We all have them...quirks we always catch ourselves doing without even realizing it. I tend to bite or chew the inside of my lip or mouth...crack my knuckles...sleep on this side of the bed...only eat purple colored / grape flavored candy...the list goes on...i have added one to the things that fall under habits..
I have yet to decide if its normal...if its healthy....then i realized it doesn't matter...its real...its me and well that makes it OK no matter what people may think...i tend to go to the funeral home website and read my mom's obituary...how often doesn't matter...but let's just say its enough to finally add the link to my favorites to make finding it a lot faster.
Most of the time i just sit there and let my brain process it...its a long process...thoughts race thru my head...this is real...this is her obituary....this is proof that she is gone...this isn't a dream or a nightmare - its real life...its a process like i said...basically everyday where i have to remind myself more times than i can count that she isn't here..thats she's gone...i have to say gone because the word dead...well i am not there yet...i still can't link that word with my mom...i know its a fact thats just what she is or just what happened but my mind my heart my soul just can't use that word when thinking of her...soi say she's gone...it softens the blow...kind of....
The truth of the matter is its a journey letting go of someone...grief is a journey that well i am not able to understand nor explain...so i take it day by day...ok most often i take it moment by moment. i know i am slowly letting her go in the way that she would want...i am still working on it...gosh darnit i miss her...there's no words for the feelings and emotions you find yourself thinking and feeling..she was sure something...reading her obituary over and over i am reminded that this amazing woman i out of all people were given the amazing gift of calling her my best friend and best of all my mom.
habits...we all have them...some we are proud of...some we aren't aware we have...some we need to change and others we just plain need to accept this is who we are...
"More than anything I want to trust in a journey that I don't understand."
"I write entirely to find out what I am thinking & feeling, what I am looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."
"Loving you changed my life. It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same."
"I am living proof that a shattered heart can still beat.:
"I am living proof that a shattered heart can still beat.:
LOVEthisLiFE
- Michelle
- "Life lies in the JOURNEY not the Destination." Everyday I awake to embrace the day I have been given. Thru times of struggle and in happiness--I find reasons each and everyday to LOVEthisLIFE.
Every story is one to be heard....
"You have been given the chance to live, so LIVE."
"Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future. Therefore, you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself. If you do, it will take you where you need to go. But more importantly it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey."
"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly, your wholeness when you are broken, your innocence when you feel guilty and your purpose when you are confused."
"I may not have gone where I intended to go - but I believe I have ended up where I needed to be."
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me - I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."
"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."
"Some people just live life in a way that well seems against the grain - never taking the paved way the easy way never living to the checklist of life...but maybe just maybe they are seeking a little bit more from life."
"All of your life is about growing into your personal best...all of your life is about growing into greatness."
"When something bad happens, you have three choices...you can either let it define you, let it destroy you OR you can let it strengthen you."
"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."
"Do one thing everyday that scares the complete shit out of you."
"Try to be like a turlte, at ease in your own shell."
"There is a great mystery that none of us will get until that last breath and EVERYTHING will become VERY CLEAR."
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
"Overcome the notion that you must be regular it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary."
"Too much has been given much is required. You must do something for the greater good to show your gratefulness for the blessings in your life."
"The CHALLENGE of my LIFE is to see how far I can take it."
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."
Never ask, "What reason do I have to be happy?" Instead ask, "To what purpose can I attach my happiness?"
"Maybe mistakes are what makes our fate - without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we never veered off course we wouldn't be who we are now."
"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."
"Michelangelo said the best way to judge the essential elements of a sculpture is to throw it down a hill and the unimportant pieces will breake away. Sometimes life is like that. It tosses us down a hill. But when we reach the bottom and only the important things are left, that's when our vision clears. That's when we hold on tight to what we know, while hope stirs inside us. It's all a matter of perspective."
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm but to add color to my sunset sky."
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces - I would still plant my apple tree."
"Turn your wounds into wisdom and your mess into your message."
"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
"It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle."
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."
"When you find the way others will find you. Passing by on the road they will be drawn to your door. The way that cannot be heard will be echoed in your voice. The way that cannot be seen will be reflected in your eyes." -Choose your own journey even if it means taking a path no one ever has.
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer anwsers."
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