a blog on it instead. Can you guess you said this? It was Christopher Robin talking to Winnie the Pooh. I can't help but smile and think. We all want to spend our tomorrow's with the ones we love, but sometimes life has a different plan. Its a fact of life, life hardly ever goes the way you planned or wanted. Times change, people change and we learn how to let go... Or at least we think we learn how to let go. Whether its heartbreak from parting or heartpain (as I call it) from losing someone from this world... We learn how to let go... Let go of tomorrow with them. Its hard and its anything but easy, yet life doesn't give us a choice. So this quote above is what I will know say to all that I love and care about... Its something I want them all to know and remember. So when they face a tomorrow without me, or another loved one they know and hear these words.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Greatest Gift

I believe one of the greatest gifts a person can have is love. Has love in their past, love in the present and the gift of being enable to love others. Love liberates the soul. Love inspires. Love encourages. Love frees. Love changes. Love fuels the soul. Love strenghtens. Love heals. The greatest gift one can give is that of their love. The greatest gift one can receive is that of another's love.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


Rain Rain go away, you are wrecking everything. It isn't spring it is winter. We are wanting SNOW not RAIN. I am sick of having a great snow dump of powder only for it to be destroyed by rain. This mother nature is not so not cool. So I beg you... to stop. As I look at the upcoming forecast I am hopefully that these rain storms are thru... and we are back to puffy fluffy white snow... PRAYING FOR SNOW in the FISH.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Love stories.

"You are my sun, my moon and all my stars." -E.E. Cummings

I read this quote and I can only think of two couples. My grandparents. Florian 'Goldy' & Miranda Goldmann and Jacob & Tillie Koch. I think of the time when they first met, when they started dating, when they fell in love, when they became engaged and then married, when they started a family. To me what a time to live, and have your love story, in the 1940's. I look at photos and to me they all look amazing and just classy. Back in the days of suit jackets, ties, dresses, hats and pearls. Back in the days of using Darling instead of Babe. Back in the days of courting and taking your time to get to know each other. Back in the days where it seemed so simple to just be together and that's all you needed. It wasn't about pricey dates, trips or gifts. It was the American dream to just fall in love, start a family and live in a simple home. It wasn't about bigger is better. Maybe that's why so many marriages lasted. They knew who they were marrying and they lived within their means. Sometimes well often I wish I was a girl living in the 40's. But then again like the saying goes the grass is always greenier. So instead I look at the photos of my grandparents and smile for I know they were living the quote from E.E. Cummings. They lived their love story throughout the years and I am so proud to be apart of that story.

Thursday, January 13, 2011


---"Michelle get us shots on my tab." -Katie 11/30/10

---"Only planned on ordering A DRINK." -Michelle 1/11/11

---"If I had a gun right now... I'd totally shoot everyone...but I am totally not a violent person you guys." -Allison 11/30/10

---"That bitch is nuts." -Katie 12/04/10

---"Her best friend was hitting on Denise... IT WAS AWESOME." -Katie 11/30/10

---"She NEEDS you to pay attention." -Katie 11/30/10

---"Have you heard of the Chuck Norris Shots?" -Michelle. "the ones that kick your ass?" -Katie. "do they have tequila." -Kali. "Cause Chuck Norris is going to kick your ass." -Michelle and Katie." 11/30/10

---"I never drank in high school." -Kali, Allison, Kaite and Michelle. 11/30/10

---"Her BF runs a bakery BUT its not really a bakery." -Katie

---"I love your hair." Katie talking to Michelle 11/30/10

---"I can't hear you, come closer." -Kali 1/13/11

---"LORI! Lift up your shirt!" -Michelle 12/12/10

---"Calm yourself down." -Katie

---"To the night I will never remember with friends I will never forget" -Michelle 11/30/10

---"If you want to look good while dancing, all you have to do is whip your hair around." -Allison 11/30/10

---"this is a LIVE ticket." -Kali 1/13/11

---'This is what I do to the baby I watch" (when they have the hiccups.) While patting Allison on the back who at the time has the hiccups - Kali 11/30/10

