A woman of grace

Have you ever felt connected to someone you have never met. Found yourself saying I think we would be friends or we would get along just dandy? Has your life ever changed in a way by someone that never even knew you were well you? Most people would insert names like Kobe Bryant or Lady Gaga here (OR insert your person ). When I think of such people I think of Princess Di, Maya Angelou, and Elizabeth Edwards. These women have touched and impacted my life.

Two of these women I would give anything to meet no longer walk this earth. I remember just where I was when I heard that Princess Di had passed away. I was in shock and I cried like it was my aunt my best friend had died. I stayed up to watch her funeral live only to find out it was to re-play at a normal time (oh and I had a big basketball game that night prolli wasn't me best choice). But I had to, for this woman changed my life in ways I can't describe or in many ways even know. Without knowing her or ever meeting her yet she still found a way to change me for the good.

Today will be one of those days I will forever remember, at the age of 61 Elizabeth Edwards lost her battle with breast cancer. Now why may you ask would this middle age woman mother of 4 from North Carolina mean so much to me? How could such a simple woman change and impact my life? Maybe because when I first saw the Edwards I felt like they were the next Camlot taking over where the Kennedy's left. But the truth is it was just her grace. Of a woman who knew the truth to this life and had knowledge to share. Things she was saying were worth hearing and remembering. When I found she had stage four breast cancer I almost wasn't able to catch my breath and it had come back for good years later. When her first book Saving Grace hit the shelves I read it in a day. Um unheard of for me way back in 2007. Her book Resilience in 2010 was the same.

She inspired me by how she always lived. Thru the loss of a son, her husband's affair, a divorce, battling cancer and then kowing she would someday lose that battle with cancer. Thru it all she lived her life with dignity, compassion, humor and above all grace. She was a woman who often took the high road. Who always found the silver lining and faced life with a positive attitude. How many of us do that? She never lowered hereself than less of who she truly was. How many of us can say that? How many of us can say just that going thru all of that in the public eye? She was one who only spoke when she knew what she wanted to say. She waited to talk til she gathered her thoughts and emotions so she didn't have regrets. She was honest and was out to live her best life on her terms even with battling terminal cancer. She was a woman of grace. A woman we could all learn something from. A woman I am blessed to learn thru her life's journey. Thou not a perfect one but one that was worth living and now remembering. She was a woman that reminds me alot of my own mother who strangly also is battling stage four breast cancer. A woman who also inspires me and lives her life with complete grace. A woman who thinks before she talks and has much knowledge to share. A woman that takes the high road and finds the silver lining. A woman who is out to live her best life...That can't just be by chance? Right?

In the words of Elizabeth Edwards...I hope you live your life with three graces. "The grace of family, friends and faith." I dare you to live a life of grace honestly and dignity. I dare you to find the silver lining. I dare you to take the high road when you are faced with tough challenges and situations. I dare you to live your best life. I dare you to live life on your terms no matter what you are facing. I dare YOU. I end with quote from a song that she often said by Leoard Cohn "Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." May the angels lead you into paradise and may Wade be one of those angels. Rest well woman of grace. Rest well.

Congrats Yolanda

I got this friend named Yalda who I simply call Yolanda. She's full of life, a smile is always on her face. She's out to live her best life possible. She's a a dreamer, an achiever, and a very smart and determined gal. So when she says she's going to do this or that... I believe her without a doubt. She's a gal who never complains. She's a knock out but doens't let it go to her head. She's a down to earth gal who is a true friend. She's a friend who lets' you be just you. She doesn't ask for the world but you know when the cards are down she's in your corner. She's a friend you can always count on. We havethis think where I say Loser and she says you meant a V not a S... (LOVER). She's a person I am glad grateful and blessed to have in my life. I am thankful to call her my friend....LOSER.

Well that gal just landed herself a pretty great job All that hard work is paying off. Congrats to her. I couldn't be more happy for you or more thrilled. You earned it YOLANDA. Here's to the ride may it take you just far enough for you to reach and live your dreams.

Life is Good

Over the Thanksgiving weekend we gathered as a Family. Before we ate Brittaney said a prayer. After the prayer Paul decided to thank his family for the helping of getting ready and moving into their new house. He finished with saying thank you mom and dad - we did it all just in time because in May you are going to be grandparents. So we are thrilled and happy to say the first Goldmann Grandchild will arrive in May.

It has been a year of an unknown journey. We stared walking in this path of uncertaintly but have found blessings and things and people to be grateful for all along the way. We said our thanks for those special thoughts and feelings we hold in our hearts for the people who have touched our hearts and left us never the same. We have found smiles across our mouths, felt love in our hearts and tears of joy running down our faces. We truly have found many reasons to LOVEthisLIFE. And hearing the news that our family will grow by one only adds to the joy and happiness in our lives.

