I can hear us laughin'

Tonite is the first night since Nov. 16th that I don't have either Michaela or Alice by my side. And for the first time I feel that they may have stayed with me too longer...not because I got sick or annoyed with having them around...but because I got use to having them with me. Gosh I have missed them and now I have found myself missing them all over again.

BUT I also know the adventures places and people that await for them to see experience and meet...so much too come...the best is yet to be. My time with them was even more than what I thought it would be. And I am so grateful and honored that they decided to spend so much of their time in USA with me. They will never know what their being here has brought into my life and have given to me. Friends like the two of them are very very hard to come by and having them not around is something I don't in any way like but I know I will get use to.

I already miss the smile they get me to use and the laugh they bring out...the rare kind that only comes out every once and awhile...the purest ones that lie deep down in your soul. Those two find a way of not just getting it to come out here and there or every once and awhile...but always. Saying goodbye to them today...in a word sucked...and it was hard in every sense of the word because I am not sure when I will see them again. And I want to act like a 6 year old and say its not fair. But let's be honest really what in life is fair?? Life goes on and you learn to carry on with it. Having faith that someday your paths will cross again. Having faith that their is a reason you have to be so far away from people that changed your entire life, from friends that just truly get you...there has to be a reason or really what's the point in all of this???

So tonite ya I am in struggle town--but how lucky am I to have people in my life that makes saying goodbye so damn hard. How lucky am I to have people in my life that I miss so much. How lucky am I to have someone that just understands and gets me. How lucky am I...

"You have become a part of me that I never want to lose...I can hear us laughin, I remember every part. I got everything we ever did its tattooed on me heart. There's a cold wind coming in and blowing us apart-til the sun brings us back again know you got a piece of my heart." Keri Noble -piece of my heart.

Holidays are almost here.

It won't be long until I head to North Dakota and find myself surrounded by my wild crazy family.. I will find myself eating and drinking way too much.. I will see old friends back in Beulah for the holidays well we bond and reconnect at the local watering hole aka the Nite Owl...but this holiday season will be different and rememberable because of two punks that will be joining me...I am not quite sure what they will think of North Dakota esp since its covered in snow..flat as a pancake and oh oh so windy and cold.. Life is different in Dakota but oh so worth experiencing. I look forward to seein their faces when I take them to the bars of Beulah and they can meet all those I have known forever...the best part is I know that all my beulah buds will soak up the aussies and prolli end up tradin me in for them...they will be the talk of the town how can they not be!!

My mom is spendin the day cooking and baking and then hiding it all from my father for the girls. My father will prolli be sick by days end by all the stuff he is inhalin. I am sure my father will pull out his Goldmann charm and the girls will just spend the entire time laughin at his jokes and stories...he is a strange man but I love him. I figure I will spend most of this holiday season shakin my head and sayin please don't tell them that stories...because that's what my family loves to do...tell michelle stories...and laugh-laugh-laugh...I guess I do random crazy stupid things. And I know that's the role I bring to my family...the comic releif...the loud out of control crazy girl. I realize that I am completely different when you look at me and my family...but that's prolli what bonds us close together because of the fact they still claim me and love me and even miss me when I am not around. I know I am a lucky gal to be a part of the Koch-Goldmann family.

My favorite part of the holiday season happens when I sort of disappear...I love to stand back and take in my surroundings when I am with my family...I love watchin their smiles and hearin their laughter...I look forward every year to paint a memory of all of them so when I am on the mountain I realize how lucky I am to have such amazing people in my life you just love me...unconditionally and never ending...even when I fail, disappoint and mess up they still see more in me than I sometimes give. And well that's the best gift I will ever have. So of course I will let them tell stupid stories and say below the belt comments from time to time...because I know that it comes straight from the heart...they are the best of me and prolli always will be.

So here is to the holiday season and being around those who care for us and love us! And seein old friends!!

My Knitting Circle

We got our snow...however with the snow came wind and with the wind came the wind chill so after getting 7 inches it actually became 2 feet in some places due to the wind gusts....its -40 right now and its only suppose to get colder...which means...no mountain for any of us die hearts even if we wanted too....

Today is the holiday party my college girlfriends get together and have...They will all be gathered at Shannon's house drinking...okay maybe just Shannon and Heather since they are the only ones not preg-o...and making Christmas Cards...I am a bit bummed out because our get togthers are so much fun....always out of control stories, heaps of laughter and just the being together is what its all about...Erin, Bridget, Kinsey, Jamie, Shannon, Heather and Lindsey...all those girls together means one thing and one thing only...WILD and FUN times.....However I can't be too much of a Debbie since I will seein them all next week with the Aussies...While Shannon takes us to some light parade...Which she is so pumped about....I say why not....as long as I am surround by my mates and friends...life just can't get any better than that...

