I am often left in complete awe when it comes to the things that we can endure - the things that can happen to our lives that we can overcome and carry on. Its literally amazing when you think about it. Whether we are dealing with loss struggle change or failure just to name a few. Some how we find a way to keep going. We can out last the storm - sometimes we can stand thru it other times we are knocked down. What counts is that we know and realize that we can endure - no matter how big or how hard of a storm it is - we can and we will endure. It might not be at a fast pace but thats not what counts what counts is that we endure it.
What a feeling that is when you find yourself in a moment that you have no idea how to describe it. When the moment it is so rare so raw so real it almost in a way thats your breath away. How do you put into words those kind of life moments - because the truth is words just doesn't do it justice. Its living with your soul is how I like to describe it or having a soul moment. All I know is that they are the best kinds of moments.
I always say its not about the pace - it doesn't matter how long it takes you just keep moving even if they are baby steps forward just take them. Keep moving. Keep moving. Its not a race so take your time. Don't be afraid of what is to come or what will be but afraid of staying put or not growing of not discovering.
If there ever was a trait I am most proud of and never want to lose it would involve my ability to completely lose myself in my surrounds. To wonder and let me mind think with no control and just be lost with no place to go - taking my time getting to know what is before my eyes. Its a trait I am proud to own.
So bad things happen in life - simple as that. Things that should never happen - well happen. Parents lose their children - a child is kidnapped - a college student raped - a daughter loses her father - a brother his sister - people get sick with things such as cancer - a strom comes and steals an entire house - people lose their jobs their homes - some get shot or stab or beaten. The world is full of stories that well are just down right terrible. Often times when such things happen one has every right to play the pity card. And for some time for healing its needed but there comes a time for us to stop being the victim in the story of our lives and stand up and be the heroine. We can over come the worst that has been done to us. It is possible. We are capable. It all starts with taking control of our lives and slowly the rest will come. But know and trust in this you can you will.
If there is one thing I know for sure is that I have heaps and heaps on my must do list of places I want to go to and things I want to see. Sometimes looking at the list it can be a tad overwhelming wondering when I am going to get it all check off - will I ever find the time to do it all. But then I realized what I do I do what I see I see simple as that. My main goal is to not stand still to never find myself in a moment where I don't feel the need or longing to explore discover and learn. Rest what happens happens but I am positive you will never find me not striving to see the world that surrounds me.
If there is one thing I know for sure its those that often don't speak are the ones that often should. I learned some time ago to stop judging someone just because they are quiet. Because I found out first hand that truth be told they have LOTS of things to say and that should be heard. Just know just because someone doesn't speak doens't meant their head isn't filled with thougths.
I will never quite understand being jealous of another or judging another. I have been around too many people that do just that. And I just don't get it - I am the kind of person that will accept you and understand where most people will not. I tend to be happy for another's being whether I am standing in the sun with them or standing in the shadows. And I would hope that I add something to other's lives in a positive way than in a negative matter. But above all I hope I stand by the person that I am in times when others don't care for who I am.
This time alone is time well spent and while I am going thru this time I am truly getting to know myself and building a relationship with myself. I am working on my strengths as well as my weakness. I am trying to understand who I am why I do certain things say certain things are act in a certain way. I am working towards the goal of truly knowing who I am what I stand for and what I want out of this life. And thou its sometimes challenging figuring such things out or seeing parts of myself that needs work its never time wasted. For its time that is sparking growth and maybe just maybe I can better the world around me by just being who I am fully truly and completely.
Why is it so - that we must sometimes mess up hugely fail greatly be hurt in a way we have never experienced feel pain that is deeper than ever before for us to see things and know things in a different light. I have no clue why its when we are at the rock bottom it all becomes so clear - maybe because everything is striped from us and we are just left with the core of our being and we find a complete understanding on what really matters and counts. Its not the best place in the world to be - rock bottom but I will say it will lead you to a place you truly need to arrive at once you stand up and start picking up the pieces.
If you are waiting around for all signs point to yes or no - you will only find yourself waiting around. There comes a time you just have to take the leap and see where it will take you - knowing that no matter what it will be ok - you will find a way to make it work. Taking that leap is pretty scary esp when its not the "normal" thing to do but man does it provide a feeling of liberation.
There are times that I can completely stick by this and other times I utterly struggle with trying to apply this very quote to my life. I am practicing a new method of holding my tongue and gathering my thougths esp in moments of emotions that can be filled with drama. For in the heat of things I often get wrapped up and say things that I truly don't mean - being human means at times getting swept away with emotionals however there are ways around it but just not saying anything.
There have been moments I never thought I would get thru - things I never thought I would accomplish - times when I never thought I would rise from the failure loss pain or hurt. Moments when I for sure thought no way I would ever see the sun come up again that the darkness would be my new surrounding.
I have found that being comfortable is safe. Nothing changes all is the same. And well for at least me its boring. I am torn with the feeling of being uncomfortable. Its the best feeling that I well I hate. For its always when I am most uncomfortable I am lead to things open to things that will forever better my life. Its those very moments that launch me forward to a place I have never been before and once I am there and have a chance to explore and discover I am most often than not left in complete and utter amazement. I know full well that I need to be more uncomfortable.
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