---"How come I am not writing ANYTHING down??" -Allison 11/30/10

---"oh god I am DONE." -Michelle 11/30/10

---"I think they think we are a couple." -Allison 11/30/10

---"And that Kali is why I don't drink tequila." -Michelle 11/30/10

---"WOW it hurts (after drinking a shot of tequila)." - Allison 11/30/10

---"Whatever is going on, don't get my phone in this mess." -Michelle 11/30/10

---"If I was black I would be bad ass." -Allison

---"You can't do that around people who don't think before they talk." - Allison 1/11/11

---"Come over here Kali - I would like to take advantage of your lips." -Michelle 11/30/10

---"What's the difference between Michelle and a Southern Bell?" -Kali...asked to Victor

---"Someone famous is preg-o." Kali. "Yea Kate Hudson." -Michelle. "No someone else...the girl from Rasing Helen." - Kali. "Yea Kate Hudson." - Michelle 1/12/11

---"That was def me grinnin on Victor in the bar." -Nikki 1/10/11

---After the college national championship football game is over and watching it from the start

"I fuckin' thought that was a NFL game." -Nikki 1/10/11

---Holding a piece a wood..."I HATE MICHELLE right now." Nikki 1/10/11

---After taking a gulp of miller high life..."That tastes like shit." -Kali 1/10/11
"I am a part of all that I have met." -Diane Sawyer

Have you ever thought about how your life changes when someone walks into it. And just how true it is that we are effect by the people in our lives. Sometime these changes are for good other times they are for well not so good. I do know that if you surround yourself with good people that have a values and morals. That work hard, and live in a positive way - that will be rubbed off on your life as well. Its easy to do what is right. Its easy to take the high road when you have others cooming along with you. So I suggest surrounding yourself with such people and start living life the right way. Let other's change you for the good and let everyone become a part of you.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Tragedy and Miracles... COBLE FAMILY.

Only if you have been in the deepest and darkest of valleys do you know the true meaning of being on the highest mountain peak. Life is a coin of loss and gain. That coin flips and sometime you find yourself gaining from life while others you find loss. I recently hear of the Coble Family story, their story of tragedy and miracles. Any one that is living in the valleys of darkness should read their story. And if you don't believe in miracles after hearing what happened one year after they lost their children (all three under 5 in a car addicent) I am not sure what else will get you to believe in things call miracles.

They had the courage to share their story- they had the strength to share their story and they have the knowledge to realize that their story of tragedy and miracles does matter. I don't know these people nor will I prolli ever meet the Cobles but my life has been touched by their loss and gains. For they are a prime example that life can be tough but we even if we think we aren't we can be tougher.

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Life Plans

I found that I really don't like planning. I am not talking about planning for a weekend or for a party but a life plan. Because the truth is you can't plan every step in your life, you just to live it as it comes. You have to get up each morning and face the day. All you can do is do your best. Give your best effort. To do the best by living your word. We are perfect, we are human. Life is all about change. So even if you plan on this or that there's a great chance that life has a different plan in mind for you that will end up happening. All you can do is adjust and journey on. Besides often the plans that life has for us tend to be way better for us, we just have to trust in our life journey. And know that no matter what we will carry on, because life goes on.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Life is a Classroom.

Sometimes it amazes me how people treat each other. How certain people think they are bigger and better than the rest of us. How they feel they are entitled. But the truth is this, we are all more alike than we are different. We are all here on this earth for the same reason. We are all on the same journey. We are all learning as we go. So the next time you find yourself judging or thinking this or that. Remember we are all just living this life the best we know how. No one is entitled to have more. No one's life means more. If anything we should be learning from others. As Maya Angelou said, "life is a classroom - let your life be a lesson for others." If we can learn from each other and grow from each other our lives will be better off. This world will be better off. For sometimes the hardest thing to do is live our lessons and our teachings. But if one can be better for it, if one can grow from it, if one can learn from our failures and life lessons I feel it brings meaning to that person's life as well as our own.

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Holidays Part 2

So the first day that my parents, brother, Kobe and my cousins came into town we packed up into the car and adventured to Bigfork, MT and to Flathead Lake. We had lunch on the Flathead Lake at the Raven and then visited the shops while my father and brother hit up the Garden Bar. Thou standing right by the lake was bone chilling cold we battled it, because the view was worth it.
Britty & Mady with Flathead Lake backdrop

Jacorian & Kobe taking in the views of Flathead Lake

Outside the Raven on Flathead Lake
(note Kobe is wearing PINK for PAULA.)