Here's to Erin, Kinsey, Shannon, Heather, Bridget, Jamie, and Lindsey...tho they aren't all together today most of them will be...may the holiday house be filled with your smiles and laughter!!! May you realize the simple amazing things that lie in our friendship and what that friendship brings into each of our lives...We are more because we know each other...and we are more because we have each other!! Each of us so different and unquie in our own ways but together those differences actually is what strands us all together...its what makes us make complete sense as friends...How I was able to be apart of this Knitting Circle I will never know...I was never a roommate...yet that's just how each and everyone has treated me from day one.

So this Holiday season...I hope you are blessed with simple blessings that fill your life with happiness and love...and above all that you each realize the gift you are in my life...by simply being YOU!! Happy Holidays...have an eggnog for me....um actually cancel that and make it a budlight....Love to you all.

Memories to Last...

Its dumpin outside tonite...and living life in the FiSH this is what we all want-pray for and wait for...and its finally here. Tomorrow will be the first pow pow day of the season and I can't wait!!!

Time has seemed to have flown by since I picked up Alice and Michaela and leavin the FiSH just reminds me that my time with them is running low but I am just so grateful for all the time I have had with them on their adventure in the US of A...and hopefully all of those moments and memories with them will last me til I see them again.

Just how I knew it would work out it has! Everyone thus far has loved Alice and Michaela...actually even more than I thought they would. Which means everything to me. And it only goes to show that how I see them is not only just me but everyone...which means I am dead on in the way I see them, know them and tell others about them. Being around them is like being attached to a magnet...you are just drawn to them and you just want to always be around them...because of the way they make you smile and laugh...and above all they will show you how to truly live...their zest for life is something you just hope sparks a flame in your soul and burns out of controlly for the rest of your life....And the best thing those who have met has told me is that they feel just that when they are around them...They are just truly simply great people to the core of their being.

Life will be strange once they have gone but I am so excited for everything to come for the two of them...their travels cont...and the best still awaits for their arrival. Thou I will miss their faces voices and laughter--- it brings me great joy knowin that they will be doin just that everywhere they go. Their happiness means so much to me. Because they brought so much of just that and more into my life while I was downunder and more recently while they have been with me....I am not sure about the whole religion thing but I do believe that its a blessing to have them in my life and call them friends.

Tonite I took them to the Hu Hot and Target and tomorrow we will hit up the slopes of the FiSH...simple average moments that I will spend with the aussies that will leave me with memories to last my entire life...I am not sure how my stars lined up to cross with theirs to begin with but I do know I will never for one moment that their friendship for granted. It will be hard to see them go but I will put on my best smile and wave them off knowing so much lies ahead of them to explore, to experience, to breath into their soul as well as the places they go and the people they will meet that will change their lives. I know how important this time is for them because of how important that time was in my life when I went to Australia. Alice and Michaela not only want this time but more importantly deserve this time in their lives...They will grow into even better people and from that they will be even able to give more of themselves to those they love and care about. For that what makes them so great because they give so much of themselves to others...and this experience and adventure will only flourish that trait in their being...So much greatness lies in their soul...more than they even know or think they might have...it goes beyond any limits they may think they have.

I love that they love the FiSH and that they find the beauty of the mountains as peaceful and calming as I do--and how such a simple nature site can literally move your soul to tears--for its those simple moments when you take in your surroundings and you breath them deep down into your soul and you are left with one thought...this is what life is truly meant to be all about..Its those moments whether they be sparked by places or people that making living this life and loving this life so easy and so great...So here's to a great day on the slopes...that will be filled with their smiles, their laughter and making memories I know I will keep with me for a life time to come...I take great pride is sharing life in the FiSH with these Aussies.

not everyone stands by their word.

How can people be so well just stupid?? And as a person who is smart enough to know better I sure play stupid like that's all I know! I have been slowly gettin more torked off since October and it doesn't matter what I try to do to escape the anger and hurt I carry it with me and it never leaves. I would love to just be mad at the person that has caused all this yet I can't be.instead I find ways to be mad at myself for being so so stupid.

I am stupid to allow myself to just get mad at myself and not the true person I should be upset with. But its a hard thing to deal with and get over and move on when that person doesn't even give you the time of day to get things settled! And what tears at me the most is the fact that this person is suppose to be one of my oldest friends. It just goes to show you that any one can screw you over and even the people that you think care truly about you as a being...turns out they are willing to drop you no questions asked.

