The Game of Life

"In matters of style, swim with the current. In matters of principle stand like a rock." Thomas Jefferson.

How many of us just follow the flow with all corners of life? How many of us act more like a herd of cattle than finding out own way? It sure is a lot easier to do just as everyone else....but sometimes ok most of the time doing the right thing means also doing the hard thing...Going against the grain is not easy...nor is it meant too be or else everyone would be doing it. The same goes for being the person in front that people follow...its not a simple and easy job...that's why I am a firm believer not just anyone can be such a person. In sports esp...you don't just have anyone leading...it takes a special person...A good leader gets people to do things without speaking a word...a great leader is a someone you don't even know is leading you...the best leader most of the time has no clue they are leading they are just doing. Life is like sports in so many ways. So why not apply the things we have learned on the court and in the gym into a much bigger playing field and game... the game of life... I am positive you will find you carry even more tools to succeed in this life. And maybe just maybe we will start leading our own lives instead of following like a herd of cattle... "There's more to life than being a passenger." -Amelia Earnhardt

A Friendship Vow.

I wish you strength in moments of weakness.
I wish you a light to shine in your darkest times to show you the way.
I wish you a friend who understands.
I wish you dreams that you find yourself reaching.
I wish you YOUR laughter to fill a room.
I wish you love that will last.
I wish you someone to see you for who you are...and that's all you need to be.
I wish you calmness when chaos surrounds you.
I pray you know you are never alone.
I pray you will someday see and know the greatness that lies in you.
I pray you will find the love you are in search of.
I pray you will see just how special and rare you are.
I pray you know that this too shall past.
I pray that you one day take off the mask and show the world your true smile.
I pray for a life filled with smiles-happiness-joy and laughter.
I pray for life to be gentle with you during its storms.
I hope you will see the silver lining in this storm.
I hope you grow from each struggle...each mistake...each darkness.
I hope I find you dancing in the rain and jumping in the mud puddles.
I hope you know I believe in you...always.
I hope you know that all you need to pull you thru this all lies within your soul.
I hope you know that I am always here... never to judge... but to understand... never to turn away and see you differently...but to embrace you and love you for ALL parts of you .... you will always find me in your corner.
I hope you know that I carry your faith with me...and will until you begin to have true faith in yourself...

Settlin'

Its something that I find myself doing from time to time...its something that NEVER settles well with me...Settlin'...whether it be in life...work...coaching...teaching...photography...or love...I refuse to settle for anything less than what I am going after...less than I deserve...less than my dreams coming true...

I get the question Michelle why aren't you dating...you are a pretty girl...well the plain truth is...I am not just going to date to date...never have never will...for doing that would be settlin'...I love the person I am...well for the most part...and I would rather spend my time with myself than date a guy just so I could say I was dating someone. Being alone doesn't bother me....yet I found it bothers many that I am...I love being single...I love being able to put what I want in front and doing just that...I love that I don't have drama...I don't tork someone off if I want to have a night out with the girls...I don't coz a fight because I was talking to some guy a little too much at the bar...If I wanted too I could move to Washington or Japan at the drop of a hat...I could catch a flight to Australia in a matter of moments...of course I know better but the point is I could...granted I am sure this is what all single people tell themselves and it all changes when you meet that one you will spend the rest of your life with...well...I have yet to meet that guy or maybe I have yet to start having a relationship with that guy that I already know...So of course I am playing the single card as much as I can til then...who won't...

I refuse to settle esp after to getting to this point...I refuse to let someone tell me my dreams are unreachable...I refuse to hear their can'ts...don'ts and won'ts...I refuse to hear anything negative...It will be me and only me who puts an end to my dreams...Only me that will say I can't..I won't...I will continue to set the bar higher and high because I know that I can and will reach it...it may not be at the pace that I planned but I am positive that I will stick with it until I reach what I am yearning for...I have to...because when I do find myself settlin'...its the worse feeling for me...I would rather fail...I would rather have the wind knocked out of me...I would rather fall from a high distance...for settlin' with me is like guilt...it eats at me...because I know I am capable of more...I know that I am capable of achieving and reaching higher...Settlin' is being just content...its lowering the bar...it involves me being a person less than who I am...Settlin'...its never right...and if you think it is...well sooner or later you will be in for a real treat.

