showing ME not the WORLD

"What if its not something I need to show the world... What if its something I need to show me."

For the longest time I always thought the motivation that I carried with me was sparked by showing the world the gifts I had to offer. I thought it was proving to those around me I could set out and succeed at something. I thought I was driven to hear their words of praise and pride. I was sure it was an image I wanted the world around me to know me as. I thought for the longest time I need the world's approval. I need to hear you did it- and so on.

Turns out it had nothing to do with the world. It wasn't the spark or the drive. It wasn't the praise and pride that needed to be voiced... The world around me just added to this journey, The world made the colors of my life more sharp and bright but wasn't and still isn't my reason.

I find that I dream-chase and reach because its something I have to show myself- prove to myself. Sometimes I know just what that is other times I have no clue. Photography is a big part of me showing and proving to myself. For it doesn't matter the praise or positive feedback I get... I am still not ready to settle and say yes I am okay... Good... Great. I am not done reaching that spot that says I have reached my greatness... Yet on somedays I am not quite sure what I am tryin to show myself. All I know is that every part of my being says keep going. Keep chasing. Keep reaching. You will know when you get there. And maybe it lies in that...not knowing but knowing you are suppose to go... To be different. To go against the grain. To not settle. To just trust that one day I will reach that point. And I will once and for all prove to myself and show myself something that I spent all my life trying to figure out just what that something was... That trait in me that made me so different in a world full of same. And maybe for once I will have understanding in why I think the way I do. Live the way I do... And maybe just maybe that's why we live this life... We live to show ourselves and prove to ourselves a million little things that's all wrapped up into this Life. And maybe in the end just living this life thru the muck and the sunshine. Thru the laughter and the tears. Thru failure and success... To say yes I endured. Yes I grew. Yes I became... Yes I lived this life to with all my soul is what that something is...