Remembering

It amazes me how if you just let time and life flow its course the healing and letting go and well change in itself seems to losen its grip on you. Loss - Death and sorrow can consume you. And I have yet to know what is best: to hold onto such things or to just let life and time take its course. When you hold on the memories tend to remain soo fresh. The love is so deeply felt. I think of the people I have lost in this life and how real those memories were to the point you thought you never would forget. But then one day you awake and find that the tears have dried - the frowns have turned into laughter and the memories have become a bit hazy. We slowly let go so we can create new memories and find happiness in our lives instead of sorrow.

I never thought I would forget the sound of my grandmother's voice but lately I just can seem to hear how she would say my name. I never thought I would forget the feeling of her arms embracing me in one of her hugs. Which are constant reminders that life is helping me slowly let go. Yet there are some things that I hold onto so dearly still; like how her book of psalms and bible seem to just open to right where she left off or to the passages she read over and over. I remember right after she left this earth I got a few hankies from my aunts that were hers. I found myself smelling them everyday because they smelt of her. And one day the smell started fading. I found myself feeling like I was losing her all over again. Because to me that's what true loss is... Slowly just losing a piece at a time til there's really nothing left to truly hold onto of them in this life. So I decided to pack it away in a suitcase of hers and only open up that case when I truly need her. And in a way that's how life works. It takes things away from you only to bring them back to help you realize that what seems gone isn't truly lost.

My grandfather gave me one of granny's necklaces and I wear it daily as a constant reminder that thou she isn't in a place that I can reach her. hug her. or hear her. She is still with me. And I feel that's the way its meant to be. We are meant to let go-to heal-to change-to carry on. Because soo much still remains. Soo much love and laughter. And thou its hard at times for all of us to let go- we must get our fill on life's good stuff while we can. For it will be just a matter of time til we will be reunited with those we have lost.

So on this holiday season I want to remember the lives of Granny-Grandpa Jake-Jay Swegarden,Ben Lenzen, Amy Kritzberger, Simon Schroder, Ken Toop, Alec Lausen, Jo Swegarden,Aarron Bauman, Lindsey Cunningham, Derek Martin, Damian Kunkel, Ryan Havelka, Dennis Paulsrud, Chris Vettel, Shannon Huber, Rhonda Gunsch, Keith Smetie, and so many others as well as those loved ones gone from your life. Though time has gone on we have not forgotten their love and thou the light of their soul has faded for us to brightly see, I know that its only because it has moved not been blown out. For somewhere it is burning bright and we will see it again and feel their warmth one day.

My thoughts and prayers are with these people's families for I know they are missed and thought about each and every holiday and esp to those who are for the first time having a holiday without a loved one. I pray you still see the gifts in this life even thou it seems like they have been all taken from you this holiday season. For thou its your first Christmas without its their first Christmas with those all up there.

So take the time to remember those we can no longer see-hear and hug...they are always worth remembering and speaking of...for in a way it brings a piece of them back to us with just remembering.