how can this be...

I wake up and one thought repeats in my mind...how can this be...how can this be real life...how can this be reality...how can you be gone...how can this be...i lay in the darkness eyelids so heavy but never close...how can this be...my mind can't comprehend the reality of the fact you aren't here...that you are gone...i can't grasp nor understand. how can this be...how can i feel so much and yet not feel anything at all...I just long to hear your voice - to talk about nothing at all - to be in the simplest of moments with you - to be just left intoxicated by your presences...to feel your warmth, kindness and love. how could so much of who i am simply be traced back to you.  how does my body continue to run and function without half of its parts...how can this be...i try so hard to focus to feel you...but i always fall up short...what am i doing wrong i wonder...or is this just something one says to bring you comfort never to realize that it actually brings you anything but...i don't feel you. how can this be...you have been gone almost ten months and it seems like years and years...did i make you up...were you really here... this is all bigger than what i can grasp - comprehend and understand. How can this be.... all i know is i miss you. i miss you so terribly much.