Ripples of another

I often think what my life would be like if someone wasn't in my life and just how that one person can and does play such a huge role in my life...and having that person taken from my life the changes that would cause.

But never do I think of what would happened if it was me taken out of their lives...we never know the difference we truly make in another's life...or the difference we could have made if we were in their life.

I truly believe in the whole pebble throw in the still water making ripples that go on til the eye can't see...I believe in the whole pay it forward and I hope that my life does make a difference in the life of another...just the simple act of caring-understanding-befriending-loving and believing can change a life...so know your life matters!! Your life makes a difference...you simply saying what lies in your soul and how you feel could be all that someone needs to hear and know to make a change in their life- to try-to believe in themselves-to change...

Our words and thoughts hold so much power to them...its great when we can use them in such a simple and powerful way by just speaking them!!!

gift of words

I just got done reading the book After Anne...a book I have read again and again and again....so many times I don't know the true count. Yet it doesn't matter because every time I read the book its like the first time...I cry--which is amazing in itself because I am NOT a crier...I am touched and left with feeling hopefully...I am inspired to be changed OR to spark a change in someone.

I am inspired to be and full fill what the author wrote to me when she signed my book...Become the friend you long to have....

I am thankful for this author's gift of words and her courage to share her story...for her words and story have changed my life and continue to change my life!

In our corner

Its pretty funny when you have no clue what you are doing with your life...just how many people seem to think you do...I have no answers to this life yet I seem to turn my head every which way and find one of my 'punks' asking me for advice-for guidence...these moments mean everything to me...thou most of the time I think to myself...out of ALL the people they can be turning to...what in the world are they thinking picking me...but then I think why not me...for I have been someone who has always voiced to my 'punks' (my athletes) that they can come to me with anything anytime any place...whether we be in season or ten years after they left the court...my time with them doesn't stop once the season ends or when they graduate...in fact I would hope its just getting started...I have always been someone they ALL knew was in their corner...I have always been someone who believed in them...been someone who saw the person they truly are and growing into...I am not sure how I got to be so blessed to have such athletes in my life...I am not so sure how I got to be their Goldberggg...all I know is that I am glad I am...its one of the greatest parts of my life if not THE best part of my life...for when I am with them...even just in contact with them...they bring meaning and purpose to my life...

I look at photos over the years of coaching I have done thus far...and in most of the photos I am just a kid myself...I look more like a girl that should be dressing for the game than I do as an adult...maybe thats my source of connection...the fact I could pass as one of them...I know better thou for when it comes down too it...I just get them...I can relate...I can put myself in their shoes...I was never your 'normal' athlete...mostly because I could always see things thru a coach's eye...I was the kid that just did what was asked of her...not just because I was told to do it in the I said so tone...but because I knew the purpose and meaning behind what was asked of me to do...which is prolli why I can now relate to athletes in such a way...I can see things from their shoes as well as a coach's eye...I can bridge the two together...yet I know thats not my true strength...my true strength lies in motivating-inspiring and encouraging my punks...something that I don't take lightly...For I believe that every kid has greatness in them...I believe that every kid has potential deep inside them...I believe that a kid can do unbelievable things if they know they are backed up...if they know you believe in them as a person foremost and then an athlete or a student...Kids...you think they know...you think they don't care or need to hear such things...but they do...and its not something they just need to hear once or every now and then...

They are told to be perfect and not make mistakes esp in sports...and you find coaches harpin on them...but the truth is its thru mistakes-failures and mess ups...that we learn...that we grow...how can one do that if they are perfect?? I can be like any other coach in the heat of the moment...but when it comes down too it...that kid needs to hear that I believe in them...they need to know that I care for them as a person...For when you embrace that kid as a whole they will open up and feel comfortable...and thats when they will start to tap into their potential...their greatness...

