Monday, December 26, 2011

Paradise found on a Mountain Top...

The weather was just right - not too warm not too cold the sky was overcasted as we prepare for a snow system to make its way to hopefully fingers cross dump heaps of the fuffy white stuff. With family in town we got the gear on to hit the slopes for a fun day of skiing. I was pretty exciting to wear my new thermal under armor gear from my very kind parents and I am still breaking in a new ski jacket - i feel kind of like a rockstar I am not gonna lie and a tad bit spoiled. There's just something about this place - WHITEFISH it just seems a bit magical here. Life just seems so simple here so at ease. Things just come together and you seem to always see the big picture. I have come to realize that my soul can just breath here I can just be. The smiles seem to be bigger the laughs seem to be louder. For its in the stillness of the view around you and having crisp pure air fill your lungs that reminds you - you are truly in PARADISE. I knew from the moment I arrived here that I was home....And it brings me much joy knowing that my friends and family find this place just as magical and they see it as a winter paradise in much of the same way that I do. It is just a joy to share this place this place that my soul calls home with the people I love the mose in this world. Its the best gift I can think of to have people come here and recharge their souls to have time to see life thru simple eyes. Because life is truly just different here. winter paradise that I have fallen madly and utterly in love with... its good to be home - who would have thought I would have found paradise on a mountain top.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Merry Christmas from the mountains of Whitefish Montana. I hope this holiday season brings you much love joy and happiness.May you find the blessings in the simple things in life and be grateful for those everyday things and people in your life. I know that my family will all be gathering today eating too much drinking too much and laughing well never too much...To me the true meaning of Christmas is just being with those you love and care about... Its about family love and giving - whether its giving of a gift or just of your time and love...over my 30 years I have been blessed to live a life that is surrounded by family and what a joy it is to have so much fun with the crazy people I call my family. They are loud - its mostly chaos but man am I grateful. Knowing that somewhere more than one or two I know are having their first christmas of the passing of someone they love and many are having their 5th 10th 25th christmas without their dad their wife their child...we sometimes get caught up with the excitement of the season that we often forget about the true meaning on christmas. Not that we take for granted that these people will always be in our life because well we can't walk around thinking in that matter but life can change in a heartbeat in the blink of an eye...So I am utterly grateful and beyond blessed to have had some many christmases so many everyday life moments with family and friends. My life has been filled with smiles laughter joy and love- those I love have colored my world and have impacted my life in ways that I will never be able to explain or describe. I have been changed all for the better I am simply more because of these did I get lucky enough to be able to live such a life - to have such a life - to have such people that I will never know. And I am glad I will never have to live such a life without.... So this holiday season I hope you take time to stop and see such blessings in your life... MERRY CHRISTMAS

Life is Good

I have never been one who has be ungrateful for the things she has the place I live or the people that are in my life. So when I moved to Whitefish some 5 going on 6 years ago I knew that I would likely be giving up spending and celebrating the holidays with my family. For those of you who don't know me I come for a huge extended family on my Mom's side and a family that is growing and growing on my Dad's side and the holidays are a time we all get together and have family time - a time that I truly cherish and is best part of Christmas if you ask me. Over the years of missing out on these family gatherings I always found comfort knowing that somewhere they were all gathering somewhere the traditions that I know that make a Koch or Goldmann Christmas-Holiday gathering were taking place. Even as I was hundreds of miles away I found happiness because they were together. But this Christmas I got a piece of that family christmas again. My cousins Travis Jill Sabrina Sadey Sharlotte and Luke came to Whitefish... and I have realized something major last night that I have been focusing so much on the glass half full when it came to missing out on the holidays that I truly forgot how great it was to spend the holidays with family....just how much I have missed it. My christmas gift this year came in the form of my family(part of it any ways) being with me to share in everything that is Christmas.

Too add to that joy it was a christmas with kids - which always makes the holidays more magical. Sharlotte who is 2 the day was spent learning on to ski with her Moo How (her godmother who happens to be me)...after we went down the bunny hill a couple of times she had a enough on Moo How's Mountain and wanted a chip chips it was just her and me...While eating chips I asked Shar what did you ask from Santa? She replied... a piece of gum....later that night we attended the mountain's santa parade that ended in Santa handing out gifts to the kids by calling out their can imagine how exciting it is to get a gift from Santa on Christmas Eve....well the Koch's were called and Shar and her siblings got their gifts...we left Shar open the gift right there and man oh man her facial expression was something when she oped up that gift and found gum...."OH MY GOSH GUM!!" Santa brought her just what she wanted. Later that night a gift bigger then her was given from her Moo How - she opened it up and that was it....her attention  was focused only on playing with her zoo refusing to open up the mound of gift that awaited for her and even missing out on eating christmas dinner because she just was having so much fun. Lots of laughs and smiles were had while we took in christmas eve together. Luke the almost one year old was so thrilled to have boy toys no more playing with girlie toys that were once his sisters...oh course Shar had to play with and when I say play with I mean steal his dump truck but we fixed that issue by giving her  my gift to open. We topped the night off by watching Its a Wonderful Life. Oh and it snowed on the mountain so it truly was a white and merry christmas.

As the night ended with everyone gathered at my place tucked up in the mountains I couldn't help but smile part of my family gave up the traditiona family christmas we are so use to having to spend it in whitefish with me...I realize the gift that just is and was to them to give to me. And how grateful I am to have them here.I am not sure what I ever did to be blessed to have such people in my life and to call those people family. So my place is an utter mess stuff everwhere its loud its noise clothes tossed everywhere a kid crying someone yelling something getting spilled one too many on the couch food on all the countertops toilet paper constantly having to be put on the roll a line for the bathroom and yet its the happiest I have ever been to have FAMILY with me for the Holidays....I am so grateful for the mess it means they are here. I know the blessing it is to have such family and I know what its like to spend years without family on I can only hope the mess gets bigger and bigger and more fun is had more laughs are shared more memories are created....LIFE is GOOD.

Monday, December 12, 2011


The stockings are hung CHECK the garland up CHECK the ornements on the tree CHECK christmas tunes playing softly in the back ground CHECK home smelling of pine and spice CHECK watching tv be with only christmas lights on CHECK...walking in a winter wonderland with snow all uncheck....OK whats up Santa... did you give Jack Frost the winter off?? Because up here on the mountains we barely have the white stuff... and well I am not liking if you could please full fill this wish by this week so i can CHECK this off the list and be ready for Christmas that would be great. .... DeAr sANta pleez mAke it nsow....Love little shelley...  ps...if you dont NO COOKIes for you!! pps i even wrote it like i was five in hopes it comes true

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Thankful in November

23rd - for my mom's fighting spirit and to simply have her here Stage 4 cancer is quite a scary thing to hear and know your mom has but she's a fight and her will to live is quite the life lesson. Thank you Mom for never giving up the fight.

24th - for a family to be a part of and being able to gather with that family for Thanksgiving. To have people to share this holiday with as well as for the family that isn't here in person today.

25th - I am thankful for employment that allows and supports my photography business so I can actually make money and not go into extreme debt doing the thing I love most.

26th - for my life's journey to lead me to Whitefish Mt, what an amazing place that little skiing town is. To have paradise right out my door to be living breathing and having fun in God's country is quite the blessing. People all over the world come to Whitefish and fall in love with the Last Great Place and I am one of the lucky to call this HOME.

27th - for the life that I have I know so many go without so many not having enough its a life that I have never known but I know is out there. People who are jobless homeless foodless. I have never known what it takes to live such a life and the things you have to do to simply live and stay alive during such trying times.

28th -  during this uncertain time I am thankful for employment to have a paycheck.

29th - to simply love to recieve love and to give of that love...loving someone truly loving them is quite the thing to be thankful for. it truly is!

30th - to have such a life that I do. To have it filled with people that bring laughter smiles memories faith hope strength support joy and love into my life whether these people are always by my side hardly by my side or its been years since they have been by my side.  Thankful in November has come to an end but I have come to realize its an eye opener if you find reasons everyday 365 days out of the years to be thankful....because I believe its a thankful life that leads to be a happy life.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thankful in November

NOV 18th - for my two godchild - Mady and Shar. I am utterly honored to be your godmother. I am so proud of both of you and I am grateful for the memories I have with you both thus far and look forward to a lifetime of those to come. You both make me smile and laugh. Always know I love you!

NOV 19th - for my godparents. Uncle Bobby and Aunt Karla. I have always felt spoiled and loved by you and that is something that has not changed as the years go by. Thank you for always making me feel important and showing me that I matter to you.

