She didn't just survive..she became.

She didn't just survive...she became...Many people can come to mind when I think of these 6 words...but one person I know for sure truly lives them as well as her being encompasses just that...her name is Janelle (Swegarden) Paulsrud...she the wife of my mentor and teacher Jay Swegarden and the mother of my person, my punk, my sister...Jami. She taught with my mom for ages, both second grade teachers at Beulah Elem....and well it was prolli that relationship that started it all...I am not sure how Janelle and Jami became such a huge part of my life...somethings we just never see coming and those are the very things that change our entire world...we don't know or see the change until it has happened and you are left with that gut feeling of not remembering what life was truly like before....Most prolli thought I was the strangest, craziest 18 year old ever...what senior in high school spends all of her time with a teacher and her 12 year old daughter...well that was me...and I never did it because I was forced or put up to it...I did it because that where I wanted to be...at a time where I struggled with dealing with the passing of Mr. Swegarden, lettin go and moving on...I felt safe and at home with the two of them...Yeah I made a promise to always look after Jami, but looking back I might have used that more as an excuse to spend all my time with them...and it was that...those moments of spending my friday nights and weekends...me picking up Jami in the mornings, goin to the lake, babysitting, vacationing with them...those simple minor things that laid the foundation of two relationships that would change my entire life...it was random moments of laughter thru tears that bonded our lives forever...something that we have all three held onto thru out the years...thru moments of despair, of tears, of pain and hurt, of death, of letting go, of changing, of moving on, of forgiving, of laughter, of smiles, of growing, of living, of happiness....I have been thru moments of sunshine and rain with the two of them...I have battled thru the darkness and basked in the sun's rays...We held on to each other and which helped us hold on to life...I can never put into words all we have been thru, all the changes, all the tears and laughter...I have moments both happy and sad with the two them that rocked my world and changed me...all for the better. I look back and think of how our journey together started and all that this rollercoaster of life took us on til now and all that it will take us on in the future...I don't think I have ever cried so much nor laughed so much with two people.

It has been thru Janelle's example, her way of living that has truly set the standard and motto to LOVEthisLIFE...her inner and silent strength has taught me so many lessons about life. Her life has faced some of the darkest, longest, ugliest and strongest of storms... yet she held her own, put up her sails and sailed thru...it wasn't the prettiest at times nor the easiest...and she came out batter, damaged and broken...but she carried on, she didn't give up, she built herself up, she didn't just survive...she became..a person who truly sees the beauty still in life, a person who laughs and smiles thru tears and happiness...a person who still dreams, who still believes, who loves, who gives, who still has faith. Yeah she isn't perfect in any way, and she battles her darkness and demons like the rest of us..but she is a woman of amazing grace, a woman who's inner beauty, love and strength seeps thru her pores esp when she doesn't want it too...Her courage to stand tall, even if it took her awhile to get up again...is inspiring to all who know her and love her...She is determined to fill her heart with love and happiness...She is stubborn in this fight against life...she will not let it get the worse of her...I will never know the thoughts that lie too deep for words that lie in her soul...but I have seen something better than words...I have witness her action...I have seen how she has changed and grown by what life dealt her...yet no matter what cards lie in her hands...she still makes something out of it....and its not her words that I have learned the most from...but by her being and how she lives this life..and loves this life....

She is someone that is a mother to me, an aunt, a best friend...she has given me advice, help, support, nuture and love just like a mother...she has spoiled me, taken me places, stuck up for me, and loved me like family just like an aunt..She has caused trouble with me, stayed up late talking, went out to the bars and drank with me, we have had endless convo on the phones...just like best friends...She has always believed in me, she has always loved me like a daughter, like a niece, like a friend....She has never faulted in her faith in me...esp when I have messed up or have gotten in trouble with Jami...It has been thru this relationship...thru her faith, belief and love she has for me that has helped me become more...help me find myself and grow into myself.

How does one find the words to thank someone for such things...How can one even begin to find the right words that mean everything their soul feels..How can words do justice to being so grateful, so honored and so very blessed...They never will come close to what my soul feels and how changed I am by this woman and her daughter...As I carry their stories...they in return carry mine. And I know that no matter where life takes me...whether I am right next to them or living in China...our connection will never fade...our lives will be twisted and fused together til the end of time...I have talked about the different friends I have in my life...college friends, moment friends, journey friends and for two special people...soul friends...Yet they are even more than that...they are Family! And I wouldn't trade a single moment with them...the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the laughter and the tears....not for anything....