There have been times that I have failed at this. Times I have checked out of a given moment because my mind is else where - I hate when I allow that to happen. I want to be present and fully present for my life. Where ever it takes me I want to be fully there. I realize that this is harder than it might seems at times but I want to be able to have the power over my thougths and emotions to turn them off and enjoy and be present where I am.
Why is this so hard to do - forget whats gone?? Thats the part I struggle with - and I realize I need to apperciate more what is still here and well who knows what the future holds. My mind is logicial in knowing this but sometimes in the given moment of being its hard to fully accept this and believe in such - but its something that I must strive to do and focus on.
I am unsure why one most struggle to go places. I am unsure why struggling must be apart of the journey - why it takes struggling to learn and grow. I guess its just how the process of life goes. I am not a big fan of the struggle - but then again who is??? Just something we have to deal with learn from and grow. My hope is always that my struggles don't last longer than they have too. That I am willing to accept them - deal with them - learn from them and grow for the better as a result of them. Of course in the quickest amount of time possible would be nice as well.
I believe in this saying but sometimes wouldn't it be nice to have a hint of why that's truly the case - almost like having a spoiler for your life - give this up because then this will happen. Pass on that becasue you are waiting for this. Sometimes to confirm it is or was the right choice instead of figuring it all out down the road of life. Becasue often when you are in that moment you are focused on what you want and aren't getting you could care less what might be coming. Terrible attitude but sometimes thats just how it goes.I refer to that as being wrapped up in life - all you know is that moment - all you can feel is that moment. But I do believe that every once in a while life saves us by putting up a big road block so we can continue down a path where the road completely gives away beneath our feet - the trick is to accept the road block and find another way instead of forcing your way around.
Sometimes I think that I am only using 10 percent of what I have available - like I figured out that I not only like the colors green and blue but I am very good at them so I just use them over and over and completely forget that there are so many other colors that I should try because I just might like them just as much as blue and green. I am unsure if its laziness or just a force of habit or pattern. WE get use to something or a place or a person and we just do the same thing in and out. Its pretty boring when you think of it - but then one day you realize wow there is so much out there in life for me to explore discover and learn and it can be already found in my everyday life I don't need to go off on some big trip to find it. I want to challenge myself to awake to the world around me and explore discover and learn from that world.
I read this and laughed.
I always like this saying as well as it is better to burn out than fade away. I have no a count how long I will be here. And thats ok I don't need to know - what I hope is that I live as much as I can with whatever I am given. I want to go big before I go home. So when that time comes when my name is called I can be without regret and happy with what I was able to do with my time here.
I want to be slow to react - slow to speak - slow to think and slow to feel. I want to not jump the gun or say things I don't mean - I want practice knowing and understanding how I feel about things before I react to things. This is my goal. I no longer want to feel like I need to walk backwards and take back things I did or said in which I never meant from the start - but take ownership of because I know it was me who did them. If I slow down I may just only never have to walk backwards again.
Sooner or later what you give to others always comes back to you. I can't change people or fix people or provide people the answers they are looking for - i wish i could but i can't. What I can give is the best part of me - put it out there for the world to have take feel and see. With hopes that what I am longing for - searching for - needing and wanting will one day find its way to me.
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