"You give a little love and it all comes back to you. Your gonna be remembered for all the things you say and do."
I am a big believer in what goes around comes back around. If you are putting negatively in the world its going to come back to you. It may not be right away but it will. Karma... its real and its out there. Which is why I choose to let that teach people a lesson when they do something that results in betrayal, hurt, humiliation. I let that speak the words for me. Yes it would be easier to shove things right back in their face, to say hurtful words and act in a way to put those feelings back onto that person who did such things to you. But that results in putting negative energy out there and trust me it will come to haunt you. When you find yourself in such a position take the high road. Don't become less of the person that you are just to drop to their level. It only proves one thing that you are capable to act in such a matter as well. Let Karma do the speaking for you.
Showing posts with label Deep thoughts from my mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Deep thoughts from my mind. Show all posts
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
The Past
"Its only when you truly embrace your past that you can move foward."
"Honor isn't about making the right choices, but dealing with the consequences."
We all have one, a past. Sometimes its joyous to look back on and reflect. Other times it hurts to even think about the failure, the hurt, the pain, the loss, the struggle, the tears. In my years here walking about I have come to realize no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all fail, we all struggle. What I also know is that we all suffer and we know the loss-pain-tears of losing someone. So what do we do?? My grandmother always use to tell me how can you embrace (hold) the present and make room for the future if your too full with bringing the past with you. Bad things happen, people get sick, people say the word thing or use hurtful words, people die. We stumble. We fail. We have regrets. No avoiding such things. But what you can do is make the best of them. You can embrace the change for a new opportunity. You can learn and grow from your mistakes and failures. You can understand instead of judge. You can love instead of hate. You can let go instead of hang on. You can remember instead of forgetting. You can smile instead of cry. You can cope instead of resist. You can sit with your grief instead of running away from it. You can walk in the darkness and learn something about it as well as yourself rather than just getting by. This life is full of opportunities and most of the time they are found in places we would never think to look.
The past is there for us to learn from, for us to grow from and for us to be better - a better person, friend, daughter/son, family member, sibling. When one tries to forget their past they truly have no present or future. If you don't know who you were how can you be who you truly are? Embrace your past. It leads to your future and has a direct connection with your present.
"Honor isn't about making the right choices, but dealing with the consequences."
We all have one, a past. Sometimes its joyous to look back on and reflect. Other times it hurts to even think about the failure, the hurt, the pain, the loss, the struggle, the tears. In my years here walking about I have come to realize no one is perfect. We all make mistakes, we all fail, we all struggle. What I also know is that we all suffer and we know the loss-pain-tears of losing someone. So what do we do?? My grandmother always use to tell me how can you embrace (hold) the present and make room for the future if your too full with bringing the past with you. Bad things happen, people get sick, people say the word thing or use hurtful words, people die. We stumble. We fail. We have regrets. No avoiding such things. But what you can do is make the best of them. You can embrace the change for a new opportunity. You can learn and grow from your mistakes and failures. You can understand instead of judge. You can love instead of hate. You can let go instead of hang on. You can remember instead of forgetting. You can smile instead of cry. You can cope instead of resist. You can sit with your grief instead of running away from it. You can walk in the darkness and learn something about it as well as yourself rather than just getting by. This life is full of opportunities and most of the time they are found in places we would never think to look.
The past is there for us to learn from, for us to grow from and for us to be better - a better person, friend, daughter/son, family member, sibling. When one tries to forget their past they truly have no present or future. If you don't know who you were how can you be who you truly are? Embrace your past. It leads to your future and has a direct connection with your present.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
JFK
Jan. 20, 1961... 50 years ago from this very John F. Kennedy gave his Inaugural Address. I sometimes dream of living in that era. Ok I always dream of living in the 60's. I would be one of the millions marching to civil rights and I prolli would have done anything JFK asked. I would be the girl in the school befriending the new students, I would be curious of the life outside of the box, I prolli would have tested my parents and drove them nuts askig WHY WHY followed by WHY NOT thou?? And there would be a great chance I would be in D.C. joining groups to support JFK and MLK. Above all I would have enlisted and joined the Peace Corps (A dream I still have is joing the Peace Corps.) I think of the words that he spoke that day and how powerful they & how much meaning they hold. His dream for American is coming true. His vision is on our reality. But what a cost, it took for it to happen. How many lives taken, how many bullets shot, how much blood spilt, how many hours of sweat, how many mistake-failures- and falls. We have reached great heights but have stumbled. We have gained so much because some have lost so much. So we say thank you to them. For wanting a better life not for themselves but for the people of America.
"We observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom - symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning - signifying renewal, as well as change."
"The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life."
"To those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request; that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self - destruction."
"Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans - born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage - and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed todat at home and around the world. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty."
"Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us."
Let both sides seek to invoke the wonder of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce."
"Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah - to 'undo the heavy burdens ... and to let the oppressed go free'."
"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days, nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet... BUT LET US BEGIN."
"In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failiure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimpny to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. Now the trumpet summons us again - not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are - but a call to bear the burden of a long twlight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation' - a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, diease and war itself."
"And so my fellow Americans; ask not what you country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."
"Ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure rewards, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work myst truly be our own."
Sometimes we need to be remind of his words and the dream he had for America. We spraked the AMERICAN DREAM. and many freedoms we have today wouldn't be if we didn't have Kennedy in office. I often wonder of things never done or changed once he was taken. I hope that thou he was taken from us that we stayed the course. And today I am reminded of the things that I can do in my own life to answer that very call he asked all Amercians 50 years ago today. What can we do to better not just own lives but the lives of our neighbors and nation. What can you do!?!?! Start today.
"We observe today not a victory of party, but a celebration of freedom - symbolizing an end, as well as a beginning - signifying renewal, as well as change."
"The world is very different now. For man holds in his mortal hands the power to abolish all forms of human poverty and all forms of human life."
"To those nations who would make themselves our adversary, we offer not a pledge but a request; that both sides begin anew the quest for peace, before the dark powers of destruction unleashed by science engulf all humanity in planned or accidental self - destruction."
"Let the word go forth from this time and place, to friend and foe alike, that the torch has been passed to a new generation of Americans - born in this century, tempered by war, disciplined by a hard and bitter peace, proud of our ancient heritage - and unwilling to witness or permit the slow undoing of those human rights to which this Nation has always been committed, and to which we are committed todat at home and around the world. Let every nation know, whether it wishes us well or ill, that we shall pay any price, bear any burden, meet any hardship, support any friend, oppose any foe, in order to assure the survival and the success of liberty."
"Let both sides explore what problems unite us instead of belaboring those problems which divide us."
Let both sides seek to invoke the wonder of science instead of its terrors. Together let us explore the stars, conquer the deserts, eradicate disease, tap the ocean depths, and encourage the arts and commerce."
"Let both sides unite to heed in all corners of the earth the command of Isaiah - to 'undo the heavy burdens ... and to let the oppressed go free'."
"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days, nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, nor in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet... BUT LET US BEGIN."
"In your hands, my fellow citizens, more than in mine, will rest the final success or failiure of our course. Since this country was founded, each generation of Americans has been summoned to give testimpny to its national loyalty. The graves of young Americans who answered the call to service surround the globe. Now the trumpet summons us again - not as a call to bear arms, though arms we need; not as a call to battle, though embattled we are - but a call to bear the burden of a long twlight struggle, year in and year out, "rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation' - a struggle against the common enemies of man: tyranny, poverty, diease and war itself."
