I am unsure how some people work - how they rely on others to provide their happiness and as soon as that happiness is not recieved they check out - what many don't realize is that happiness is to be found and provide by one's self and SHARED with another. I have yet to truly be another's. I am unsure if I will ever be another's - because of the scary fact that relationships take alot of work on both parties - what if I choose a partner that doesn't want to do the work what if I am with someone that relies on me to provide their happiness. So as of now I choose to build a relationship with myself - I choose to get to know and understand myself - I choose to be in touch with and grow with my core being. For I know that the only way I can truly give of myself is to know myself first and fully. Then maybe one day I will be another's.
This is me. This has been me for sometime. Its what I do - I try to understand - I try to relate - I try to put myself in their shoes to figure out why they did what they did or said what they said. I try to read between the lines and see not just what they are exposing on the surface but what is going on more importantly underneath. Its not an easy way of doing things but its who I am. Sometimes its for the best that I am that way sometimes it can be for the worse.
Its hard not to get yourself wrapped up in the moment. In my life when it rains it pours. Not just one thing will go wrong but many at once. I also realize that when having a positive attitude and a laid back matter it takes alot to rattle the cage or get me to admit things are tough or to label my days as i am having a bad day. So usually things are pretty well shitty but I also must realize that I have always survived. The day ended and a new one was found and life carried on. My struggles didn't end my life they might have added to it but they didn't take my life from me - I have always lived to see a new day and my troubles did work out - sometimes we need to remind ourselves we do make it thru the bad days of life.
The answer can be as simple as that. Detour or re-route. The best thing about a GPS is you realize there is more than one way of getting someplace. If you take a wrong turn it re-routes and still gets you there. I am unsure why in life we get in the form of thinking there is only one way - and usually that way is never a way that works out for me - its a way that I find myself bored doing because everyone else is doing it or its a way that just doesn't seem to fit - I have always wanted to do things y own way. But even I know that some times I get the one track mind in thinking this is the way and it turns out wrong maybe the simple answer is go a different way. Go left.
What do people do when they have a problem with you - they bring attention to your flaws - and then they take control of your thougths becasue of the fact they have brought to your attention your flaws. Well I have come to know that if I already know my flaws cracks and failures and admit to them and take ownership of them then well they have nothing on me that can truly be held against me. I am no shape or way perfect - and I never will be. I have flaws cracks and failures but that doesn't mean I can't take ownership of them - learn from them - grow from them or work to change them.
I am realizing that sometimes in certain situations I am a control freak - something that I am not proud of admiting and something that I am truly working on to change. For I can't control half of what I am trying to control to begin with and it only adds worry stress and failure when I realize that I can't in fact control. Often times I think I must have it figured out to keep going - I pick at things in a way that I want to know the answers right then and there. But have come to know that its with time that I gain such answer if they do even exist. I am learning to keep moving forward even if I don't have it figured out or have it all together. And have hope that I will one day.
Why is it nature has this amazing power to let you see and feel the way life should really be? How does it have this ease of a way to quiet the chaos and bring peace to the soul. How can things be so simple and so simply put. How do things seem so easy and the speed at which we move is at a more relaxed pace. I am always left dropped upon my knees when I am surrounded by mother nature. Life makes true sense that sometimes I fail to find because I am simply just trying too hard. I will forever be humbled by nature and forever grateful for the connection my being has with the outdoors. Its my true escape my true peace my true calm and I swear I breath easier. I am at home.
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