Isn't it time?

Sometimes I am over come with silence...to have no reason to talk- to not pick up my phone when it rings or the endless texting that you find some people doing. For there are times where I just need to be off in my own world--where the only thoughts I have are my own and the only voice to be heard is if I speak aloud. I guess in my way this is how I slow down--how I relax. Because being around so many people and having my phone seem like its always ringing tends to get to be a bit too much at times...and the best feeling in the world is to silence the outside and take in the world right in the moment you are living in. I use to answer my phone no matter what I was doing...now esp when I am in the company of family and friends I don't...most of the time I don't even have it with me. People complain because I am so hard to get ahold of or in the simple fact that I tend to at times not call back...Thou I understand there their anger lies don't you just sometimes run out of things to say? Or isn't there a world outside your phone that you should be exploring, taking in, creating, enjoyin? Aren't there people right by your side that needs your attention? Needs your convo in person? Thou I feel like this doesn't mean for a second I don't think about those far away and it certainly doesn't mean I don't miss you or don't love you...In a way it means I do even more...because I want you to experience the life around you--to take in the simple moments of life that you just can't get back. So today shut off the busy world around you and silence your phone and spend so much needed time to take in your world...whether it be taking a walk with the love of your life, a cup of joe with a friend, playing with a little one--i mean really playing with them, or maybe its just spending sometime with yourself...It will refresh your soul I promise you....For it makes life seem so simple, so peaceful, so quite, so relaxin, and so much more....Its time we do more of these things. Because in the end those are the moments we remember--we hold onto...moments that just lie in that single frame of time where there are no phones, no texts, no place to go, no one else to see, no where to run and go, no work to be done, nothing to be done but be just where you are....

I CAN'T WAIT...!!!

It is now August....where did June and July go?? Lost somewhere in the sunshine and rain--captured on the photos of smiles, tanned bodies and lasting memories. It crazy just how fast time goes yet in that one just how time seems to stand still. It won't be long til I find myself back on mountain top in Montana...I can't wait for my arrival home. This summer has been a action packed summer filled with many emotions and many people for that matter....so I look forward to the peaceful silence that I am granted each and everyday in Whitefish...where everyday seems like its Saturday ---where I open my front door and take in the views of the Flathead Mountain Range and Glacier National Park. Yeah there will be snow there...at least on my doorstep very soon--but thats the chance you take living right on the mountain as well as the blessing you are granted...its exciting because it means it won't be long til I can hit the slopes. Being in such a place makes living this life such a simple, rare gift and makes loving this life...so so easy. I am also now counting down the weeks til my two aussie mates will find their way over to the US of A. The end of October will bring Alice and Mik--10 weeks...I have waited to see them since the moment I said goodbye to them in Australia. I have been in touch with them thru email, phone chats, and the internet but its not the same as having them right there with you...and for the first time in a very long time--I am just super excited and can't contain my happiness and excitement. For I know with these two girls will come smiles, laughter, friendship, memories and so so much more...they will also bring with them what I loved about Australia and all that I gained, learned and grew from...they will bring with them the person that I found over there all over again...I am so much more of who I am today because of my time in Australia and the people I met while I was over there...and thou I am very different once I returned from my time downunder I feel that in a way that person I came back as is slippin away...for I found so much of myself there--and I so badly want to return there...I want to find that aussie smile, that aussie laugh, that aussie view on life and attitude to face life with...I want my aussie roots that grabbed onto my soul and I was forever changed...Thou all those things still cling onto my soul and always will --with time I feel that it has faded...and just what I need and just when I need it...Alice and Michaela...will be here and bring all that and more with them. I can't wait to meet up with them in Portland, Oregon and travel to Washington then onto Idaho and Montana. I can't wait to have them with me in Whitefish and teach them how to ski and see their faces when they see snow and feel what winter really is...I can't wait to smile so much that I gain wrinkles all over my face...I can't wait to laugh til I cry and have my abs turn into six packs from doin it so often. I can't wait to hear their aussie slag and for them to make fun of my way of talking. I can't wait to sit and play endless games of would you rather or what if...I can't wait to drink way way too much with them...I can't wait to fill my cupboards full of american junk food for I know they will go competely crazy...I can't wait to everything anything and nothing with them...I can't wait to see their faces--faces I see everyday in my mind will be a reality...I can't wait to hear their voices--I can't wait to see their smiles...I can't wait to give them big bear hugs...I can't wait for so many people to meet two people who I think are two of the most amazing, funniest, most random, positive attitude people I know and am lucky enough to call my friends. I can't wait for so many others to fall in love with Australia and the two of them...i just can't wait!!!

Ken is golfin' the courses of Heaven.