"And so my fellow Americans; ask not what you country can do for you - ask what you can do for your country."
"Ask of us the same high standards of strength and sacrifice which we ask of you. With a good conscience our only sure rewards, with history the final judge of our deeds, let us go forth to lead the land we love, asking His blessing and His help, but knowing that here on earth God's work myst truly be our own."
Sometimes we need to be remind of his words and the dream he had for America. We spraked the AMERICAN DREAM. and many freedoms we have today wouldn't be if we didn't have Kennedy in office. I often wonder of things never done or changed once he was taken. I hope that thou he was taken from us that we stayed the course. And today I am reminded of the things that I can do in my own life to answer that very call he asked all Amercians 50 years ago today. What can we do to better not just own lives but the lives of our neighbors and nation. What can you do!?!?! Start today.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
"I am a part of all that I have met." -Diane Sawyer
Have you ever thought about how your life changes when someone walks into it. And just how true it is that we are effect by the people in our lives. Sometime these changes are for good other times they are for well not so good. I do know that if you surround yourself with good people that have a values and morals. That work hard, and live in a positive way - that will be rubbed off on your life as well. Its easy to do what is right. Its easy to take the high road when you have others cooming along with you. So I suggest surrounding yourself with such people and start living life the right way. Let other's change you for the good and let everyone become a part of you.
Have you ever thought about how your life changes when someone walks into it. And just how true it is that we are effect by the people in our lives. Sometime these changes are for good other times they are for well not so good. I do know that if you surround yourself with good people that have a values and morals. That work hard, and live in a positive way - that will be rubbed off on your life as well. Its easy to do what is right. Its easy to take the high road when you have others cooming along with you. So I suggest surrounding yourself with such people and start living life the right way. Let other's change you for the good and let everyone become a part of you.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Life Plans
I found that I really don't like planning. I am not talking about planning for a weekend or for a party but a life plan. Because the truth is you can't plan every step in your life, you just to live it as it comes. You have to get up each morning and face the day. All you can do is do your best. Give your best effort. To do the best by living your word. We are perfect, we are human. Life is all about change. So even if you plan on this or that there's a great chance that life has a different plan in mind for you that will end up happening. All you can do is adjust and journey on. Besides often the plans that life has for us tend to be way better for us, we just have to trust in our life journey. And know that no matter what we will carry on, because life goes on.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Give
Have you ever taken the time to think of what kind of giver you are. Are you the person that gives in terms of what you will get in return? Are you the person that gives that thinks whats in it for me? Are you the person that gives and realizes its really a gift. The person that doesn't care if you are recongized for you deeds or what you have done or given. The person that doesn't need any thing in return... not even a thank you. So many of us give and think we are entitled to something in return. Just in case you didn't know - thats not giving. You need to take the time to think about what it means to give - how you give and what your thoughts about giving are. Giving is a gift. An act of kindness that doesn't need to be returned or in many way even acknowledged. And to be honest... if you are a true giver you will be rewarded by living life the right and honest way. You will be rewarded because of part of you will feel proud. The best reward that can be given to you in return of truly giving is that warmth you feel in your heart, almost like your heart is smiling. To me thats what giving is all about, that feeling it brings to you.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Facing Life
"Every question life could throw at her swam in her head. She had answers to nothing - and she was lost. All she had was what was inside of her. She knew that was enough if she could just let go and trust that. If she could just let go and trust herself. Lifting one finger at a time she began to loosen her grip. She began to let go." -Terri St. Cloud
I picked up a new book, by one of my favorite authors. As I read I found inspiration and encouragement. And I found myself breathing a sligh of relief. I am not the only one who has more questions than answers. I am not the only one wondering about trying to find my meaning. my purpose. my journey. I am not the only one that is beginning to realize that not having the answers is okay... and well sometimes just better not to have the answers. I am not the only one finding out that just being me is the start to finding myself. The real - me. Its the start of finding the real meaning of life. Its the start of real living. Its the start of fully knowing that I matter. This life is a journey. That simple. Its a journey. And becoming is an endless quest of growing and learning. For its not like we just reach a point and bang we have fully become. And in all honest what a boring life from that point on if that was the case. Our lives should be constantly evolving. We should be learning and growing thru failures, struggles, challenges and changes. In order to reach the great heights of your soul you have to take great risks. You must failure in order to succeed. You must be lost in order to be found. You must struggle in order to overcome. You must cry in order to laugh. And you must walk in the darkness to fully appreciate the light. We have no real control over this journey. We have no idea where it will lead. Nor the good or the bad things that happen during this life. What we do have control over is the attitude we choose to live by. How we face those moments in life is what we do have control of. So you have a choice to search for the silver lining in life or you can just get soaked. What I know for sure is that how you handle such times places a big part in how you grow and become. My life's goal is to grow and to become in every breath I take - in every second I live this life. I may not know where it will all lead but I do know it will fulfill my soul to live life in such a way... So I ask you... how will you live your life? How will you face the things life brings to you and throws at you?
"I want to stretch my soul way past anything I've ever known. I want to push my boundaries over the edge and lose them forever. I want to throw the limits away, watching them shatter to dust. I want to hold the darkness with ease knowing it's an intergral part of my light. I want to fill with the calm knowing of trust. And I want to lvoe all the way to beyond." - Terri St. Cloud
Thanks Terri, for your honesty and raw writings straight from your soul. Your story matters and it helps others realize their story matters too. Its you I turn to - to remind myself to be kind and gentle to myself. Its your books that help me let go and just be. We are both a little out there but thats ok. Being normal is boring. Thank you for your words and sharing your story.
I picked up a new book, by one of my favorite authors. As I read I found inspiration and encouragement. And I found myself breathing a sligh of relief. I am not the only one who has more questions than answers. I am not the only one wondering about trying to find my meaning. my purpose. my journey. I am not the only one that is beginning to realize that not having the answers is okay... and well sometimes just better not to have the answers. I am not the only one finding out that just being me is the start to finding myself. The real - me. Its the start of finding the real meaning of life. Its the start of real living. Its the start of fully knowing that I matter. This life is a journey. That simple. Its a journey. And becoming is an endless quest of growing and learning. For its not like we just reach a point and bang we have fully become. And in all honest what a boring life from that point on if that was the case. Our lives should be constantly evolving. We should be learning and growing thru failures, struggles, challenges and changes. In order to reach the great heights of your soul you have to take great risks. You must failure in order to succeed. You must be lost in order to be found. You must struggle in order to overcome. You must cry in order to laugh. And you must walk in the darkness to fully appreciate the light. We have no real control over this journey. We have no idea where it will lead. Nor the good or the bad things that happen during this life. What we do have control over is the attitude we choose to live by. How we face those moments in life is what we do have control of. So you have a choice to search for the silver lining in life or you can just get soaked. What I know for sure is that how you handle such times places a big part in how you grow and become. My life's goal is to grow and to become in every breath I take - in every second I live this life. I may not know where it will all lead but I do know it will fulfill my soul to live life in such a way... So I ask you... how will you live your life? How will you face the things life brings to you and throws at you?
