My biggest flaw

I have found to be so understanding and full of compassion to everyone I have in my life. I believe in their beings and have faith where their life's journey will take them. I see who they are and who they are growing into. I see pass their faults and flaws. I have confidence in those that I love and care about...yet there is one person I am not like that to at all...one person I hold to a higher standard ...one person I think is always capable of doing more or doing better. Someone who thinks its never enough...Someone who doesn't see or feel the kind words people speak about her. Guess who that person is...yup I am that person.

I haven't realized just how hard I am on myself until lately. And I am not sure how it has gotten to be like that. How is it that I will never let someone think in such a way about themselves or be that hard on themselves but I have no problem with that regarding myself. Its something I know I need to work on...I do value myself and respect myself yet I can't quite come up with the words to truly explain myself.

I look at this blog and I have received so many kind words and amazing thoughts shared with me about my writings..- guess I still don't see how me just being honest is resulting in such feedback. Jami is always saying if you don't want people to read it don't post it on-line...such a smartie that one. But the truth is I write these words...these blogs to say how I feel not speak...does that make sense? Which I feel is a big difference. Someone told me do you have any idea how you write? I replied back ya with bad grammar...tends to happen when you write with your soul and not your brain. I make jokes because I have no idea what to say back...like Jami says I have no idea how to take a compliment...I guess in the end I don't write things or do things to see what I can get out of them. But that doesn't mean I am not grateful for such things in my life.

So ya I have things to work on...we all do. But well I could have the problem of being over confident-cocky or someone with a huge ego. There are things in my life that make me feel uncomfortable like public speaking or opening up gifts and cards in front of someone...or hearing praise...any one have any ideas how to make such situations less uncomfortable...or words of advice on how to receive compliments? Or is this just who I am always going to be...someone who wiggles and squrims...gets red in the face with embrassment when truly there's no reason to be like that at all...like I say...I don't do normal well...