NOV 20th - for Janelle and Jami... thoughts that lie too deep for words. My bond with you two is a bond that can never be broken nor can it ever fade. You are stuck with me just as I am stuck with you two. No matter where this life takes us I find comfort and strength that I can always find you two by my side. I am more simply because you are apart of my life.

NOV 21st - for spending this week in Beulah with my parents. I always love how simple everything is - just living is simple. And I realize its because of the way my parents live their lives is a direct reflection on how I live my life...its simple to just be grateful. to be thankful. to be happy. to laugh. to smile. to just be. I am so honored to have two amazing people to call my parents. They are still teaching me the greatest lessons about life...simply how to live it...I am thankful for all the memories, lessons they have brought me and the endless love they always give.

NOV 22nd - today I am grateful to have spent most of the day with my niece Taylor. Being able to take your pix Taylor is quite the honor for your auntie...I love how you follow the camera and smile for are the perfect little model and you know just how to doll up the nikon. But as much as I love taking your photos I LOVE YOU even more. I think you are just simply perfect and you always will be. I am so blessed to have you in my life I love you even thou you suck your toes.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Thankful in November

NOV 9th - I am thankful for the people I met in Australia - who took me in right away and made me feel at home in a place where I didn't know a soul.  For those mates that helped me find myself and become myself in the land downunder. YOU ALL hold a special place in my soul - oh how I miss you ALL and look forward to the day where I see ALL your faces again.

NOV 10th - I am thankful for the childhood I was blessed to have. Years where I was allowed just that a childhood that was filled with laughter, smiles, memories and love. One where I wasn't forced to learn hard life lessons, one where I wasn't forced to grow up because of hate-death-crime or abuse. One where I could run the streets with the neighborhood crew without fear. One where I was allowed to play dream discover learn explore grow...what a gift it is to have such memories to think back on.

NOV 11th - I am thankful for all those who serve this country, have served, will serve and those who have gave their lives for this country.  We are American because of the strong and the brave that protect and serve this country. THANK YOU just doesn't seem to be enough.

NOV 12th - I know this is kind of a strange one but that I can listen to Cities 97 out of Minneapolis via the internet... YOU HAVE NO IDEA how obessed I am with listening to this radio station whenever I am in the cities and now I can listen to it ALWAYS...LOVE IT.

NOV 13th - I am thankful for a weekend spent with my family bonding out in the middle of nowhere just us 6 plus Taylor and the dogs-bonding, eating, drinking, laughing, smiling and making memories. HOW GREAT it truly is to be with my brothers, my parents, my sister, my niece and the boys....a time we truly needed.

NOV 14th - For the teachers I have had in my life from K thru 12 to college to grad school. Those special people that invested their time knowledge and energy in me because they thought I was worthy of such a gift, that I was worthy to learn the lessons they had to teach.  My foundation was laid with solid frame because of such great people that taught me, a foundation that i can build up from and stand strong on.

NOV 15th - For the medical world that continue to gain knowledge and growth to find cures - treatments to heal those who are sick and ill and to provide comfort for those who are terminal ill.  I pray we will some day find a cure for AIDS and a cure for cancer. Thank you to all of you who are doctors, nurses and play a role in the medical world. ESP those who take care of my mom.

NOV 16th - For my friends  - those near and far who always make me feel like I matter.  who always go above and beyond to let me know they are there for me always. To have such friends is a gift that I can never truly describe. THANK YOU FRIENDS.

NOV17th - For roof over my head and warmth on such chilly days as winter creeps in.  I realize this is something that no everyone has even in American. I have such things as heat and can pay the bills to turn heat on and leave it on to keep my home warm at all times. I realize its a thing to be grateful for because its something that not all have.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Thankful in November

NOV 5th - Today I am thankful for my grandparents. Tillie & the late Jacob Koch and Florian & the late Miranda Goldmann. Through out my life they have given me so much - support, encouragement, understanding, patience, their time, of themselves and most of all their greatest gift they have given me - their love. I have memories of holidays, birthdays, weekends, vacations, school programs and sporting event....I am so blessed to have had all four of these people in my life and in such an important role as my grandparents. I can only hope that the life I live reflects back on them in such a way that they are proud of the person that I am - the way that I lve my life - treat others that they are proud of the role they have had in my life and that I have used the gifts and lessons they have brought into my life and taught in the greatest way possible...that I am more today because they were apart of my life. I never want to find a day that I am not thankful blessed and grateful to have such amazing people in my life...I love you Gramps Granny Granpda and Grandma.  Thank You for all you have done to make me feel special and loved...for showing me with your love that I matter.

NOV 6th -I am thankful for my big mama....Rebecca...its her birthday today...HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECK...she was my roommate for two years in college and I am utterly grateful for your friendship. Thank you Becky for simply being YOU. I love ya, mate

NOV 7th - I am thankful for the Kochs (Travis - Jill - Sabrina - Sadey - Sharlotte and Luke). For opening up your home to me and giving me a place to be while I am in Fargo. I have never felt like I am burden to you guys you have always made me feel wanted - that you want me here and when I am gone in Montana you miss that I am not here. I love being here and apart of your everday lives. I am so blessed to have such people like you as my family. I love laughing smilng and just being with all of you. You have brough so much life into my everday world. Its sometimes chaos and a zoo - circus at home but that's just the way I love it...all of us together just living life... thank you for letting me be apart of your family.

NOV 8th - I am thankful for my aussie mates that are downunder... I miss you all! Know that not a day goes by that I don't think of you all and realize just how blessed I am to have you in my life - to have met you all during my time in Austraila... You girls changed my life by simply being you and welcoming me to the land downunder. I wish you knew how you gals changed my life. I look forward to seeing you all someday soon.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Thankful in November

Happy Friday Peeps...its a beautiful late fall day here... Can you believe its already November...i am sure some of you already have the christmas count down doing...not here...i have a turkey day favorite holiday...a holiday that we celebrate being gifts. just simply gathering together eating and being grateful and thankful for the life we have been given and get to live. Oh and eating lots doesn't add to it or anything... The month of November I decided that I was going to be be grateful and thankful everyday ... I slacked alittle but just because I didn't post doesn't mean I failed at this task...I thought it and said it out loud so thats all that I will bring you all up to speed...

NOV 1st....I am beyond thankful actually I am blessed for the family I was brought into this world to have. To have the last name Goldmann...I am honored.  To have Koch genes and traits in me....I am honored. I realize how grateful I am to have such an amazing family my parents my brothers (Paul and Jacorian) my sisters (Shonna and Jami) my niece (Taylor) my boys (Kobe and Gauge) and then my extended family filled with aunts uncles grandparents cousins...Its a zoo when we are all together but I am so happy and honored to call them all family and to spend time with them. I know my greatest gift in this life is the family I have been given.

NOV 2nd...breathing...I am grateful and thankful to simply BE HERE. To be ALIVE. It is a gift to have simply days to live. each day I get is an extra. Living is earned is a gift...because not everyone gets to have another day. Breathing in itself is something you should feel honored to simply do...being here. living...its something to be thankful for each and everyday day you get.

NOV freedom...the fact that I can live my life how I want and think I should live it. That I have no limits to my goals. to my dreams. to how I picture and live my life. That I have the freedom to speak my mind. that I can lead or follow in this life. That my voice matters. That I can vote. That I have the same rights as everyone else. Being a woman today is not like being a woman back then....I am thankful for this changes in society... BUT by no way are we done making the changes we need...Much progress still needs to be made to recognize and legalize marriage simply as uniting to human lives together. to end racism. to end abuse. to end hatred. to end judging and just allow people to live their lives. To realize our voice doesn't out weight another. that just because we don't think its right doesn't mean its wrong....we have a long ways to go but i believe we will get there...until then I am grateful and thankful for the changes we have thus far.

NOV 4th...Military Forces...I am thankful for their service to this country. I am thankful for their sacrifices for the things they give up for you for me for their families and friends for this country so we can live free. without worry. That they are out there protecting us and this country. For those you enlist. those who re-enlist those you gave their lives. THANK YOU. This country is what it is because of people like you who step up. For such a huge role you play in this country I feel like Thank You doesn't begin to cover how grateful thankful blessed we feel. I am honored to be an American because of people like YOU.

Friday, October 28, 2011


"Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore.Dream.Discover."