"I want to stretch my soul way past anything I've ever known. I want to push my boundaries over the edge and lose them forever. I want to throw the limits away, watching them shatter to dust. I want to hold the darkness with ease knowing it's an intergral part of my light. I want to fill with the calm knowing of trust. And I want to lvoe all the way to beyond." - Terri St. Cloud
Thanks Terri, for your honesty and raw writings straight from your soul. Your story matters and it helps others realize their story matters too. Its you I turn to - to remind myself to be kind and gentle to myself. Its your books that help me let go and just be. We are both a little out there but thats ok. Being normal is boring. Thank you for your words and sharing your story.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Sometimes we need be reminded...
"AS become more clear about who you really are, you'll be better able to decide what is best for you --- the first time around."
"Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough."
"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
"Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment."
"For everyone of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody there to show you the way out."
"I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear."
"I have alot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly."
"It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down the spirit within - that you can begin to take control."
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."
"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams."
"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the into the complete person you were intended to be."
"TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM."
"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. USE IT. Dwell in possibility."
"What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine."
"What I know is, is that if you do work that you love, and the work fulfills you, the rest will come."
"When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes."
"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
"You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it."
"I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk."
"I believe that everyone is a keeper of a dream - and by turning into one another's secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents and better lovers."
"So go ahead fall down, the world looks different from the ground."
Sometimes we need be reminded of the gift of just living is. Sometimes we need be reminded of things we truly know but tend to forget - go un-noticed or we don't even think about it.Sometimes we need Oprah to speak it for us to realize it and know it.
"Be thankful for what you have, you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never ever have enough."
"Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure."
"Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment."
"For everyone of us that succeeds, it's because there's somebody there to show you the way out."
"I believe that every single event in life happens in an opportunity to choose love over fear."
"I have alot of things to prove to myself. One is that I can live my life fearlessly."
"It isn't until you come to a spiritual understanding of who you are - not necessarily a religious feeling, but deep down the spirit within - that you can begin to take control."
"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."
"Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher."
"The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams."
"The greatest discovery of all time is that a person can change his future by merely changing his attitude."
"The more you praise and celebrate your life, the more there is in life to celebrate."
"The whole point of being alive is to evolve into the into the complete person you were intended to be."
"TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM."
"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. USE IT. Dwell in possibility."
"What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine."
"What I know is, is that if you do work that you love, and the work fulfills you, the rest will come."
"When I look into the future, it's so bright it burns my eyes."
"Where there is no struggle, there is no strength."
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
"You know you are on the road to success if you would do your job, and not be paid for it."
"I believe that one of life's greatest risks is never daring to risk."
"I believe that everyone is a keeper of a dream - and by turning into one another's secret hopes, we can become better friends, better partners, better parents and better lovers."
"So go ahead fall down, the world looks different from the ground."
Sometimes we need be reminded of the gift of just living is. Sometimes we need be reminded of things we truly know but tend to forget - go un-noticed or we don't even think about it.Sometimes we need Oprah to speak it for us to realize it and know it.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Long Live.
I say remember this moment, in the back of my mind." Life is full of such moments, that you find yourself saying REMEMBER this, in hopes if you do that moment will long live pass just that moment in time. As much as I can remember such moments oh how I wish I could remember more. The smiles the laughs the words the thoughts the feelings.
"Long live the walls we crashed through - all the kingdom lights shined just for you and me. I was screaming, Long live all the magic we made. And bring on all the pretenders... ONE DAY we will be REMEMBERED...If God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... When they point to the pictures.. Please tell them my name... Long live all the mountains we moved. I HAD the TIME of MY LIFE...with YOU."
To me life is made up of such long live moments. Moments you wish could go on forever. Moments you wished would never end. Moments you wish you could freeze frame and play (live) over and over. To me that is where the true meaning of your life is found.. in these long live moments that bring joy love happiness determination courage laughter strength hope faith understanding friendship growth ... LONG LIVE
"Long live the walls we crashed through - all the kingdom lights shined just for you and me. I was screaming, Long live all the magic we made. And bring on all the pretenders... ONE DAY we will be REMEMBERED...If God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... When they point to the pictures.. Please tell them my name... Long live all the mountains we moved. I HAD the TIME of MY LIFE...with YOU."
To me life is made up of such long live moments. Moments you wish could go on forever. Moments you wished would never end. Moments you wish you could freeze frame and play (live) over and over. To me that is where the true meaning of your life is found.. in these long live moments that bring joy love happiness determination courage laughter strength hope faith understanding friendship growth ... LONG LIVE
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Waitin...
We all do it. We think of what our real life will be someday. What it will be like when it really starts. After college. When we have the job. When we have the future life we dreamed of having... What we don't realize often is...
While we are waiting for our real life to begin..we are missing out on our real life right now... We just have to be here NOW. We must live in this moment. Stop waiting for a future moment or a future day. We need to stop wanting to fast forward because we will never have a rewind or a replay of this time now.
I don't have the answers. I don't even come half way close to knowing it all. I am just a girl living her life on her terms. I am making mistakes. I am failing and falling. I am getting up and trying again. I am learning and growing. The best I can and doing my best to just be still and to live in this moment. I am trying not to wait for this real life to begin when I know it has already started.
Whether my now moments be flying high on life's rollarcoaster or being crashed down by life's waves. I refuse to not grab hold of these moments right now and live them for what they are worth. I refuse to let my life pass me by. I refuse to wait for my real life to begin. Above all I will take my path in this life. I will hold my life's reins and trust in my journey.
We have three options in moments of life...ONE to stand still- WAIT and do nothing. TWO to follow another's path. THREE to chose your own path. To take life in your hands. To not wait... What will you chose to do?
While we are waiting for our real life to begin..we are missing out on our real life right now... We just have to be here NOW. We must live in this moment. Stop waiting for a future moment or a future day. We need to stop wanting to fast forward because we will never have a rewind or a replay of this time now.
I don't have the answers. I don't even come half way close to knowing it all. I am just a girl living her life on her terms. I am making mistakes. I am failing and falling. I am getting up and trying again. I am learning and growing. The best I can and doing my best to just be still and to live in this moment. I am trying not to wait for this real life to begin when I know it has already started.
Whether my now moments be flying high on life's rollarcoaster or being crashed down by life's waves. I refuse to not grab hold of these moments right now and live them for what they are worth. I refuse to let my life pass me by. I refuse to wait for my real life to begin. Above all I will take my path in this life. I will hold my life's reins and trust in my journey.
We have three options in moments of life...ONE to stand still- WAIT and do nothing. TWO to follow another's path. THREE to chose your own path. To take life in your hands. To not wait... What will you chose to do?
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
its a ME world
Sometimes its easy to get wrapped up in our lives. To see the small picture as the big picture. We see and think me me me I I I. Its what's goin on in our life that we focus on. Its our success our challenges our changes our sorrow our failures and problems. And in some ways that's the way life should be and lived.
But when is it too much. When is it too much me me me. Too much I I I?!
There's more to this life than who we are. There's more to this life this world then just the me and I. Do I know what that is... Well no still working on it but I am positive there is.