Part of the Family on Flathead Lake

Holidays Part 1

So I am finally getting around to posting some photos taken over the Holidays. First up photos taken of my parents. Two people I think are top shelf. So call them Mr. and Mrs Goldmann others Mark and Paula... I call them Dad and Mom.
Mom and Dad at the Stube

Mom & Dad with the view of Whitefish Lake

Mom and Dad on the slopes of the Fish

Mom and Dad at Flathead Lake

ski & board with caution.

Whitefish has had a bit of some sorrow lately. Working on the mountain, you tend to know what's happening and when it's happening. All the behind the scenes sort of things. We all know that boarding and skiing is a fun exciting winter activity. There are risks though like there always are when you are being active and then add in speed. Injuries are bound to happen and death can be likely. Its sad but its true. When so many people gather in one place and are being active as well as going at high speed things will happen sooner or later. In the course of my time here the only season where the town and the mountain were hit hard was the first season I was here. When an avalanche occurred on Fiberglass Hill and flowed into the Canyon, it took the lives of two. Though it didn't happen on the mountain - its a popular back country snow-hiking access point from Big Mountain that allows a quick back into the resort. Since then we have been well blessed. Sure many broken noses and such but wounds were healed. Then fast forward to this season. There was and still is much excitement about La Nina and the snow it will bring. Thus far it has granted us many amazing powder days and a settle base of 147 inches of snow and its only January.

We love our mountain here, we think its something and only something you will only find just here. With a view that takes your breath away, snowghosts and heaps of snow... you will be in winter paradise. Most of us love to find un-touched lines and make our tracks. We tend to stay off the groomed slopes and venture into the trees, where the powder is soft. In the past it never even came across my mind that skiing and riding in such a place has a risk. I tend to always have a ski partner but sometimes I don't. I think I ski with care but sometimes things just happen. Its a risk that comes with the winter activity/sport. At the end of December a young teen was found in a tree well off a groom run. He later passed away. It was an awakening to all of us. To have fun but ski with care. With our wounds still fresh tragedy struck again, yesterday. A day that we all dream about having ten inches over night and 30 inches in the past few days to play in. The locals live for days like these. There will be a line at chair one by 7:30am on such days. You can feel the excitment in the air. You see the smiles under the facemasks and goggles. What was an epic day soon went to blue when we found that ski patrol was assisting an older man at the bottom of a run. The news only grew worse when we found he didn't make it. Then later that night the body of a 20's something male was found not too far away from the sight the teen's body(in yet another tree well) was found two weeks prior (off the groomed runs by t-bar 2). So of course we are all reading the internet news. Wanting to know what happened and why. We are grasping for answers.

But the truth is no answers can be found only the stinging realization that death is a part of life. When we put on those boots and facemasks the last thing we think of are such things like death or injury. We are thinking in terms of how much fun awaits us on the mountain. For thats what brings us all here... fun in the snow. So we don't pay attention to the risk we are taking as we venture out to simply have fun.. We don't think in the terms of this could be my last day, this ride to the summit to could lead to my end on this earth. We don't think in such a way nor should we. Skiing has awlays been an escape for me. A way to just be at peace and ease surrounded by nature. And I feel that those who's lives were lost on the mountain share that in common with me. Though their lives end in tragedy I would hope before those moments there was a smile on their face because they were doing something that brought them happiness and peace. I would hope that they were filling their lungs to the max with the crisp cold air as they took in the sights around them. I pray that the families of those we have lost from our winter community are able to have some peace that they were out having fun. And sometimes bad things just happen. For the rest of us, we ski with a little more caution, we board with a partner - and we wait for that partner and we make sure we can see that partner at all times. For the rest of us we learn lessons - hard lessons that came at a great price from the lives of those taken. So I hope the next time you hit the slopes you aren't flying down the hill at an extreme speed. I hope the next time you are skiing in the trees you are keeping your distance from the tree wells(or at the very least paying attention to them). I hope the next time you venture in powder you go out with a partner - stay within eye distance to that partner and return with that partner. For the time on the mountain is meant to be filled with fun and happy memories yet we need to also be aware of the risks we are taking to have such a time.

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Baby DJ

"He passed thru so quickly... just long enough to make me love him. We had only touched the surface - and yet, he is in my depths forever."

