Thursday, June 19, 2008


KERI NOBLE...a week ago this coming saturday I spent the night listening to this amazing artist share her voice, her talent, her soul and her story with me and a room full of people in Fargo. I have been able to take in all of her performances thus far in the Fargo area. And trust me when I say...she is in a word amazing and she will leave you completely speechless and will inspire you and encourage you thru her soulful lyrics and amazing voice. I was honored to meet her...FINALLY!! and even talk to her to let her know just how much her music has inspired me and changed me. I listen to her songs on my IPOD each and everyday....and i never never get sick of hearing the same songs over and over. Her music matters to me. It changed my life...for when I am having a terrible day or the best day I turn to her music, her songs to be uplifted, to celebrate....Music sometimes is all we got when life gets to be too much...its a song that speaks to us. its a song that speaks the words we can't. its a song that just gets us and understands us. when we are lost its a song that can find us. when we feel alone its a song that will sit with us. I am not a big on private emotional talk. I tend to keep many things locked tight behind big old thick walls and walls...but music is the one thing that just knocks all those walls down...and Keri Noble's music is a big big part of that.

If you ever have a chance to go and listen to Keri will be well worth your time and money...she will blow you completely out of the water...leave you in complete aww and will inspire you in ways you didn't think music ever could. She will move you so much because so much soul is put into her songs and listen to her sing is to know her in a way because she is up there sharing and telling her story..I often wonder do people like her know? Do they have any idea how amazing they are and the gift that they have? Does she know just how much her songs mean to her fans? I can't help but wish i had that gift...the gift to change people's lives thru something I wrote, something I be able to hear someone's story on how you, something you wrote, something you them thru...changed their know and hear just how much people turn to you without you even realizing...She is gifted and she on;y seems to get better and better each and every time I see her live...or hear one of her new songs...Check her out TODAY...and then spread the word about her and her music out to the lives around you!!! If you give her a chance and won't be let fact your life could be changed forever for the better. or on myspace. I will be in the Cities at the end of June to hit up a LIVE KERI NOBLE CONCERT once again and will share the night with my friend Bridgette...Which I can't wait!!

Monday, June 16, 2008


Many, many kids today know her as Mrs. Goldmann and many of those kids who grew up still refer to as Mrs. Goldmann. To the rest of the world she is know as Paula. To my dad...Puala. To three..simple as MOM. Over the years my mom prolli thought I was a little wild and compared to my boys the rebel of the three. We tended to butt heads while I was growing up, I thought she was too strict and she thought prolli she wasn't strict enough. I was and still am a little too much of my father's daughter. But if you were to ask most who know me well and my parents they would prolli say that even thou I look, act and have the same sense of humor like my father...I have the kindness, love, understanding, patience and heart of my mother. I am in a way the perfect blend of the two of them. She tends to be the only one that I can be mad at and stay mad...well at least longer than anyone else in my life. Not because we don't get along...thats not it at all...because we get along too well. Growing up i never had a best best friend...mostly because my mom has always been that person...and when asked when you are 9 or 17...your mom isn't something most people would say...but it would be the only person I thought was a true answer. For she is the one that was always constant in life that I could lead on and trust in.

Growing up, it was my mother that took my brothers and I to sporting events during the summer. She was the one that taught us to catch, throw and hit. She was with me all thru girls scouts...(until my sr year in high school)...most make fun of it...the fact that my mom was my troop leader all those years...and I see the humor in that...but they don't realize all the things I got to do and see...with my mom. All the memories and special moments we were able to share over the years. Thru out my brothers and I years of growing, schooling and sports playing..she was nothing but our biggest fan all the way thru. She was the one that always made us feel special, always made us feel like champions, always made us feel loved for who we were...esp when we messed up. She is quick to forgive, to understand and to love.

My mother has always given way more than she has ever recieved...Our dreams became her dreams...She found a proud life to live in the lives of my brothers and I...And I know life is extremely different for her now...There were so many times she went without so we could do this, go here or have this...She never thinks of herself and in all my 27 years of living I don't think I have ever heard her truly complain about anything dealing with her. She is the type of mother I want to be to my future children. She is my leading and shining example on how I treat people and view people. She has always taught me to love not hate and to understand not judge. She is someone who doesn't gossip or even cares to know the information that could lead to gossip. Her world is family, faith, teaching and baseball. She is my father's sidekick at the diamond for i surely don't know who loves and puts more time into that field. When its baseball season you see her there everygame...grilling and smelling of burgers. Some people come to the game just to eat because thats how good the food is there...NO LIE.