It is that time where I feel I am ready to do just this. Sometimes in life we allow ourselves to stay at a stand still - somewhat settling ourselves our dreams our goals our destiny to be with those we love. Just as we are all different in this life there are no two people alike the same goes for living this life. Some are utterly happy sewing. reading. having a family. setting down roots - raising a children. climbing the career ladder. dating. building. learning. traveling. We all live our lives well the way that we think is best for our selves. Some of us share this life with a partner a husband a wife. Some of us have children some of us have pets.  Some alone some with friends some with family. However we live our lives or who we live our lives with one common trait links us all together. We all are just trying to make our way thru this life and be happy. Its that simple we want to be happy. And one thought that tends to be the same for all of us iswe all want a better life... we all want to improve our lives to be living our best life possible. The question that we all are trying to figure out is how do we get there... How do we have and live such a life. I won't pretend to even begin to think I have the answers but for me its found when I take chances. do something I fear. When I allow change. When I am willing to go outside my comfort zone and experience life in a different culture thru different eyes. When I don't allow myself to settle. I am looking forward to this winter and the days to come because I am ready to set out and explore. to take chances. to allow change into my life. To live outside my comfort zone...I am ready to set out to improve my life.To change my life - I am ready to journey on the path of happiness that will include challenging myself and see where it will lead and take me. I have been at a stand still and ready to venture out to see what is beyond the life that I have lived... what else is out there for me to learn. to grow. to experience. to see. I am ready to see  where this journey will take me and who I will meet along the way. I am focus and determined that I will embark on this new path and find a part of myself that has not been found... Life its about growing and learning and if you aren't growing and learning then I highly think you need to make a change in your life. I highly think you need to take a chance. There is so much out there in this world for you not to be growing and becoming... I dare you to... to make a change. to take a chance. to step outside your comfort zone. I DARE you to join me... I am in quest of an uncharted path... that will let me discover explore learn and become thru simply life and living...and maybe just maybe along the way I will touch a few lives and a few lives will change me... We all can make changes to our lives... they don't need to be huge massive changes or taking a rambling chance it can be small as exposing yourself to a different culture eating at a new place instead of the place you know the menu by heart. It can be learning something new sewing hunting buliding cooking. It can be big like finally getting a different job one that you will like and look forward to going to instead of hating it and only living for saturdays and sundays... It doesn't matter what it is... Its YOU that decides... Its YOU... I DARE YOU... you going to take a chance... you going to allow the change... you going to step outside your comfort zone... I bet there is a life just awaiting for you to explore and discover but best of all an untouched source of happiness awaiting for you to find... I DARE YOU

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Life with you know who...

Oh Clark... here are just a few things I have wrote down -- over the past couple of months that Clark was caught saying....they are pretty humerous some others I am pretty sure resulted in either A... my mom rolling her eyes or B my mom smacking Clark in the back of the head... OH CLARK

*At a funeral-wake Clark informs my mother in a loud voice across the room...'HEY PAULA...this isn't a basketball game...we don't have to be the last ones out of the gym."  SO nicely and heartfelt put Clark. Thankfully the mourning family knows Clark quite well and laughed.

*We were talking about ping pong one night... don't ask why my family has a history of talking about random and complete off the wall topics... Clark's pong the first sport I kicked Paul's ass in (his son) then paused and said and the only....

*This one isn't something Clark says but does... My grandfather lives in an asst. living center - a very nice place...When we take my grandfather places you are required to sign him in and out at the front desk... The entire sheet goes something like this Jane Jackson out 9:04am back 3:45pm and so on...I happened to take a look at what Clark writes... Goldy Goldmann out 14:00 but 21:00... Clark who has never been in the military loves to sign my grandfather out in military time when the either sheet is listed in standard time... Nice Clark.

Oh Clark we love you... you keep life always an adventure...always making us laugh always making us smile... Life is always a ride with you.

Monday, October 24, 2011

Finding your way.

Aren't we all a little crazy... don't we all drop off into the deep end of the pool... don't we are do things and say things we shouldn't... take on too much... over extend ourselves...haven't we all been there... when life gets to be too much... when we stomp our feet like we are five and drag them in the mud like we are um... 30... don't we all do this... there is no age limit right???

I am stubborn ok beyond stubborn in certain areas of my life... leaning on others for support... asking for realize I am in over my head...pretending everything is fine when its not... just to name a few. I just figure that sooner or later it will get better... I mean it has to right...what's the point of bothering someone with my worries. my stress. my problem. my mess. my mistake is the way I see it. YA YA i would prolli skin friends alive if they have the same attitude or view point that I am taking... don't you just hate that when they throw things esp your morals or way of life back in your face and well you know... nothing worse then being wrong and then being called out on it... oh well life goes on...
I just figure this we all are trying to find our way in this life... whether you are 98 68 38 18 8 ... we are all simply trying to find our way... sometimes its one hell of a ride... sometimes its sunshine other times its a down pour... but we hang on...we carry on... what other choice do we have then to simple live. So go ahead and be a little crazy. go ahead and drop off into the deep end... just live your life. who cares what those around you think... get lost... its the best way to find your way, if you ask me... however I may or may not still be lost and trying to find my way sooo take my advice with a grain of sand...or is it salt??

Life with you know who

Clark has been getting busy has taken up walking these days with Kobe and now the new puppy Gauge. Oh course its not just going out for a normal walk not with Clark....First off it took some major talking to have him realize hiking shoes are not the same as tennis shoes for walking he kept getting blisters and couldn't understand why.... CLARK you are walking not scaling up a mountain. Well he finally went out and bought some shoes. I was home the other weekend and went in the kitchen to get a glass of milk when I opened up the cabinet door I was shocked to see 4x4 pieces of white paper taped to the inside of the door... I could tell by the handwriting it was Clark's doing... I looked and notice a bunch of numbers and couldn't help but ask my mom what this was all about... Her reply was "well that's your father's walking/running records." I called in Clark.... CLARK...i said as I opened the door of the cabinet WHAT'S ALL THIS... he started cracking that Clark grin as soon as he noticed what I was going to talk to him about. I said Clark you training for the Boston Marathon here or something. I then noted I could be wrong but I believe if you wrote smaller you could prolli fit 4 days wrote on one piece of paper not using a new piece of paper everday.... I mean really Clark you taped this many to the cabinet door you are going to run out of cabinets --- I am awaiting to come home to see how many cabinet doors he has filled up with paper. On a plus Clark did make a good point I thought it would be better to tape them to the cabinets then to leave them taped to the counter.... Oh Clark! Sometimes Kobe can't do all this walking with Clark. He is getting up there in age and his hips can't take it so most of the time Clark loads Kobe up in the new Traverse... This new SUV is loaded to the T. This includes XM radio- Clark loves to blast his tunes he the guy who is listening to MTV music and Top 40 knows all the words to Lady Gaga Rihanna Usher Flo Rida... HE LOVES music you would hear playing at a club... well this XM radio doesn't help at all... SO he will load Kobe up pop the back hack let him climb in and they take off jamming to music. They get to the spot he lets the dog out on some dirt road by hitting a button... Clark doesn't even get out of the car now days to let the dog out. He rolls down the windows to give Kobe some running music as he calls it... He slowly drives down the dirt road listening to his tune while Kobe runs besides him - I mean the car.... its quite a sight. Then when its time he hits the button and the back hack opens up again and Clark shouts out the windown Kobe Kennel... he loads up and Clark hits the button and they drive back home.... Well he hasn't been able to do this Gauge doesn't quite have this whole Clark style of running down yet... But I am sure it won't be long til the new guy knows just as much as Kobe. And I am sure that will come with more Life with Clark - I mean Mark stories... Life is always an adventure with Clark....ALWAYS

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Missing Her...

They say you will never forget where you are and what you are doing when your life changes... its true. My life changed forever on this day - this is the date Granny left us for a better place. We still think of her. We still remember her. We still love her. I believe thats how it will always be. She's still her with us in our memories in our hearts but sometimes well it just doesn't seem to be enough yet thats all we have so we carry on. I live to honor her. When I have a fall make a mistake have a bad day i think of her and how she would handle life or what she would say to me. Sometimes I don't truly listen to what she would have said and learn the hard way but most of the time i hold myself up or pick myself up and carry on with a smile. She taught me that life is worth it... life is worth living even thru sorrow thru heartache thru stumbles thru mistakes thru failures... its worth it to still give it your very best. Today (everyday) I honor you Granny.... I Love You.

