fitting in a box

I am sitting with my legs up on my desk watching the snow gently fall from a endless white gray sky while I enjoy my prep period. Today while teaching I couldn't help but look at the sea of faces that sit before me....each face has a story that is all their own...they are troublemakers, preps, nerds and jocks but they are so much more than that...in high school we tend to stereo-type people...we want everyone to fit in this perfect box-we think that we have to fall under a certain word--jock-nerd-cheerleader-rebel...but really one word can never define us so why is it while in high school we try just that?

I see their faces and realize that there's a huge chance that at least one of them won't graduate, one will get arrested, one will get caught up in drugs and booze, one will be bullied the other the bully, one will get a full ride to play sports after college, one will feel their best years were hs bc of the spotlight they lived in and had to give up after graduation. One or two many only have a few years left on this earth, one will battle a terminal illness,all will struggle with find themselves and their place in this world one time or another, all will face changes and challenges that will forever alter their lives. Its a given that somethings in life we will never escape or avoid. We must go thru in order to find ourselves and to find happiness.

Recently I was informed of a private personal battle of someone in my life that I have complete respect and admiration had to go thru while in jr high-high school and lasted until a few years ago. After hearing their story this person would prolli think they lost all of the positive thoughts and comments I made over the years...but the truth is I have even more respect and admiration for this person...and the only thing I am bothered by or upset by is the fact this person was trapped in a world of their own darkness for so long. That this person felt like they had to wear a mask and full fill the role that so many thought this person should live in. I am more proud of this person now than I ever was back in high school. Granted it was a journey this person had to take all alone in so many ways and risk losing so many in their life-they kept walking and holding on. I know it wasn't easy at all and its prolli still not but I think after opening themselves up and telling their story this person found a whole network of support and has realize people love for the person's soul and true being...what counts the most is what lies on the inside of the skin not the outside. And the only true thing that really matters are the thoughts of those who truly care about us and not all those who don't know us.

It takes great courage sometimes to be who we really are-to admit we are not perfect-to go after what makes us happy knowing that that might upset a few in our lives and even lose a few.

So I sit and look at these young faces of tomorrow's future and I know there lies so many stories so many struggles...but its also a room filled with hope, humanity and compassion...that one day we won't stereo type. One day we won't judge someone by what lies on the outside of their skin but what lies on the inside. One day we won't judge at all and if we do we only judge ourselves. One day we will see that we all struggle we all face challenges we all are imperfect! We are all different and that is the one factor that makes us all the same.

High school is a tough time for all we want is to fit in while yet in a world where fitting in is pretty much impossible as well as completely over rated! Then add on the fact we are all trying to figure ourselves out and finding out who we are and where we are going. I say to all those who feel they are standing there its okay I am ten years out of high school and I am still tryin to find myself and know myself I just gave up on fitting into a certain box and being perfect.

What I have learned thru someone else as well as myself is this...happiness isn't based on how many amazing-caring-loving people you have in your life---or just how many people you know or friends you have.

Happiness isn't seen thru the eyes of others when they see your life...it isn't how they think or know that so much lies in your soul-you carry so much with-so many talents and gifts to share.

Happiness isn't based on the love and friendship you have in your life.

Happiness is felt and seen in the eyes of one person only---YOU! How you see yourself-how you feel on the inside. Its your thoughts-your feelings-your own journey to from around through there and back an endless journey to happiness...filled some times more with struggles, battles, darkness and demons than it is of all the good stuff...but we keep walking anyways because those moments are worth it! We don't have to make sense on our quest and we don't need to know the way or even the need to know where we are truly going...we just need to listen to you soul and live the best we can and hopefully one day it will all make sense hopefully one day we will find our true selves and with that find personal happiness.so don't worry about fitting in or being perfect worry about not being true to ourselves-not listenin to what are souls are telling us! The rest life always finds a way.