Its a word that carries more meaning that you will never know until it is a word that becomes a part of your life. CANCER to me was just a word once something that happened to my favorite teacher my best friend's grandma my mom's friend...you try to relate. you try to imagine but in the end you fall short in grasping what such a word means. Its a word that was never spoken in my family about one of my family members. You hear of name after name after name of those you have cancer who are battling cnacer who have lost their lives to cancer. But it all changes when suddenly that name is your mom's. When that person who Cancer claims as their home in their body is the person who carried you for 9 months who gave you life who held you gave you comfort feed you kissed you hugged you wiped away your tears - that person who your entire life is built around. that person you knows every scar every wound every memory every failure every dream - that person who taught you what was right or wrong - that person who installed everything that makes you - well you today.
As you all know there is nothing like the love for your mother. No better person. She's the glue - the one you can count on - the one thats always there- the one that loves you no matter what. Well my mom is just like that and more. I knew from an early age that my mom was well different....in all the best ways possible...the great ones always are... they have this gift of just seeing the world thru different eyes - they have a way of just living that is rare. Ya you can call me bias but anyone who has spent 5 seconds with my mom knows this to be true...Paula Goldmann she's one of the great ones.
So when we were told almost two years ago that she had stage four breast cancer it was a blow to the core of the Goldmann family. The woman who held us all together who brings us all together was now to battle this monster we call cancer. I remember that moment being told in that moment and how it felt like the air was sucked right out - not being able to breath - tears rolling - fear setting in. Standing next to my brothers who until up to that time I had only seen cry once. But there was our mom putting her arms around us wrapping us in her love and saying with a smile on her face "i am going to be just fine." In true Paula fashion she picked up the pieces and carried on. Cancer changed our lives forever that day.... but it was my mom that truly changed our lives all for the better that day. Even thru this whole battle she has still kept us together. She is still the glue. She is the strongest woman I have ever met. She carries herself with grace strength faith and hope. Facing this cancer head on each and every time. Never giving up never saying why me. Never throwing herself a pity party. Never seeing this journey as a set back.... She is teaching my brothers and I the true meaning of such words as fighting. strength. hope. faith. LIVING...with each step that she takes. Its a honor to walk with her thru this journey it truly is.
The funny thing about CANCER is that once its in your life its a word that will never leave your life. Even when things are going great you find yourself walking on glass wondering if the crack that formed that you have tried to glue and strength will hold - just how long will it last??? Cancer is a devil like that....but then I remember the lessons my mom has taught and lived by....you just have to enjoy the ride no matter where it takes you and when it ends. When I see cancer as my mom does life seems a bit easier to take on...knowing that she is a trooper and she will fight until the very last breath she takes makes me realize if she is willing to give every ounce of her being to fight to simply live then I can give every ounce of my being as well. We all are in the same boat....we get to live this life just once....and one day we will wake up to our last breath....and when that day comes what will your life say about you??? I know my mom is no where near of taking her last breath but i do know with each breath she takes she's making it count. And its a constant reminder to make mine count as well.....THANK YOU MOM...for always guiding for always setting the example not by the words you speak but by the life you live. I am beyond blessed to call you my mom. And THANK YOU for fighting each and everyday for US. WE LOVE YOU.
"More than anything I want to trust in a journey that I don't understand."
"I write entirely to find out what I am thinking & feeling, what I am looking at, what I see and what it means. What I want and what I fear."
"Loving you changed my life. It should come as no surprise that losing you has done the same."
"I am living proof that a shattered heart can still beat.:
"I am living proof that a shattered heart can still beat.:
LOVEthisLiFE
- Michelle
- "Life lies in the JOURNEY not the Destination." Everyday I awake to embrace the day I have been given. Thru times of struggle and in happiness--I find reasons each and everyday to LOVEthisLIFE.
Every story is one to be heard....
"You have been given the chance to live, so LIVE."
"Your soul knows the geography of your destiny. Your soul alone has the map of your future. Therefore, you can trust this indirect, oblique side of yourself. If you do, it will take you where you need to go. But more importantly it will teach you a kindness of rhythm in your journey."
"Those who love you are not fooled by mistakes you have made or dark images you hold about yourself. They remember your beauty when you feel ugly, your wholeness when you are broken, your innocence when you feel guilty and your purpose when you are confused."
"I may not have gone where I intended to go - but I believe I have ended up where I needed to be."
"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy.' They told me - I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life."
"If you cry because the sun has gone out of your life, your tears will prevent you from seeing the stars."
"Some people just live life in a way that well seems against the grain - never taking the paved way the easy way never living to the checklist of life...but maybe just maybe they are seeking a little bit more from life."
"All of your life is about growing into your personal best...all of your life is about growing into greatness."
"When something bad happens, you have three choices...you can either let it define you, let it destroy you OR you can let it strengthen you."
"I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders."
"Do one thing everyday that scares the complete shit out of you."
"Try to be like a turlte, at ease in your own shell."
"There is a great mystery that none of us will get until that last breath and EVERYTHING will become VERY CLEAR."
"There is something beautiful about all scars of whatever nature. A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed and healed, done with."
"Overcome the notion that you must be regular it robs you of the chance to be extraordinary."
"Too much has been given much is required. You must do something for the greater good to show your gratefulness for the blessings in your life."
"The CHALLENGE of my LIFE is to see how far I can take it."
"There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go."
Never ask, "What reason do I have to be happy?" Instead ask, "To what purpose can I attach my happiness?"
"Maybe mistakes are what makes our fate - without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we never veered off course we wouldn't be who we are now."
"The turning point in the process of growing up is when you discover the core of strength within you that survives all hurt."
"Michelangelo said the best way to judge the essential elements of a sculpture is to throw it down a hill and the unimportant pieces will breake away. Sometimes life is like that. It tosses us down a hill. But when we reach the bottom and only the important things are left, that's when our vision clears. That's when we hold on tight to what we know, while hope stirs inside us. It's all a matter of perspective."
"Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm but to add color to my sunset sky."
"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces - I would still plant my apple tree."
"Turn your wounds into wisdom and your mess into your message."
"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness."
"Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek & find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared."
"It is impossible to win the race unless you venture to run, impossible to win the victory unless you dare to battle."
"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet."
"When you find the way others will find you. Passing by on the road they will be drawn to your door. The way that cannot be heard will be echoed in your voice. The way that cannot be seen will be reflected in your eyes." -Choose your own journey even if it means taking a path no one ever has.
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer anwsers."
1 comment:
You make me soooo very proud.
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