B-DAY shout OUT

Want to give a special shout out to my aussie mate M. Davis and wish her a happy 'AMERICAN' birthday. She celebrated her aussie day about 24 hours ago you know how it is when you are living a day in the future. I am hoping she is still rockin; her big day. She's a pretty top shelf kind of gal - she's pretty much a rockstar. Wishing you 365 days of happiness laughter and just life. Love ya mate.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Growing Old

A Letter from "Mom and Dad"... My child, When I get old, I hope you understand 'n have patience with me In case I break the plate, or spill soup on the table because I’m losing my eyesight, I hope you don’t yell at me. Older people are sensitive, always having self pity when you yell. When my hearing gets worse 'n I can’t hear what you’re saying, I hope you don’t call me ‘Deaf!’ Please repeat what you said or write it down. I’m sorry, my child. I’m getting older. When my knees get weaker, I hope you have the patience to help me get up. Like how I used to help you while you were little, learning how to walk. Please bear with me, when I keep repeating myself like a broken record, I hope you just keep listening to me. Please don’t make fun of me, or get sick of listening to me. Do you remember when you were little 'n you wanted a ballon? You repeated yourself over 'n over until you get what you wanted. Please also pardon my smell. I smell like an old person. Please don’t force me to shower. My body is weak. Old people get sick easily when they’re cold. I hope I don’t gross you out. Do you remember when you were little? I used to chase you around because you didn’t want to shower. I hope you can be patient with me when I’m always cranky. It’s all part of getting old. You’ll understand when you’re older. 'n if you have spare time, I hope we can talk even for a few minutes. I’m always all by myself all the time, 'n have no one to talk to. I know you’re busy with work. Even if you’re not interested in my stories, please have time for me. Do you remember when you were little? I used to listen to your stories about your teddy bear. When the time comes, 'n I get ill 'n bedridden, I hope you have the patience to take care of me. I’m sorry if I accidentally wet the bed or make a mess. I hope you have the patience to take care of me during the last few moments of my life. I’m not going to last much longer, anyway. When the time of my death comes, I hope you hold my hand 'n give me strength to face death. 'n don’t worry.. When I finally meet our creator, I will whisper in his ear to bless you. Because you loved your Mom 'n Dad. SOMETHING we all need to remember. I think of my grandma and my gramps and i can't help but learn from this letter. Even I have some room to do listen more. to give more. to understand more. to love more. I owe my grandparents so much for all the love support guidence encouragement time respect they have given me... and when this letter applies to my parents I owe them just as much. When I hope I never forget what this letter says and if I do I hope I to read this letter to remember

Friday, October 14, 2011


Its a special day... Its a special milestone birthday for my Clark... for my DAD... He's the guy that makes us all laugh. He's the guy that makes us do all sorts of crazy things. He's the guy that loves to be hunting fishing basically just anything outdoors. He's the guy that could be in a brand new fishing boat or sleeping in a brand new camper yet he would rather be out in the Canoe and the Grizz - - - he loves those 70's heaven on wheels and paradise in the water. He's a fix it man - thou it takes him awhile he can fix pretty much anything. Just finding the time to do it the problem he's a busy man you see. He's busting his butt to spend his weekends camping fishing hunting. He's learning to slow down I have noticed - he's learning to relax and sit still.... You have no idea how big this is... not just for him but for those that take right after him (like his daugther) there's hope for us. He's the guy that has always led by example. He teaches his kids not with words but with action. He has taught us to have our name stand for something. When people hear that name Goldmann they will think of the person that you are... that we are. Don't give your word unless you are gonna follow thru. Don't give your time and energy to something or someone unless you are gonna do the job with everything you got. Don't let people push you around - stand up for yourself but don't be a bully or cocky. Don't sleep the day away get up and do something with it. Don't be lazy. Give a helping hand. Be active in your life don't let it pass you by. He is a man that lives his life on his terms. He is a man that has his name stand for something. He demands respect and he gives it to you (unless you don't deserve it). He is the man that turns 60 today. I reflect back on all the things that he has done.... most of those things involve two things... family and community. Growing up he made sure his children were exposed to a wide range of things that we were active with camping hunting fishing swimming skiing sports church choir band boy-girl scouts.... He always wanted us to try things. To challenge ourselves to dream to set goals and then work hard to achieve them. He took us places for us to experience life in different places. He's greatest gift besides his love he has given us is a love and respect for the outdoors. All three of us are in love with being outdoors and we know that all came from him. We were the family camping in 100 degree heat out in the middle of no where. We were the family having fun out at the lake when most thought it was too rainy out too windy out... there we were having fun. We were the family that was stomping out in the fields when most thought it was too cold out. He was the dad that took us EVERYWHERE... it didn't matter the age he took his children. Paul was just months old on his back in a carrier while he was bird hunting. I was the child he still took with him even thou I often always had to go to the bathroom just as the geese were going to fly over us OR he was often found sitting in the truck drinking hot coca with me instead of being in the duck blind... he never complained never yelled at me and kept taking me. Jacorian was skiing between his legs on the slopes at a very early age. My father always put us before him. He made sure we were having fun. we were learning. we were experiencing.He made sure that he was present in our lives. Missing opening deer season to attend a volleyball game. Missing weekends in the fields hunting and tim on the boat fishing to be at all of our sporting events. Still missing out on the way he would want to fish and hunt to teach us. To be with us - I am sure with young children it was sooo not the way that he would be hunting and fishing if we weren't there. He was found cooking meals. helping with laundry - giving baths - reading stories and singing to us at night. He has always gone above and beyond with his children.... we are the people that we are today because of the time and love my father and my mother gave us.
If he wasn't with his family - he was found building the field of dreams. A baseball field in Beulah that bares his name - Goldmann Field - stands for his endless hours and hard work... a ball park that will always be a part of Beulah - its an amazing place... I remember when it was just... DIRT... Dirt and more Dirt with hills around it... He turned it into a master piece. One of the best legion fields... a place where all the kids can't wait to play at... a place where little boys dream of being a cyclone and a miner so this field can be their home plate. He started to build it for his boys to play baseball on a nice field and years later after his boys were done playing he kept building he kept working.... He gave the community and all the young boys that has been and will be a place to be proud of. I drive by that field and remind myself what a little hard work and determination can do. I look at that field and see the lessons my father taught my brothers and I thru out all those years of building and making fields of dreams a reality. He had help by many thru out the years but often his main help was who he called the Baseball Boasters... my mom, my brothers and me... He made sure we were always out there helping - granted I spent alot of the time wondering why I HAD TO BE there... I was never gonna play on that field... yet i never got out of it... He was teaching by example lessons of hard work. of giving your time for a cause greater than yourselve. Now all of us are proud that name bares GOLDMANN FIELD because of him.... he included us in his master plan for that place. I hope with in the coming years he continues to take all of us with him on his adventures. That we continue to be active right along with him. That he begins to relax and enjoy more. Dad you deserve all the happiness in this world. you have put in your time to enjoy it. I know that you will continue to led by example always teaching the boys and I life lessons....always making the time for us and to be with us. We love you for the Dad that you have been and continue to be. We are honored grateful and blessed to be YOUR PAUL. YOUR MICHELLE. YOUR JACORIAN...just as proud as we are that YOUR our DAD. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD (clark). Can't wait to celebrate with you with a bottle of crown royal sitting in the grizz in the middle of nowhere all together under the stars having the time of our lives... you have raised us right --- a family that lives this life together.

Thursday, October 13, 2011


October is a hard month at times but its also one of my favorite months. Today is my grandmother's birthday and next thursday we will remember her life here on ending on Oct. 20th. I spend alot of October thinking of a woman who I was so blessed and honored to call Granny. Gosh do I miss her. I often just long to hear her english tone voice and to be embrace in one of her hugs of love. I miss sitting down and having afternoon tea with her, I miss going to get the mail and finding a letter from her. I MISS her letters... her words... her random stories about the weather the birds just about life. I miss getting clippings of the paper she cut out just for me thinking I might want to read and see. She was such a
thoughtful kind and caring lady. She always had the time even if she didn't she made the time for my brothers and I. Her family was what truly number one to her - she loved us all together. she loved seeing our smiles and hearing our laughs. To this very day years after she has been gone I still look around for her when we all gather - i still truly think I will see her that she will appear - walk in to the room like she always did and say "hey there kiddo." I wonder if thats how it will always be...
She had a special way about her - she had this amazing calming zen to her. She just made you feel good about yourself. Comfortable in your own skin. She had this way of washing your worries stresses failures mistakes away and just seeing you. She was grace. She was kindness. She was strength. She was love. She is who I want to be just like... half Granny and half my mother... Two of the greatest women I know. When we gather thou I look around and notice that she's still with us the very best of her is still here living and breathing in my aunts Renee & Shelley and in my father Mark. She has passed down her greatest gifts her personality traits... its seen in how my aunt Shelley gives hugs, in the love my aunt Renee shows, in the smile on my dad's face... Its when I miss her the most I see these traits come out in my father and aunts almost like she's is like that it never leaves us. Love reminds. We continue to miss you, Granny and we always will til I see you someday --- until then we gather as a family - we smile. we laugh. we make memories knowing how proud you would be that we all remain so close... You taught us the things that matter and to always hold onto those things no matter where this life takes you.... FAMILY... I am proud today and always to be a Goldmann. I am proud to be your grand-daughter. And know that when someone tells me you're just like Granny- I smile with joy and pride... HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANNY(oct 12th). I hope somewhere you are enjoying a hot cup of tea with Great Granny and Olivia. Sending my love to you always.