So until I figure it out I am goin to start listening more instead of talking. I am goin to start seeing what is truly there instead of looking casually. I am goin to understand instead of judge. I am goin to give instead of take. I am goin to put others before me. I am goin to pay more attention to the fact that we all carry regret pain trails and failures with us. That sometimes there's more then what meets the eye. and these people are awaiting for someone to listen. To understand. To give. To help.
I feel that if we live a life with a little less me me me and a bit more for others so much can be accomplished. So much can be done for the good of humanity and this life and this world!! It is a me world yes... But in order for things to happen and change it all starts with a me taking the step and doing!!
But when is it too much. When is it too much me me me. Too much I I I?!
There's more to this life than who we are. There's more to this life this world then just the me and I. Do I know what that is... Well no still working on it but I am positive there is.
So until I figure it out I am goin to start listening more instead of talking. I am goin to start seeing what is truly there instead of looking casually. I am goin to understand instead of judge. I am goin to give instead of take. I am goin to put others before me. I am goin to pay more attention to the fact that we all carry regret pain trails and failures with us. That sometimes there's more then what meets the eye. and these people are awaiting for someone to listen. To understand. To give. To help.
I feel that if we live a life with a little less me me me and a bit more for others so much can be accomplished. So much can be done for the good of humanity and this life and this world!! It is a me world yes... But in order for things to happen and change it all starts with a me taking the step and doing!!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Tears...
I have always been one who holds my emotions in, its just who I am but maybe with age I am starting to realize that sometimes tears are a good thing. Its a way of release. Don't be ashamed of your tears or sorrow. Don't be afraid to let others' see you cry. You will not be frowned upon or laughed at. For in our tears we find healing and the power of hope. I often was one who thought of my strength in the terms of what makes me tear up and cry. However I realize my strength is found in dealing with and accepting things that life throws at me to go thru and making sure I fully experience every part life has to offer... and sometimes that means just having tears rolling down my cheeks.
"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."
"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view."
"Don't ever discount the wonder of your tears. They can be healing waters and a stream of joy. Sometimes they are the best words the heart can speak."
"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears once in a while, so that we can see Life with a clearer view."
Monday, April 13, 2009
In our corner
Its pretty funny when you have no clue what you are doing with your life...just how many people seem to think you do...I have no answers to this life yet I seem to turn my head every which way and find one of my 'punks' asking me for advice-for guidence...these moments mean everything to me...thou most of the time I think to myself...out of ALL the people they can be turning to...what in the world are they thinking picking me...but then I think why not me...for I have been someone who has always voiced to my 'punks' (my athletes) that they can come to me with anything anytime any place...whether we be in season or ten years after they left the court...my time with them doesn't stop once the season ends or when they graduate...in fact I would hope its just getting started...I have always been someone they ALL knew was in their corner...I have always been someone who believed in them...been someone who saw the person they truly are and growing into...I am not sure how I got to be so blessed to have such athletes in my life...I am not so sure how I got to be their Goldberggg...all I know is that I am glad I am...its one of the greatest parts of my life if not THE best part of my life...for when I am with them...even just in contact with them...they bring meaning and purpose to my life...
I look at photos over the years of coaching I have done thus far...and in most of the photos I am just a kid myself...I look more like a girl that should be dressing for the game than I do as an adult...maybe thats my source of connection...the fact I could pass as one of them...I know better thou for when it comes down too it...I just get them...I can relate...I can put myself in their shoes...I was never your 'normal' athlete...mostly because I could always see things thru a coach's eye...I was the kid that just did what was asked of her...not just because I was told to do it in the I said so tone...but because I knew the purpose and meaning behind what was asked of me to do...which is prolli why I can now relate to athletes in such a way...I can see things from their shoes as well as a coach's eye...I can bridge the two together...yet I know thats not my true strength...my true strength lies in motivating-inspiring and encouraging my punks...something that I don't take lightly...For I believe that every kid has greatness in them...I believe that every kid has potential deep inside them...I believe that a kid can do unbelievable things if they know they are backed up...if they know you believe in them as a person foremost and then an athlete or a student...Kids...you think they know...you think they don't care or need to hear such things...but they do...and its not something they just need to hear once or every now and then...
They are told to be perfect and not make mistakes esp in sports...and you find coaches harpin on them...but the truth is its thru mistakes-failures and mess ups...that we learn...that we grow...how can one do that if they are perfect?? I can be like any other coach in the heat of the moment...but when it comes down too it...that kid needs to hear that I believe in them...they need to know that I care for them as a person...For when you embrace that kid as a whole they will open up and feel comfortable...and thats when they will start to tap into their potential...their greatness...
I am around kids constantly...and I seem to never have any troubles...even with the trouble makers and rebels...who knows why this truly is...but I think it has a lot to do with giving them the same respect that you want them to give you...I think it has to do with letting the past stay in the past and having a clean slate (until they give YOU reason to think otherwise)...I think it has a lot to do with the fact of getting to know the kid...and then most of all believing in that kid...esp when he or she messes up...saying things like this doesn't make you a bad person you just made a bad choice...and now you have a chance to learn and grow from this moment...how many of us make mistakes...mess up...and I know we do it more than once or twice at times before we learn...kids are no different...and I am positive that if you believe in that kid and give them a safe zone where they can succeed and fail the same...they will grow...we ALL need someone in our corner...
I look at photos over the years of coaching I have done thus far...and in most of the photos I am just a kid myself...I look more like a girl that should be dressing for the game than I do as an adult...maybe thats my source of connection...the fact I could pass as one of them...I know better thou for when it comes down too it...I just get them...I can relate...I can put myself in their shoes...I was never your 'normal' athlete...mostly because I could always see things thru a coach's eye...I was the kid that just did what was asked of her...not just because I was told to do it in the I said so tone...but because I knew the purpose and meaning behind what was asked of me to do...which is prolli why I can now relate to athletes in such a way...I can see things from their shoes as well as a coach's eye...I can bridge the two together...yet I know thats not my true strength...my true strength lies in motivating-inspiring and encouraging my punks...something that I don't take lightly...For I believe that every kid has greatness in them...I believe that every kid has potential deep inside them...I believe that a kid can do unbelievable things if they know they are backed up...if they know you believe in them as a person foremost and then an athlete or a student...Kids...you think they know...you think they don't care or need to hear such things...but they do...and its not something they just need to hear once or every now and then...
They are told to be perfect and not make mistakes esp in sports...and you find coaches harpin on them...but the truth is its thru mistakes-failures and mess ups...that we learn...that we grow...how can one do that if they are perfect?? I can be like any other coach in the heat of the moment...but when it comes down too it...that kid needs to hear that I believe in them...they need to know that I care for them as a person...For when you embrace that kid as a whole they will open up and feel comfortable...and thats when they will start to tap into their potential...their greatness...
I am around kids constantly...and I seem to never have any troubles...even with the trouble makers and rebels...who knows why this truly is...but I think it has a lot to do with giving them the same respect that you want them to give you...I think it has to do with letting the past stay in the past and having a clean slate (until they give YOU reason to think otherwise)...I think it has a lot to do with the fact of getting to know the kid...and then most of all believing in that kid...esp when he or she messes up...saying things like this doesn't make you a bad person you just made a bad choice...and now you have a chance to learn and grow from this moment...how many of us make mistakes...mess up...and I know we do it more than once or twice at times before we learn...kids are no different...and I am positive that if you believe in that kid and give them a safe zone where they can succeed and fail the same...they will grow...we ALL need someone in our corner...
