Broken Open

So I am wide awake with my brain running on high...gosh do I ever wish I had a power switch I could turn on and off... Please tell me I am not the only one out there where it seems like you are on cruise control-all is going fine and in a good direction at a constant speed and then out of the middle of no where you are sidelined...knocked off cruise control and you find yourself having no reason or meaning behind it...-t drives me nuts...in fact I can't stand it...I know I am terribly hard on myself but the truth is I know deep down I can and should do better...and yet I know I will someday look back on this time in my life and say yup that phase sucked but it also made me who I am today in everyway--you just have to hold and and battle thru it...at least that's what I am hoping and holding onto.

Everyone in this life has their own story their own changes challenges and struggles...reasons that are just theirs alone they don't need to make sense to anyone including themselves...they can't be judged for having them..one can't view into their lives and start saying one shouldn't feel like this bc of this or that...just because one has the love of so many or know so many is not a get out of darkness card---that is one thing I have learned thru this phase in my life its not about how others view you its about how we view ourselves and right now in this moment I know I am capable of so much more...and I know I need to do so much more yet I am stuck in neutral and it seems like everytime I shift into gear and get going I hit a set back...and find myself back at square one...I have found taking a way all of my own isn't as cracked up as it seems yet even on my lowest days I am still proud of the path I chose because I am still holding out that someday it will all come together...someday it will all make sense...someday it will be worth it all...and in a hutge way I know I am different...I have always been a bit strange-sometimes in a good way other times in a not so good way---but its who I am and ya I mess up and make mistakes but I hope its thru those lessons of failure I grow into the person I am truly meant to be! There's got to be a reason to this sometimes maddness I live in...I have been reading a book called broken open and in a word it has saved me in every way possible and for once I feel that it is completely okay to be how I am. And its okay to not feel guilty that I don't have true answers to how I feel...I don't need to know the answers what I do need to do is to feel and live with my soul and listen to what its saying and want...for in the end it will lead me...thru this book I feel like I make sense and it brings me great comfort knowing someone else knows just what I am thinking and feeling and sometimes that's all me need and yet all we ever want! Someone who doesn't judge someone who just listens and admits they don't know the answers or what to do...I higly suggest its a book you must read...broken open!!