Someday I hope to give back to take her to Europe--just the two of us and explore, shop, sight see and spend our days in a place new to us. Someday I hope to go shopping with her in LA or take in a broadway play in NYC. Someday I hope she gets the dream house she has always wanted. Someday I plan to help her decorate it...Someday I hope dreams for herself...and i hope more than anything those dreams come true. Someday soon I hope to see the look of pride on her face when she hold's her first grandchild...(Paul's child...not mine...someday thou). Someday I hope to see her retire and see-feel-and know the difference she made in so many's lives by her teachings-her life...Someday I hope she sees just how amazing she is...and that she may know the blessing she is each and everyday to those who know and love her. For I know of three people...who find it such an honor, blessing and joy to call her MOM...a simple word that has endless meaning.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008


He is the other half of where my little brother gets his name from. FLORIAN GOLDMANN...but my entire life I have only called him, Gramps. If I had a favorite person in the world he would be it. And I am almost positive my brothers would be right there with me agreeing. Growing up with him as my grandfather was always and still is an adventure. There were crazy rides in the station wagon and the blue van, spotting birds and checking nests, weekend hunting trips, back yard baseball and basketball games and so much more. He was the one that built all sorts of things to entertain my brothers and I. Before the big Goldmann field was built in Beulah the almost fake looking green grass outfield was played on in his backyard. He put up a basketball hoop when my older brother was small and it has been there ever since. In the basement still hangs a nerf hoop and the scoreboard. That was Gramps...he was always on the move and when we were there...he was on the move double time. We never had to ask him to play with us, we were never bored at his house. Because each time we arrived it was like going to your best friends was sure to be heaps and heaps of fun and always an adventure.

He was known in Beulah as the candy man, he use to fill all those .25 cent candy machines which meant his basement was filled wall to wall with buckets and buckets of candy....and my brothers and I could have would whatever we choose. When he would travel to our sporting events the candy and gum came with him and was shared by our teammates and it wasn't long before everyone knew him and loved him. Because of Gramps and Granny my brothers and I were blessed with one amazing childhood, teenhood and even adulthood. As we grew our love for him only grew and grew. Rain or shine you could always find him in the stands. His favorite sport was anything my brothers were plaing outdoors. I believe if he could watch my brothers play baseball over and over all day everyday he would be there. Long after the high scool days were over for my brothers you could still find Gramps and Granny in the Beulah stands cheering on the players that they knew and even after the awhile ones that they didn't. One of my favorite memories and prolli how I will always see Gramps is that look of pride that sweeps over him when he is over comed with emotions watching my brothers or seeing the field in Beulah that his son built and seeing his name telling everyone that drives by where they are at. He tears up alot when it comes to his children and grandchildren because he is filled with that much love that it actually pours out of him. And the best part is...he never runs out. He would give anything for our happiness-you don't even have to ask...thats just who he is. He is a simple man that values the simplest of things but really end up being the biggest and most important. Spending time with his family. When you give him a gift its like he is so grateful it doesn't even matter what it is--he is thanking you before he even opens it. Paul gave him a twins hat and you would think that hat was signed by Kirby or something because I never have seen someone wear a hat with so much pride...that goes with anything you give him...whether they be a pair of new pants or a shirt having to deal with a sporting team or supporting the teams my brothers were playing for...He is always moved to the point of tears...mostly just because someone took the time to think of him. I love to take his because he is the cutiest and most handsome looking guy and two because it doesn't matter if I take one photo or 50 he will thank you for taking his picture after each and everyone. Thats just who he is and always will be. He is 89 years old and he still is living the dream. He still goes goes goes. He drives to Beulah to take in baseball games and can be found pretty much every softball night cheering on my brothers...with a scorebook still in hand after all these years. He forgets sometimes but the way I see it...his past is filled with so much how could you possibly remember it all. He remembers what counts whether it be in pieces or all at once. He is still the same man that I have been blessed with calling Gramps all my life. He still has the biggest smile form across his face when my brothers and I walk into the room. He still jumps up and runs to give us a hug. He is still over pouring with love to give to his children, grandchildren and friends. He is still one of the most amazing people I have in my life and he will always be favorite. For when I look at him I feel and know one thing...and really the only thing that matters in this world...LOVE. We have been spoiled with having him here all these years and yet in my eyes and heart its still not enough and it won't matter if he is 89 or 99 he will always just be Gramps to me. And I will always be honored to be able to call him such a simple name that stands for everything but being simple. Happy Father's Day to a man that shows me everyday the kind of person I want to be, to a man that gives his love and time to those he loves each and everyday, to a man that has shared with me the secret of give, to love and never taking one single day for granted, never taking one single person for granted...never taking anything on this earth for granted. I know that I am just who I am because of his love and this man felt that it was important to teach me and my brothers about life thru his love and example. We love you Gramps!!

