Negative-Positive...

Lately I have been thinkin alot how the company we keep plays such a major role in shaping us, changing us and quite possibly could be the reason we become or not become the people we are meant to be...how many people in your life are positive beings...you know good people that surround your life...and how many are negative beings? I am not one to say cut all the negative ones out...because we need these people for balance...these are the ones that end keep us grounded...they bring us back to reality. Granted on most days I so could do without having to deal with such people. You know the kind, the one that is always in a bad mood, the one that is always rude, the one who its always about them, the one who is always complaining or is now on day 188,435,672,506 of their bad day....The ones that you try and try to be so positive with yet you know its goin in one ear and out the other.

Why do we keep these people around?? More importantly...what does one do when something stinks in the fridge and CAN'T FIND IT!! I have gone thru EVERYTHING and can't find its source...Sorry its driving me nuts because as I sit here and type I can smell the smell-strong as ever and yet can't for the life of me find it...anyways...getting back on track...I am a strong believer in embracing all the cracks and flaws in ones being...they aren't suppose to be perfect...and one can't just chose parts to love of a person...its an all or nothing sort of deal. Yet that doesn't mean that I am not tested to my limits or taken beyond my limits.

I look at the positive people in my life and I study them...and I single out just what it is...that they bring into my life that has impacted me, changed me, challenged me to grow, challenged me to reach...I know I have been blessed with so many of these people...They have walked into my life and have given me love, have believed in, trusted in me, had faith in me, and gave me hope....what did I ever do to deserve such things...such people? There are so many times where I feel completely unworthy of their love and friendship...yet there they always are...right smack in the middle of my life...I find them when I need them the most and at times where I don't need them at all...They never leave--its constant fading and brightening...like I am adjusting my monitor or television. One may walk away yet someone always walks in.

So then I start to think to myself...what kind of person am I in the lives of others? I would hope I am way more positive than negative but one doesn't know for sure. I would hope I am real, down to earth, someone who leads by example, someone who is never too busy, who is always willing to do whatever it takes, someone who is always challenging and pushing growth and reaching...Funny thing about life...you know just what others bring into your life, just what others mean to you and your life...Yet for the most part we, ourselves are left in the dark of the effect we have on another...maybe thats why I am always doing everything I can to let others know just that...I feel like when you are silent about such things you are giving such a blessing a huge injustice...So today, tomorrow....make it a point to tell at least one person how grateful you are that they are in your life...make it a point to smile! make it a point to say thank you, welcome, sorry, excuse me...let someone with a child skip ahead in the line, ask the cashier-how are you? wave to someone you don't know, hold up traffic and let a car turn or a person walk. Maybe I am just a too simple of a girl...maybe I am living in the wrong era--where life is so darn fast, where I feel so many get wrapped up in their own world they don't see or embrace the very world that surrounds them. I love just walking slow, I love standing back and taking in the moment. I love watching others succeed. I love seening happiness-that my only involvement is simply taking that moment in...Maybe I am an old soul trapped in this young body of mine--and I know the things that others will only find out later much later in life. Because I can't stand talking about others, I can't stand people judging because I strongly feel that the only time you can be judging is 1. if you are asked to judge a contest or something or 2. you are judgin yourself...for those are the only two times its allowed in my books.

The more I grow into myself I realize that I am one of those positive people, btu yet there are times where I am a negative person...and I feel thats where I need to focus my energy...my growth...I am challenging myself that when those times and moments come when its so much easier to be negative...I am goin to dig deep and be positive...I am goin to take the extra time to follow thru....I am goin to do the job fully and completely like I would if I was being positive. I am goin to pay attention to detail in those moments when I just want to rush thru. I am goin to challenge myself to reach beyond what I think or feel is my grasp. I am going to give my all when at times I might only want to give not even half...Because I don't want to be known as someone who is negative, I don't want to be connected to a negative feeling, experience or memory...