I am around kids constantly...and I seem to never have any troubles...even with the trouble makers and rebels...who knows why this truly is...but I think it has a lot to do with giving them the same respect that you want them to give you...I think it has to do with letting the past stay in the past and having a clean slate (until they give YOU reason to think otherwise)...I think it has a lot to do with the fact of getting to know the kid...and then most of all believing in that kid...esp when he or she messes up...saying things like this doesn't make you a bad person you just made a bad choice...and now you have a chance to learn and grow from this moment...how many of us make mistakes...mess up...and I know we do it more than once or twice at times before we learn...kids are no different...and I am positive that if you believe in that kid and give them a safe zone where they can succeed and fail the same...they will grow...we ALL need someone in our corner...

A week from today

Next Monday I will be boarding a plane to Vegas...and thou I have been behaving these days...I know that will all change once I step off that plance...for I know I will be back to my old ways...I know I will find more than one or two cold ones in my hands...after all you can't got to Sin City and not sin...So it looks like I might be a little too wild...too crazy...and have too much fun...um there's no such thing...I am looking forward to letting myself go...you know what they say...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas...I am not sure what will be staying in Vegas when I leave but I am banking it will be something crazy...but never illegal...I do have my limits and borders...yes even me! We all need to let the devil horns poke thru and drop the halo from time to time...ALL of US.

After Anne...challenge to you

almost some seven years ago I found a book that changed my life...it was the first true book I ever read that made a lasting impact on me-my life and the friendship-love-kindness and understanding that I give...I was given this special book by my friend and roommate at the time Sarah Halvorson...it was special from the start for I knew that our friend Tegan's mom wrote it...I was never a reader...that all changed after I read this book...in fact that wasn't the only thing that changed by reading this book...for the biggest change was inspired by what the author Roxanne Henke wrote in my book when she signed it...eleven words total...including my name and hers...she used such simple words that carried profound meaning...and I found my life forever changed by them...

"Michelle-become the friend you long to have. Blessings... Roxy Henke."

And that was the start of my journey of becoming a true friend to all those in my life-all those who will be in my life and all those who come in and out of my life. I didn't think I needed much more guidence than what she wrote me... Then I started to read the book After Anne... And my life changed even more.

Become the friend you long to have...could you even imagine what that would be like... To treat every person in your life like she or he was the friend you have always dreamed of having! Could you even imagine what it would be like having a friend who always treated you like you were the one they were waiting to see and talk to... That you are the best friend they have been looking for wanting and needing! And then you realize that's how they treat everyone... They treat everyone like a rare and special gift... Can you imagine the things that would grow from such a friendship-such a person!

We all have our close of friend- our crew of people-our clan...our close cirlce of loved ones...that we treat with our best-we give our understanding too-we are kind and caring too-we love fully and completely...yet why must it stop there!? For if I know anything its how special that person makes you feel with their love and friendship..how important you are... How rare you are and the gift that you are... Now if one person can make you feel such a way and from that you are able to be just who you are with confidence and strength when you are around them... Just imagine what life would be like if you found yourself surrounded by such people all the time... Imagine the greatness in that.

I am nowhere close to being perfect but I have always tried my very best to treat the people in my life as the friends I long to have... Sometimes these people pull thru and be that friend back to me-sometimes they are no where close and yet sometimes they are even better than what I ever could imagine.

You can never go wrong with treating someone in the way you would like to be treated. You can never go wrong with showing compassion where you know you would need it if you where in their shoes. You can never go wrong with showing kindness and understanding to people in places you have been. You can never go wrong with embracin the cracks and flaws in someone as marks of perfection and true character. You can never go wrong with treating someone as a rare and special gift... For I know what its like to find yourself in such places where you find yourself wishing you had a friend who understood- you wish you had a friend that didn't judge-that didn't ask questions or assumed...you wish you had a friend that treated you like you were the friend they have always wanted and needed... Well the first step in finding such friends starts with you!

