There are some people that can't be positive they must see the glass half empty. I am the opposite. I see the glass always half full. And as much as I have the right to be angry at times - it usually doesn't last long - because I just don't have it in me to stay in such a state. Its simply not who I am - even thou at times I wish I could. I am someone who has empathy. For no matter what has happened or why someone did this or that I search for the understanding behind it. And even if I did nothing wrong I will be the one that says I am sorry - which I know is not a good trait to have at certain times. It may be looked as being weak but most of the time I just want to get pass things and move on - this also may fuel future fires but in the moment I would rather deal with empathy than anger. I strive to understand people. To see pass their choices - actions and words and search for the reasoning of why. I don't want to hold onto anger when I realize that so many of us do and say things in moments of anger that we don't mean or feel. I choose to search for understanding - whether that is wrong or right I will never know.
Time is funny like that - the moments can seem so real that we will never get pass them - but moments pass. What we think we will nver overcome or accept we reach a day that we realize we have. I have yet to learn how to and then accept this in the given moment of life. Those moments that are intense and filled with every emotion you can think of - but in the end we get thru the moment which turns into a second to a minute to an hour then a day a week a month and then a year. I don't understand the process of how this all happens and maybe we aren't meant to. Maybe its just simply this...TIME is TRULY a HEALER. The key is to allowing time to do its work.
Think of all your best days...isn't it amazing to think of what is still yet to come after all that has happened thus far? And sometimes why life is tough its good to keep this in mind - because this will happen.
Its hard not to get wrapped up in such a life. When society is all about work work work. And why so we can what buy buy buy? I don''t strive to make millions. In fact money and I have never mixed. Because mainly I just don't like the point of it - its all about making it - not having enough of it or saving it. I will be responsible but I don't want it to run my life or rule my life. I never want to find myself in a job I hate just because I make great money. I never want to spend all my time at work when I have so many things I want to do and places I want to go.
I can be my best friend or my worse enemy. I know this all too well. I know without a doubt that I am hard on myself and when I mean hard on myself I mean really hard on myself. I am unsure if this will ever change. But I do know the power I hold with my mind. And I am learning how to use that in my favor with hopes that maybe I won't be so hard on myself when dealing with certain things or living life. There was always talk in school about learning to live with the kid you didn't get along with and finding a way to make it work... I missed the class lesson when that person at times was in fact yourself.
There will be times in our lives that will force us to bunker down and grasp the roots that hold us - we will be tested to the core of our being with changes - challenges. Life presents such lessons in the form of storms thru loss - failure - suffering - struggle - sorrow - heartache/break - death and so much more. What I have come to find is that its a time that begins you holding onto what really matter what really counts. I am unsure why it takes such big time lessons to learn things and know things that should just be basic knowledge. Storms have a way of striping you leaving you bare with only the things that you truly need. Our roots remain firmly planted in the ground of who we are all the while the storm of life tries its best at us. Our only choice is to tighten the grip and hang on.
This statement is truer than true but sometimes its the hardest thing possible to stop re-reading. I know it must be done but given being in that moment its a hard thing to do.
There was a time that I use to think I had to be a certain way - have this or that in order to make my life look good. But I have come to realize I am now on a journey and mission to create a life thats based around ME and what feels good on the inside to me - not based on what it looks like to everyone else. I know by know that I am accepted and loved and cared about. What I am realizing is when I am at one with myself and balanced with myself that I am able to take that energy outside of myself and appy and give to those around me and too me that is what a good life looks like from the outside. Not one based on what kind of house I live in - the car I drive or the clothes I wear but one that is based on who I am and how I treat people and live my life.
People will try each and everyday to conform you to turn you into everyone else. People do this without even realizing it - for its so common. So many people think there is on'y one way of being normal. And that normal usually means going to college for 4.23 years graduating - getting the perfect job - getting married - having kids living this picture perfect life...then what happens when you realize it isn't picture perfect or at all the life you thought it was or should be. I am done judging people on ground of what normal is. Because the truth is there is no normal and therefore I have no intention of being tamed into such a state. Life is what YOU make of it not so and so or the 'THEY'... I am unsure why life has to go this way or that way - why we must be tamed in order to be accepted. Why our life needs to have this or that in order to be successful or marks as normal. I guess I have been confused because I never understood who got to mark or decide. Who are they any ways? Nothing in my mind beat being a child in a field and just running...the same applies today a gal just running the fields of life with not a thougth in the world of ever being tamed.
How many of us sit not just in the passanager seat but the back seat as well in their own lives? Why are so many afraid of taking the power for themselves? I never want to be afraid of being the one in control of my life. I can't want to be anywhere else but in the front row.
I don't ever want to be defined by another nor do I want to define someone in the same breath. I wish to share my life with someone yes but only in a matter of sharing not defining. And in my case - I am able to do such or want such because of the fact that I do spend time alone and I am constantly getting to know myself and maintaining a relationship with myself. I fully realize it is I - that is the master - creator - and hold of my happiness and it can be shared and sparked by another but not solely found in another.
For years and years I never realized that people thought as such just because I held my tongue kept calm and showed kindness. It actually baffles me that people can have such thoughts. Just because one doens't cause a fuss raise their voice or treat people unkind doens't mean they don't care enough or it doens't matter to them. It is so so not how it goes.
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