Oh the simple in knowledge I lack at times - is it my stubborn never give up attitude or my failure to truly see things right before my eyes. That I am unsure of. Yet I know full well that I have been know to row harder and harder in the wrong direction without a clue. I lack the understanding at times to realize its time to give up and try the other direction. I get a one track mind thinking and well fail to see whats right before me. I often wish there were warning signs or a blow horn that would just say STOP TURN AROUND its OVER. Finding out the hard way is anything but plesant. Yet I have come to know that sometimes thats just how I learn.
I believe in this. I truly do. However when you are in the moment of now - its hard to think of that day actuallt arriving. Its in those moments I find myself wishing for a fast forward button. Yet I know full well that if I fast forward this part that is tough I miss the lesson which then means I miss the growth. So you have no choice but to buckle down and go thru it. Hoping the clarity comes quick and fast.
Our life is full of lists. Fix the bathroom sink. Rake the yard. Wash the car. Pick up Milk Eggs Butter Chips and Porkchops. Pay this bill and pay that bill. Drop Sally off for Soccer sign up Tommy for t-ball. Plan this save for that go here go there. The lists can be never endings and even as a single gal with no kids no partner to have to worry about I even get overwhelmed just looking at some people's to do list. Mine is simple its written above the rest will get done when it done - chances are it just might not all get done but the one thing i am most focused on will...LIVE A LITTLE. The rest of the list can wait.
I will admit for the most part I am a forgiving person when it comes to others who have crossed me or have done wrong. I tend to be one who forgives to quickly which sometimes comes back to bit me since i will let the same person do the same thing over and over - but well thats my fault for the quick forgiveness with no true change. I am unsure why I have no problem forgiving others esp at times when I realize later they aren't even sorry or don't take their apologize to heart since days later it happens all over again. But when it comes to the same forgiveness to myself - i am an epic failure. I need to remind myself that I deserve and need that forgivness. I must learn from each moment I have and sometimes I need to learn to forgive myself and not be so hard on myself.
I will be the first to admit its harder than hell to see this when you are going thru something.Its harder than hell to let something go that you wanted so badly. Hard to give in to reality when your dream was so close. Easy to think nothing will be right ever because you are forever altered by the fact that you were robbed of the way you had it pictured. When you care so deeply about something or someone its hard to see past the moment and be hopefully in the future. Its hard to fall apart - to not well have it all together. But sometimes we simply need to break... because somewhere along the line we put the wrong piece in the right spot and the only way to fix it is to break it and rebuild. There is no shame in having to rebuild the only shame is found in staying the same when you are so not meant to stay in such a state.
I couldn't have said it better. Things happen to us in this life that are tough that are unfair that well can easily reduce who we are. I even know that sometimes its just easier to be reduced by it than put the effort into not allowing it to reduce us. We come up with excuses like well I deserved it I had it coming some cases this is true other cases not so much. But regardless the action should be change not reduce! Allow yourself to learn grow and change from events and people in your life for the better!
There is an ease that engulfs me when I can simply take in my surroundings. Ever since I can remember I could be anywhere everywhere or nowhere and find beauty where ever I stood. I find great peace in knowing I still hold that same trait. I have never been at the foot of a lake the edge of a forest or over looking a mountain range and have not taken in every part of what surrounds me from the ground up to the sky. Whether I am in nature or in the middle of downtown somewhere I have come to realize that my eyes notice the details in things that most often get over looked. Maybe its because I come from a family that observes and connects with nature or maybe its because I have a photography's mind where I frame what I see as if I was taking a snap shot with my nikon. Whatever it is...I am grateful for this.
I was never a fan of private school dress codes - forcing all kids to be alike. I loved walking the halls of my high school or even walking around campus in college and taking in the fact that everyone was different - everyone had their own style and way of being. It inspired me to just be me. Its easy and well boring to be like everyone else. I strive to just be me and that can of person is one in a million and is irreplaceable...I encourage you to be you for the same reasons.
I often wonder how that happens how one day you are an utter trainwreck of a mess and then one day you find yourself sharing your story and all together. Time has a funny strange way of well distracting us - maybe our bodies way of protecting us so we don't have be feel broken all the time or feel the pain of hurting. With the distraction it provides time for our sorrow our pain our hurt to heal. And then we find a day when we are ready to talk and share and its then we know while we were busy just living we were healed. Life is quite the miracle isn't it - come to think of it so is time.
Its a hard thing to do in the heated moment when emotions run high. Who has time to stop and explain instead of express. Talk about self control and will power. I would be proud to say I was one of those people. That knows themselves so well they explain what caused the anger then express that anger towards another. Its surely something I strive to one day be. Explain instead of express. Wow.
The thing about life is we only get one and we don't know when it will be over. So every moment must be something we value and are grateful for. Whether we want change or need change whether we like it where we are now or if we want to be somewhere else. We still simply need to be ok with TODAY. No matter where today is - find the blessings. find the joy right here right now even if you are in the works of changing it all.
The power of an attitude is an amazing tool and talent to have. Some have asked me what my secret is - why I am just always so simply happy and in a good mood. Truth is there is no secret simply its all in the power of your attitude and how you view your outlook on life. For the most part its a cake walk if you are determined to just be simply happy.
I have heaps of excuses at times on why I did this or why I didn't do that. I want to wake up one future day and just throw all the excuses away. I am tired of excuses the ones I give myself and the ones people give me. I want truth and action. So I hope that one day finds me soon.We
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