Yes you...it starts with you becoming the friend you long to have!! And being that friend...always...not just when its easy or just whenever you want to be...but being that friend always -- especially when it isn't easy... Especially when you are upset...hurt or mad...and being that friend truly! By not judging...by not assuming...by not gossing'(what they say downunder)...by being trustworthy...by being loyal...by listening...by taking the time...by understanding...by showing kindness..by loving the person for who they are...by embracing everything that emcompasses that person-mistakes-failures-tears-darkness-smiles-laughter and success...by just letting them be who they truly are and loving all parts of them...it all starts with YOU!! And how you treat others...

For how they treat you back is a direct reflection of the friendship and love you give...if you want the most amazing friends in your life...then start with treating the people in your life like they are the most amazing people...trust me... The friendships and love you will find are undescribable once you allow yourself to be such a friend... Chances are these amazing friendships have always been in your life... They just need someone to treat them like a friend they always long to have....the challenge lies with you... I hope what Roxanne Henke wrote in my book After Anne almost seven years ago gets you thinking a changing and a doing!!!

"Become the friend you long to have!". I challenge you to be such a friend...to everyone in your life-at all moments! And once you truly are such a friend...you will find yourself surrounded by such friends yourself!

EASTER=HOPE

It is Easter Sunday...and I am spending this day nestled up on a mountain enjoyin this Spring day...It is a time for candy-colored eggs and chocolate...since I am not lover of candy or chocolate I find this holiday mostly a day of HOPE...Hope for a new start...Hope for success...Hope for love...Hope for friendship...Hope for forgiveness...Hope for understanding...Hope for compassion...Hope for trust...

For I feel that He died on that cross to give and bring us HOPE...in any form that we want or we need...Hope for a better tomorrow...Hope for a life filled with endless possiblities and love...He gave of himself so we could have HOPE...You can believe in whatever you want...but I feel that it doesn't matter what you believe in or who you believe in...This holiday season is on based on and surrounded by one thing...and that one thing is HOPE....

As I watch my neighborhood kids run the mountain looking for eggs with their baskets and Easter outfits...I find myself smiling...For its undescribable the hope children carry with them...they are the future in the growing...they are smiles...they are laughs...they are happiness...they are hope...And if you have HOPE....oh the places it will take you...oh the changes you will see...Happy Easter..I wish you days filled with HOPE in all areas of your life.

Let LiFE Lead...

"Let LiFE happen to you...Believe me..LiFE is in the right...ALWAYS!"

I find myself at times fighting LiFE...I can be the salmon that fights endlessly up stream...However salmon have a sole purpose...a purpose of true meaning that lies up stream...many times I fight like a salmon and then question myself and the fight...is my purpose-my meaning up this stream or is it down stream yet maybe even in a completely different stream. At what point do we realize and know for sure that we are on the wrong path or if we are on the right path? At what point do we come to terms with finding a new path? And then once we do--how many question if we should have kept to the other path just a bit longer? LiFE...its full of questions with no answers...and with that saying...I found my biggest tool...for its always when I question things that I find myself at ends...find myself lost-overwhelmed...but when I just let LiFE happen...if I just trust my journey...if I just let go and let life lead me...its amazing what happens...you tend to always end up just where you belong.

I'm a firm believer that there are no wrong journeys...there maybe wrong roads we go down...but I believe that its going down those roads that bring more meaning to our journey...that is where we learn...we change...we grow...we become...for if one has never been lost...then it can go with saying that one has never been found either...With each breath that fills my lungs I grow more confident that this LiFE...this journey...when it comes down to it...is about a journey of finding ourselves...growing into ourselves and becoming ourselves....its about a journey of discovery...discovering who we truly are...thru endless smiles... tears... mistakes... laughter... fears... hurt... love... forgiving... letting go... success... darkness... sorrow... heartache... ... ... ... its thru the joys and terrors of this LiFE... that we find out who we are... and then when the time comes... and when we are ready... when we got ourselves figured out... we are granted to start really living... For I think that this LiFE is just a warm up... I don't know why they call it death... when I feel with death its just the start of living... maybe its death because with it dies all your flaws...your mistakes...your mess ups ... and its the start of something new...

