Those MOMENTS.

You ever have those moments that you are filled with pride. with joy. with happiness. with empowerment.  Moments that just leave you with a smile on your face and fullness in your heart. Aren't those moments just great. I live for those moments - becasue they feel just so darn good to be in or to be apart of. Wouldn't it be something if that's how we lived our lives - all of us lived our lives to live in such a way and do things in such a matter that not only gives us that feeling but even better yet gives the people that surround us as well as those we care for that feeling. Could you imagine such a world... We are capable of living in such a world it just take each person doing their own part and spreading goodness to each being they come in contact with... its possible. I strive everyday to give more than i take. I strive everyday to empower the people that surround me than to weaken. I strive each day to spread smiles and happiness instead of tears and sorrow. I will admit somedays its easier than others - as well as some people make it exteremly difficult to not want to slap across the face or return their rudeness right back. And I guess if striving to be such a person was easy as can be everyone would be such a person. The simple fact is it takes more - it takes work sometimes more work alot more work to be such a person... but i tell you its ALWAYS ALWAY worth it. These moments they are always worth whatever it took to get you here to be filled with such joy. pride. happiness. These moments...they are always worth it. I challenge you to strive for such a world... maybe it won't be the whole world at first...maybe you strive to change just the world you live in...the people you come in contact with each and everyday...and maybe just maybe those people will do the same in the world they live in and it will hopefully spread and spread til all the little worlds of this earth are connecting until at last the entire world is changed...I believe it is possible!

TODAY this MOMENT

A tornado strikes in Moore, OK - families lose loved ones as well as everything they own - they are left with nothing but the blessing of their lives and the lives of their loved ones. It is in these moments of raw pure life changing moments we are reminded of what life all comes down to. What matters in this life. What we need vs what we want. What defines this life. We can be stripped of everything - our clothes - our cars - our homes - our personal belongings - the things we so think define our life... a fire. a hurricane. a tornado can take it all in the blink of an eye. Then that moment passes and we look around and see that you are still there and so are your loved ones and it becomes crystal clear that that is all that matters you are still here and so are the lives that you love. Everything else can be rebuilt or replaced but the lives of those we love can not. I struggle sometimes because as much as I think that I am not like that - that i need need need I know that I am - we all are some more than others. Why does it take losing everything to figure out what truly matters? Why does it have to be taken to the extreme of loss to open our eyes. And why is it so easy to forget these things after time?

I don't want my life to be defined by the things I own. I want it to be defined by the person that I am - the love support kindness I give. I want it to be defined by the people I love and care about. It would be I am sure harder than I could ever imagine to loss everything and have to start all over again. My heart goes out for those that have to do just that, and its ever harder to think of those who have to do this more than once. I pray for their strength to keep going. And I find myself inspired by these people. I don't want to wait til I loss everything to see what truly matters in this life. I want my eyes to be open to the truth of this life NOW and each and every day that follows. I am on a quest to live this life like i have lost everything so all know what truly matters to me but more importantly that I KNOW what truly matters and change my life my being to reflect just that. TODAY this MOMENT may be one day all it comes down to. How is your life defined. What is your life's meaning. worth. What defines life. How does your being define your life. Will it take losing everything in order to see what truly matters... Let's not WAIT.

Happy 2nd Birthday Taylor

 5.20.13 - Today is my niece's 2nd birthday. I would like to give her a BIG birthday shout out from her Auntie Chellie.  Its hard to believe this little girl is now 2!!! Its been a joy to watch her grow and I can't think of how life was before she came into this world and gave me the new title of Aunt. I have loved taking pictures of her from the moment I met her on 5.20.11 - what a great little model she is for her photographer of an aunt. Her expressions are priceless and her smile is something that I just can't get enough of. I heart looking back at all the photos of Taylor Jean and seeing how much she has grown and changed. And can't wait to see what life has in store of her with the years to come.

 I am sure I will be close by with my Nikon in hand capturing her life's moments. For I have found I have no problem taking way too many photos of just the simply everyday daily moments and even more on days that are big events like her birthday. Its just to easy to take photo after photo because she's just too darn cute!!!