Friday, October 7, 2011

A little LATE

It was Oct. 2....ya I know I am a little late but never forgotten... He would have been 55 this year. I wonder the lessons he would have taught me I wonder the memories I would have had with him and his girls. I wonder who he would be today... Would he still be teaching english and coacing football and wrestling. Would he still be in Beulah with his wife. Would he still be as a beloved teacher like he was thru out all the years he was at BHS.... I am guessing all the answers would prolli all be YES. I often wonder in the same breath who would we all be if he was still here. Would we be the same? Would we be better or less as the people we are today. I know it was thru his suffering. his pain. his fight. his battle. his death that we those who knew and love him that were force to learn life lessons. We dugged our feet because we didn't want the growth in character to come at the cost of his life. Yet that was Mr. Swegarden in prime form... teaching us the lessons that matter most. Having in a hand in the growth of character the kind that is great for the soul but oh so hard to do... so of course he would be behind it all... I remember sitting in his class having to do book reports... I hated getting up in front of the class and speaking. He knew this. I usually put off doing it in hopes he would some how forget that I never gave mine.. I remember the day he said Miss. Goldmann your up... well I bombed my book report...I got so nervous I actually sat down in the middle of it... I was embrassed to say the very least. The bell rang and the class ran off to lunch and i just sat there in my desk completely dumbfounded because i knew i would be the talk of the school... did you hear what Michelle Goldmann did in english class... I remember him pulling up a chair next to me - him saying look at me Michelle. Sometimes we fail in life. Sometimes we fall. chances are it happens alot more than when we succeed. Today you felt what its like to fail - so remember its not the end of the world. We just get up and try again. Thats the part that matters that we TRY AGAIN. and you never stop trying til you do succeed. I looked up at him tears in my eyes and red faced and said... so your saying i have to do this all over again tomorrow... he smiled and said YUP... but I believe you will learn from this and succeed. BUT if you don't there's always the day after that. I was never the talk of the school because Mr. Swegarden was kind a enough to discuss with the class that if we don't feel comfortable to fall to fail in front of our peers then we are all destined to failure in life... beause each one of us will be wearng the shoes that your classmate wore today... don't ever forget what its like to walk in those shoes. That man was all about growth. learning and character. I got up the next day and gave my book report sailed thru it like the previous day never happened. Who would have thought it took failing at a 9th grade book report for me to learn a life lesson that has never parted with me since. The bell rang and everyone ran out the door to be the first in line for lunch while i as usual casually left the room in the unlike oh my god there's a bomb or fire matter that the rest of my classmates exited. I got to the door and I can still hear his voice.... Miss Goldmann I am proud of the character you showed, never lose or be afraid to show your character- see you tomorrow. God I miss that man. Happy Birthday Mr. Swegarden. I am honored I am beyond blessed that my life was one of the lucky to be touched shaped and forever changed by you. You will always be one of THE greatest men I have ever had the pleasure to know. I know that I am MORE because of YOU. I know that I am the person I am today because you always took the time- because you went above and beyond- because you used your teachings your classroom your lessons for more than just english grammar and literature-because you showed character thru out your entire life esp with your battle with cancer. because you never stopped being a teacher. a coach. a mentor... You were and still are one of the good ones. The kind of person this world needs more of... I know you don't need birthday wishes where you are at these days so instead I wish that you grace the lives of those you love(esp your girls)... I hope you bring them sunshine in their darkness. I hope you bring them smiles to their tears. I hope you send this a wave of peace.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Dear Taylor

Its the start of the month of October, which is also breast cancer awareness month. To tell you the truth I never really paid much attention to the pink in the fall. But last year that all changed, I went from having basically NO PINK in my closet to now having so much I have no idea what I am going to do with it... do i need another tee or crew supporting breast cancer... UM the answer will ALWAYS BE YES. This got me all thinking. Of the year we have had since last October. The biggest change and the of course the best change is that you are now here. DUH you would be the best... but you are too young to understand or even know what you being here has brought. So today I woke up and said I am going to write a blog to my little asian birdie - Taylor so I don't forget and most importantly that someday you can come to this blog site and read this post and know just how TRULY SPECIAL you are.

You see before you came into the picture your Granny got really sick. And she needed will and determination to fight to keep fighting to live. Then something happened she was told she was going to be a Granny... because you were on your way to our lives. You were the strength she needed. You were the will to live and never give up. Granny was bound and detemine to LIVE to see YOU, Taylor. I want you to know the impact you had on her life... I know Granny would have fought regardless but you were the dream the gift that Granny has wanted since your mommy and daddy got married. She wanted a grandbaby... and thankgod it was your parents that had you... for at the time your auntie chelle was in NO PLACE to have one of her own... and between you and I - i love to just spoil you buy you way too much love you to pieces and the give you back... as much as i love you i love you even more that its not be who has to deal with you when you are out of control crying and unhappy... but that doesn't mean i love you any less it simply means your auntie is not ready to have kids (haha). so bless your parents hearts they decided to have you... and you couldn't have come at a more perfect time.

Once you arrived you began to heal a family wound that cancer brought to all of our lives. You did this by simply being YOU. So always know that you just being you is and always will be way more than enough... how do i know... well because you made all of our lives better by just being here. You are one loved little girl. By your parents. by your gramps and your granny. by your uncle jack and your aunt chelle. You have brought smiles to our faces. and so much love into our lives. You are our bundle of hope. For before you were born you were the hope Granny so needed and when you arrived you were hope wrapped in love that life even in times of uncertainty provides us with blessings with gifts with reasons to LOVEthisLIFE at ALL TIMES. And now you are still that same hope that our tomorrows will be brighter than our yesterdays. That life will always give us just what we need to live it... This life gave us YOU. So ya their may be some faces that look at you a bit differently because we know just the blessing you are in our lives... we know what you brought us when you came... we know what your life your being here has brought to your Granny. (on a side note i would milk that for what its worth with that Granny and Gramps of yours... they would give you the moon... don't worry i will explain and teach you what i mean about milking...not cows either). We are so very glad you are here... and that now i have yet another girl to buy all sorts of pink for... i am sucker for that color now...

So Tay... thank you... for all you have done without even having a clue. One day I hope you come to this site and read this blog and know that there is nothing you can't do... you have already healed the lives of your Goldmann family. You have already gave your Granny the strength the hope the will to keep fighting but more importantly to keep living and never give up. Those are some pretty big time accomplishments for someone who at the moment has no teeth and wears a diaper... i can only imagine whats in store for you in the life that lays before you... you little one are going to rattle even the stars.

Somebody's Miranda

Met an old man yesterday Next to me on a westbound plane He said "I was married sixty years I swear it feels like she's still here." Then he took out a picture Staring at that black and white The tears filled up in his eyes I said "You were a lucky man." He said "I feel like I still am." When he told me her name I heard myself say... I wanna be Somebody's Chelsea Somebody's world Somebody's day and night One and only girl A part of a love story That never has an end You know that's what every woman wants to be Somebody's Chelsea He made me laugh when he talked about Their first date and her father's doubts He said "Even as her hair turned gray, She still took my breath away." And that it never changed with time That's when I closed my eyes...
i heard this song and thought on my grandparents... married for 60 years... they had the love story. i could see my gramps talking about granny in this way. and i always loved seeing them as this couple. The living love story. My grandfather was in love with my grandmother for 60 years and I know when she passed away the hole that was left in his heart. He is a tough man he carries on because he has to but I know he mus miss my grandmother like crazy. So this song to me should be Somebody's Miranda... because that is my Granny's name. And I know my Gramps loved her and still loves her just like the man in this song... I don't do alot of daydreaming. But if i were to be honest someday I want to be somebody's Miranda, Somebody's Chelsea. But the thing is I won't settle for anything less than that. I have seen the love my grandparents had. I see the love my parents have that so many couples i admire have... and I would rather wait out for that than to give in to something that would fall short of that. So i keep on living. I keep on exploring this life and loving this life... But i know these lines hit home to me....
I wanna be Somebody's Chelsea Somebody's world Somebody's day and night One and only girl A part of a love story That never has an end You know that's what every woman wants to be Somebody's Chelsea...Somebody's MIRANDA....