So Today I let go of my questions... I let go of my grip on the wheel of life... I let go of being the one in the lead... And I let LiFE take me... I let LiFE lead me... Oh the places LiFE will take me too if I just let LiFE lead me.

"The only 'true' journey is the one within."

We Love...

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks...The work for which all other work is but preparation." Rainer Maria Rilke

Loving someone it seems so easy doesn't it..and we all feel that for the most part we feel like its not that big of a deal...because we feel we do it without even realizing it...But I feel that even when we think we are loving with our whole heart...in the end we aren't...Loving someone when they are at their best is easy...Loving someone when everything is flowing the same way and coming to together is simple...Life is good.

But how many of us truly give that love when that person is wrong...when they mess up...when they fail...when they are being someone less than the person that they are?? When they hurt us? How many us still give that complete love when things aren't flowing the same direction...when things are going everywhere else but together? When we think about it...loving seems so simple and so easy...yet its one thing to think and another to actual do. I would like to think that when it comes down to it...I would love that person in the same way I always do no matter what the situation is...I would hope to think that...but when those moments come...I find myself jumping out of the boat at times...what I remind myself these days is that's when they need my love-my understanding-my kindness the most...that is when I must not see life thru my eyes but try to imagine it thru theirs...When someone messes up...when someone makes it hard for us to love them in the way that we do...is when they need our love the most...that is when they are in need of understanding...that is when we must realize that we are human...we make mistakes...we are imperfect...and there's a reason for everything that we do and say...

I also need to let people love me when I am the one who is making it hard for others to love me...when I am the one who messes up...when I am the one who is being a person who is less than she is...For we will ALL find ourselves in such places from time to time...When I am in that spot...I need to let others love me like I am at my best...for in the end that's how I have learned to love others in such a way when they are in those places...that's how I know they need someone in their corner...that's how I know they are in need of someone to understand...that's how I know they need someone to see them as the person they truly are...that's when they need someone to walk in when everyone else is walking out...Life is one big story with a million lessons to fill its pages...We live and we learn...and I now add to that...We love.

New Eyes

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes." Marcel Proust

As humans we are constantly seeking and searching for...success...happiness...friendships...love...We are in quest of such things to find meaning in our lives...to give meaning to our lives...we seek...we search...I have come to realize that I have always found myself thinking that my discovery would be found in landscapes that my eyes have yet to see...Yet I have come to know recently in these last few years...the real discovery is having new eyes to taken in the landscapes that have ALWAYS surrounded me...its amazing the way things change around me if I am willing to change the way that I am looking at them....Beauty (truly does) lies in the eye of the beholder...

"That's not a diamond...it's JUST a rock...JUST." Its a pretty powerful word...JUST...yet what many don't see is that if we can change the way we look at things...the world around us changes...and opens up to a world of possiblities...all within our grasps...our reach...if we JUST open our eyes to see the landscapes that surround us...If we are willing to JUST see the beauty-the greatness-the potential in something-someone that we pass by every day...within the hidden...within the impefect...within the not so beauty...For we don't know the true outcome in changing the way we look at something...or someone until we allow ourselves to truly see the things that mostly remain unseen-for so much greatness lies in those things and people...that they are only exposed to those who truly are in search of seeing and knowing...and it all starts with seeing things with new eyes...with a new view...a new attitude...and allowing ourselves to be taken by that.

Just Once...

There's a lot things in this life that we wish for...that we dream of...that we find ourselves saying...just once I would like to do this...just once I would like to be there...just once I wish luck would flow with me...JUST ONCE...sometimes our just once last for a second...sometimes it lasts for a year and others a lifetime...JUST ONCE...how often do you find yourself saying those words...or words differ from it but apply the same meaning??

My just once doesn't need to last a lifetime or years...just long enough to realize that I was wrong...my just once would prove all of my falses to truths...my just once would turn all my doubts into realizations...my just once would silence the words of negativity that I carry with me-it would mute the voice that I seem to always listen to in the end...even when I know its wrong...my just once would break the walls that guard my heart and that deep kind of love. My just once would prove me worthy and prove that I have along been wrong...I await for my just once to prove so much of what I think wrong...JUST ONCE...i wish luck would flow my way...