Its such a thrill to watch you take in life - hearing your high pitch voice - having your giggle and laugh fill the room - getting you to say things over and over just to hear your voice - doing whatever it takes to make you smile because it just brightens up our days. Sitting back and just letting you do your thing is one of my favorite past times because you are always on the go go go.

 To my little wild child - Taylor. I want you to know just how special you are to me and so many. You have been blessed with one great mommy and daddy who love you to pieces! You are the source of their joy and happiness. And I know your life will be built on a solid foundation with the support guidence and love that your mommy and daddy will always give you! You have blessed your Gramps and Granny's life far beyond any words can describle - You have been the hope and strength for your Granny and the laughter and happiness for your Gramps - they both LOVE to spoil you and just take you in by watching your smiles, giggles, expressions and just watching you be Taylor.  You have brought FUN and Youth to your uncle Jac and aunt Chellie - for we love to just play with you. You are just too much fun. Know that we are just a few of the people who love you to the moon and back!! You have an entire family filled with parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, great aunts, great uncles, great grandparents, second cousins, family friends and the list goes on. Who not only love you but will always be here to support you.

So whether we are celebrating your 2nd birthday - 12th birthday or 22nd birthday know that you will ALWAYS be special to us. And will always look forward to seeing your smile - hearing your laugh and just being with you. Its been a pure pleasure to watch you grow and will be a gift to continue to watch you explore this life. We love you, Taylor. Happy 2nd Birthday.

MINNESOTA!

Well done. Well done. Minnesota. History was made and it was the right kind of history. Hopefully many states will follow the 12th state that legalized same-sex marriage until all 50 are giving all Americans equal rights. Upon hearing that news I was in touch with friends that didn't have the same rights based on who they loved. And I thought it was quite powerful when I heard its not about a wedding - just becasue this happened doesn't mean I am going to rush out and have a huge wedding - what matters is today that I an given the right to when and if that time comes. Today I have the same rights as my neighbor. Today I am an equal. TODAY I AM AN EQUAL. wow how powerful to hear such words and how amazing that must have felt for those who were denied such a common right that so many of us take for granted.

It was finally seen the way that it should have been seen all along... who someone loves plays no role in someone eles's life other than that person and the person he/she loves. Its no busy of mine other than to support and most of all doesn't give me or you any right to judge or to say no you can not marry the one you love becasue so and so has a problem with it. My advice to all of you who have issue with such its time to grow up and see the whole picture - stop judging. Start realizing life is different for all and we all have the right to live the life we choose and most of all be given the same rights across the board no matter who you are or who you love. TODAY I AM AN EQUAL...a statement ALL Americans should have. know. and feel. They don't call this the land of the free and the home of the brave for nothing. Its time to fight for these rights and change.  Trust me when I say that Billy and Tommy & Annie and Katie they are just like Tom and Katie & Bill & Ann...They are all just simply living the best life they know how. All just wanting happiness and love. All just working to make a life for and with the ones they love. They are more alike then they differ. When I look at my friends I see no difference - they are just my friends. Good people. Fun people. Supportive people. People that make this world a better place and make you better by just being around good people. Its amazing what you will find once you stop judging and start embracing. Today Minnesota stopped judging and they are now embracing. And I am filled with happiness for countless friends that are now happy to simply be who they are and say I am an equal. Way to go Minnesota!!

LOVE is LOVE

Today is a big day for Minnesota. By days end or however long it takes for them to decide with any hope they should be 12th state to stand on the right side of history. By doing what is right and changing the law to legalize same sex marriages. I have become more and more suportive of this for the main reason I have friends who prove love is love. And to be honest some of the relationships that I have witness between that of the same sex are strong and more committed than those of some of the male-female marriages/relationships I know.

In the end it boils down to this...when you love someone truly love someone and want to share your life with that person - build a life with that person - be fully committed to that person YOU who ever you shall be should and deserve such a right. And what business do you and I have to stop such a right? Why does it even matter to you or I what Dave & Joe or Sue & Kate are in love and want to legalize that love??? At most I will be there in support of my friends - that is where I fit into that picture... I believe NO ONE on this earth is more entitled to decide or dicate anyone's life when it comes to everyday living breathing and being. Its none of mine or yours concern over someone's love and decision whether to marry the one they love. I don't see how such a thing is well any of anyone else's business than that of the two wanting to commit their lives to each other. And just like all marriages have the backing of support when it comes to insurance, family rights and partner benefits. No one should be deny such things when they have spent a lifetime loving their partner in the same way he loves his wife or she loves her husband. There truly is no difference. LOVE IS LOVE.