I thought I was the kind of person whose friends can come to with anything. I guess I am completely wrong about the kind of person I am to the people in my life. And maybe I am not at all the person I hoped to be...I have much to grow into and learn from. And I guess the true meanin of all of this is the slap in the face I need to come back to reality...and realize that this life and its my life...I have to deal with it even if I don't want to. Word of advice be careful who you trust and not everyone stands behind their word.

H2

I have known this girl for quite some time...we met in our college days and I always seemed to have found her by my side when I need a drinking partner, partner in crime but most of all when I just need a friend. HH..H2..Hyatt...and most recently Hea...Heather Hyatt is who this blog is about today.

We give each other crap well pretty much 99.99 percent of the time. Most may seem like low blows like how she calls me DDM (developly delayed michelle)...but the truth is I couldn't stay mad at that girl if I tried...and more importantly I know that our friendship is built around the fact that we give each other a hard time...however if I heard anyone talk her down I would prolli find my fist in their mouth....and well I am sure you all know I am not the fighting kind...but I will turn right into that if someone messes with my friends. I know we give each other endless crap but I know with out a doubt that she has my back and she knows the same goes for me.

So many of my memories involve her sitting right next to me at a bar drinking endless glasses of budlight with either a pickle or green olives...heck most of my memories with her can't even be recalled but I know they happened because of the photos we have. I know I can't recall all those memories...but I remember what counts....the smiles, the laughter, the hugs and most of all the friendship...and really thats all one needs to have!

But know this about this girl I call me friend, she is the kind of girl that once you get to know you know you will have her friendship for life. She has the purest heart that she loves with every inch of it...She doesn't judge--she listens...fully listens..She is the type of friend that will get mad at someone when she knows that you just can't. The type of friend that will stand you up when you yourself don't feel like you can do it. The kind of friend that always sparks a smile and laugh no matter what is goin on good or bad. She the type of friend who is always up for spending quality time together (ok yes most of our times do involve budlight).

Like life after college goes you find yourself apart from the friends you spend all your time with. Things change...and thou for awhile we grew apart...we never grew out of our friendship. The greatest gift I got this year from Santa came early this year when Heather and I found our friendship again thru the miles. And like it always is between us...nothing ever changed. I will be seein her in just a weeks time and I like I always get when I know I get to see my budlight girl...I am excited. because there's nothing...and I mean nothing like sitting at a bar and having a cold one with this girl...for that time is filled with the best talks, and of course the best below the belt comments that we say to each other--and laugh.

I know I am lucky to call Heather Hyatt a true friend...and more than that a journey friend...for I know that our friendship will last the rest of my life...She will be one of those special few friends that you take with you on this journey we call life...thru the sunshine and the rain I know she will always be right there and those are the hard friends to find....but once you do find them...they are lasting til the end.

one day...i hope

Some people are lucky some people aren't. Some people love some hate. Some people have never had a bad thing happen others aren't so lucky. Some people are happy some aren't. Some people talk some don't. Some people you think you have all figured out---but you don't..Some people hide behind masks some just wear them. Some people see the glass of life half full some see it half empty. Some people you know right away when something is wrongs others you have no clue. Some people have it together some don't..and even others who seem they do and truly don't.

What's my point...my point is you never know by what you think you see or hear. The only true way is to ask and then truly listen. Because life can be crappy at times and how people deal with things they must face diff and are never the same. And I have come to realize that I can't judge anyone but myself. I can only walk in my shoes but I hope I can always view life from other angles.

I hope that I can understand more than not understand. I hope I love more than I hate. I hope I look forward more than I look behind. I hope I can smile thru tears. I hope I can learn from each fall mess up and failure. I hope I become someone who people can count on and less of someone who they never can lean on. I hope I can let go move on. I hope I don't let things and people define me. I hope to be more with each day I walk this earth. I hope I am always try to be the friend I have always wanted to have. I hope I do more good than bad. I hope that some day I am forgiven for all the wrong all the hurt for all the failure for all the mistakes. I hope than my life is worth more than my bank account. And more importantly I hope that all the wrong turns all the mistakes all the tears all the pain all the what ifs all the delays-detours all of the negative in my life will one day make me more because I went thru it because I didn't let those moments put a border on my life. I hope there's a reason for all of it for every moment. Because if there isn't...than really what's the point to this journey we call life?? There has to be reason...for all of us!! Each story of life thru the darkness and light. Thru smiles and tears...one day it will all pull together.