Let-downs

People let us down...and I am postive that I too have let down my share of people and more than once or twice...and prolli way more than I would like to admit or even know about....yet when I find myself being the one that is let down I have found that I am quite bothered by it...I have yet to find out if its worse letting someone down OR having someone let you down...its a toss up.

Sometimes even when I don't realize it- I set standards for people and when they don't meet them I feel let down...I am disappointed in them...sometimes they know about these let downs right from the start-while other times they haven't got a clue. Again another point that I toss back and forth--to know or not to know?

What I need to realize-understand and accept is people are human and they will do what they will do...and I can't control their actions feelings or words...I have no control over anyone else but ME! I can watch and control my words-my actions and my feelings. Because of feeling let down I remember what its like to be in that spot and I try to learn-grow and apply those lessons to my life.

I hope to take something good a way for a situation that I am hurt by-let down by and so on...if I don't like how someone treated me or the lack of how they treated me---i make it a point to make sure I try my best to not do that to someone else...the same goes for words and so on...sometimes I find myself going above and beyond because I don't want another to feel in such away.

However as much as I try to be someone who doesn't hurt or let down...I know that I still do...and I need to face those moments-those actions and words and learn from them! I pray in the end that I do more good than I do hurt. I pray that I learn from my pain and hurt in the same way I can learn from the pain and hurt I might cause someone else. I pray that I always keep in mind that people are not perfect-we love and we hurt-we laugh and we cry-we dream/succeed and we fail/mess up...I pray to learn and grow from my short comings as well as my overcomings...with the hope to reaching and being the person I have always meant to be.

Brown into Green

My windows are open and fresh air fills my living room. I sit while the melting snow and running of water drops its droplets over my roof and onto the ground...The sound is a constant splash on the earth below...I LOVE that sound...It is a sound that refreshes the soul...Spring can be a dirty ugly messing muddy season...The snow that covered everything to make it all seem so perfect is melting and disappearing without a trace...which results in exposing the imperfect...When you look at Spring that way...well it can be seen than as a not so pretty season.

However if you relate Spring to Life...it may end up being one of the most beautiful seasons of all. Life is imperfect...and at times we try to hide or cover up our flaws and darkness...looking to be perfect...in the same way snow covers the earth during winter. And sometimes we are frozen in that season much too long...then their comes a day where we start to let go...we unthaw and slowly begin to melt....While the snow turns to water our souls are exposed...with what seems so perfect under the snow is now messy-dirty-muddy and colors that are anything but pretty...Yet the sun warms this earth...this soul...and slowly but surely the water washes away most of the mud and muck-still leaving traces behind to show it was there and will always be there...but by the water and the sun...the earth is reborn...it starts to grow anew...it starts to bloom and blossum...The colors of brown turn to colors of green...and then when its ready the flowers start to pop colors of purple-red-orange-blue and yellow all across the horizon. Spring starts out at being a complete mess...yet it leads into Summer...we are not sure how it happens or when it happens...One day its Spring and the next its Summer...Life is a lot like that...One day we are filled with sorrow-hurt-darkness and gloom...and the next we are filled with happiness-laughter-hope and joy... We don't know when it happened...it just simply happens

Spring and Life...can't be rushed....their results aren't seeing the difference in a day or a week...and sometimes not even in a month...they need their time to work their magic...to turn brown into green.

Have you ever had someone in your life...

