Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Learning.

"In the attitude of silence the soul finds the path in a clearer light, and what is elusive and deceptive resolves itself into the crystal clearness. Our life is a long and arduous quest after truth." -Mahatma Gandhi

Its human nature to want answers to our thoughts, feelings and especially questions. We strive for reason, for understanding, for wisdom and knowledge. In all areas of life: in friendship, love, work, health, sickness, death, life...and the list goes on. We hope to find meaning in words-in actions. Yet most of the time it still just doesn't add up. I have found that I search and search for words to describe how I am feeling. I search for the right things to say and to do. But sometimes life throws us a curve - we have moments of darkness - we make mistakes - we fail - we struggle - we stumble - we have hard lessons that sometimes just must be learned. Its in these moments that well I find myself struggling. When I have made a mistake. When I have made a big OOPS. When I have failed. I can forgive rather quickly in most situation but have the darnest of times forgiving myself. Letting myself off the hook. I find myself not settled until I have been forgiven. It just eats and eats at me. I don't know how to live with regret. I don't know how to not let such things eat at me.

But like happiness and well life sometimes things aren't fully meant to come together to the point where we understand. And maybe the same goes for regrets. We aren't meant to live a life without them. They are meant to stick with us to remind us. To help us learn from our mistakes, from our failures, from our struggles and stumbles. Some life lessons esp the hard ones we aren't ever meant to forget. Thou we search for answers... Sometimes such lessons are learned to help grow and to realize that this life is about learning and growing. And sometimes the greatest of lessons are the hardest of things to really learn and in many ways live with. And we carry around those regrets and lessons to make sure we never have to repeat the same mistake and failure.


"You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of. You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life." -Albert Camus

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