Ken Toop was out doing what he loved to do every chance he could...Golf...we was with three of his favorite people...his wife Sharon, his son Ryan and his daughter-in-law Jessica...One moment he was joking around, laughing, and living life..Then in one single moment he looked and smiled at his son and then to his wife and he is was gone...July 18 from a pulmonary atresia. He was 62 years old and left behind his wife Sharon, his son Ryan and daughter-in-law Jessica and two grandsons Ethan and Gavin Toop. I got to know Ken the last three years out at Oxbow and being close friends with Jess and Ryan got to know him even better. When I say there is no one like Ken Toop...there really isn't...He is the type of guy that will walk into a room full of people he didn't know nor has ever seen and will leave that room knowing each and every one of them in a way that he could remember their faces, their names and their stories. He had an unbelievable sense of humor, a quick witt, a huge heart and was a big giver to all those he could. Thou I was gone when he passed I found out that the day of his funeral people packed two churches full and standing room(they wired the service) and you couldn't see the walls of the church because so many flowers filled the room. He was the type of man that you were proud to say you knew...because so many knew him and the kind of person he was...it was an honor to say that you knew him...it was an honor when he would tease you and joke around with you. Thou his grandsons were cheated out on many years of knowing and learning from their grandfather...Ken made sure they did know one thing...his love...something he gave to those two little guys with all he had...I am positive by the time I reach the gates..you will be there and will know everyone there and will have stories and jokes to share...til then may you golf the courses, hunt the fields and fish the lakes of heaven. A life lived well done.

We will be seein' you...Ben.

Ben Lenzen passed away July 17 while working construction just outside of West Fargo ND...all I can say is...TOO YOUNG TOO SOON...I was blessed with knowing, learning and growing with Ben...We both grew up in Beulah and both graduated from Beulah High...he was just a year behind me...All thru high school he dated Rebecca "Becky" Sheldon...A girl I always thought the very best of. She was quite and kind and just a real pleasure to be around. I always thought that Ben and Becky just fit together and their personalities just were made for each other. They were married last April and they were ready to spend the best years of their future days with each other. BUT life had another plan in mind I guess and one sunny summer day Ben left to go to work and never came home. My heart goes out to Becky and the Lenzen-Sheldon Family. May the love Ben gave you and the memories you had together hold up you and carry you during this difficult time...Know that so many are thinking and praying for you now and always...he will not be forgotten...he has been up in heaven for sometime now...i can only hope that one day when i reach the gates of heaven--i will find Ben awaiting for me to enter...for i know what it like to see a familiar face in a crowd of strangers...Rest well Ben.

Rest in Peace Ryan.

Ryan Havelka passed away suddenly and tragically in the early hours of Tuesday, August 5th, from what appears to be Hantavirus Pulmonary Syndrome (HPS) which is a serious respiratory disease transmitted by infected rodents through urine, droppings, or saliva. you can contract the disease when breathing in aerosolized virus. He seemed ok on friday, just a headache and chills. He made a checkup doctors appointment on saturday morning. While there he was admitted saturday in Hettinger Hospital.. Early Sunday morning around 3am he was transferred to Bismark...in the afternoon hours of Monday he was put into the ICU--he went into Cardiac Arrest the first time around 6 pm and at 2 am-ish, he code blued, and we could not get him back. He left behind a wife, Patty(who is my cousin's sister) and three daughters..Anna-4, Olivia 3 and Erica 1.5...I am tryin to come to terms with his sudden passing as well as tryin to understand why three little girls will never know their father...Too young and too soon. Please keep the Havelka-Kautzman family in your thoughts and prayers...For their whole worlds were forever changed by the passing of one special man...a father, husband, son, brother, grandson, nephew, cousin, uncle, co-worker, and friend. He had such a spark for life...a sense of humor, personality and witt to him that i can't not explain...His girls, esp Anna carry with them that same witt, humor and personality...I feel at a loss for words thinking of the time those girls were cheated out on with their father...thou they were cheated out on years and years of growing, learning from their father...they were never cheated out on his love...something he gave everything he had to them--each and everyday...We won't let Anna, Olivia and Erica ever forget that or you. May the angels lead you into your paradise Ryan..rest and know that your family and friends will take care of your "Girls."

Live from Kentucky

I am writing this post while i am in Baltimore but my post has to deal with my time in Louisville Kentucky. I spent this past week hanging out in the hometown famous for making slugger bats and the grand horse race for the roses--the Kentucky Derby at Church Hill Downs. It was a relaxing week spent getting to know what life in Louisville Kentucky is all about. I also took in many high school girls basketball games--the best of the best hs senior players...while at this event I saw major d-one head coaches...from Delaware, Temple, Memphis, Duke, Xavier, Ohio, Ohio St, Mich, Mich St, Norte Dame, Indiana, Wisconsin, Louisville, Florida, Akron, VT, Miami, West Vir, Boston...to name some of the very very many. After hanging the day in New Jersey/ NYC I am now spending the week in Baltimore Maryland/ Washington D.C.