Have you ever had someone in your life...that you always find a smile on your face whenever they are around? Have you ever had someone in your life...that makes you always feel good about yourself? Have you ever had someone in your life....that always just saw you-all of you-yet still saw the best in you? Have you ever had someone in your life...that could make you feel better with just a word? Have you ever had someone in your life...that brought out your strengths when you feel you are at your weakest? Have you ever had someone in your life...that always could and can make you laugh? Have you ever had someone in your life...that just sitting next to you when your life is chaos or filled with tears-and they make it seem like everything will be fine? Have you ever had someone in your life...that believed in you still when you messed up-failed or made mistakes? Have you ever had someone in your life...that never gives up on you-even if you give up on yourself? Have you ever had someone in your life...that seems like they are walking grace? like you are in the presence of faith...you know when they are around that you are in the presence of someone that is one in a million? Have you ever had someone in your life...that always seems to walk in when everyone walks out? Have you ever had someone in your life...that just got it...just got you? Have you ever had someone in your life...that you felt completely and fully safe with? Have you ever had someone in your life...that just being YOU was all you full needed to be? Have you ever had someone in your life...that never judged you - always listened and found ways to understand? Have you ever had someone in your life...that you always find yourself turning to because they seem to always know just what to say or do? Have you ever had someone in your life...that seemed to be able to turn winter into spring? Have you ever had someone in your life...that seemed to walk in the shadows so you could shine? Have you ever had someone in your life...that is never too busy when you need a friend or just a yack? Have you ever had someone in your life...that you seem to find yourself in complete awe of...you find yourself learing about life through their life-their love-their example. Have you ever had someone in your life...that you think the world of...yet they think they are no big deal and nothing special?

We all have that someone in our lives...and if we are lucky we have someone(s) in our lives...I am thankful for these rare souls in my life...I am blessed to have their friendship and love...I am grateful that my life has been touched and changed by them...I am more of the person I am meant to be because of these souls....for they make me feel comfortable to be in my own skin...they make me realize its not about being more than who I am or better than who I am...its being just who I am fully and completely and knowing thats all I ever need to be...for the person I am meant to be lies within my soul and within my power...I just have to choose to be her...to be ALL of her...ALL the time...and its people like these...that bring her out of me...What a gift these someone(s) hold, yet most of the time they have not a clue at all...The gift they are to our lives...the greatest they carry...they haven't have a clue at all...

The gift

So tonite I watched the movie...Seven Pounds...I found myself really thinking...about what goes on in that movie and Will Smith's actions based on what happened in his life...and I found myself applying those things in my life...if something like that happened to me...how would I handle it? what would my actions be?

In the end..sometimes I find myself thinking about my time...when...how...but dying in the place of someone I love seems like the ultimate way...I realize Seven Pounds is just a movie...but I know that somewhere someone's death was in the place someone's life...I can't imagine giving your love in such a way...I can't imagine the strength and sacrfice that would involve...the will and determination...for its one thing to say I would give my life for yours...but its a whole another thing to actually do it...however taking your own life well not so sure about that...but if the fates lined up and your death equals the saving of someone's life...well that's pretty darn amazing...YET I feel like that happens with each passing of a loved one...because their passing opens our eyes and truly does change us...with each death we are given a gift...the gift of air in our lungs and a heart that is beating...we are given the gift of life...something that should always be cherished...something we should always value...

I have no idea my how and when...but I do know of that gift that I hold in this moment...I do realize the blessing of my steady breathing and beating...something that seems so simple yet it holds so much meaning...whether life be flying high as the clouds or down in the dirt...whether its laughter or tears...its a gift...its ALWAYS a gift.

Who are you to judge?

How many of us jump to conclusions? How many think you know but truly don't? How many judge when they are in no place nor are they in any right place to judge. How many of us are rude? How many us are nosey? How many of us think we know the full story yet have no clue at all!?

I am beginning to think its more and more...which I find majorily upsets me and bothers me...I look at how people jump to conclusions-how they judge and how they think they know the full story regarding me and my life...and these people who are like this have no clue-no clue at all on who I am and what goes on in my life. If you want to see me torked stereotype me...as a single wild wanderer drinking out of control girl with no responsibilities...if I am so wild and out of control while do I then spend 85-90 percent of my time at home alone drinking ginger ale and editing photos and reading books on teaching & coaching? If I have no responsibilities than why am I constantly thinking of things I must get done-why I am constantly tryin to figure out things to and ways to help the students I teach-the kids I have coached and my friends and family...I don't judge you in fact I am prolli the one person that would always show compassion and understanding towards you...I am the one person who isn't judging who isn't adding fuel to a fire with things I think I know bout truly don't...so please don't do it with me...before you start yacking before you start assuming and jumping to conclusions- do me a huge favor and take the time to ask me! Yet this even amazes me at times the questions people ask and the things that come out of their mouths that really isn't any of their business-only hitting under the spot as highly nosey.