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Let Go...
I wanna let go...of worry and doubt
giving it up...I am laying it down.
take it away..out of my hands..out of my reach
and safe in your plans....Coz i need to know...that you can hear me.
Take me and hold me
break me and mold me
I want to let go
Craddle my hands...knuckles so white.
Open that map and say its all right
Show me your plan, call it your own.
Make it a journey ...leading me home
Coz I need to know...that you can hear me.
Fill me with your peace...Lindsay McCaul "Let Go"
LETTING GO...we fight to hold on..we fight to let go..and somewhere we find ourselves in the middle...letting go of mistakes, of failure, of dreams, of hopes, of worry, of despair, of doubt, of the unknown and what will be...letting go of love, of tears, of hurt, of pain...letting go of friendships, of how things "use to be." Letting go of the past...So many things to let go of...I once heard someone say that if we hold on too tight on the past we won't have room to embrace the future...If we can't smile thru the tears then whats the point of still living...bad things happen each and everyday...in every second...I will never begin to understand the WHY's in any of it...I don't understand how two people who found each other and are meant to be together find themselves in a world that won't allow them to be together...I don't understand a person who is educated and responsible is laid off and can't find a job no matter how hard they try...I don't understand how a girl who is young and truly beautiful and just kind is the target for cruel jokes, hatred stares and gossip laughs...I don't understand the hate, the crime, the abuse, the violence that some people have to live thru whether it be for just one moment or for their entire life...I don't understand a person taken all too soon from this world....I don't understand how a family carries on...I don't know how a parent truly breaths again after a loss of a child...I search and search looking for reasons...But there never are any are there...Yet in that moment I realize you are left standing between two things...HOPE and DESPAIR...You can either go one of two places...head south or head north....Thou it doesn't matter what journey might have lead you to those two points...its never easy...and its a choice you have make more than once...sometimes its a choice you battle with each and every second....AS hard as it is I look to HOPE...hope in the human spirit, hope in love, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for understanding, hope that my best is still yet to be, hope that one day it will all make sense...and thats what I wish for so many...HOPE ... so you know you aren't alone in your journey of pain, of worry, of saddness, whatever journey you may be on...in all journeys of life...
Today may be the day you let go...or maybe its the day you loosen your grip or even just think about the day in the future...letting go doesn't mean forgetting...it simple means making room to embrace, to endure, to feel, to love and to live more...Someone very wise said...Sorrow craves the hole that someday love will make whole....letting go...its a journey all in its own...one in which we fight to hold on and we fight to let go...
giving it up...I am laying it down.
take it away..out of my hands..out of my reach
and safe in your plans....Coz i need to know...that you can hear me.
Take me and hold me
break me and mold me
I want to let go
Craddle my hands...knuckles so white.
Open that map and say its all right
Show me your plan, call it your own.
Make it a journey ...leading me home
Coz I need to know...that you can hear me.
Fill me with your peace...Lindsay McCaul "Let Go"
LETTING GO...we fight to hold on..we fight to let go..and somewhere we find ourselves in the middle...letting go of mistakes, of failure, of dreams, of hopes, of worry, of despair, of doubt, of the unknown and what will be...letting go of love, of tears, of hurt, of pain...letting go of friendships, of how things "use to be." Letting go of the past...So many things to let go of...I once heard someone say that if we hold on too tight on the past we won't have room to embrace the future...If we can't smile thru the tears then whats the point of still living...bad things happen each and everyday...in every second...I will never begin to understand the WHY's in any of it...I don't understand how two people who found each other and are meant to be together find themselves in a world that won't allow them to be together...I don't understand a person who is educated and responsible is laid off and can't find a job no matter how hard they try...I don't understand how a girl who is young and truly beautiful and just kind is the target for cruel jokes, hatred stares and gossip laughs...I don't understand the hate, the crime, the abuse, the violence that some people have to live thru whether it be for just one moment or for their entire life...I don't understand a person taken all too soon from this world....I don't understand how a family carries on...I don't know how a parent truly breaths again after a loss of a child...I search and search looking for reasons...But there never are any are there...Yet in that moment I realize you are left standing between two things...HOPE and DESPAIR...You can either go one of two places...head south or head north....Thou it doesn't matter what journey might have lead you to those two points...its never easy...and its a choice you have make more than once...sometimes its a choice you battle with each and every second....AS hard as it is I look to HOPE...hope in the human spirit, hope in love, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for understanding, hope that my best is still yet to be, hope that one day it will all make sense...and thats what I wish for so many...HOPE ... so you know you aren't alone in your journey of pain, of worry, of saddness, whatever journey you may be on...in all journeys of life...
Today may be the day you let go...or maybe its the day you loosen your grip or even just think about the day in the future...letting go doesn't mean forgetting...it simple means making room to embrace, to endure, to feel, to love and to live more...Someone very wise said...Sorrow craves the hole that someday love will make whole....letting go...its a journey all in its own...one in which we fight to hold on and we fight to let go...
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
What will they say...
We as humans know that we are born...we live and then each of us in our own way and in our own time will die...Some taken before even given the chance to live, some after an endless battle of tryin to live...Some we get a chance to say goodbye others taken to fast before we can even begin to find the words...Some before any sign of wrinkles upon their skin others a body that shows a life well lived. I don't know if we each have a sign death stating this is what will happen and when it will happen sort of thing or if its a sort of thing like this person will live to be 24 years 4 months 12 minutes and 38 seconds and when that moment arrives death will find a way to take you in that exact moment..maybe its all random...maybe its all planned...maybe we each serve a purpose and when that purpose is seen and known our time is done...but the truth is...we don't and i don't think we will know those answers in this life....I don't know where we go for sure when we leave this life...but I do know what happens to the lives that are left behind.
Its in those lives that our legacies are lived...its where we cont. to live on this earth long after we are thru walking it...thru the memories we make with the people in our lives...these people are the ones that remember us and miss us....I am always baffled and yet not surprised at all how a person's death seems to bring out such words like...an amazing person, the best brother or the best sister, the most loving parent, the most loyal friend. When a person dies I find that we, the ones that are left behind frame their being in this frame of being flawless, of being perfect. Why is that...because I know that being human means being everything but perfect. So why do we chose to in a way hold people up to standards in such a way....When my time comes I don't want to be looked at in any way of being perfect, I don't wanted to be framed as flawless. I would hope that I am remembered as someone who made mistakes...a whole lot of them...but always made sure she learned from each one of them...I would hope that I am remembered as someone who always found a smile and laughter in all corners of life....I would hope that I am remembered as someone you gave of herself even when at times thats all she had to give or offer...I would hope that I am remembered someone who took the time to make people feel like they matter and make a difference....I would hope that I am remembered as someone might not have had a clue of the direction she was goin but she kept moving....I would hope that I am remembered as someone who found the beauty the true beauty life holds because she took her time( ok so I really took my time ) she wasn't in a rush...I would hope above all to be known as someone whos mistakes and messes can also help someone else learn thru them. I would hope above all to be someone who found reasons everyday to LOVEthisLIFE...I would hope above all that I am remembered with a smile and a laugh then to be remembered with tears, pain and regret.