Photos of Grandpa Jake

With Granny, Grandma, Grandpa and Gramps at one of Paul's school concerts.
What a catch...with Gramps, Dad, Grandpa, and family friends.
The dad's at the wedding.
With Grandpa, Grandma, Paul and Travis.
The Koch family. It wasn't long after this that
Grandpa Jake passed away.

Grandpa Jake

Since its father's day coming soon I thought I would take a few and blog about my grandfather, Jacob Koch. I was one for just six out of what turned out to be 17 grandchildren, two great grandchildren and four married into the family grandchildren to have known this man that we simply called Grandpa. He was the father of six children and the love of my Grandma's Life. He seemed to have life all set up for him. He was ready to retire and spend his glory years with his family. He was ready to live the best years of his life with my grandma and ready to be the best grandfather to his much rapidly growing family. But just months into his retirement cancer was found and before we all knew the life that he was meant to have was gone. I was three or four years old...and one of my favorite people in the eyes of a little girl was gone. Someone who would just make me laugh and smile and scoop me up in his arms was no longer there. I wish I could say that I remember him and know him in the same way that I know my dad's dad. But I know what is most important...His love...his love for his wife, for his children, for his grandchildren..for his family. And in a huge way thats all that one needs to know. I know that my grandfather would have been in the stands with Grandma, Gramps and Granny for all those games and events in our lives. He would have spent vacations, holidays, summers and birthdays with us as well. Because family was important to him. I know at times when my mother sees the relationships my brothers and I have with Gramps, I am positive its hard for her not to think what it would have been like for her children to have her father in their lives for all this special and normal moments in life. I know that Gramps and Grandpa were fast friends from the start because in a way they were and are so much alike. They were linked together thru first their children and forever bonded together thru three children. I am blessed and honored to call both of them my grandfathers. From what now seems like their short time together they travelled to Beulah often together to take in Paul's soccer games, concerts and milestones in our lives. Those pictures of them together at events that involve Paul and I mean the world to me...because even if I don't remember Grandpa Jake in my life...He was there!! and not only that...He was a huge part of it. Those are memories and moments I am blessed to have even if its just thru pictures that I might remember them. When I fell sick a month before I turned one with spinal meningitis and what turned out to be pneumonia and shingles due to my poor immune system...My grandfather was the one that came right up to the doctor's office when he heard that one of his grandchildren was there demanding to know what was wrong. Thou I was told he never visited me during my critical phase of my illness, I was often confussed by this. At first it made no sense to me that he wasn't at my bedside. Now looking back and seeing it from his eyes I realize that might have been just too hard to take to see a baby at the age of 11 months have to fight for a life that never really began. For thats just what I think how my mother, grandma, uncles and aunts felt when they watched he slip away...They were thinking of the life he never got a chance to live and the future filled with memories and moments that would never be. A life that he would never have to watch us grandchildren(Travis, Paul, Jennifer, myself, Kory and Danielle) grow into their lives and into their beings, the life where he would have met Benjamin, Jacorian, Andrew, Kayla, Ryan, Brittaney, Carly, Kortney, Brett, Madysen, Faith, Sabrian, Sadey, Jill, Shonna, Mike and all those to come. But in a huge way he is still see him in a certain look one of his children or grandchildren make. you hear him in a phase or wording that is spoken from the mouth of those same people. My mother is always saying how much my brothers Paul and Jacorian carry themselves, how they walk or stand that sometimes it looks just like her dad, esp from far distances. what a great blessing for her and a true gift that thou her father is gone...he is still so much the lives of her children. On this father's day I hope and wish that the lives of Jimmy, Wally, Paula, Mary Jane, Karla and Bobby are blessed with moments and memories where they remember their father..the life he lived, the man he stood for, the love he gave and all the memories they had with a special man they simply called Dad. May the six of his now grown kids be granted gifts to show them that he is still here and graced with the knowledge that they--we will all be joined together again in days ahead and the moments, memories and years we felt that we were cheaped out on having with him will one day be made...and those days with him will have no his love they will be endless.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

My Daddi-O

With Father's Day just around the corner I thought I would take the time and talk about my favorite father. I have come to realize that I will always be a daddy's girl and it doesn't matter how old I might be somethings will just never change...NOR should they. When you look at a family picture of the five Goldmanns all together you would think that its just some random people. However over the years my brother Paul has grown to look more and more like my father. With the three of us kids you always knew we belonged because we tend to have his sense of humor. With me...well there is no doubt that I am the daughter of Mark Goldmann...from the very start my blonde hair and blue/green eyes came from him...Just by looking at me I had Goldmann written all over my face. And once you watched my movements and listened to me...Its as simple as Like Father Like Daughter. To know me is to really know my father. Sometimes we buttheads only because we are so much alike its scary. Growing up I wasn't always thrilled to be told this, but as the years have gone by I take more pride and honor by being told this. I am truly proud to say that Mark Goldmann is my father and honored to be his daughter.

