Sometimes I feel like I have no control of my actions and feelings. Which I can't stand-because I feel like I am not behaving in a behavior that is me. I have realized that I tend to strongly be like this when I am wrapped up in the moment...its amazing to me just how much I realize when I take a step back or shall I say to the side. All of a sudden my vision clears and I realize wow--you totally would have done or said things differently if you only took the time to remove yourself from your emotions. You know what they say live and learn...but I hope this is something I get better at when I grow more into myself. There are many things I wish I never would have done or said yet I did them and said them and well I can't take them back. I have to live with my words and actions...and hopefully learn and grow from them.
When you are dealing with feelings of the heart, well it can be a touchy and a tough spot. I am not sure with the whole the heart has a mind of its own...if I believe it or not. I realize that if you are living completely and utterly in that moment than yes it does...because that tends to be the times where we don't realize what is coming out of our mouth or just what are actions are entailing. However I truly believe that if you take a breath a deep breath...and take a step a side and fully see the spot you are in...you will have more positive actions, words and in the end results. So many things are said in the heat of the moment...sometimes we say TOO MUCH and other times we say things we utterly don't mean. Yet once the words leave our lips we can never fully take them back. I am constantly learning about life, about me, about my emotions-actions and yes even the words I chose to say. Maybe my problem is that I think too much with my head and not enough with my heart when it comes to opening up and letting love in. Maybe this will cost me it in the end. And its just not love in general...I have love from amazin people in my life, and I am open up to certain kinds of love...but the kind of love that involves me fully and utterly giving myself, the kind of love that involves me opening up-knowing there's a good chance they might hurt me but trusting in that person still...the kind of love where you allow the person to see all sides of you-to let them know every inch of you...well it scares the crap out of me. Which results in a lot of times me cont. to fly solo...I hope that one day that I even surprise myself...I have come close but something always sets off the retreat button and I crawl back into my shell...One day I hope to surprise myself...I hope that my heart one day out smarts my mind.
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1 comment:
ohhh i so know the feeling!
i think you gotta do it tho, girl.
i really do.
even if you get hurt a ton.
i think it's the act of trusting...the act of opening...
that's what we gotta do over and over again......
that's the stuff that opens the doors
for us to find ourselves. ya know?
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