Give me the same respect that I try to give you-by not talking behind your back...by not assuming I think I know what your life is like-what its all about and so on...I may play if off as a joke-i might laugh it off but trust me those remarks and comments do affect me and at times cut me...yet its a huge learning tool for me because I realize what those word and actions do to me even when I pretend I don't care at all...and it helps me realize that I better darn well not make anyone feel like that when it comes to my words and actions. Or at least I'm trying to do just that as best as I can all the time to ALL people not just friends and family...imagine what this world would could and should be like if people only judged themselves...if people didn't assuming and jump to conclusions...if people showed compassion and understanding...if people actually took the time to ask you instead of thinking they know...imagine what that kind of world would be like and what that kind of life is capable...someday I hope...so until then I will try to be the one person who doesn't judge-assume or jump to conclusions...I will try to be someone who understands and shows compassion...I will fail from time to time but I will never stop trying.

While I'm waiting

I'm waiting...I'm waiting on you, Lord...and I am hopeful....though it is painful...but patiently, I will wait...I will move ahead, bold and confident...taking every step in obedience...While I'm waiting...I will serve you...While I'm waiting...I will worship...While I'm waiting...I will not faint...I'll be running the race...even while I wait...I'm waiting...and I'm peacful...thought it is not easy...but faitfully, I will wait...

I am big into music...I enjoy listening to a wide range of music and I have my own personal soundtrack to my life...a list a songs that speaks to my soul...a list of songs that I only know the tracks-because they speak to me so powerfully and straight to my soul-its a very private and emotional thing for me to listen to when others are around so I listen to them when I am alone....but I have just shared with you the lyrics to one of my top five...funny how that song tends to speak to me in every moment of my life...and I think pretty much everyone can find their life in those lyrics at sometime or another...whether you find yourself dealing with death-illness-struggles-changes-challenges-loss of a loved one-loss of a job-needing direction-letting go-moving on-needing to be heal-darkness-fears-unsure-loss of a friendship-loss of love...the list could go on...for it doesn't matter what it seems to be that you are facing or dealing with at that given moment...this song always makes me feel better. It always helps me carry on...it helps me let go...it helps me hang on...it gives me faith...it gives me hope...it makes me believe and gives me confidence.

For when plans go in different directions-as they alot of times do...For when things don't turn out the way we had in mind-which tends to be a lot...we find ourselves at a crossroad in life...wanting a reason...wanting an answer...wanting to be told what to do-what to say-where to go...I am no where near to being anywhere close to being perfect...yet for some reason many think I hold the secret to life...I am honored to be thought of in such a way...people want to know how I can live such a way-how I can always be found with a smile on my face and a laugh echoin' where I go...how I can stay positive thru it all...the answer truly lies within these lyrics...I have no secret...I have songs that speak to me...that help me keep hope...that help me keep the faith...that help me "trust a journey that I don't understand." Songs that help me trust in myself...and trust in my life's journey...lyrics that holds belief-compassion and even understanding... and I guess its thru my actions I am looked at in such a way...but the truth is everyone can live in such a way because its so simple...because it involves four things that you always have to believe in and see their glasses half full not half emtry...trust-hope-faith and love

I don't know the answers to my whys-nor do I hold the answers to yours...but someday I will-someday you will...which is why I can't (why you can't) waste the time I (you) have in this life trying to search for them...which is why I can't (why you can't) hold so tightly to the past when I (you) have a future awaiting for me (you) to embrace....more than anything this song brings me FAITH...and most of the time thats all you ever need...Find yours... it can be a song-a quote-a poem-it can be a place (for me its found in more places than just songs and lyrics)...that holds for you...your trust...your hope...your love...your faith...for when you find yours it will truly make a world of difference.