May Minnesota be the 12th...followed soon by more and more states til all 50 states are standing on the right side of history. More and more are starting to see the picture clearly and are changing with the change because its our loved ones that are being denied the right to love and thats all it takes someone you love or care about being that person that is being denied such a basic right for people to change...This is our civil rights movement...which side of side will you be standing on? 

That FEELING

We all have that feeling - we all get that feeling whether its something you feel in your gut - in your bones - to the depth of your soul - in your heart, the saying can be said many different ways but the point of it is is our heart or our mind or our soul is trying to tell us something.  Because of this feeling you are confident to keep going on or not giving up - or to trust in whatever you are doing it will work out you just have to push on... You are left with these thougths that this feeling you have about the topic at hand are telling you something - its speaking to you. We have all had this feeling some time or another in our life that may range from the simplest of things/events or moments to the biggest ones.

My question is when do you know when to fully trust in it that its 100% right and you should push on till it happens or to the point to prove that this feeling is in fact correct. How do you know when to be trusting fully in such a stage of the unknown that what you feel is something to push onward and upward...When do we reach that point where its a feeling that's smack on target vs. just being stubborn and/or completely stupid.

Wouldn't it be nice to hvae a cheat sheet in such situations??? But you are left with just trusting in life and in yourself. Which often at times is one hell of a task. Letting go and having faith that life - your life will go as on course you just have to give it room to do just that. Its hard to let go of the wheel and not be a back seat driver esp. when you think you know - you know based on that feeling in your gut...I know how that story can go where you are positive you are going down the right street to get to the right house - telling the driver turn here then take a right its the 5th on the left...you would be willing to bet your life on thats the correct house...only to get to the final destination and the house is well must have moved over night because its two blocks south and the 2nd on the right. You are left feeling like a complete moron wondering how could you be so wrong. Maybe thats something different thinking you know something vs. having a feeling about something.

Its easy after all is said and done ya i had a feeling it would go this way...anyone could say that given you already know the outcome...my question is what do you do with that feeling IN THE MOMENT. Do you ignore it... Do you trust in it... Do you find reasons to prove its right... Or do you find reasons to prove its wrong. Or maybe just maybe you do nothing at all. Oh the choices life always brings to the table.. Don't you just love it in a hating kind of way.

Nothing is a GIVEN. It is EARNED.

I find it well amazing just how easy sometimes people give up or quit something - so many people these days think life should be well handed to you. They want the reward without the work. I am just as guilt of this as well - I think now days we are all guitly of it from time to time. So many of us think that we are entitled to have such things and/or we had the final product without investing the time.

To me there is something about the process that gets you from A to B that gets me intrigued. I feel like I value things more knowing my time and sweat went into it. Whether its a project or editing pictures I know going into the time I will have to invest but the feeling I recieve once completed is one heck of a high.

There are certain things in this life that I yet to truly give myself too - things like owning and maintaining a house - taking on home projects and re-doing a fix-r-up-r (something that I am hoping will be in the works soon and my next time invester).To me I don't want a brand new house - I want a house filled with character and has a soul that I can get to know and bring to life again, I realize it will take heaps of commitment - will present one heck of a challenge - provide a vast learning curve  that will mainly be based on trial and error as well require that green stuff that doesn't grow on trees but to me thats all worth it. For in the end - even if its 10 years from now - it will a house that has my sweat and time in its walls, boards, floors, ceiling. I now it will provide me with a feeling of happiness and fill me with satisfaction. Because anything you spend that much time and labor into its reward is well worth it! The easy route is to find a house that has all that done for me right off the bat but it would be lacking that reward feeling. Because to be honest that reward feeling must be EARNED.

