Monday, January 23, 2012

CANCER

Its a word that carries more meaning that you will never know until it is a word that becomes a part of your life. CANCER to me was just a word once something that happened to my favorite teacher my best friend's grandma my mom's friend...you try to relate. you try to imagine but in the end you fall short in grasping what such a word means. Its a word that was never spoken in my family about one of my family members. You hear of name after name after name of those you have cancer who are battling cnacer who have lost their lives to cancer. But it all changes when suddenly that name is your mom's. When that person who Cancer claims as their home in their body is the person who carried you for 9 months who gave you life who held you gave you comfort feed you kissed you hugged you wiped away your tears - that person who your entire life is built around. that person you knows every scar every wound every memory every failure every dream - that person who taught you what was right or wrong - that person who installed everything that makes you - well you today.

As you all know there is nothing like the love for your mother. No better person. She's the glue - the one you can count on - the one thats always there- the one that loves you no matter what. Well my mom is just like that and more. I knew from an early age that my mom was well different....in all the best ways possible...the great ones always are... they have this gift of just seeing the world thru different eyes - they have a way of just living that is rare. Ya you can call me bias but anyone who has spent 5 seconds with my mom knows this to be true...Paula Goldmann she's one of the great ones.

So when we were told almost two years ago that she had stage four breast cancer it was a blow to the core of the Goldmann family. The woman who held us all together who brings us all together was now to battle this monster we call cancer. I remember that moment being told in that moment and how it felt like the air was sucked right out - not being able to breath - tears rolling - fear setting in. Standing next to my brothers who until up to that time I had only seen cry once. But there was our mom putting her arms around us wrapping us in her love and saying with a smile on her face "i am going to be just fine." In true Paula fashion she picked up the pieces and carried on. Cancer changed our lives forever that day.... but it was my mom that truly changed our lives all for the better that day. Even thru this whole battle she has still kept us together. She is still the glue. She is the strongest woman I have ever met. She carries herself with grace strength faith and hope. Facing this cancer head on each and every time. Never giving up never saying why me. Never throwing herself a pity party. Never seeing this journey as a set back.... She is teaching my brothers and I the true meaning of such words as fighting. strength. hope. faith. LIVING...with each step that she takes. Its a honor to walk with her thru this journey it truly is.

The funny thing about CANCER is that once its in your life its a word that will never leave your life. Even when things are going great you find yourself  walking on glass wondering if the crack that formed that you have tried to glue and strength will hold - just how long will it last??? Cancer is a devil like that....but then I remember the lessons my mom has taught and lived by....you just have to enjoy the ride no matter where it takes you and when it ends. When I see cancer as my mom does life seems a bit easier to take on...knowing that she is a trooper and she will fight until the very last breath she takes makes me realize if she is willing to give every ounce of her being to fight to simply live then I can give every ounce of my being as well. We all are in the same boat....we get to live this life just once....and one day we will wake up to our last breath....and when that day comes what will your life say about you??? I know my mom is no where near of taking her last breath but i do know with each breath she takes she's making it count. And its a constant reminder to make mine count as well.....THANK YOU MOM...for always guiding for always setting the example not by the words you speak but by the life you live. I am beyond blessed to call you my mom. And THANK YOU for fighting each and everyday for US. WE LOVE YOU.

1 comment:

PG said...

You make me soooo very proud.