This child that will soon come (that I have named Mort til May) is already being spoiled. We talk about him/she constantly, gifts have already started to be bought and talks of plans dreams and things to do when he or she arrives have been talked about. Like everyone else we don't care or mind if its a boy or a girl because whatever which it will be Mort will be loved with an endless love by soo soo many.

Life is all about new beginnings. Nothing stays the same. Change is something that can always be counted upon. Some we struggle with accepting while others we fully embrace. The birth of the Goldmann Baby (Mort) is something we extend our arm out for and cant cross off the days fast enough. CONGRATS Paul & Shonna(Robert-O and Yanni)!!! I can't wait to be the wild crazy loving fun take too many pictures buy too many things spoil too much let you get away with murder Aunt Chelle. Life is good!

PS Not all are thrilled with the name Mort til May... but Baby just doesn't cut it for this Aunt. So I say that name filled with happiness joy and love.

Grandma Tillie with her daughters on Turkey Day.

Soon to be Granny getting a look at her Grandchild (Mort) with proud Shonna looking on

The Goldmanns and the Zanders with Grandma Tillie ... YES that is ME supporting the fohawk and the dark dark hair. WHY NOT I say. its only this length for awhile why not have fun with it. Not sure about the dark its sure a change from my golden blonde locks but time will tell what it will be. For now I love how it takes me a matter of seconds to get ready. And yes I am completely aware of the fact that I could pass for a 15 year boy. IT WAS WORTH IT and I would shave it in a heart beat if I had to do it all over again.

THANKFUL

On this month of Thanksgiving I am grateful for the air that fills my lungs. For the love that fills my heart and the warmth that lives in my soul from being surround by such amazing people. I am thankful for the life that I am granted to live. I am unsure when my marbles are up but I know this much for sure I have been given more than I have ever dreamed of having, more in many ways than what I ever should. I oray that I live my life that reflects the thankfulness that I carry with me. For I realize many have it worse than me. And I pray that kindness and love surrounds such people.

On this month of thanksgiving I am thankful for a million simple things that adds up to everything in my life.

True Heroes

When we embarked on this journey some five months ago we were left feeling terrified of the unknown. Most of us not speaking the fear that we held deep within in hopes it would just simply go away the phase 'out of sight out of mind' in our case it was 'out of mind out of sight'. What we didn't realize what was in store of us. We didn't see the gentle kindness, grace, strength and love we would soon feel. We didn't know that a hand full of people we have never known would come into our lives and bring with them the light of hope. They would be our healers and care takers to a woman who for so many years was just that to my brothers and I. These people who we never even knew existed, would soon change our lives forever. These people I am talking about are the Staff of Phoenix Mind & Body. Dr. Addo and his staff of top shelf girls (Stacey, Jackie, Brittany, Hayley & Tara). Our first chemo treatment there we weren't really sure - we were in a place that was unknown to us and battling something that we feared. But then they entered and started to lead. They take the extra step, they sit & listen and answer every question that might enter our minds. They give us gentle kindness and more importantly they are so gentle to the woman we hold so dearly to our hearts and so fiercely protect and love. When you find yourself in a situation like this you want your mother to not just be another face, she just can't be another person with cancer. You want her to matter be more than a patient. At Phoenix Mind & Body - she is. We know she is well taken care of by everyone that is employed there.

It takes a special person to do what they do. Not just everyone can do their job. It takes a person with compassion, understanding, kindness and just simply a gentle soul. And I believe each of them are just that and more. They have become not jut care takers and healers but friends and now part of our family. (THEY ALWAYS WILL BE TOO.) They understand our family's humor and they laugh when my father talks well how he talks. We were sure that they would love our top shelf lady but unsure how they would handle the rest of the crazies that lady calls her family, esp the goon, Mark. You see this place is a quiet and calming speak in whispers meditate and relax treatment center now imagine the crazy train that follows Paula. To be honest my family is a circus. We are not normal. We laugh at things we prolli shouldn't. Say things we prolli shouldn't and we are loud crazy and at times a bit out of control then add in the fact that we prolli ask too many questions - have too many concerns - and some of us it takes a while for us to get what they are saying. BUT this staff embraces us. They laugh with us, they sit with us, they answer, they understand, they joke, they smile, and most importantly they get my father's humor and crazy ways and best of all give it right back to him.

Knowing all this - and more - where do you begin to find the words to thank such people? How do you let them know just how grateful you are that they are in your life? How can you let them know the thoughts that lie in your heart? How do you speak the true feelings of your soul? For they are the ones taking care of the woman who always took care of everyone else. They are understanding and taking the time for the woman who has always done just that for everyone else. They are going the extra mile and taking the extra step for a woman who has always gone above and beyond for so many. They are embracing this woman with gentle kindness and strength in a way that is simply just like her. They are guiding and leading this woman thru the darkness and unknown just like she has always done in our lives. We say THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. For this woman may just be another woman to many but to three who call her mom - she is everything to us. And we know she is in the best of hands. We are grateful, this month that has Thanksgiving, for YOU. We are grateful you have all walked into our lives. We are blessed that our mom can have such an amazing place to go and have true heroes taking care of her. THANK YOU. You have made a difference in so many lives and we are blessed to say we are some of those many lives. May you continue to keep making a difference, for we know we aren't the only family that thinks you all belong on the highest shelf.