I am sad to hear of the early birth and then the passing of David James "DJ" Meyer. Born in the early hours of Jan 7th to my friend Jackie and Mark Meyer. We will never know of the life this little soul would have had, but we still loved you so. We hope the angels lead you into paradise, and we pray you know just how much your parents love you. To their unspeakable loss, we pray for their strength and love. Life will never be the same without you in their lives. But I know with grace and faith they will carry on. Rest well baby Meyer... we will see you soon someday.

To: Jackie... there are no words. So instead I share with you a few quotes that will hopefully bridge the distance between us and let you know I love you and I am thinking and praying for you and Mark. And above all know that I am here, always for you.

"I longed to lift the burden of your sorrow and yet I knew it was yours to carry. And so I walk next to you. Side by side. I rest when you rest. Cry when you cry and love you more with each step of the road."

"thrown in a different direction overwhelmed and grieving she covered her face. One by one they came and held her. Encouraged her and gave her hope. Uncovering her face and leaning on their arms she walked her path."

"She just didn't survive, she became."

"Too beautiful for this earth."

"Its your tears that run down your face, and yet I taste their salt. It is your hand that wipes your cheek and yet I feel the softness of your skin. When you turn to face your world you never leave me. You are part of me. I am with you."

"In darkness there is light. In light there is love. In love there is peace."

"Holding you close, my heart whispered to yours, 'I will helpe you thru this, I am with you, you are not alone'."

"I walked thru hell and burned my soul... ashes falling form my hands... part of me lost forever. Grieving. I found the others. Burnt and charred like me. Holding on to each other I knew--- even hell had a silver lining."

"She built her cathedral from the splinters of her shattering."

I heart you, friend. And praying for your strength and grace. I am here, I am always here for you.


Have you ever taken the time to think of what kind of giver you are. Are you the person that gives in terms of what you will get in return? Are you the person that gives that thinks whats in it for me? Are you the person that gives and realizes its really a gift. The person that doesn't care if you are recongized for you deeds or what you have done or given. The person that doesn't need any thing in return... not even a thank you. So many of us give and think we are entitled to something in return. Just in case you didn't know - thats not giving. You need to take the time to think about what it means to give - how you give and what your thoughts about giving are. Giving is a gift. An act of kindness that doesn't need to be returned or in many way even acknowledged. And to be honest... if you are a true giver you will be rewarded by living life the right and honest way. You will be rewarded because of part of you will feel proud. The best reward that can be given to you in return of truly giving is that warmth you feel in your heart, almost like your heart is smiling. To me thats what giving is all about, that feeling it brings to you.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Birthday Shout OUT

I would like to say a Happy Birthday to my godchild Madysen Kay. I hope you have a rockin' day because I think you are a rockstar!! Hope you know how much I love you and how proud I am to call you family and my godchild. I think your pretty cool - even thou you read way too much. You have a style all of your own, continue to be YOU. Your favorite Godmother is giving you a mountain birthday shout out!!!

Facing Life

"Every question life could throw at her swam in her head. She had answers to nothing - and she was lost. All she had was what was inside of her. She knew that was enough if she could just let go and trust that. If she could just let go and trust herself. Lifting one finger at a time she began to loosen her grip. She began to let go." -Terri St. Cloud

I picked up a new book, by one of my favorite authors. As I read I found inspiration and encouragement. And I found myself breathing a sligh of relief. I am not the only one who has more questions than answers. I am not the only one wondering about trying to find my meaning. my purpose. my journey. I am not the only one that is beginning to realize that not having the answers is okay... and well sometimes just better not to have the answers. I am not the only one finding out that just being me is the start to finding myself. The real - me. Its the start of finding the real meaning of life. Its the start of real living. Its the start of fully knowing that I matter. This life is a journey. That simple. Its a journey. And becoming is an endless quest of growing and learning. For its not like we just reach a point and bang we have fully become. And in all honest what a boring life from that point on if that was the case. Our lives should be constantly evolving. We should be learning and growing thru failures, struggles, challenges and changes. In order to reach the great heights of your soul you have to take great risks. You must failure in order to succeed. You must be lost in order to be found. You must struggle in order to overcome. You must cry in order to laugh. And you must walk in the darkness to fully appreciate the light. We have no real control over this journey. We have no idea where it will lead. Nor the good or the bad things that happen during this life. What we do have control over is the attitude we choose to live by. How we face those moments in life is what we do have control of. So you have a choice to search for the silver lining in life or you can just get soaked. What I know for sure is that how you handle such times places a big part in how you grow and become. My life's goal is to grow and to become in every breath I take - in every second I live this life. I may not know where it will all lead but I do know it will fulfill my soul to live life in such a way... So I ask you... how will you live your life? How will you face the things life brings to you and throws at you?