I look at relationships and I am left puzzled how so many want this picture perfect relationship that should just form and be maintained on its own. I also have to smile and shake my head at that - because i don't care who you are or who you are with or what relationship you have got in your head that you think is easy picture perfect. Because there is NO SUCH THING. Relationships require time and work - you have your good days and your bad days and it invloves both parties to be commited. Humans are ever changing which means things esp relationships need to change as well - but isn't love worth that change together? Where do we find that balance and strength to say ya its hard but the love we share together is worth it - to me going thru such hard times only gives more meaning to the good times that lie ahead. Today its standard thinking things are getting rocky - things aren't really going the way I planned - this is too hard and the result is they check out - they give in - they quit. Sometimes I don't know what to think. Becasue I am not other people maybe that is what is right for them maybe they did have enough maybe they deserve more...but I also know some people cave in too easily. They think they can't handle it - thye don't have the strength to endure ...they couldn't be more wrong. Humans are made to endure a heck alot more than a few rough patches. So many of us need to simple stay focused and commited. If you want something you have to be willing to fight for it - have to be willing to battle the rough patched together - have to be willing to hang on when its easier to let go - have to keep going when its more simple to just walk away. Because in the end I feel that reward you have as a couple will over power the struggles and hard times. You will find strength and shetler in that relationship as well as trust things that will fuel all other parts of your life if you let it. Its easy to want what other people have as the saying goes the grass is always greenier. What may appear picture perfect don't be fooled that it was given or just as easy as snapping ones fingers. It took being committed by both parties to invest and to count on the other to be there no matter if they are basking in the sun or being slammed upon the rocks. Life is a two sided coin which is where we are able to find the true meaning of sorrow and of happiness by experiencing both - I feel relationships are just the same.What gives a relationship meaning and depth is not just having it easy but going thru the ups and downs together. I feel its in those moments that having this one person by your side that you can count on no matter what life throws at you is prolly the best blessing one has ever be given. And that should be treasured and held close - it should be something you are willing to battle for and fight for and never let go. Because love the true kind that comes from your soul just doesn't happen with everyone or for everyone for that matter. So when you find it - when you have it don't just throw it away don't just give up when you find yourself in hard times...turn to that person that you found such a love in and work with them to get thru.

Nothing in life is handed to you. Nothing is always easy. And how boring if it were.

SPRING...finally

I am not one to say much about the weather - its more of it is what it is sort of thing. I guess I could complain but the truth is in the end we can't do anything about it - we don't hold the power to change the weather so we might as well chagne our attitudes about it. Yet I am willing to admit I have a little skip in my step when that light comes thru the window. I have more energy it seems to be doing something anything when that ol' sun is a shining. I hope you are finding excuses to be active outside as well. Nothing better than being in the outdoors filling your lungs with fresh air - its good for the soul and sparks the seed of happiness. So here are to classic spring days that we have been lacking this year but now carry new meaning since we might have taken them all too much for granted.

HAPPY SPRING

Trusting in Life

You ever find yourself looking at your life from the outside and thinking wait wait wait...how did i get to this exact spot?? This is not how I pictured it turning out...yet you stop and think even harder and realize just how it happened your footprints led you right to this moment you can re-trace them step for step...decision for decision choice for choice. You realize in that moment what you thought was the right path to take words to speak choice to make now ends up being a fight with yourself of "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING??". Regrets we all live with them - I will admit I do carry few but the ones that I carry are well huge. Huge in a way that even moving forward I am unsure I will ever be able to make them right or at least patch them up so they can heal. I know myself all too well when I mess up its a big mess when I make mistakes they are well the big ugly ones. Yet you can see just how you came to the moment of truth and picked wrong. I have hope that my future will right these wrongs but I am not certain they will. I can only hope that I will learn and grow from them. Become more and a better person from them. Does it scare me that thru those mistakes and regrets I might have missed out on some major life realities. life events. life moments. life thougths.emotions.feelings. In a word YES. But so want to believe and stay committed to the saying life finds a way if its meant to be. The hard part is letting it go for now. That's the hard part the letting go part. Worried that it won't work out the way you so badly want it too...Trusting in life's plan when well at least at the moment you think you know what is best for you.