One a more personal note I was reminded today just how precious life is and how it can be over or changed forever in the blink of an eye. When mergin onto to road that leads to the airport traffic was back up for miles and was at a stand still...we then found out an accident happen at 6am that closed down the 4 lane highway...as we got closer we learned the accident had been fatal and claimed the life of a local 24 louisville man on his motor bike. Just a simple july day...a friday fun day....I couldn't help to notice that nothing in my life had changed...yet while we sat in that car someone's was over and someone's world or worlds were forever changed-were tore apart and shattered...for a brother, son, grandson, boyfriend/husband, father, friend, co-worker left his home this morning having the world in the palm of his hand only to find out moments later that world forever taken from him. How can life change that fast??

How is one's life measured?? by the journey one takes...its a process that you always view...how one reacts? how one views? where one's path leads??? or is it the final outcome...the destination...where life finally leads them before taking them from this world? its soo over whelming to think about let thats all i can think of?? Tonite as I looked up info on the accident I also learned that two little girls were struck by a car ages 4 and 5 and killed just up the road from chruch hill downs..home of the kentucky derby...on their way to mcdonald's after swimming lessons...their life at that moment at that age really was so simple...they were living their everyday life and just like that...it was over before it begun...it doesn't make sense...which is what i have the hardest part with...because i know that life isn't suppose to make sense...and its when we try and try to make sense of it...that we will never know the answers to our questions...This past week I have lost a friend that I went to school with, Ben Lenzen-26- from a work related accident and all i can say is...too young and too soon. He had the world in his hands...he had married his high school sweet heart only a year ago...he had so much yet to do, yet to see....OR is that the plan we just saw for him....maybe as humans we only see the black and white to life....and maybe thats just why its not up to us when one's time is done...because if its up to us...our time would always be and never be done. A day later my manager/friend Jessica lost her father-in-law very suddenly...The four of them (jess, ryan, ry's mom and dad) were playing in a golf tourny...something ken loved to do...and on a clear beautiful summer day where it seemed life couldn't get any better...it all changed...he was joking around and smiling and just as he was looking at his son and wife he took his last breathe and was gone...In one single second....

Within this past week..62, 26, 24, 5, and 4 year old...in one single second...one life gone while so many other lives changed forever--so many people left with just why's...yet I know there are countless more that I don't even know about...One week where I was taught just how fragile a human life is, just how precious each moment is....for we don't know...today could be our last day, now could be our last moment...today your family could be that family you never thought this could happen too...YET we can't live in the style like we are prepared for this to happen--but we must remind ourselves that living each day is a gift....we must trust in our journey and have faith in our journey...and not let the questions that we can't find the answers to lead our journeys. My thoughts go out to these families as well as all those who have lost a love one and their life was forever changed. May the angels lead them all into paradise and may we find comfort and love in the love they gave us and the memories they shared with us...

Aunt Renee

My dad's big sister Renee...is hands down one of the greatest people that I know...that I have in my life...She is a true life liver...She is a simple country girl that just needs her family and her horse and she is good to go. Over the years going to her house for Christmas has been one of my favorite memories as well as favorite places to go...Her house is always filled with family, love, laughter, food and of course drinks. I have so much respect for her and I realize just how hard and tryin at times it is being the oldest in the family. For it has always been Renee and her hubby Wayne...who well he will get his own blog because I have much to say about the kind of man he is--to come soon...that has been close to keep an eye on my grandparents, to help them out esp once they weren't able to do certain things. Renee was the one who was there thru all of it with my grandmother....she saw the very worse...while yet being so strong for all of us. Now that granny is gone...its Renee that I see the most of Granny in...Mother-like daughter...and to say that I have two soul-two beings in my life who are so kind, caring and loving is a blessing I am never sure how I got. Granny was the glue to the Goldmann family she held us all together...Now its Renee. Thou Gramps is still alive and kicking...its Renee that cares for him and makes sure he is safe and well, I know this is a hard for her at times with Gramps forgetting more and more...but she stands tall, she takes the extra extra time to do this or take and include Gramps always. She lets him stay independent yet he depends on her the most. Its thru her example that I have learned some of the most important lessons in life, its thru her everyday life that I have found the true meaning of family and loving. She gives of herself so much sometimes I am not sure if she has anything left for just her. In all my years of knowing her...I have never seen her have a bad attitude, a bad day or complain. For even in our darkest of hours I have found she can still smile and laugh...and even when she is at her lowest low..she carries so much strength with her. two now four call her mom, four call her nana, one calls her honey and the rest of us Renee...I will always find the blessings in having her in my life...and to say she is family...is something I am honored to say. I know that she finds true happiness being outdoors...She is a woman who isn't afraid to get her hands dirty...and you will always find a huge smile on her face...Thank You Aunt Renee...for teaching me that life can be dirty and messing but that doesn't mean you can't jump right in and find happiness...for teaching my the true beauty of the outdoors....for teaching me the importance of knowing the stories and history of our family...for always living a life that is a true example to all those around you. You have taught me so much by the love and time you give to others. My world is more...because you are in it...I am a better person because of having you in my life and calling you my aunt. Thank You for ALL you do!!