"I want to stretch my soul way past anything I've ever known. I want to push my boundaries over the edge and lose them forever. I want to throw the limits away, watching them shatter to dust. I want to hold the darkness with ease knowing it's an intergral part of my light. I want to fill with the calm knowing of trust. And I want to lvoe all the way to beyond." - Terri St. Cloud

Thanks Terri, for your honesty and raw writings straight from your soul. Your story matters and it helps others realize their story matters too. Its you I turn to - to remind myself to be kind and gentle to myself. Its your books that help me let go and just be. We are both a little out there but thats ok. Being normal is boring. Thank you for your words and sharing your story.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

This is the LOVE

"To love completely without complete understanding." This is to me is the deepest love you can offer and accept. To love with no judgement. To see the person through mistakes - heartache - failure. To stand by their side in time of challenge and struggle. To allow them to grow as a person and to let love grow with them. To have a love for someone that needs not full understanding in order to love completely. This is the love that I am in quest of. This is the love that I want to have with the person I spend the rest of my life with. This is the love that I will wait for. This is the love that is worth waiting for. This is the love worth all the years of being alone. This is the love that will define a person's life. This is the love that I dream of - pray and hope for. I will never settle for anything short of this kind of love, I would rather live this life single. That's how powerful and meaningful it is, it is worth it all.

Lost into Nature.

Today its the type of day where the mountain seems to be moving and breathing in complete and utter silence. The trees are all blanketed in white from the fresh snow that fell from the clouds above - almost like someone is just sprinkling it down from above. Big flakes that look more like your watching if from a scence from a movie rather than it happening in real life. It is truly a winter paradise. No wind. No noise. No sound at all. Not even a chirp from a bird or the roar of an engine as a car makes it way up and down the mountain. You can see the people and the cars but can't hear them. Its times like this I am at total peace. My body feels as thou a wave of calmness has swept over me. I have not a worried thought or stress in my head. I am at ease. You discover yourself in such moments just breathing in and out. And with each breathe you realize yourself letting go - falling completely further and further into nature's paradise. It truly is a wonderful place to be lost in. Its hard not to be in a state of tranquility. Its times like this you swear someone is talking to you. Whether that be mother nature a higher being or somoene you have lost... You not only hear but you feel them beside you as well. It may not happen to all - for you have to listen to hear them. You have to be still to feel them. You have to shut out the everyday noise of your life in order for your mind to hear. Maybe its not even the voice of someone else that you hear... maybe its just your inner voice talking to you. Whoever it is it brings me relief. That's the best thing about nature you can be totally lost in it yet knowing without a doubt just where you are. I encourage you all to try getting lost into Nature.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

F**king Perfect.

Every once in awhile a song is played and that song becomes my theme song for the year. In the past it's been such songs like Sugarland's Settlin' and Jewel's Stronger Woman. This year's winner belong's to my favorite female bad *ss P!NK. (in advance I say sorry for the foul language...but sometimes its just a must to get a point across - SORRY MOM). When I pick a song as a theme to life it usually is a song that brings inspiration and strength that it's okay if life's not perfect. It's okay if you have messed up or failed. It's ok if your life isn't how you thought it would be or what you dreamed it to be... It's a battle cry saying most of the time that being you is just enough and your life is perfect because its your life. We all need those reminders in life, to help us let go of the dreams of life we had and live the reality of the life that is set before us. So in the words of P!NK.

"Made a wrong turn - once or twice. Dug my way out - blood and fire. Bad decisions - that's alright. Welcome to my silly life. Mistreated this place. Misunderstood - miss knowin' it's all good. It didn't slow me down. Mistakin' - always second guessin' - Understimatin' - look I'm still around. Pretty pretty please don't you ever ever feel like you're less than... f**kin' perfect. Pretty pretty please if you ever ever you're nothin' you're f**kin' perfect to me.