Sometimes we get caught up with living, we don't see the life that we are in...Are we treating people in the way that we would be remembered in a positive light? Are we giving ourselves and helping others? Are we living a life in a way that if we are taken tomorrow...would you be happy with the legacy you are leaving behind? So many say this one thing its seems after a person is taken from this life...I wish...I wish I would have told her or him how much I loved them...I wish they knew this or that...I have seen my share of death..and I would hope that if I learned anything from the passing of some amazing people it would be to not wait to tell someone how much they mean to me, to not wait to say I love you, to not wait to let them know the difference they have made in this life and my life...Why do we wait...Why do the words and thoughts only seem to come when its too late?...
When that time comes and our lungs are filled with air for the last time. As we part from this life...what will they say about you and the life you lived? Who will you be remembered as? What will your legacy be?? Maybe we won't know...but I do know this...your legacy is a reflection of the life you lived...the person you are to those you leave behind...and the only thing we can change and have control of when it comes to death is the person we chose to be now....So take a look around your life...being perfect and flawless is not only overrated but impossible...but being the best you--you can be to the depths of your soul is possible...being kind and caring is completely reachable...to embrace life and the people in your life with compassion, love and understanding is something you can do each and everyday...We have the power to change things in our lives if we are living a life we wouldn't be proud of...its never to late to be a better version of ourselves...its never to late to be the friend we always wanted to each person in our lives...its never to late to say the words i love you, thank you and your welcome...don't count on being remembered as perfect and flawless....for that is a legacy that will never last....Four words always cross my mind when I look at my life...what will they say...and if isn't something I would be proud to be remembered as...I know I have things I can work on...things that I can change...
What will they say???
Its in those lives that our legacies are lived...its where we cont. to live on this earth long after we are thru walking it...thru the memories we make with the people in our lives...these people are the ones that remember us and miss us....I am always baffled and yet not surprised at all how a person's death seems to bring out such words like...an amazing person, the best brother or the best sister, the most loving parent, the most loyal friend. When a person dies I find that we, the ones that are left behind frame their being in this frame of being flawless, of being perfect. Why is that...because I know that being human means being everything but perfect. So why do we chose to in a way hold people up to standards in such a way....When my time comes I don't want to be looked at in any way of being perfect, I don't wanted to be framed as flawless. I would hope that I am remembered as someone who made mistakes...a whole lot of them...but always made sure she learned from each one of them...I would hope that I am remembered as someone who always found a smile and laughter in all corners of life....I would hope that I am remembered as someone you gave of herself even when at times thats all she had to give or offer...I would hope that I am remembered someone who took the time to make people feel like they matter and make a difference....I would hope that I am remembered as someone might not have had a clue of the direction she was goin but she kept moving....I would hope that I am remembered as someone who found the beauty the true beauty life holds because she took her time( ok so I really took my time ) she wasn't in a rush...I would hope above all to be known as someone whos mistakes and messes can also help someone else learn thru them. I would hope above all to be someone who found reasons everyday to LOVEthisLIFE...I would hope above all that I am remembered with a smile and a laugh then to be remembered with tears, pain and regret.
Sometimes we get caught up with living, we don't see the life that we are in...Are we treating people in the way that we would be remembered in a positive light? Are we giving ourselves and helping others? Are we living a life in a way that if we are taken tomorrow...would you be happy with the legacy you are leaving behind? So many say this one thing its seems after a person is taken from this life...I wish...I wish I would have told her or him how much I loved them...I wish they knew this or that...I have seen my share of death..and I would hope that if I learned anything from the passing of some amazing people it would be to not wait to tell someone how much they mean to me, to not wait to say I love you, to not wait to let them know the difference they have made in this life and my life...Why do we wait...Why do the words and thoughts only seem to come when its too late?...
When that time comes and our lungs are filled with air for the last time. As we part from this life...what will they say about you and the life you lived? Who will you be remembered as? What will your legacy be?? Maybe we won't know...but I do know this...your legacy is a reflection of the life you lived...the person you are to those you leave behind...and the only thing we can change and have control of when it comes to death is the person we chose to be now....So take a look around your life...being perfect and flawless is not only overrated but impossible...but being the best you--you can be to the depths of your soul is possible...being kind and caring is completely reachable...to embrace life and the people in your life with compassion, love and understanding is something you can do each and everyday...We have the power to change things in our lives if we are living a life we wouldn't be proud of...its never to late to be a better version of ourselves...its never to late to be the friend we always wanted to each person in our lives...its never to late to say the words i love you, thank you and your welcome...don't count on being remembered as perfect and flawless....for that is a legacy that will never last....Four words always cross my mind when I look at my life...what will they say...and if isn't something I would be proud to be remembered as...I know I have things I can work on...things that I can change...
What will they say???
Sunday, January 4, 2009
the future...my future.
My future...something I try to avoid...something I don't know...maybe its because I have no idea what I want from it...or maybe I know just where I want to be but have no idea how to get there.
Its something I can no longer avoid and put aside and not deal with. The nice thing about not really having a clue you have endless paths to take...you just have to take one...yet what is my hold up!? Is it because I don't think I will make it- I won't be enough-sometimes its easier not to try than to try and fail yet I know better! I know much much better. I sit here and think all the time what are you doing? Where are you going? I want to know the answers to those questions yet I have never been one to ever have them. I know its an endless stress and worry for my parents...they want me to find a real job a stable job with benefits and paid vacations...my mom worries about the strong wild Goldmann behavior that I carry with me...the kind my father carried with him and would have taken him if my mother didn't save him. The kind that can take a life and lose it in party nights and endless bottles...but I am also in my late twenties and I am single...someday if that day comes I would trade those times in for ones that involve bathtime and goodnite stories and kisses...but well those days are light years away and I refuse to wait for them. Some people just don't end up living those lives.
I know I am prolli on my way to hitting rock bottom...but when that happens...you end up finding out what you truly want and where you want to be. You find yourself and are able to see more clearly...I have been standing still for much too long...I know I need to start again...yet I am not sure where to start? Where do I belong? Where do I fit in? Where is my place in this world? What is my purpose? My meaning? I spent my life pleasing everyone and giving myself to everyone in my life yet somehow always ending up disappointing someone...or multiple of someones...but you know what I still do it...because that's who I am...and who I want to be...
So where does that lead me...standin at the edge and not sure whether to jump...standin at the forks in the road tryin to pick a path...sitting with my thoughts with endless questions crossing my mind...questions mixed in with demons and angels...dreams and failures...I know one thing for sure I must start with a single step...something I say I will do but never do...for I know my happiness is waiting for me...I know a huge part of me is just waiting for me to find her...I know my future is just in my grasps I just have to reach for it...my tide is turning...I just have to be confident in myself and have a bit more faith in my...and above all I need to start seein myself in the eyes that so many see me and not how I see myself...I need to love myself...change sucks but so does standing still.
Its something I can no longer avoid and put aside and not deal with. The nice thing about not really having a clue you have endless paths to take...you just have to take one...yet what is my hold up!? Is it because I don't think I will make it- I won't be enough-sometimes its easier not to try than to try and fail yet I know better! I know much much better. I sit here and think all the time what are you doing? Where are you going? I want to know the answers to those questions yet I have never been one to ever have them. I know its an endless stress and worry for my parents...they want me to find a real job a stable job with benefits and paid vacations...my mom worries about the strong wild Goldmann behavior that I carry with me...the kind my father carried with him and would have taken him if my mother didn't save him. The kind that can take a life and lose it in party nights and endless bottles...but I am also in my late twenties and I am single...someday if that day comes I would trade those times in for ones that involve bathtime and goodnite stories and kisses...but well those days are light years away and I refuse to wait for them. Some people just don't end up living those lives.
