Lost Friendship

We all have them. We have all had certain friendships that we find ourselves growing apart from. Sometimes its a lost friendship resutling in a lie. A betrayal. A hurtful act. Sometimes its a lost frienship resulting in chapters ending and chapters starting that force us to grow in different directions. Sometimes its a postive growth apart. For we realize what true friendship is... Because it lasts no matter what may happen and we find that even if we grow apart with true friends you grow towards each other.

Yet every once in awhile we run into friends and we wonder what happened. Or we stumble across a photo from a summer or a college day. And we find ourselves wondering could we have made more of an effort? Was it a friendship that was only suppose to last just that chapter? I have a friend that doesn't want anything to deal with me. Who doesn't return my calls emails or texts. You would think when you have so many people in your life...so many friends it wouldn't matter.

But it matters greatly to me because of the fact that one friendship portraits the friend that I never want to be. To me it means in so ways I am not the person I think I am or always thought I was... And the thing is I have no true answers to what brought us here. Just one day the emails didn't reply back. One day the phone kept ringing and its been that way since.

I am not a person who gives up on people but after awhile I realize I have no choice but to just let go... And yes I am still getting use to the fact that I can't answer the phone on the other line. And yes I have to stop myself from time to time so I don't send yet another text or email. You just have to let some things go in life.

Its a hard lesson I am learning because I have never had a friendship where I have completely failed to the point where the person wants nothing to do with me... Even with friendships that you grow apart from you never miss a chance to catch up with when given the chance. I wish that was the case here. Maybe someday we will figure it out. Maybe not. Maybe we aren't suppose to remain friends with all people in this life. Maybe we are given such people in our lives to learn important life lessons. To realize we are human. To realize we all make mistakes. Even esp when we don't realize we are doing them. I don't know if it was me or them... But the truth is it doesn't matter what got us here... We are here. What matters is where we go from here and how I chose to be from this moment on. Sometimes failure isn't in walking away but in standing still. To say you tried everything you could to be the friend they needed and they chose not to have such a friend. I know deep down I will always think of it as a regret of a friendship I pushed out of my life and not let grow slowing out at its own time. Yet I have learned my lessons from this and have grown as a person and friend... Which makes me strangely thankful for this moment and struggle. I no longer carry the weight of failure with me... It got to be too much to carry. And I hope somewhere they have dropped the weight too. I am sorry...I forgive you with hopes if your reading this that you forgive me. And I hope you know that my friendship is something I never take back which means if you ever find yourself dialing my number I promise I will answer.