You're so mean - when you talk, about yourself, you were wrong. Change the voices in your head, make them like you instead. So complicated - look how we all make it. Filled with so much hatred - such a tired game. It's enough. I've done all I can think of. Chased down all my demons. I've seen you do the same. Pretty pretty please... don't ever ever feel... like you're less than f**kin' perfect.... Pretty pretty please if you ever ever feel like you're nothin' - you're f**kin' perfect to me.

The whole worlds scared. So I swallow the fear. The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer. So cool in line. And we try try try. And it's a waste of my time. Done looking for the critics. Cause they're everywhere. They don't like my jeans. They don't get my heair. Strange ourselves. And we do it all the time. Why do we do that? Why do we do that? Pretty pretty please... don't ever ever feel like you're less than f**kin' perfect... Pretty pretty please
if you ever ever feel. like your nothin'... you're f**kin' perfect to me."

So live your life. Messy or clean. You fail or fall down screw it get back up - live and learn. No one is keeping score. Having a storybook life is well boring if you ask me. Life is an adventure. It's a ride that should make us hold on for dear life - finding us scared to death one moment and screaming from the top of our lungs letting go and enjoying the ride. We have to have the twists and turns. We have to have the peaks and the valleys. We have to have the days where we find ourselves soaring in the bright blue sky of our successes as well as feeling we are being tossed by the waves of life and thrown against the rocks of our failures. Life is an endless game of give and take. All we can do is be the best we can be. And no matter what live this life. Why not find reasons everyday to LOVEthisLIFE... If its a crappy ride at the moment whats there really to lose and if its a grand ride at the moment well you can only gain more. Here's to the F**king Perfect lives we live... even if we don't think they are. I am singing (prolli a bit off key)for you to hear... "Pretty pretty please... Don't you ever ever feel like you're less than - f**kin' perfect... Pretty pretty please... if you ever ever feel like you're nothin' ... You're f**kng perfect to me!"

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Taking the high road.

"Too many times for comfort I have expected to reap good when I know I have sown evil. My lame excuse is that I have not always known that actions can only reproduce themselves, or rather, I have not always allowed myself to be aware of that knowledge." -Maya Angelou

Often I find myself thinking I deserve this or that because of this reason and that. But the truth is that sometimes the only thing we get for doing the right thing is just that, doing the right thing. We shouldn't be entitled because of good deeds or good behavior. The truth of the matter is people get what they have coming. People will treat you how you treat them. Karma is out there trust me. I sometimes see people who think they belong high on a shelf. These are the people that do the right thing only when someone is watching. Its hard I know to do what is right - esp when no one is watching. It could be so easy to do this or that but in the end we are only cheating ourselves. It is ourselveswe have to live with. And that inner voice will do all sorts of things to our minds and bodies. Its a voice you can never reason with nor can you shut out. Most often than not we find ourselves in such a place because we are lazy or we just don't take the time to think before we act....

Taking the high road can be quite a long and consuming journey that can be beyond exhausting and very difficult. Not everyone can take that road. But when I get to that spot in the road where I meet someone that challenges me and makes me want to grab them right by the throat and shake them as hard as possible or at least slap some sense into them - I stop. I gather myself and just breathe. I take one big breath in and hold it to the count of ten and let it out. And say to myself its truly not worth it. Its not worth me dropping to their level and become less of the person I am only in return to make them more of a person that they are not. Attitude it truly does play a role in all of our actions.

So the next time you find yourself in that situation stop. And remember that if you are reaping evil you will only receive more. If you are acting in evil ways its only a matter of time til they become second nature to you. For I have found a good deed always follows a good deed and the same can be said about evil but in many cases its always doubled.

Monday, January 3, 2011

your story matters.

Ever have someone in your life that you would like to just shout out from the roof tops the talent and gifts they carry? Ever has somoene you are just so proud to have in your life. Yet they have no clue the gift that their life is or the talent that lies in their soul. They look at themsleves in the mirror and struggle with what and who they see looking back at them. They lock their beauty and talents tightly up. In pure fear. Fear they might be exposed. Fear they might be rejected. Fear they might be seen less as the person they want others to see them as. Fear they aren't good enough. Just fear. Its sad when you look at them in complete amazement. Its painful when you know the beauty that lies in their soul. Its almost unbareble when you know that their life matters in so many ways. So how do I ask you, do you get someone to see such a thing. How do you get them to understand the gift of their life. How do you show them that just being you is always enough. Its a work in progress... a fight that is constantly fought yet one that never should be let go of. Because to me each of us has a story... a life story and that story is always one to be heard. Because every single one of us... Matters. We all bring something to the table of life... and if just one of us didn't it (didn't think our life mattered) would have a ripple effect on life... like a pebble being thrown into the pond the ripples spread to places even the eye can't see... You have a gift. You matter. You make a difference in lives (in people you already know and in the lives you don't even think of). Your story matters... Continue to live it with every single fabric that makes up your soul.