Most times I have no worry at all with letting go and trustng life its those huge things that really matter to me that i feel my life is less without those are the ones that get me.That eat at me and I can't seem to trust life with... Sometimes I think life would be better with a manual. But then again how boring would it be. I hate that feeling of wasting time when its so clear you know what you want...let here you are not taking action to make it a reality - you are waiting for life to present it...sometimes i think that i wait and wait then kind of forget its my name being called over the loud speakers when what i have been waiting for finally arrives.That's pretty tyical of me zoning out and missing it. The other very typical thing is me making all the wrong moves and saying all the wrong things. Its pretty classic of me to finally be given the green light only to find out I forgot to put gas in the car. Which usually domino effects into everything else that could go possibly wrong...its pretty humorous how it all usually plays out for me. Even I have to find the humor in the fact that I am not graceful at life's big moments at times. I get nervous. I get scared. I forget my lines. I forget my thought process. I go from relying on my strengths at all times to suddenly putting all my weight on my weaknesses. Maybe someday I will get it right. Maybe someday I will get better at this whoel trusting in life. As much as I hate not being in control i realize its good for me... I hate it and I hate that I know its good for me...but I also know I need more of it. There was a time when I lived life outside of my comfort zone and I have never felt so well comfortable. Now I believe I have spent too much time in my comfort zone and its gives me the chills when I think of stepping outside it... Yet I know it must must must be done. Its a scary  feeling taking a step in the dark not sure of your footing esp when you stumble - trip when its light out. Well here's to living outside your comfort zone and to trusting in life's plan for you....

My home...

…is my dream…a small restored craftsman style or bungalow house. Simple – straight lines with character just big enuff for what I need. I will own and live in such a house one day granted I realize I will prolli have to move out of ND to find her and she will be just big enough for well me – with enough projects to keep me busy at home on the evenings and weekends – I will do as much work myself regardless of how many youtube vidoes and questions I have to ask Stan in the home improvement selection or how many do overs i will need to get it right sooner or later for example a nice wooden pale gray fence will be up (my first success) so the dogs can run freely in the yard…yes I said dogs because I am sure I will have at least two someday. I will then move on to conquor striping paint and restoring wooden floor boards and continue making my way checking projects with a bold mark done on the list until I reach the very last one... It will be located on a quiet street with nice big trees that I will have a love hate relationship come the fall season. It will be in a neighborhood where I know all the families on the street and have happy hour rotating from deck to deck in the summers.

I will sit on the porch reading the paper in the morning and when the cold season hits move to the sunroom off back. At nite I will be found putz in the yard throwing a ball fixing this and mowing that with a reward of a meal on the grill. My Saturdays will be spend roaming the aisles of Lowes Home Depot and Menards for the items to complete the endless must do’s list. And then there will come a day when all is complete and the only thing I will long for is to be at home.  My social life and my love life will be engulf on this home. It may appear that i have fallen from the face of the earth... It will be me and her in my solitude she will be stained in my sweat molded by my touch and craved in my love. I dream of the peace I will find under her roof the laughter that will be enclosed in her walls and the happiness that lies above her floors. I will have an old leather chair that has a view of the yard and I can picture myself sitting there every Sunday listening to music by hopefully that time the restored recorded player just enjoying being with her as the dogs lay at my feet. On rainy days I will dance to the rhythm while the raindrops hit her roof – on sunny days I will nap in the hammock shaded by the trees that at that moment I will love but whisper come fall it’s a different story – I will pray for a blizzard come winter but will settle for nestling by the fire and watching out the big windows the freshly soft fallen snow endlessly coming down.  She will be filled with details that range from the wooden trim to the doors to the knobs to the lights to the stone path to the garage doors to the mailbox to the deck stain.

I will prolli end up paying someone to keep the plants and flowers alive and will each spring think I can tackle having a garden and will have endless advice & tips from the elder couple a few doors down but in the end will have no true success and shrug my shoulders and say maybe better luck next year. I can picture my life with her so clearly - it may be a home that just I call home or maybe a family in tow. Either way it will be my escape and my shelter filled with belongings that each has a story or a meaning. When the work day ends I will be beyond happy to find myself turning back onto a familiar road that will lead me home to her and I will pause and just take her in the beauty that she is I may be bias but quite certain she’s the pretties on the whole block.  I dream of the day I find her and start the massive to do list to make her mine.  To me she won't just be some house...she will be my home.