Walking thru their lives...

I was watching CSI last night saying goodbye to Grissom...however you spell it...anyways there was this part at the very end of the show where he is leaving the department for the last time...and the way they filmed it was well done and just touching in a way I can't really put my words on it...Its a mix between him seeing everything he is leaving behind yet also how life goes on...all those that he guided, mangaged and so on were busy at work...and he had this proud smile one his face that left you thinking how proud he was of all of them, how proud he was to be a part of this, how confident he believes in those people that all will be fine even without him...

That scence got me thinking....and I know its not something that happens right away, in fact it something that takes much to get to that point but maybe those that we have lost do just that...there's that one day where they are granted to walk thru the lives of us they had to leave behind...We don't know because we don't see them...but they can walk thru our lives and see that thou it took some time much time we found life again...we found happiness...that even thou they are no longer here with us we found a way to carry on...even if we didn't want too...I imagine how much those moments mean to those souls we can no longer see...How would I know...because I can't imagine my life being the soul source of pain, of tears, of despair, of not wanting to go on because I am not there...

Death robs us like a theif in a dark night of those simple moments of happiness and love with people we just always count on being there...we count on being able to see their faces, hear their laughter, feel their touch...and when we are robbed of that it feels as thou life is missing something oh so huge...oh so important....We feel that our smiles aren't the same and our laughter is less profound...BUT then one day we find those smiles and that laughter in a way of not even looking for it...and its part of us again...one day comes and its a bit easier to allow happiness back in our lives...we never forget...ever...but by some grace it becomes easier...I like to think that grace comes from the person or persons we are missing...the loved ones that we lost...that feeling that covers you like a warm blanket is them helping us to carry on...to live life to its very fullest even when we don't really feel like it....its their way of saying I want you to live a life in the same way you would have if I was there...

I would like to think that's someone true official belonging into paradise...is when they don't have to worry oh so much what their being not in this world is causing...the endless tears and pain. Its not about being forgotten or not missed and thought about...but its that feeling of knowing that they are carryin on and they are finding happiness, they are smiling, they are laughing...That has to be a good feeling to see.

I hope one day when that time comes for me...to walk thru the lives of those that I love and I see endless smiles and laughter that just echoes from every corner of their being...I hope to see tears rolling down their cheeks when they think of me but only because they are laughing and smiling so hard from a story being told about me..some crazy funny memory...Thats where I want to be found when I am no longer able to be seen in this life...I wanted to be remembered in laughter, in smiles...And thats just where I remember those that I have lost...its never a simple easy journey to get to this point in remembering...it takes time...and there are still days I fall off and feel like I have to climb all over again...but I know that's what they want...they want to see my smile and hear my laughter...they want to see me happy and simply just living my life.