Far From Here...

"Fight hard on night like this. Look for a star and wish you could get out of it. Bite down and then pray pray pray. You'll make it through this to sing and say - you hold life dear. Moments turn into hours which become years. And now I'm....

Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we've detangled. Our strangled hold and I hope to see you there.

Rise high out of this whole scene. Look down and separate yourself. From your worst dream. Then fly far and then stay stay stay out of the way until the coast is clear and safe. Oh it's hard to imagine the things that we survive. Will we understand it all one day when we arrive??

Far from here and we are happy. Far from here, we are all right. Far from here things are peaceful. Far from here, we have insight. Far from here, we are laughing. Far from here, we are thankful. Far from here, we're forgiven. And for that we are grateful. Far from here, I will see you there." ---Alissa Moreno

When we find ourselves in moments we wish would end or when you look back and find moments in our past we could erase forever from our mind - this is the song I listen to. Because I know that someday far from here the memories that lie in our past won't follow us there. Far from here there is a place that knows of no such words as failure, ugly, hate, hurt, pain, sorrow, judgemental, cold, let down, and struggle. The demons are left at the gates and never allowed in. We are swept over by a feeling of calm and peace. We are granted clarity and understanding. Where the hate and cold once sat its is now filled with love and warmth. Our past tears are left in the past and now tears of laughter fill our eyes. Far from here there are no goodbyes just hello's. Far from here we leave our worries and stresses behind and embrace feelings of hope. Far from here is a place that we all belong and are accepted. Far from here one day we will all meet there...

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Welcome Luke Tobin Koch

I am proud to announce the birth of Luke Tobin Koch. He made is grand arrival 1.1.11 at 8:34 pm. 8lbs. 1oz. and 20.5 inches. Proud parents Travis and Jill along with proud big sisters Sabrina, Sadey and Sharlotte. He arrived a little early since he was due to come mid January but since Jill has been on bed rest since August we are happy for his early arrival, and best yet he and mom are both healthy and doing great. So I say welcome Luke. You are born into a loving family, and a big extended family (Koch - Kautzman) that will spoil you with joy happiness laughter and love. I look forward to meetin you little man, and of course taking your photo. Until then I know your sisters will take great care of you, best of luck of handling the monkey (Sharlotte) yet I know she will love you to pieces and of course teach you the ropes of being a Koch. Sabrina and Sadey will make sure you get lots of love and attention too. You will love being a Koch and a part of a great family.

Saturday, January 1, 2011


Happy New Year. We said goodbye to 2010 at midnight and hello to 2011. As we reflect upon the last 365 days of this past year we think of our losses and our gains. We think of our tears and our smiles. We think of our trials and our triumphs. We hope that our laughter out weighs our sorrow. That our mistakes and failures are learning stepping stones to help us grow and become one step closer to who we are meant to be. That our hate in our life is weakened by the love in our life. That we know fully of the blessings in our life. We hope that upon reflecting of all that has happened in 2010 we take it all in full circle for it has lead us to this new year. Though we have walked in times of darkness we know we have never been fully alone. Though we have felt the coldness that life can be we have also felt the warmth of love and support of others. Though we have been knocked down we have found ourselves standing up and brushing ourselves off. We have found that though life can be tough, we can truly be tougher.

As we embark on this new year of 2011, I wish you all 365 days of moments that make you feel blessed and loved to just be you. I wish you a year filled with changes and challenges to help you grow and become. I wish you the comfort and support from those around you. I wish you the peace and understanding in moments of trial and struggle. And above all I wish for you to know and realize the gift it is to to simply be breathing and alive. And the gift it is to just be you. Life is never perfect and neither are we, but we can enjoy the ride of life and live perfectly as outselves. Here's to 2011. Happy New Year.