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Start NOW

"Walk with the DREAMERS, the BELIEVERS, the COURAGEOUS, the CHEERFUL, the PLANNERS, the DOERS, the SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE, with their heads up in the CLOUDS and their feet on the GROUND. Let their SPIRIT ignite a FIRE within YOU to leave this WORLD better than when you FOUND it." Its amazing to look around and to see that so many allow themselves to be passangers in their own life. Its dumbfounding to me how many settle to be unhappy when they have the power to simply be. HAPPINESS is not a destination it is a state of mind and YOU have the choice to be or not to be. How do you view the world? How do you view your life? Is your glass half full or is it half empty. Are using what happens and what is happening in your life as a stepping stone to better your ilfe to better this world or are you using it as a road block. If you don't like something change it... and maybe just maybe all you need to change is the way you are looking at it. I allow others to be apart of my life my world I learn from them I let them inspire me I let them support me encourage me... and when I learn from others when I allow others the honor of being apart of my world I find it is ME who is gaining. Its time that more of us move over the the sit to the left of us and take over the wheel - start being the driver in your life. Take responsbility for your actions, your words, your life, your happiness... focus the attention on YOU if your not happy... For once you focus your attention to the right source its there you have a power to make a change. Start NOW... "This is YOUR WORLD... Shape it of someone else will."

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Too Much

I spend my summers living with my cousins during what i call wedding season since i come back to North Dakota to take photos. My cousin Travis is married to Jill and they have four kids... Sabrina, Sadey, Sharlotte (who i call my monkey - is also my god-daughter) and Luke. Its always an adventure in this household something is always going on. And I love spending time with this cool and hip family. Of course being the godmother of a two year old is always a ball esp when your godchild is Sharlotte. She is 53% naughty 47% funny. 100% cute. The kid cracks me up because she is always doing something. She can not say Michelle so I have a special name... Moo - How. To say godmother like godchild ummm just might be dead on. She is about as wild crazy always on the move like I am. She can usually be found dumping all of her toys on the floor, demanding she needs something like Moo-How I need gum... Moo-How I need duice (juice)... Moo-How I need ... She also hates going to sleep at night... she fights it because we can already tell she's going to be a night owl. She is also mad about bandaids... she always needs at least one stuck on somewhere of her body at all times. She has some gangster in her because when she wears her pj pants her left leg pan must be ushed up above her knee - we aren't sure why. I believe I have to use the word gentle with her at least 20 some times day. She like me to pick her up and she proceeds to take her hands and snap my face in a play like matter which usually turns into a full out slap if i dont say Monkey Gentle. She is also ALL about questions and no matter what you say she will ask the same question over and over and over and over and over again usually will go like this Moo- How where's my daddy at i will answer only for her to ask again and I will answer she will ask again. Once i was in the basement editing photos she yells as she's coming down the steps Moo-How what you doing...I say editing pictures this convo of asking and answering proceeds for at least 5 mins finally I start saying I am buying a ticket to fly to asian. Shar goes back up stairs and then informs Sadey that Moo-How goin to Asia...
I ask her if anyone has seen my monkey and her response is to hide her face in her hands and wait for me to find her.... no she doesn't actually hide the rest of her body... it will go something like this i will come up the stairs she will be playing in the middle of the floor and i will shout out has anyone seen my monkey - she will bring her hands to her face and FREEZE and be dead silent like she has disappeared. I usually pretend to look around for her for at least a couple of seconds and then say... oh there she is. She will look at me with a huge smile on her face and say something like me moo-how's monkey. She is two years old and well has sun bleached blonde hair she appears to be somewhat bald looking but the hair is slowly coming in but she is the cutest kid ever... she has most of her family and extend family wrapped around her finger. She calls my older brother Paul...Money - no idea... and she calls my younger brother Jacorian - torian. I am also beginning to notice that Moo - How will prolli end up sticking since now most of my family is calling me Moo - How. The things we do for the love of a 2 year old. Back to the main reason I decided to blog about my wild completely cute sometimes naughty two year old monkey. at night she comes to say goodnight to me and give kisses and hugs... i am not sure why she usually is up still for the next hour or so and then gives kisses and hugs again but we go thru this every night anyways with hopes she will actually go to bed..who are we kidding... anyways she jumps into me arms gives me a bear hug and kisses my face and brings her face close to mine so we are eye to eye. She says Moo-How me love you. I say back monkey do you know how much I love you...she looks at me with a grin and says... too much. I smile and say yup too much.. I kiss her forehead she jumps out of my arms and runs off (in a way that you can tell she is sooo not tired). TOO MUCH ... well Sharlotte years from now you may cause too much trouble. you may be a little too wild. you may be a little too much naughty but i promise you i will never love you too much to be enough. You and Me we will always be two peas and a pod and when you cause all holy hell and get way over your head in a situation you come see your Moo-How because I am positive I will understand... alittle TOO MUCH 0

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Burnt Biscuit

"When I was a kid, my mom liked to make breakfast food for dinner every now and then. And I remember one night in particular when she had made breakfast after a long, hard day at work. On that evening so long ago, my mom placed a plate of eggs, sausage, and extremely burned biscuits in front of my dad. I remember waiting to see if anyone noticed! Yet all my dad did was reach for his Biscuit, smile at my mom and ask me how my day was at school. I don't remember what I told him that night, but I do remember hearing my mom apologize to my dad for burning the biscuits. And I'll never forget what he said: "Honey, I love burned biscuits." Later that night, I went to kiss Daddy good night and I asked him if he really liked his biscuits burned. He wrapped me in his arms and said, "Your momma put in a long hard day at work today and she's real tired. And besides... a burnt biscuit never hurt anyone!" You know, life is full of imperfect things... and imperfect people. I'm not the best at hardly anything, and I forget birthdays and anniversaries just like everyone else. What I've learned over the years is that learning to accept each others faults and choosing to celebrate each others differences, is one of the most important keys to creating a healthy, growing, and lasting relationship. So...please pass me a biscuit. And yes, the burned one will do just fine! And please pass this along to someone who has enriched your life... I just did! Life is too short to wake up with regrets... Love the people who treat you right and forget about the ones who don't. ENJOY LIFE NOW - IT HAS AN EXPIRATION" I read this and thought yup this is my blog post for today... Lesson Learned.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Perfect Fall

Today is one of those days that remind me just why I love the month of September and why I am completely taken with the Fall season. God do I ever just love to be outside with a sweater on the fall sun shinning on me and the fresh air filling my lungs. Everything about a typical fall day makes me want to be outside. I hope it finds you wanting to do the same!!! Get your butt outside and enjoy this day!

Taking the High Road

I have found sometimes ok ok all the time when you have the best of intentions in mind for another or when you take the high road and be the bigger strong person most often it comes from your expense. Because once you decide to put someone before yourself when you decide to focus on their feelings you are automatically pushing yours aside. It tough to put someone before you but it always is the biggest example of caring and love you can show. Yet often is also one of the hardest things you can do. In the end though it tends to be worth it when you know because you did such an act that they found happiness that they found success that they found love that they found peace... That's that's when it is totally worth it.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Hail the BISON

What a great weekend to bleed green. What a great time to be a Bison but when isn't it a great time to be a Bison come to think of it. Nothing like fresh road kill and a Bison victory.

We can be tougher

No one ever said Life was easy. No one ever said that lessons in life would be a snap to learn. That change would happen so quickly you wouldn't even notice when it would happen. That loss in life will not effect your life. Wouldn't that be awesome if that were the case. If we were able to just put ourselves on auto pilot or respond in a robot matter. But then again what fun would that be. Sometimes that's just how life goes. Sometimes you just have to deal with it and accept that this is your reality. And to remember that this moment doesn't last forever that the tide will turn and you will be off to something else you just have to hold on. I remind myself that with each moment I am given a chance to learn to grow and to become. Even esp in those moments you find yourself in that you would rather fast forward thru or to forget completely.

Moments in life can be tough but we can be tougher.

Friday, September 2, 2011


What happened to August?? Where does the time go?? Yesterday marked the first day of two of my favorite things... The first day of FALL and the first day of September. This would be the time I would love it to be all year around...Fall. I love the changing of the seasons, needing a hoodie while bumming around outside at night, being able to wear shorts on most days but needing that super cute knit sweater that was just bought from JCrew or Land's End. I love the colors of Fall and I love to over play James Taylor's September Grass on repeat only to be followed my October Road (another favorite month of mine).Life is good - to me life is perfect in the Fall. Granted I love me some sun in the summer, rain in the spring and snow in the winter....duh I am obsessed with skiing and mountains... but its Fall that has captured my heart. I am wrapped up in the leaves changing and hearing them crunch beneath my feet when I am walking. I hope you are taking in Mother Nature's work some of her best work can be found today. So get out there and only get one... well at least that I know of...