I know I am prolli on my way to hitting rock bottom...but when that happens...you end up finding out what you truly want and where you want to be. You find yourself and are able to see more clearly...I have been standing still for much too long...I know I need to start again...yet I am not sure where to start? Where do I belong? Where do I fit in? Where is my place in this world? What is my purpose? My meaning? I spent my life pleasing everyone and giving myself to everyone in my life yet somehow always ending up disappointing someone...or multiple of someones...but you know what I still do it...because that's who I am...and who I want to be...
So where does that lead me...standin at the edge and not sure whether to jump...standin at the forks in the road tryin to pick a path...sitting with my thoughts with endless questions crossing my mind...questions mixed in with demons and angels...dreams and failures...I know one thing for sure I must start with a single step...something I say I will do but never do...for I know my happiness is waiting for me...I know a huge part of me is just waiting for me to find her...I know my future is just in my grasps I just have to reach for it...my tide is turning...I just have to be confident in myself and have a bit more faith in my...and above all I need to start seein myself in the eyes that so many see me and not how I see myself...I need to love myself...change sucks but so does standing still.
Monday, December 29, 2008
Sometimes I forget...
Sometimes I forget that people actually read this...sometimes I don't realize the things I write may or may not be too deep or too dark...but the truth is I write how I am feeling in the moment and who I am...I am not going to sugar coat things or pretend things aren't a certain way just because... I am human and completely imperfect. and even on my worst days or my best days I am who I am... I say sorry to those you who may read this blog and go what!! Where did that come from?? But the truth is I am not a big talker about my thoughts but give me a pen and paper or this case a keyboard everything seems to just pour right out of me...that or budlight is another way to get me a chattin.
I am a storer...a pack rat in a way...I push and push everything deep down than I carry it until I no longer can then dump it out--all of it (sorry to the person who is around when that happens) deal with it and begin the cycle all over again...that's me and prolli will always be me.
I know I have amazing people around me and I know I am loved and cared about but I am stubborn and pig headed and ya I prolli deal with things that happen in my life the wrong way but the truth is that's the only way I know how.
Maybe because I am like this...is a big part of who I am to others...I know what its like to pretend to have it all together. I know how to laugh and smile like nothing is wrong. I know how to be and act so no one has a clue. I am good at focusing the attention away or changing the subject. So in a way because of that I can see thru people's fake laughs and I know the difference between their real smiles and pretend ones. I hear words that aren't said out loud. I know those looks when you are surrounded by people yet feel completely alone. I know what its like to carry darkness inside while the outside looks bright. What its like to almost be screaming inside with some much to say yet find yourself never able to find the words to get it out.
Because of this I also know how those negative demon like thoughts can consume you...how the voice of reason and being logical can be drowned out by a more powerful one that on your best days you know is completely wrong. What's my point to this...I write the truth in hopes of helping others even if its just one who reads this to let them know that they aren't alone...even if they think they are. To help one person say to just her/himself she understands. To give one person hope and faith that the tide will turn. To get one person to realize that tough times don't last but tough people do. Even if on some days that one person is me.
Life is an endless struggle to finding...finding ourselves...finding love...finding success...finding happiness...we have moments but they never last our entire life...and the one thing I have learned from those moments...its only in the darkness that we can see the stars...its only in tough times do we see the true value in the good times. Its thru a tear we find the true meaning a smile holds. For we don't see the beauty in a storm until the clouds part and the sun's rays shine and make everything seem so clean and fresh.
I am a storer...a pack rat in a way...I push and push everything deep down than I carry it until I no longer can then dump it out--all of it (sorry to the person who is around when that happens) deal with it and begin the cycle all over again...that's me and prolli will always be me.
I know I have amazing people around me and I know I am loved and cared about but I am stubborn and pig headed and ya I prolli deal with things that happen in my life the wrong way but the truth is that's the only way I know how.
Maybe because I am like this...is a big part of who I am to others...I know what its like to pretend to have it all together. I know how to laugh and smile like nothing is wrong. I know how to be and act so no one has a clue. I am good at focusing the attention away or changing the subject. So in a way because of that I can see thru people's fake laughs and I know the difference between their real smiles and pretend ones. I hear words that aren't said out loud. I know those looks when you are surrounded by people yet feel completely alone. I know what its like to carry darkness inside while the outside looks bright. What its like to almost be screaming inside with some much to say yet find yourself never able to find the words to get it out.
Because of this I also know how those negative demon like thoughts can consume you...how the voice of reason and being logical can be drowned out by a more powerful one that on your best days you know is completely wrong. What's my point to this...I write the truth in hopes of helping others even if its just one who reads this to let them know that they aren't alone...even if they think they are. To help one person say to just her/himself she understands. To give one person hope and faith that the tide will turn. To get one person to realize that tough times don't last but tough people do. Even if on some days that one person is me.
Life is an endless struggle to finding...finding ourselves...finding love...finding success...finding happiness...we have moments but they never last our entire life...and the one thing I have learned from those moments...its only in the darkness that we can see the stars...its only in tough times do we see the true value in the good times. Its thru a tear we find the true meaning a smile holds. For we don't see the beauty in a storm until the clouds part and the sun's rays shine and make everything seem so clean and fresh.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
I have a dream!...comes finally true.
"I say to you today, my friends, so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. 
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mounta
ins of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!
Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up
that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"....
This summer I stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial...As I looked out onto to the Reflecting Pool, World War II Memorial, Washington Momument, across the Mall to the Capitol...I was over come with strong emotions...I had always dreamed of standing on those very steps and taking in that very view...I tried to picture the sea of faces of Americans taking in a speech given by a man who wanted more from America...not for himself but for his children and his fellow Americans...He wanted more for you and for me...He dreamed not for himself but
for his nation...45 years 2 months and 7 days ago Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech that changed America...he had a dream...a dream he would never see come true...A dream that started to become even more of reality tonight with the election win of the 44th President of the United States...Barack Obama...I think of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Ronald Reagan, RFK, JRK, FDR...MLK...so many leaders who had a dream for our nation...Who fought for that dream, died for that dream, believed-hoped and had faith, and gave up so much for that dream...Tonight for the first time in a long time so many Americans are believein, hoping and having faith in those very dreams again. I am filled with pride for all those men and women who gave of themselves...for you and for me...for a better life for all of us! May Abe, Martin, John, Robert and so many others be smiling...and filled with peace knowing that their sweat, tears, blood, time and even lives mattered and made a difference. 
I am not a very politcal person, in fact you will prolli never hear me standing from my soap box but for the first time in my adult life I feel I have found someone to believe in...in the same way so many Americans believed in JFK and RFK...some people might not agree with me...which is well...great...thats the great thing about America...we are free to have our own views and thoughts...It doesn't make me right or you right...it just makes us Americans...the only title that truly matters and counts. I look forward to seeing where Obama leads this country and more important what the people of America will dream of and achieve next....its the dawning of a new age...a new America.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of interposition and nullification; one day right there in Alabama, little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today.
