Controlling - taking ownership and power of one's happiness is quite the task. It takes a lot of work and spending a lot of time with yourself to be successful at it. Most days I feel like I have a pretty good handle on it - until something rocks me to the core and I lose sight or focus on that power and allow someone else to claim ownership of it. Thou I am usually quick to bounce back and see such things are happening - there are times where I allow the power to not be held in my palm. Its a choice and a matter of will and it takes a lot of determination at times but the simple fact remains its up to ME.
Being nice and kind doens't mean being taken adventage of or letting others walk all over you in the process. I will admit there is a thin line - and sometimes I let other's cross it and put up with things that I just shouldn't have to put up with - I need to work on being strong enough to say no no no I deserve better than this or you have no right to say or treat me in such a matter. Its hard - sometimes but I know its something I need to work on doing.
Nature - I am in love with it - I can be totally lost in it - never bored in it and always left in amazement of it. There are two relationships that I am striving to really connect with and know the first is one with myself and the second is one with nature.
Sometimes I get into the frame of mind that I am not going to enough places or seeing enough thing - i am not exposing myself to my full potential. I am unsure why we are so focused on thinking in order to do such we must go off to these amazing places or do these out of control things to be living and adventurous life. I am challenging myself to do it each and every day right where I am where ever that may be - because so many things surround us daily - and not just places or things but people as well.
Normal to me is a waste of time. I have no motivation to be labeled under such a term.
I don't want to be perfect - I am not perfect nor will I ever be. All I am doing is living my life to the best that I know how and learning as I go. I have good intentions but sometimes I fall short in completing them - but that doesn't stop me from trying. I strive to learn to grow and to become and to be gentle not just with others but myself as well.
I am unsure when my last breath will be I am unsure what my legacy will end up truly being but I do know I can start by how I treat others and what I do for others - esp in ways that I have no personal gain when doing them. I want my life to stand for something -I want something somewhere to forever say Michelle Goldmann was here and I know that if I keep this frame of mind as in this quote I ma just have a shot of doing just that.
I don't mean to sound all high and mighty - or put the spot light on me but I couldn't agree more with this quote. My breaking point well it takes alot to get me there - and once there its not a good place for me to even be. I am unsure why some people do there very best to be well heard to get along with or so down right cruel at times - I am unsure why such people are the way they are - all I know is that when I do reach that I no longer give a flying -uck stage I have had enough I reached my limit of taking on or dealing with such things any longer. And this is coming from a person that puts up with and is beyind understanding when it comes to people in general. But there is a point where enough is enough.
My goal right now in this moment is to know that calm and to retreat to the calm when I need to. Its not as easy as it seems but I am trying to control - some what control the power of my mind whether it be what comes out when I speak my mind or what I need to do to control my mind from having freak outs. And I think if I am able to calm myself and create that calm and totally rely on that calm I will be way better off.
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