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Shut up and live

Someone said last night four words that stuck a cord and I know will stay with me for time and years to come... "SHUT UP and LIVE!" Sometimes people do too much talking and not enough living and doing. I often like to tune the world around me out - silence the voices of the know it alls... Even if they are right sometimes we just to find out for ourselves. So I tune them out and listen to the one voice that truly counts and matters... Mine. SHUT UP and LIVE a pretty good saying and motto isn't it. I encourage you to do the same!

Sunday, July 31, 2011

what means the most

We run thru this life it seems - chasing after a check list of dreams - never seeming to have enough time to do the things that bring us happiness that bring us laughter. Well some time ago I stopped and decided to slow my pace and start doing more of the simple stuff that means the most to me. Because in the end its what means the most in our lives that defines our life... How are you spending your time - how are you living your life?!

What means the most to me.... Mornings on the mountain with fresh pow - playing just dance with Sadey - road trips with two aussies - hearing my name being called (Moo How) by a special monkey - tubing with chuckie I mean Mady - an ice cold can of ginger ale - adventures with my Ruby - sinning in Vegas with bestie brit - causing trouble with jess toop leah klabo and amy botnen - coffee date with bee - lake time with my brothers - hunting with clark (my father) - a beer ok I mean beers with Kelcey at the nite owl - laughing with my cousin britt - skiing with kali and nikki - talking chelsea and nuggets with katie - catching up with jacks and da - random run in-s with beck - chaos in the cities with the knitting circle -memories of hollister and hollywood - luke the hunk smiling - twins and beers with travis - jillian in the morning with jilly - trips with mom - bonding with sabrina - music sharing with yanni - partying with members of the class of 99 - buffalo wild wings with dee dee - family gatherings - eating lunch with gramps - taylor time -tea with granny - happy hour with renee and shelley - checking wireless with karla - english class with mr swegarden - time away from it all with my nikon - garlic bread off the grill - flip flop tan lines - kato trips back when - exploring life - meeting new people making new friends - indian summer evenings at oxbow - and the list could go on and on...

We all need to stop and realize the things the people that means the most to you and your life. To look at your life and start wanting and needing the things and people already in your life instead of feeling like you are missing out that you have to go in quest of something or someone. Your life in this moment now is filled with more meaning than you can possibly think of. New flash the grass isn't always greenier on the other side! What means the most to YOU! Figure it out and start spending more of your time doing just that and with the people that matter in your life. Start living your dream - your life NOW!

Saturday, July 30, 2011

pimples and letting go

Letting go... It just might be the hardest task us humans have to do in this life. We grasp so tightly to the change we don't want to accept - the love that we have lost - the dream we had to give up - the friendship that we out grew - the death of someone we can't live without. Letting go it seems so simply easy yet the hard fact is it can take everything we got every ounce of strength to painfully let go. And once we have done it - it well doesn't mean you have let it go forever its like those pimples that just show up. You find yourself washing and scrubbing everyday and taking care of yourself only to wake up one morning and find a black head or a white head right in the middle of your forehead and you find yourself HOW in the HELL can that be? Letting go is like that in my eyes - you think you have put it behind you you think you can move on move past and you find yourself once again with the mother of all pimples. Which leads you to think will I ever be able to let this go. Will I ever be able to escape this will I ever be able to out run this. We can take all the precautions in the world but the truth is sometimes a pimple is just going to surface. We something just have to deal with it and accept it that no matter how hard it is to let go its part of life and we will just learn and grow from it.

Letting go isn't pretty. But have you ever found a pretty pimple? They may be ugly -but they do go - they may leave a scar but we heal. And all we can do is wash and scrub and take note they just may come back without warning or reasoning.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Birthday Shout Out to my MOM

Its a must to do... It has to be said... HAPPY BIRTHDAY, Mom!!! Can't wait to celebrate with you and the rest of the crazies we call our family this weekend! We have much to party about if you ask me!! Til then I hope you enjoy your day!! Olive Juice!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

365 days

Look closely at these faces can you see the change two photos from before the Big C came into our lives and two photos after the Big C decided to make its new home inside of my mom. Before the Big C yes we were a family. Yes we could be found most of the time laughing, smiling and having a good time. Yes we found the glass of life half full. Yes we enjoyed to be in each other's presences. But 365 days later after we were told Mom has stage 4 breast cancer and its spread to her spine and liver we are different, we have changed. 365 days ago we all had hair. By August 4 out of 6 would not. (let's be honest Dad has already lost most of his). We have grown as people and as a family. We have grown closer, we have slowed down and enjoyed the moment. We are taking notice of the simple little blessings, we find ourselves grateful to just be here. 365 days later we are stronger. we are more compassionate. we are more forgiving. we are more caring and understanding. The rushes to get things done has left us and in its place the peace of just enjoying life. Its funny how it takes a thing like cancer to get us to stop and make the changes we need to make to truly LOVEthisLIFE. Its funny how death - just the thought of it can change how you view life and live life. For 365 days we have been living like we were dying. And let me tell you its been the best living we have done.

Yea there have been some out of our hands scary moments, moments that were filled with fear, worry and what if's - but there were also moments that we found laughter that made our gut ache and huge smiles across our faces that I swear wrapped around the back of our heads. Yea there were times we wish the heaviness in our hearts and tears in our eyes would escape us but there were also times where our hearts felt like they could burst from the love support encouragement friendship we were given by oh so many we could never name. 365 days later we have changed, we are different. But I believe those 365 days have forced us to grow and become BETTER - MORE. The greatest personal growth often comes from the hardest of lessons the most difficult of times. We have found we can bare more than we think. We are capable of more than we know. We are stronger than it looks. 365 days later we are left amazed how one woman could teach us so much more about life. We are left amazed that she is now teaching us the lessons we so needed to learn - how to live. how to fight. how to not give up. We are left amazed at her will, her strength, her hope, her faith, her determination. 365 days later we find the honor, the gift, the blessing it is to still have her here, to simply still call her MOM.

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Father's Day

Being that it is Father's Day I figure today would be a great day to make a blog post about the guy that I call Dad. I have been told more than a time or two that I look just like him and act just like him. Being a Daddy's Girl since birth I am not surprised. My father can be a little out there and life is always an adventure with him. He is always doing something wild crazy or saying something that makes us laugh or at times roll our eyes. You just never know what he will be doing or saying. He's the type of guy that lives in the moment. He works hard and yet knows when to kick back and have a great time. He fills our lives with support and encouragement in a way that he can only do. He has been a great blessing in my life and I am honored to call him Dad. So Happy Father's Day to my Dad - Clark... I mean Mark.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Welcome Max Plante

It must be the year of babies! I was told of some very happy news this afternoon my good friends Bridget and Dan welcomed into the world their new baby boy Max Plante! He was a little whopper at 8 lbs 6 oz. and 21 inches. Already got to see a picture of the happy family and let me tell you big brother Will is just as cute as his little brother! And Bridget well looks nothing like she just gave birth to a baby the size of a watermelon out of a hole to size of a lemon. What a rockstar! She was looking like she was meeting up for drinks drop dead beautiful- like always. I will be looking forward to seeing you all very soon! Til then congrats and know that I am sending my very best as well as happiness and love to you all!

Monday, May 23, 2011

if she's anything like...

Its funny how fast life can change how it can begin and end in one single moment. How one day someone enters or leaves your life and you find yourself wondering what life before that moment was like. The Goldmann family grew by one this weekend as you know, and I think we are all trying to remember what life was like before this bundle of pink arrived. We all sit in aww with smiles plastered across our faces and our hearts bursting with happiness pride and love. Life will truly never be the same again for us. These are the moments that make living life so great these are the moments that make being a part of a family so special. I have no clue what life has in store for Taylor but I do know she will be surrounded by many who will always think she's a blessing. She will be spoiled with love and prolli just a few (only a few- or at least that's what we will tell ourselves) items.

If Taylor is anything like her Daddy she will be competitive, caring and a perfectionist. If she's anything like her Mommy she will be simply at ease in her own skin, thoughtful, and accepting. If she's anything like her aunt michelle she will be a little crazy wild and free spirited. If she's anything like her uncle jac she will be focused, funny and quiet. If she's anything like her Gramps she will be hard working, a little out there and the life of the party. If she's anything like her Granny she will be loving patience and book smart. No matter who she's like or if she's just completely all Taylor in her own way we will think your pretty neat and we will love you just for simply being you.