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.
This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."
And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mounta
ins of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California!
But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom to ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up
that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"....This summer I stood on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial...As I looked out onto to the Reflecting Pool, World War II Memorial, Washington Momument, across the Mall to the Capitol...I was over come with strong emotions...I had always dreamed of standing on those very steps and taking in that very view...I tried to picture the sea of faces of Americans taking in a speech given by a man who wanted more from America...not for himself but for his children and his fellow Americans...He wanted more for you and for me...He dreamed not for himself but
for his nation...45 years 2 months and 7 days ago Martin Luther King Jr. gave a speech that changed America...he had a dream...a dream he would never see come true...A dream that started to become even more of reality tonight with the election win of the 44th President of the United States...Barack Obama...I think of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Thomas Jefferson, Ronald Reagan, RFK, JRK, FDR...MLK...so many leaders who had a dream for our nation...Who fought for that dream, died for that dream, believed-hoped and had faith, and gave up so much for that dream...Tonight for the first time in a long time so many Americans are believein, hoping and having faith in those very dreams again. I am filled with pride for all those men and women who gave of themselves...for you and for me...for a better life for all of us! May Abe, Martin, John, Robert and so many others be smiling...and filled with peace knowing that their sweat, tears, blood, time and even lives mattered and made a difference. 
I am not a very politcal person, in fact you will prolli never hear me standing from my soap box but for the first time in my adult life I feel I have found someone to believe in...in the same way so many Americans believed in JFK and RFK...some people might not agree with me...which is well...great...thats the great thing about America...we are free to have our own views and thoughts...It doesn't make me right or you right...it just makes us Americans...the only title that truly matters and counts. I look forward to seeing where Obama leads this country and more important what the people of America will dream of and achieve next....its the dawning of a new age...a new America.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
I get it
Sometimes it takes goin to a soccer game of a little boy to confrim something u alreay knew or going to an office and reading a poster that speaks to you in a way that moves you to the point of tears. These are everyday routines and the normans of someone that I am grateful to have in my life. And the best part of takin in what her everyday world contains is the fact that it does matter and does make a difference in the lives of those she touches whether she may know it or not it does and always will. Her giving of her time understanding knowledge love friendship and self makes all the difference in the world even if she may think differently sitting in a pop up tent in the rain givin info on services that may save a persons life someday without even knowing or giving up her summers to be at an all girls camp where I know she makes a huge impact and difference in all those girls lives.
She makes a differnce in this world and will only cont to keep doing so and expanding the lives she can reach touch and change. These everday routines these people that surround her world give meaning and purpose to her world in a way only such events places and people that she has in her life can.Always know and never never forget that or take that for granted. And most importantly take your being for granted or what you have to offer and give to this world. It is rare it is priceless it is special and only you can give it. It matters! You matter! In more lives than just mine or so and so. In lives you don't even know or think you reach and touch.---I GET IT---
We all can take lessons away from those we love and be proud of the fact that their lives mean more than just what they mean to our worlds.and we must all come to know and believe that ourselves that our lives do in fact matter and make a difference!
She makes a differnce in this world and will only cont to keep doing so and expanding the lives she can reach touch and change. These everday routines these people that surround her world give meaning and purpose to her world in a way only such events places and people that she has in her life can.Always know and never never forget that or take that for granted. And most importantly take your being for granted or what you have to offer and give to this world. It is rare it is priceless it is special and only you can give it. It matters! You matter! In more lives than just mine or so and so. In lives you don't even know or think you reach and touch.---I GET IT---
We all can take lessons away from those we love and be proud of the fact that their lives mean more than just what they mean to our worlds.and we must all come to know and believe that ourselves that our lives do in fact matter and make a difference!
Saturday, September 13, 2008
why not
Have you ever stop and really looked at your life I tend to do this alot when it comes to me looking thru my photos. I will stare at a photo taken when I was 3 of my grandfather and me the other day and I just thought of what my life would have encompassed if I was granted a life with him in it all these years. I look at photos of family and friends present, far away, way back then, and those who are now gone and I try to engrave in my mind the sound of their voices and draw their smiles in my thoughts for me to have with me always. For I have come to realize that life can change in one single moment. Its almost overwhelming to think of it in such a way but yet I force myself to... just a few seconds ago I was visiting a site on line that is in memory of a soul that was taken much much too soon. But yet in a way she lived a life that was so full and pure in a way in my 27 years I have yet to do. I look at her pictures, I look at pictures of her and just study them...and the what if's overcome me. to this day I still can't believe she is not walkin this earth. I think of my mentor and teacher and think of the life he would have had if cancer didn't take him from us. I think of too many friends that were taken before I even could truly comprehend what death really was. I think of mom and dads, brothers, sisters, grandparents and best friends that one day had their world and with one life taken from it --it all changed.
I look at my dad, my mom, my brothers, my best friend & sister, my friends, my family, my athletes, the people that make my world and I am so grateful and feel blessed to the core of my soul because I have them and that I can still take their photo, I can still capture simple happiness with them. For I know their are many who would give anything to take one more photo with their best friend. What they would give to take in a game and have a beer with their brother. What they would give to take their daughter or son off to college. what they would give to text a friend a joke or call them to tell them a fun story or to talk about really nothing at all. I hope I never find myself taking those simple moments with people that I love ever for granted. For I know those moments seem endless and at times really not that special for they are just soo normal to have...yet I know there isn't an endless supply of them...So why waste them being filled with anger, why waste them sleeping or being alone, why not go out of your way for them, why not take ten minutes to get down on the hands and knees and play with a kid that loves you and all they want is for you to play with them, why not drive 5 hours to see someone that you haven't hung with in ages, why not enjoy simple life moments and realize that blessings of just being in that moment....Why not love this life....why not why not why not...For moments don't last forever...and don't wait for them to be gone to realize things that we always should have known and have been grateful for..why not tell that person or the people in your life just how much they mean to your world now and not wait for them to be taken from it for you to realize...WHY NOT...the time is NOW.
I look at my dad, my mom, my brothers, my best friend & sister, my friends, my family, my athletes, the people that make my world and I am so grateful and feel blessed to the core of my soul because I have them and that I can still take their photo, I can still capture simple happiness with them. For I know their are many who would give anything to take one more photo with their best friend. What they would give to take in a game and have a beer with their brother. What they would give to take their daughter or son off to college. what they would give to text a friend a joke or call them to tell them a fun story or to talk about really nothing at all. I hope I never find myself taking those simple moments with people that I love ever for granted. For I know those moments seem endless and at times really not that special for they are just soo normal to have...yet I know there isn't an endless supply of them...So why waste them being filled with anger, why waste them sleeping or being alone, why not go out of your way for them, why not take ten minutes to get down on the hands and knees and play with a kid that loves you and all they want is for you to play with them, why not drive 5 hours to see someone that you haven't hung with in ages, why not enjoy simple life moments and realize that blessings of just being in that moment....Why not love this life....why not why not why not...For moments don't last forever...and don't wait for them to be gone to realize things that we always should have known and have been grateful for..why not tell that person or the people in your life just how much they mean to your world now and not wait for them to be taken from it for you to realize...WHY NOT...the time is NOW.
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