Long Live.

I say remember this moment, in the back of my mind." Life is full of such moments, that you find yourself saying REMEMBER this, in hopes if you do that moment will long live pass just that moment in time. As much as I can remember such moments oh how I wish I could remember more. The smiles the laughs the words the thoughts the feelings.
"Long live the walls we crashed through - all the kingdom lights shined just for you and me. I was screaming, Long live all the magic we made. And bring on all the pretenders... ONE DAY we will be REMEMBERED...If God forbid fate should step in and force us into a goodbye... When they point to the pictures.. Please tell them my name... Long live all the mountains we moved. I HAD the TIME of MY LIFE...with YOU."

To me life is made up of such long live moments. Moments you wish could go on forever. Moments you wished would never end. Moments you wish you could freeze frame and play (live) over and over. To me that is where the true meaning of your life is found.. in these long live moments that bring joy love happiness determination courage laughter strength hope faith understanding friendship growth ... LONG LIVE

Not just a House...

They were married in the fall of 1947. They were married for 60 years, had three children that they raised in the brick house on 1703 Monte Drive. It is a house that is filled with memories of growing up, birthdays, holidays and just everday Saturdays and Sundays. It just might be my favorite place to just be on this earth. For when you walk in the door you are filled with warmth, love and just security. Its not just a house. How could it be when Santa brought a puppy for Christmas? How could it be when endless games of wiffle ball and basketball were played in the yard? How could it be when we picked berries and feed the birds in what seemed like a paradise backyard? How could it be when we took over the basement and turned it into a 'little people' town? how could it be when we were woken up every morning by the sound of the chairs rubbing across the floor and the smell of maple & waffles? How could it be when we learned how to play cards, put together puzzles and played games at the dining room table? How could it be when we watched classic movies for the first time like Peter Pan, Mary Poppins, Swiss Family Robinson, Sound of Music, On Golden Pond, Gone with the Wind, and How the Grinch Stole Christmas in the living room? How could it be when we helped make ice cream and popcorn in the kitchen? How could it be when the candy store was found in the basement? How could it be when the best meals you ever ate were cooked in the smallest kitchen? How could it be when we were read the best stories at bedtime? HOW COULD IT just be a house. For its the place that holds almost every single best childhood memory that not just I have but so many other family members. Its hard to just let go of a house like that. But we do to make room for a new couple to turn that house into theirs... and I know one day it will be not just a house to them. But some things will forever stay there a wooden swing, a bird book little hints of Granny and Gramps - my favorite the wooden sign that hangs on the front of the house that reads The Goldmanns est 1947... why you may ask would that stay... Because Goldmanns still live there - their grandson Paul (my brother) bought the house.

When we let Granny go - it was hard but I found my air when I could just be in that house. For she is in every room. You can't help but go there and just be at ease. This month came another change we moved Gramps to a place he can socialize and live with others around him. So its the end of an era in the Goldmann family. We are letting go - and finding new places for the treasures that were collected over a lifetime of 60 years plus. Sometimes I find its hard to throw to donate how could you when so many little things hold a memory. Maybe not to us but to the lives of Granny and Gramps. Many may see just shells but I see them walking (hand in hand) the beaches of Hawaii looking and finding those shells. Many will see just a serving spoon or dish but I see a lady that spent hours and hours in the kitchen cooking the prefect meal for her family. Many may just see souvenirs from somewhere but I see it as something that holds a memory of a trip to Hong Kong to Mexico, to Alaska, to this place and that. For I was told so many stories by two of the greatest story tellers of all and many of those stories were told as they held this or that in their hands. Thou I know the home holds many of those many may see things, we can't possibly keep them all. So we take the ones that holds the strongest memories. For me it was a writing desk that belonged to my Great Aunt. Its the place that my grandmother wrote to me, to my brothers, to my cousins, to my aunts, to my parents, to my distance relatives... A desk that is filled with complete memories of her which will now be my place to write and I couldn't be more honored. Side note it is also the new home for all those many may see items (thou I didn't take them all - some we just had to let go of but I took many that the rest of the family decided to pass on). So call it what you may junk - things you can go without - items that need to be thrown or donated but I see it as treasures that holds the memories of two of the greatest people I will ever know. It holds the love and happiness they gave. And I keep them in hopes one day I may have such a life such a legacy and above all a home to keep such things that will with great hopes be not just a house.