As life has happened I really can't recall a time in my life that my father wasn't there. He has always went above and beyond to care for his family. He has no doubt spoiled his dolly with his time, lessons and love. He was the one that bought me my first real camera...if he never took me to Beulah Drug that day before leaving for NYC to buy what was suppose to be a cheap camera to take on my trip...I know for a fact that my passion for photography would have never been found. My father over the years always made it clear that coming home would never be a problem if I didn't have the money to do so. Thou he has spoiled me--my father has also taught me some of the most important life lessons...that of working hard...even thou at times when I work or worked for him I tended to putz around. The value of keeping your word and living up to the things you promise to do and so many more. He made sure my brothers and I were provided with all the things we needed to grow. He installed the love for the outdoors in all three of us...and thou sports were never huge in this life he was always in the stands cheering us on even if that meant missing out on that big buck or that game hunt of finding and killing that bird. He always has and still does make it clear that his family is that important to him.

I always knew my father was and is amazing...but the town and the whole state of ND (those who follow baseball) found just what one man can do and just how much he can get others to do when my father went to work to build the baseball field in Beulah. It started out as Beulah's Field of Dreams and today is known as GOLDMANN FIELD. Who would have thought that some dirt broken down sandlot field could turn into so amazing...I know who...a man with a vision. A man with a plan and dream for his sons to feel like all stars when they took the field to play ball. While he embarked on this journey to build something special for my brothers...he ended up making dreams come true for all sorts of young boys and men. Their childhoods were filled with memories of playing baseball on one of North Dakota's finest legion fields and actaully one of America's greatest legion baseball diamonds...because in a huge way under those lights at night many of them might have thought they were playing for the Mets or the Twins or the Yankees. How do I know that?? Just from standing on the mound under the lights as my father and brothers drag the infield...thats the feeling I get. And when I stand there and take in the sight that is now so amazing...I think of all the hours and years my father and really my family put into that place...and I am swept with a feeling of pride knowing that because of my father the name Goldmann stands for something pretty darn special. That field...that my DAD. He is the grass, the buildings, the field, the stands and the fences...He is everywhere you look...One would say that that field is where he has and will leave his mark on this earth...BUT i know better...because just like that field...When it comes to my brothers and i...he is in our hearts, in our blood, in our past, in our present and in our future...when it comes to our three lives...he is and will always be so much a part of who we are and so much a part of the lives we live. Happy Father's Day to a man that I am so proud to call my dad! I Love You, Dolly.

Monday, June 9, 2008


Granny...she was the most graceful woman I was ever blessed to have in my life. For all she is and was and will be is love. hope. grace. faith. Her arms were always open for a hug and her english voice was always so calm and steady. Her life was as simple as family and faith yet she was so so much more. There has not been a day that goes by that I don't think of her or miss her. She was more than just a grandmother to me...When I was little I spent ever weekend, holiday and summer with her and Gramps. As my brothers and I grew she was always there for concerts and every game I can remember whether it be baseball, soccer, basketball, football, volleyball or hockey she was always there in the stands cheering us on and giving the best rewards after the games...her hugs...her love. In many ways I am just like her...I have her passion for writing, her way of seeing the very best in people, and so much more. She is the type of grandmother I want to be someday but more so the type of person i want to be...want to be known as and remembered as. Its hard to believe she is gone...thou I know she knew how much I loved her and all that stuff sometimes I think that our 26 years together was not nearly enough. Thou I know so much about her, spent so much time with her-I feel like there could have been more to share. She never was just a grandmother to me and she never will be...she will always be more. When I went off to Australia it was Granny who wrote me every single week that I was there. During college it wasn't as much but I am willing to say that it was more than once a month. I miss her letters telling me all about life in Mandan-about the birds or the weather. I miss the heaps of newspaper clips that she would save for me because she knew I would love to read them and see them. When I go to the house that was once filled with her being is when I feel her the most. I love that house because so many memories are wrapped up into the floors and walls. I feel the love and see each moment come back to me. It was at that house that I first shared my love for photography and it was her that loved my work from the very start...many of my photos hang on their walls--what an honor that I feel knowing that she and Gramps saw so much in something I took. I look forward to the day where I reach the gates and see her standing there with a huge smile across her she claps her hands and extends them out awaiting to give me a hug. We will have so much to share and talk about.