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Taylor Jean Goldmann

The Goldmann clan is proud to say that on Friday, May 20, 2011 at 7:19 PM we welcomed into the world the newest member in a family of crazies, Taylor Jean Goldmann. For the first hours of her new life her eyes were open and moving around - very alert for just being hours old. She was spoiled with love right off the bat and greeted by both sets of grandparents with huge smiles on their faces, Grandpa and Grandma Mollman and Gramps & Granny Goldmann. Also seeing her just hours old were Uncle Jacorian, Aunt Michelle, Aunt Margo & Uncle Ryan, Uncle Mason, Cousins Brittaney & Madysen and two special people Nicole & Ross Ford. It was a room filled with love, excitement, pride and happiness. Taylor I have you know I have never seen your mommy and daddy with such a big smile on their faces, they already love you soo much.

Taylor, my little 'crack baby' niece - I have you know that I am as well as many are completely addicted to YOU... I am in search of a 12 step program already but hoping I never find one to be honest - I mean how could you not be head over heels for such a cutie.... Welcome to the family, in know its a bit crazy and wild being a Goldmann but I promise you its always an adventure. You will never need a reason to smile and laugh when you belong to such yahoos. You will be spoiled by all who know and love you. Esp your uncle Jacorian and aunt Michelle, I promise to show you the ropes on how to be a true GoldWOMANN. It will be quite a ride this journey we call life but thru the princess dresses and scraped knees it will all be worth it. And that Gramps and Granny of yours are pretty special - and will surely fill your childhood with love and laughter. Lastly I hope you someday know and realize how blessed you are to have such a great Mommy and Daddy. They are two of the greatest people I have ever known. They have waited so long to have you here and they are over the moon in love with you. We are so excited to love you and watch you grow and become Taylor.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

Life with Clark, I mean MARK: Secretary Fun

Its no secret that Mark Goldmann likes to have a good time. He enjoys telling jokes and well playing jokes on people as well. In short the man just like to laugh and make others laugh.

One normal work day at Basin the main secretary of the plant buzzed Clark to let him know Paula was on line one. Without skipping a beat Clark goes "Paula who? I don't know a Paula?" The secretary replied with "just hold on and I will see." She then clicked back over to the line and said "excuse me but can I ask Paula Who?" My mother realizing just what Clark was up to says.... "Paula HIS WIFE". You can imagine what the lady said to Clark after finding out the practical joke he played on her. To this day she still is fuming when she recalls that day at the office when she found out who Paula was. She of course couldn't apologize enough to my mother, who simply replied that's just Mark.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Life with Clark, I mean MARK: Deer Cams

My father is an avid outdoorsman. He loves to be outside hunting and fishing. He just may have a slight problem. Clark loves to go to Scheels and buy anything and everything for turkey hunting, fishing, deer hunting...(the list goes on)... well actually he just loves to go to Scheels. He often tells my mother that they are only making one stop at the mall, thankful Scheels as a great women's section or my mother might not have the best clothing section to shop from.

Well Clark found some Deer Cameras in Scheels one day and well life was never quite the same for anyone in the Goldmann household. You would think having just one would be enough, well not for Clark. He informed my mother, "Paula there's more than one place the deer will gather to eat, I need to be able to see all the spots we can hunt from." So Clark, once again got his way and now is the proud owner of many deer cameras. This would have been perfectly fine IF IT STOPPED THERE... But this is life with Clark so of course it didn't. He would then bring home the memory cards and have the entire family sit down and watch the still photos taken from the deer cams as if we were gathering around the television for a friday night movie. Mind you that these deer cams are set to go off when it senses any sort of motion, so often we were looking at pictures of nothing and sometimes all you could see were the eyes of some animal reflecting the flash in its eyes at night. When a deer was in the photo, Clark would keep the image on the screen as if he was trying to get us to memorize every detail of the deer so when we got out hunting we knew just what deer we were after. Let's just say after one sitting of the deer camera show I had my fill for life.

However; Clark did find a way to get his money's worth & use his deer camera during the off season of hunting. One morning my mother got out of the bathtube and opened up the linen closet for a towel, you can imagine her surprise when she was scared half to death by the deer cam flash going off. After she got done screaming she could hear Clark chuckling from the living room, she however was not impressed.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Life with Clark, I mean MARK: Puala's Coffin

Puala's Coffin

When my mother reached the over the hill gang of 40, my father decided to throw her a surprise birthday party out at the lake. It was a pretty big party - the grim reaper made an appearance which happen to be her boss and the elementary school principal Mr. Schilke. Clark had lots of ideas that he turned into actions. His biggest surprise was in the making of something to house the keg he bought.

To make it a complete surprise he decide to make his creation up at the Swegardens' house (Jay and Janelle were both teachers for the Beulah Public School -Janelle taught second grade with my mother & Jay a high school english teacher). So off Clark went early one morning to the Swegardens'. He and Mr. Swegarden were busy in the back yard early in the morning. They were causing all sorts of racket, like a nosey neighbor would be, the lady next door peeked over the fence to see just what the commotion was all about... I believe what she found going on was utterly stunning & disturbing. It appeared they were building a coffin. The curiosity over came her and she just had to ask "What are you two making?" Without missing a beat Clark yells over "A coffin for my wife, however she's a bit taller so I will have to cut her just below the knees to make her fit." He then continued his work giving her no other explanation. A little while later just as he finished spray painting the last a in Paula onto the coffin under the already R.I.P. , he and Mr. Swegarden stood up the coffin and took a step back to admire their creation a coffin with a hole to house the keg. Clark was beaming with pride and a huge smile on his face... Until Mr. Swegarden (the english teacher mind you) said "isn't Paula spelt au... not ua??" Yup, Clark wrote Puala instead of Paula. He left it saying R.I.P. Puala... To this day my mother still is often called Puala.

Monday, May 9, 2011

Life with Clark, I mean MARK: Who broke that & the Clue Lamps

Today is the start of a new series that will be featured on my blog called: Life with Clark, I mean MARK. Mark is my father, I say Clark because there are some traits that link him worthy to Clark Grizwold... Whenever I post these blogs it will always be called the above title and they will all be linked together for your reading enjoyment. What you read is in fact THE COMPLETE TRUTH. These are things that my father has actually said, thought and done. Its always an adventure (usually filled with laughter) with my father, Mark.

Life with Clark, I mean MARK (Who broke that & the Clue Lamps)

My father believes he has somewhat of a prized memory or maybe the correct wording appears to, I have never seen someone that can find something so fast in a huge mess. Anytime I or any other family member has given up and/or about to go out to the store and buy a whatever that is lost in the chaotic organizational system my father calls his basement and garage Clark walks causually over and in a matter of seconds finds whatever we have been looking for - for the past hour. And of course always makes some comment like "you weren't even looking - its laying right here." Now with such a great memory the following shouldn't apply to him. But I will let you be the judge on that. While growing up in an active household where we played football and any other sport with a ball not only outside but often times in doors as well, you can about imagine the things that got broke. Of course whenever such happened we did tell at least our mother right away, and often my father at the same time. However he was told he was in fact ALWAYS TOLD, what was broke - how it broke and what needed to be fixed. Most of the things broke involved him being the one that fixed it... The following are things he would often say and to this day still says... While walking by something that has been broken for years Clark will casually say "when did that break or who broke that" in a maner that would make him think it was broken yesterday or today. These sayings are usually followed by "why didn't someone tell me???"

Case in point, the lamps we have had in our living room since well it seems like the dawn of forever, are these heavy brass lamps that you imagine could be featured in a game of clue Col. Mustard in the study with the brass lamp... Well for years these lamps seemed to have had a mind of their own... Turing off sometimes when someone would just walk by other times as if we had the clap on clap off installed and someone was clapping down the street. If they weren't turning off and on by themselves they were flickering. After battling with them for years we finally convinced my mother to replace them (she had somewhat of an attachement issue with these Game of Clue Lamps). So we finally go out and buy two new lamps & set the old ones by the trash. In walks Clark and his casual comments of "who broke these, when did these break.??" WHAT are you kidding me the man with a memory of finding anything in a mess can't remember all of the issues we had with the Clue Lamps?? So what does he do... informs my mother "well, Paula these are perfectly fine lamps that can be fixed." Really Bob Villa...yeah right... A few nights later my mother calls me and says guess who fixed the lamps. The new lamps have been replaced with the once again Clue Lamps that now ACTUALLY WORK.